Can't Let You Go

Chapter One

23rd July 2005

The wind was blowing swiftly in the trees, causing a slight breeze to sweep by. The breeze hitting a tanned-Latina girl straight in the face, the girl gasped once it did, like the air was being knocked back into her. She needed that, she felt like she was losing her breath every second she was here, with the beautiful blonde sitting next to her. The perfectly blue sky, allowing the sun to shine onto her golden face, her blue eyes sparkling in the light, the Latina couldn't help but think that this made the whole situation ten times worse.

She couldn't do this, how could she possibly do this? She couldn't break her best friend. Not here, not now… not ever. But she knew that she had to. 'It's for the best' she kept saying in her head, even if her entire body made sure she knew that it didn't agree. Especially her heart… it wouldn't just be Brittany's that would break, but at least her heart was prepared.

"San, Santana" a hand waved in front of Santana's now pale face.

Once she realised that Brittany was calling her, her head turned to face the one person she didn't want to be seeing right now, it just hurt too much when she did. Just like it did when her eyes met Brittany's bright blue ones, she couldn't do this.

"I can't do this" she whispered out loud, not realising that she said it out loud until she heard Brittany's angelic voice.

"What can't you do San?" she asked, her face scrunching up in confusion. Santana always loved it when she did that, she loved how cute she looked whenever she got confused – which was quite often. But right now Santana couldn't stand it, she didn't want to see it, she didn't want to see her. This was not going to be easy.

Their local park was quiet and calm for a sunny day like today. Santana was thankful that they even had wind right now, she loved the breeze hitting her every now and then, this summer was getting too hot. The grass was a lush green and Santana loved to watch the blonde wipe her hands across it, her face always lit up when she would, it was like she was feeling the best material she had ever felt. Brittany always was more of a nature person. Santana loved everything about Brittany, from her cute summery dress she was wearing, right down to the smallest freckle on the tip of her nose. Santana loved Brittany, just like she always would. That's what was making this so much harder for her to do. She simply couldn't do this, but she had to.

"I have to do this" she whispered aloud again. This time she realised that she said it out loud, and Brittany's face scrunched up even more when she heard it too.

"What can't you do and what do you have to do San?" she asked again, when she didn't get a reply to her first question.

Santana immediately looked away, finding the ducks floating on the pond to be a lot more interesting all of a sudden. Why did the day have to be so perfect? It made doing this simply too hard, could she really go through with this.

"I signed the contract Britt" Santana simply said instead, after a long silence. She quickly turned to see the blonde's reaction and wasn't surprised to see that beaming smile on her face. God she loved her smile.

"That's great Sannie, that's the best news I've heard all week, it definitely beats Lord Tubbington's smoking-free confession" Brittany exclaimed with glee, wrapping her arms around Santana's neck with excitement.

Santana just scrunched her eyebrows at what her girl-friend said, like her cat could confess to anything. But Santana immediately shook off the thought as soon as she felt those familiar arms wrap around her. This wasn't helping at all, now all she was getting was a whole bunch of butterflies and tingles coursing through her body. She shivered at the contact; she always used to love that feeling.

"I knew you'd be happy to hear that, but… err… you shouldn't be" Santana tried to say in the simplest way. Sometimes Brittany found things hard to understand, she wasn't stupid or anything (Santana knew she was a genius really) her brain just thought differently to everyone else's.

"Why not? I've always said you had the best voice in the entire world, we knew you could get that recording contract easily" Brittany admitted.

Santana knew that already though, she always knew that Brittany would support her in anything she wanted to pursue, and when she told her that she was going to make herself a world-star singer, Brittany was on board the whole way. Just like everyone else was too when she let them know, even if it did take Rachel a few months to accept that she wasn't going to be the first person to be famous in their glee club. Santana just didn't want her to be happy about this, she wanted her to have stopped the whole idea right from the beginning, maybe then she wouldn't have to do what she has to do now. Maybe then she would still have Brittany.

"You can't be happy about it Britt because… because there are consequences, for what I want to do" Santana told her. But she knew that she wasn't getting through to her when Brittany's confused face came back again. That was when Santana knew that she would just have to cut to the chase, no matter how hard it would be.

