«Roman… didn't your mom ever teach you to not play with fireworks in the middle of the street? They could kill people!»
«That was my intention, Red!»
«But killing people is wrong!»
«Your existence is wrong!»
Even that night Roman was on fire. This little red-hooded girl seemed to have a special attitude to stop him. It doesn't matter how hard he tried, she was always in the right place at the right moment to stop her. The only option that comes in my mind was that she was stalking us, otherwise, how would be possible that she was able to find us in a generical shop in the outskirts of Vale?
We weren't even trying to rob it, we were just buying something for dinner, but that girl had a different opinion; in fact, when we accidentaly meet her in the sweet sector, her first brilliant idea was to ask to me and Roman to get out off the store, as we were doing something wrong. We would pay that shit with the liens robbed in that place yesterday, what was the problem?
I can't understand why people can't just ignore us and let us be some normal bad guys…
Roman, obviously, refused the order and instantly started with his "evil monologue" and I have to tell you that it was pretty good as improvvisation, but not good enough to fool the little one that istantly started the chase.
After a couple of minutes we were out and let me say that it was SO hard to protect Roman and give him a way out at the same time. She was fast, but her strenght was paltry, she wasn't even a challenge for me, after all, how could she fight a mirror?
Every illusion broken shows a firework and every explosion gave me a break in her defense, a perfect combination, a piece of art that represent our strong relationship!
Oh yes, that was why i loved to work with that guy… he didn't care of bullshit like honor or respect, he cared only about our survival; because our lives were more precious than everybody else and we would pass on everyone in order to survive, even that little child!
That was our purpose, but the reality was just a little bit different, a little bit cold…
After a short fight, the sound of police sirens obliged us to a chaotical retreat, leaving the goods on the ground and our stomaches still empty.
«Stupid Red, how can she consider herself an huntress, an heroine? If she punish villains even when they are doing nothing wrong?!»
I had no i idea, but i was sure that she was a cruel girl like us, otherwise, why would she continue to stop us, instead to help us to find a way to be happy?
And in that moment a shine of genius exploded like a firework in my mind, the solution was just in front of me all the time: the only way to defeat Red was just let her destroy herself!
«What a mess… a genius like me defeat by a baby… maybe I'm loosing my touch, don't you think?»
Confused by his sentence, but even more surprised by his depressive attitude, I gave him a Neo's smile to cheer him up, shaking my head. It was not the end, but just another bad day…
«What can I do…? What we could do?! Every attempt to kill her ended in a failure! And every criminal plan, created by my cruel and evil mind, fails because of her!»
His voice was too loud, in vain i tried to close gently his mouth with my hand. Every second lead mire babbling, and more crying which would lead more cops to us!
For Roman sake, I continued to try to let him notice the situation, but he didn't stop to cry on his knees, cursing Red and her friends; but sirens were even more near and I, moved by despair, hitted his neck to let him crumble on the ground.
I was really sorry for that violence on my precious buddy, but it was the only solution to take him in a safe place.
The rubbish can wasn't probably the cleanest place to hide, but surely was the nearest one. It was all sticky and smelly and i could feel something sniff my hand. I tried with all my might to believe that it wasn't a rat and… yep, it was a rat. I screamed so hard internaly, destroying our cover to run away from that fucking monster.
«What the heck is your problem Neo?!»
Roman surely didn't notice that orrible beast so I did it for him and I let him see what was clinginmg on his trousers, pointing it from a meter of distance without caring to be seen by some stupid cops. They weren't so dirty and scary.
«What?»
He slowly lowered his head, watching that creature with a pure and innocent smile on his face, while pressed the tip of his can on its head fast as the wind and strong as butter in a sock. It hadn't a chance to survive, or that was what i guessed… i couldn't turn to see that gore and splashy show.
«Thanks you Neo for your cooperation… now i smell like a grimm!»
What is the smell of a grimm…?
«Nobody has ever smell a grimm, but i'm sure that its smell like shit!»
Roman was truly a fury and he had a point for that… I knew how much he cared about his look, but he should have cared more about his freedom in that situation! I hated when he was so unnaturally babyish!
«Gah… i have a fishbone in my hat...»
Seriously i didn't get it… why he can't be serious just one time when we run away from the danger?
«Is there some problem, my icy fellow?»
That nick started to be annoying, but i couldn't tell him… his heart could be corrupted by dark if people didn't like his nicks… or probably would just create new ones… bah, i didn't know and in that moment i didn't care.
The only thing i cared about was that Roman stopped to look at my butt…
«What's up, baby?»
What a great question! What should have to be the problem? Probably is eyes on my softy, sticky, filthy butt?
«Oh, come on… you know that it is my battery to go on after every victory...»
When Roman said things like that was truly the worst… but i loved when he did that… that stupid perv thief know how to make me feel special…
«For that reason I wll spank it for regenerate-!»
What little fashion was left on Roman's person that night now was dead in the trash can next to his home.
«Oh, come on Neo, don't be bashful… I know you would love it...»
Obviously I fucking loved it, but what a man should tell it so directly?! Roman really sucks with the art of seduction…
That way would be probably the hardest one…
-/-
After a game of guards and thieves with the cops, we finally managed to return at home. I really didn't understand why Neo got so upset for just a joke. Neither the best thief can truly understand a woman…
After opening the door and taking off my coat, i could finally relax, going to watch some shitty film on TV, while my sweet assistant massaged my shoulders…
…
While my sweet assistant massaged my shoulders…
…
While…
«NEO!»
It's incredible how disappointed she could be for a cry, she's seriously so babyish…
She stared at me intensively, while was mixing something in a bowl. Probably she was waiting an answer about the silent question "what do you want?", but in that moment for me was more important to understand what she was doing with that bowl.
«Ehm… what is that…?»
As a reply she showed me a piece of mixture, covered by scales of chocolate. Cookies? Why, for the love of liens, she would do something so sweet and cool…? She was a criminal, a true mastermind like me, that manage to take the evil and despair on the world!
Unless…
«I see! They are poisoned, right? What a cute little master of malice have on my side...»
I patted her head, but she shaked her head.
«Not poisoned.»
She noded.
«Ah! Filled with rusty screws!»
Another time, she saked her head.
«Then, what?»
She shrugged, keeping to mix that thing.
«Normal sweets?»
She noded, smiling at me.
«And… why are you cooking some biscuits?»
Fast as a ninja she drop the bowl on the table and pulled out of her pocket a black marking pen, starting to write something on her cartel.
When she showed me that, i was probably act like an idiot for the stupidity of her plan, so stupid… so genial!
"Use the cookies to take the girl."
«I see! So when we will lead her in our trap we will kill her and nothing will stop us!»
That was the time for a majestic and evil laugh like only the best villain in the history can do… I'm sorry that you couldn't hear it, but trust me… that was majestic…
She shaked her head.
«What now?!»
"Date the girl."
«Why?!»
She stared at me like the reply was obvious, but for me was wrong the initial proposal!
«Tell me, why should I date her?!»
"Why should I date her?"
«You know what i mean you non-speak cooking idiot!»
I was surely a genius to create nicknames for the people…
"Take the girl, love her and use her."
She smiled and i did the same too. For a moment i thinked that she went crazy, acting as a good person, but fortunately she was still my little liar disciple...