Disclaimer: I only use the characters for my own entertainment.
Pre A/N: I am so sorry for being gone for 2 months everyone. I actually was working on a pretty different story request for Careese from someone on Twitter. It took up all my time as my muse seemed to really enjoy the idea and wouldn't have me stop typing. It's A/U and it was fun to mess around with something different but with the 2 characters. I'll explain more when the story is actually posted as it is currently being looked at by my awesome beta SW so once that is finished, I will post it. This story Eternity was inspired by how many times I've seen comments on FB about how people wanted John to die so he could be with Joss and rereading some stories that had been done to do as well. It gets me all teary eyed just thinking about it. Anyways, thought I'd take a crack at it and this is unbeta'd so huge apologies for the horrible mistakes on here ;)
Eternity
John was confused as he found himself in darkness. Where was he and what happened to the number he was chasing down the alleyway. His memory was a blur, with only bits and pieces coming back to him. Why did his body feel so heavy, making it impossible to move? In all his years, John never experienced anything like this before.
Right now, John just wanted to get back to the chase. It turned out that the number was on his way to kill an ex-girlfriend. He had to get up and protect her. That's how it was like now for him. Every morning when John opened his eyes, it felt like a small victory some days and others it was disappointing that he had to go through another day without her.
Joss lost her life only three months ago, standing in the way of Simmon's bullets to protect him. It was cruel irony that she had been taken from him. John realized that he was never meant to be happy. It had taken so much to move from Jessica. His friends helped him through; Finch with the purpose, Shaw with her backup, and Joss with her support. It was she who John first laid eyes on when some sort of divine intervention sidetracked his plans that night two and a half years ago.
John wasn't a believer of someone being your one and only but there was a strange connection he felt to Joss. It wasn't romantic at first. They had alot in common like serving their country and losing loved ones along the way. John tried to keep her at arms length, reminding himself that she was just an asset to protect her but to no avail. Somehow, she slipped passed the emotional wall he erected after Jessica's death and slowly pushed away the darkness that tainted his heart. Joss help him believe that he could change, that he could somehow go back to being the man he was before being recruited to the CIA and becoming a monster.
John chastised himself on occasion when his eyes lingered on Joss too long or when he longed for the presence of her jasmine perfume clouding his head. He had been a fool to try and fight the slowly growing desire to tell Joss the truth and make her his. He hopelessly fell in love with her as much as he didn't want to admit it. She understood him and wasn't afraid of him despite what he had done. They could just sit together at Lyrics Diner and talk about the weather and he would have been happy because she was there with him.
Then that night, he confessed his feelings and she was taken away from him. John cursed God for having a sick sense of humor and wanting him to suffer. He kept pushing the pain inside, woke up every morning because he made a promise to her.
"..hn..e..p"
John's eyes fluttered when he heard the distorted voice. It seemed distant and the words were hard to make out. Who else was in this alley with him? Shaw was assigned to stake out the girlfriend's house and Finch was at the library providing Intel. The voice was soft and pleading.
"Jo.."
There it was again. It was a woman calling out to him that much John was sure of. Why was it so hard just to open his eyes? He had years of training and not even a gunshot to the stomach and thigh kept him down this long.
Another memory came to light and how quickly his adrenaline filled mind shot out the headlights to give him the cover of darkness. Another memory of Joss, this time with regret marring her beautiful face when she realized what she had done. Even after all that happened, she aided in his getaway to garner some forgiveness for her actions. What Joss didn't know then was that he had never blamed her. John knew that she was one to follow the rules and Mark just added convincing evidence that she was was doing the right thing by handing him over.
Why was he thinking about her so much now? He should be getting his ass off the ground and going after the number.
"What number?"
This time the voice was crystal clear, as if she was standing next to him. It sounded so familiar but it had to be his imagination. Whoever she was had the voice of an angel, just like Joss. Finally John made an attempt to get up. First he needed to get his bearings by opening his eyes. When he did, they were shut almost immediately because of a blinding light. How could that be when it was the middle of the night and there were no streetlights in the alley. He then heard the sound of a sweet laugh, again reminding him of Joss.
"John, try again." He felt a presence next to him and this time made a better effort. His eyes adjusted after a few more attempts but he could finally see what was around him. The alleyway no longer surrounded him. John felt that he was lying on something soft. The sky above him was bright and beautiful, different from the darkened one that he was under a few minutes ago. The sun shone vibrantly in the distance and John could feel it's warmth on his skin, causing him to smile from how good it felt. There was something special about all of this and it gave him a peaceful feeling. "Good to see you are awake."