"I'm leaving…"

Brittany's face fell. Her bright-blue eyes suddenly losing that special twinkle. Santana immediately regretted what she said, but she couldn't, not when what she said was the truth.

"What do you mean San?" Brittany asked, her voice suddenly going quiet and croaky. Santana knew that she understood she just didn't know how she would take it.

"I'm leaving Britt… my family and I are leaving Lima" Santana managed to get out through choked sobs, she really didn't want to cry, she knew it would make it worse for Brittany, but the tears just feel on their own accord.

"B-but you're coming back right? You'll come to see us for holidays and stuff right?" Brittany asked, her eyes looking so hopeful, Santana just couldn't take it.

All she could do was shake her head, her voice wasn't even coming out anymore, and it seemed like she wasn't going to breath anymore either when she saw the tears stream down Brittany's perfectly golden-tanned skin. She was beautiful and so very perfect, and Santana had just broken her.

"I'm so sorry Britt… they didn't tell me this until after I had signed, but it turns out that I have to move to New York immediately. My parent's had already agreed without me knowing, they assumed that I would be okay with it, of course I wasn't going to be okay, and I told them that Britt… I told them" Santana rambled on; it seemed once she said it she couldn't stop explaining.

She wanted Brittany to fully understand, even if it meant that it would take her until the next year to do so, at least she would understand. Brittany meant the world to her, and she was loosing her. "But it was too late, it was all too late. We're moving tomorrow and then, we're never coming back."

"What! Of course your coming back, don't be a silly-duck San. You have to come back… for Quinn and Puck and everyone else in Glee!" Brittany shouted out. This surprised Santana the most, she had never heard Brittany shout before, and when she did, she knew that she never wanted to hear it again. Even if she did find it cute how Brittany could be the only person to still use random words whilst in an argument.

She and Brittany both knew that Santana wasn't going to come back, not for Quinn or Puck or anyone else. She would only ever come back for one person and she and Brittany both knew who that was.

"For me" Brittany whispered.

Her face suddenly going pale, her smile seemed like it would never be seen again as her frown took over. Her eyes seemed to have lost all meaning to happiness, they were so empty and cold, no longer the brightness that everyone knew and loved. Santana broke her.

"I can't Britt, not for anyone. SJF Records own me now, I go wherever they want me too, it turns out that's the teenage celebrity life. And seeing as Lima is such a small town, I won't be needed here, so once I leave, I leave. I can't come back to a place where I'm not needed, that's not my life anymore" Santana explained some more. Making sure that each word came out slowly and properly, she needed Brittany to get it all, so that maybe one day she could look back and truly get what she was saying.

"Why are you acting like a celebrity already, you haven't even released a song yet!" Brittany exclaimed, all her emotions finally getting to her. She couldn't let her leave. Santana meant everything to her, Santana was hers and no one else's, just like she was Santana's. They couldn't do this to them. They just simply couldn't.

Then as if she finally started to realise what Santana had first said she leaped onto Santana and wrapped her arms around her neck again. But this time it wasn't out of joy or even sadness, she was holding onto the one thing that meant anything to her, and she was never going to let go. Santana was leaving.

Santana wrapped her arms protectively around Brittany's waist, like instinct had taken over her. She would always do this whenever the blonde was upset. She would hold her and whisper sweet nothings into her ear until she fell asleep. But for some reason Santana knew that no matter how long she would hold Brittany, she wasn't going to fall asleep. Not because they were in a local park, which was suddenly starting to feel so cold and almost too quiet now, but because Brittany had finally got it. She was leaving her.

After what felt like hours holding Brittany in her arms, but was probably only a few minutes, Santana figured out that Brittany really wasn't going to let go anytime soon. She decided that it was time for her to head home. She started to wriggle under Brittany's arms, but the blonde wasn't budging. Under normal circumstances Santana would have burst into laughter and probably would've started to tickle fight Brittany until she let go and they both would've ended up in tears of laughter. But this wasn't a normal circumstance, they were never going to have a normal circumstance ever again, and they both knew it. As if Brittany read Santana's mind, she immediately held onto the Latina tighter. She squeezed and squeezed until she realised that it was a person she was squeezing, not a teddy-bear in her bedroom. And that person happened to be the tear-stained Latina in her arms, whom now seemed to be fighting for air. Brittany started to loosen her hold straight away, once she caught on, but she didn't let go. She couldn't.

"B, you have to let me go" Santana said quietly, as she was still trying to get her air back into her.

Brittany just shook her head in response.

"It's for the best B. You know that I won't allow you to try and follow me right?" Santana asked rhetorically, she wasn't expecting a reply but Brittany nodded her head anyway. At least she was starting to understand.

"I know." She whispered so quietly Santana barely heard her.

"You're going to be fine Britt. You'll be perfectly fine without me. I know you won't believe that just yet, but you will. One day" Santana told Brittany, her honesty shining through, she could always be perfectly honest with Brittany, she always was.

"You won't ever loose me San" those were the last words Brittany said, before she finally let go.

She looked into her favourite brown eyes one last time, seeing the honesty and hurt behind them, and when she looked really carefully deep down she could see the love too. That was when Brittany knew that Santana was doing this all for her, because she loved her. Brittany wanted her to become famous and so she did, and now it seemed that they were both paying the price. It was all too late, Brittany had to let her go, for both their sakes, they had to go their own way. Santana could see the deep concentration on Brittany's face, she knew that she was thinking hard, about everything, and when the blonde gave her a tight-lipped, simple nod, she knew. Brittany may not understand now, but she knew, that one day she truly would. Brittany understood that now, and so she let go.

Brittany's warm and smooth arms fell off of Santana's neck. The coldness of the park suddenly came rushing back to her. She shivered at the lose of contact as the wind touched her now bare neck; suddenly she didn't want her to let go. She watched as Brittany slowly started to move back, like as if she was finally separating herself from Santana. They were no longer 'one', they were no longer Brittany and Santana; Brittany leaned all the way back. She got up, quickly rubbed off the grass on the back of her dress, and started to walk away. They were now officially Brittany S. Pierce, and Santana Lopez. They were on their own now, and Santana's heart broke. She watched as the one person who ever meant anything to her, walked away…

Present Day

23rd March 2012

Santana jumped up from her bed, her breathing fast-paced, her forehead full of perspiration and her heart was beating a mile-a-minute. She had the flash-back again. She always had some kind-of flash-back and she never really understood why she would. She hadn't seen that blonde beauty in so long, too long. But this time it was different. She seemed to be only having this one particular flash-back and this time she knew why.

Suddenly nothing mattered anymore, she didn't care that it was probably four in the morning, or that she had to have a decent nights sleep this time as she was scheduled for a very hectic day coming up (just like every other day of hers) and she didn't care that she could be interrupting a person from whatever they may be doing at this time of day. All that mattered was that she had her phone at arms length, at all times, and that she had one particular number saved onto her contacts list. All that mattered was that she could call this person right here, right now, and that's what Santana planned to do.

She pushes her finger onto the call sign, on her new iPhone, and hears it ringing instantly. She shoves the phone onto her ear, praying that the girl will answer, she needs her to answer. When she hears the all too familiar 'Hello' come from the other end, Santana breaths a sigh of relief.

"Quinn, it's me… Santana" she says nervously.

She knows that the girl is probably surprised that she still has her number; after all she hasn't spoken to her in what feels like forever, but is probably only a few years. She really should keep in contact more, but its pretty hard to when your Santana freakin' Lopez and everyone knows who you are. But she was just scared that they might not remember her, that she might have forgotten her.

But as soon as she hears Quinn say "Ahh, the all famous Santana Lopez" she knows that she didn't even need to worry.

Everyone remembers Santana, how can they not when she's everywhere they look, one of the perks of being a celebrity. Then Santana remembers why she even called the shorter blonde in the first place, and suddenly, being a celebrity just wasn't worth it anymore. And that's when Santana breaks down.

"She's getting married Q… Brittany's getting married" Santana chokes out through hard tears.

She had lost her. Santana was officially broken…