Turning towards the source of the voice, John's heart beat faster and he swore that it wasn't possible. However, the dark haired woman that was staring back at him was someone that he would recognize anywhere. But it couldn't be. He was there when Joss perished in his arms so how did it come to be that he was now looking right at her while she smiled back at him with a slight tilt of her head. For the first time in his life, he was speechless.
"How are you feeling?" She asked. When he still didn't answer, Joss nodded her head in understanding before brushing a hand down the side of his face. "It's okay John, it took me a few minutes to figure out what was going on too." She then looked around them and John did the same, finding himself confused at what he saw. It wasn't the dark, grimy alleyway. It was a meadow that spanned as far as the eye could see. A slight breeze blew and he saw the grass, flowers, and trees dance in the wind. There wasn't anyone else there but the two of them. Looking back at Joss, he saw her dressed simply in a flowing white dress with her hair down and her face free of make up. She looked to be glowing. When she reached over and touched his face, John closed his eyes as a warmth flowed through his body. She felt so real and he almost wanted to cry as he missed her each and every day.
Finally he found his voice. "What's going on? How are you here?"
"What was the last thing you remembered" she asked tentatively, wanting to take things nice and easy.
John searched his memory. "I know that I was trying to stop someone from hurting his ex. His number came up and we found out that he was the perpetrator. I chased him down the alleyway but after that, it's all blank. Why?"
Joss looked so sad as she gazed down at him. "I'm so sorry John. He managed to get a lucky shot off. The bullet hit your throat and you bled out in the alley before Shaw could get to you."
Disbelief over what he was hearing, John leaned up, surprising Joss and causing her to wiggle back. He saw the fresh tears travel across her cheeks then looked down at himself. He was still dressed in his suit and nothing seemed or felt out of place. He then reached up to touch his face, again feeling pretty normal. However, there had to be some explanation as to why Joss was kneeling only a few feet from him. "You know Joss, I never took you for being a joker" he teased, hoping to put a smile on her face like he use to.
Instead, she lifted her hand and drew her fingers across it throat. Seeing those large doe eyes with such despair, he followed where she touched and had to hold back the gasp as he felt a small patch of mangled skin. He remembered the time and place of all the scars he'd gained over the years but this one caught him by surprise. Joss pulled away and he found himself missing her touch. It was something that he yearned to feel every day and now that he was getting his wish, he didn't want it to go away. Before moving out of reach, he grabbed her gently around the wrist. She couldn't look him in the eye and that's when it hit John that she was telling the truth. "What about the numbers?" he finally asked.
"Shaw and Lionel will help Harold. They will be overwhelmed with grief but they will push on, just like what happened to you. It was just your time." Joss explained.
John nodded his head, accepting her answer that their friends would continue on with their mission. "That's good to know. I'll miss it though, the illegal activities and chasing bad guys." This remark finally brought a smile to Joss's face as she shook her head in disbelief.
"You would miss all of that. Even when you're dead, you're still crazy John."
Just then, another thought came to John. "Damn, Taylor is going to be devastated Joss. First he lost you and now I can't be there for him anymore. I know that he looked up to me a lot, even when his dad was back in his life."
"Yeah but a little birdie told me that he will grow up to be the good man that I raised him to be. He'll meet a wonderful girl and have a long marriage that will give me 3 grandkids and 4 great grandkids." Joss felt emotional again over learning all of this. She raised Taylor with love and care, hoping that he will grow up to make something of himself and if filled her with a sense of pride knowing he will do just that.
"Would that little birdie be the big guy upstairs?" John then pointed towards the sky. He wasn't too surprised when she said yes.
Joss took a seat in front of him again. "I kept watching all of you, saw how much you were upset about what happened and I was happy that you felt so much love for me as a friend. It definitely wasn't what I was planning."
John maneuvered to sit side by side with her as they gazed out at the pasture. That meant she knew what he had done. "I'm sorry that I didn't keep my promise. It's just…" he turned his head to look at her as she continued to look straight ahead. "I couldn't take that when I finally took a chance to open up after so many years, that I lost you too."
Joss put a reassuring hand on his knee. "I know. I saw it with my own eyes. That night, you looked like you were ready to give up. At the morgue…" She paused to collect herself as she thought back to their intimate moment like she had so many times since crossing over. "I never would have thought that I was the reason why you changed. You disappeared with Harold's lawyer and followed me around like a weirdo stalker." She joked and they both laughed.
"Just studying my enemies even though you didn't feel like that to me. Our cat and mouse game let me see how dedicated you were to doing the right thing. It was funny how paths crossed and we eventually ended up working together." John wouldn't take a moment back for the world.
"I can't even remember exactly when we went from partners to friends." Joss slipped some hair behind her ear. "We spent so much time together even though we had no business knowing each other." She then let her head fall on his shoulder and sighed in content, her heart feeling whole again now that he was here. "And yet, we had so much in common. I trusted you, a vigilante, more than anyone in the precinct."
He slipped from her, causing Joss to shriek in surprise before landing in the grass. John hovered over her, putting his hand on the other side of her body to cover her. Joss closed eyes, feeling like it had been ages since she had been close like this. "I felt that connection Joss." She then opened her eyes to gaze up into his beautiful ones. "You could read me so well, even when I tried to hide it. It was easy to open up to you about things and just talk with you." John leaned down closer until their faces were mere centimeters from each other. "Each and every day I woke up, I thought of you. I ended up saving people not me for me but because it's what you would have wanted me to do. It wasn't the same though. Even with everyone, I felt immensely lonely because there was no more banter, no more teasing. You were gone."
Joss swallowed the lump in her throat at John's confession as she reached down to grip his wrist. "I saw how you were when you were alone. Being up here is so lonely too. Having an eternal life doesn't mean anything if I don't have anyone to share it with. You had looked at the bullet a few times."
John lowered his head in shame that she saw that. "Yes. Sometimes, the loneliness was so hard that I felt like going through with what I wanted to do all those years ago. I honestly did it for Taylor's sake because I didn't want him to believe in any way that it was his fault." Her hand slowly moved up his arm and John closed his eyes to enjoy Joss's touch.
"I'm glad you didn't do it. The world was better with you in it." John moved closer still.
"The same could be said about you Joss. I told Harold that when your number was up because it was true." John remembered the distress and fear he felt when Joss's number had came up. Even though they were enemies, that didn't mean he was going to let anyone hurt her.
Joss let herself smile. "I could have taken care of myself but thank you for having my back. If you hadn't nagged me about the vest, I wouldn't have eventually put it on and be dead." She paused as her eyes searched John's, noticing his eyes were watering. "What is it?"
John sighed to collect himself as he did like her and brushed the side of her face. "I'm just so happy that I'm here with you even though I always felt like I didn't deserve to be happy."
"Ah well He noticed all the hard work you did. John, you were trying so hard to repent for everything. That was more than he could have asked for." Joss always hated how hard John was on himself, feeling like he was always far from his goal of redemption.
His eyes closed slightly in a questioning gaze. "Joss, did you vouch for me?"
Now her eyes were doing their best to avoid his in embarrassment. "I may have put in a word or 2 but He already decided that you were coming up here after you saved my son because even though are relationship was still strained, you made a heartfelt promise to help Taylor and you kept it. Now will you stop stalling and kiss me?" She demanded, getting frustrated with John putting it off.
They began breathing heavily at their close proximity before John finally leaned over and brushed his lips over hers. Joss's breasts were crushed up against his chest as she drew her hands up his strong back to wrap around his neck. Tears of happiness escaped her to slide down into her hair but she didn't care about anything anymore because she wouldn't be alone anymore. Eternity wouldn't be filled with sadness and longing.
John broke the kiss, refusing to deepen the kiss for now. His breath was taken by the sight before him and his heart swelled with a warmth that he thought he wouldn't feel ever again until she came into his life. He then began brushing the tear streaks away. "I love you Joss. I will forever." John took her hand and kissed her palm, giving himself over to her through the promise.
She intertwined their fingers together and kissed the top of his hand. "I love you too."
They lay together in silence, wondering what to do now. Both knew that they had all the time in the world now. "So is there a bite to eat here?" John joked, happy over finally telling Joss how he really felt. She laughed before lightly hit him on the shoulder and had him help her to her feet.
"Oh you and your stomach." Joss gave him a peck on the mouth. "Well luckily for you, anything is possible up here. I like your clothes by the way."
Confused, John looked down to now find himself in a white version of his suit minus the dress jacket. His eyes sparkled because this was truly a new beginning. "Thanks. Is there even coffee?"
"Yes John, even coffee. Let's find a nice place to sit." The two began walking to no place in particular with their hands joined. The paradise before them continuing to show off it's beauty.
"I think I'm going to like it here" John finally accepted his fate, knowing that he was just happy to have the woman that meant so much to him by his side and they would never be torn apart again.
Post A/N: So yeah, that episode 10 was a real doozy. Was definitely caught off guard by Root mentioning Carter by name. Karma happens and I give no beeps to these people that treated Careesers like garbage when they said not to trust Nolan and look what they got now. So I have been watching S5 live because as much as I hated what the show did, I want to see how they will end it. However with the lack of real story progression, I doubt that this won't be a rushed and disappointing ending. Wouldn't be surprised if it was all another simulation anyways. Okay, much love everyone and thanks for the constant support ;)