What . . . happened?
One moment he was approaching him, and the next he was down on the floor crying his eyes out.
He knew he shouldn't have gotten involved with Naegi Makoto. Someone like him was seriously messed up in the head. What was he thinking? He was so stupid if he thought that he could stand a chance against him. He slumped down on the couch and leaned his heavy head onto Komaeda's shoulders. Komaeda . . . this was all for him. Naegi wasn't who he seemed to be.
"Hinata-kun . . . Are you okay?"
Ah. Here it comes. His presence was soothing. It had always been his number one source of comfort. That was why he liked him so much. He just wished that he returned his feelings.
He shook his head. "No . . . " He felt his voice crack. He buried his face in his shoulders and let out a loud scream. Komaeda didn't say anything. He silently wrapped his arms around him and began stroking his back in a comforting manner. Hinata was grateful. He didn't want to speak about anything that just happened. He just wanted to sit in silence. What he did today was so overly stupid. He was so stupid. And having Komaeda walk in on him on that . . . He wasn't sure if it was lucky or not. In all honesty, he would have preferred to get beaten up than to have Komaeda walk in on him being so . . . weak. He pressed his head against the other's chest and wrapped his arms tightly around him.
Why did he decide to get involved with Naegi?
Naegi was obviously insane.
Naegi. Naegi Naegi Naegi.
How much hope can an embodiment of despair hold until they break?
. . .
He must have said that out loud.
He felt Komaeda shift under him and he held on tighter. "What exactly do you mean, Hinata-kun?" His eyes wandered on his tear-stricken face with such a cryptic look. He wasn't sure what the latter was thinking - how does he feel about all of this? He doesn't respond.
"Hey."
Komaeda tilted his head and looked at him with an attentive stare. He was so patient with him even after what happened. Hinata was starting to question Komaeda's loyalty.
"Why . . . "
If he had to choose between him and him, which side would his loyalty lie?
Of course he'd like the side with greater hope. That's what he would choose above all. If he had knew who Hinata was before, he wouldn't have took his time to understand him so well. Hinata was sure that Komaeda was still angry with him. He was just as confused as he was, probably. Other than that, he would never stay with him like this.
He wanted to stay like this forever.
"Why do you like him?"
But of course, they can never last. Not like this. Not with him still around.
Komaeda didn't respond. Hinata regretted his words almost immediately after they came out of his mouth. He felt Komaeda softly remove his hands from his shirt. He stood up and Hinata looked up at him with confusion. "I'm sorry." He said, realizing his mistake and stood up from his position as well. "I really am." Komaeda shot him a look but softened his gaze almost instantly hearing the sincerity of his voice. Somehow, he keeps messing up around him. It gets aggravating.
He took a deep breath in and watched as Komaeda opens the front door. "I left something in the classroom." He said, before closing the door shut, leaving Hinata alone with his thoughts.
Did he regret meeting Naegi Makoto?
Yes. Without a doubt.
Did he regret meeting the person who caused all of this? The person who made all of this happen from the start? The person who introduced him to Naegi Makoto? The person who so awfully but yet kindly treated him all these years? Did he regret meeting the person who made him realize that he as a person was worth somewhat nothing in his years of existence? Did he regret meeting the person who had been with him since the beginning of everything - before the beginning of everything? The person who hung out with him and cracked jokes with him, before all of this happened? Did he regret meeting him?
Did he regret meeting Komaeda Nagito?
It was questionable but Hinata had already decided.
He could never hate Komaeda Nagito.
"Have you made up your mind, Komaeda-kun?" The shorter brunette sat down next to him, the streetlamp beside them flickering, threatening to dim out. The night was cold, and Komaeda regretted not bringing his jacket. The coldness of the wind caused his arms to subconsciously wrap around himself, hoping to at least get a little warmth out of it. He did not know how long he would be out here, nor did he know why he was still conversing with Naegi after the incident that happened.
But he had promised to stay by his side no matter what, and he wasn't about to break that. No matter how cruel Naegi was - no matter what he decides to do, he would stay and side with him, no matter how wrong it felt. Because Naegi is hope. He knows what he's doing. Komaeda entrusts his life in Naegi's hands, and believes that he wouldn't do anything that might be of harm to him physically and mentally - and he was certain that Naegi would feel the same way. Maybe it was stretching it a bit. Naegi was hope, meaning that he had it all. He was the embodiment of hope attending a school full of hope.
He was practically set for life.
But then again, Komaeda didn't quite understand what Naegi's motives where. He knew he was someone who strive only to achieve the best but Komaeda couldn't quite understand what Naegi was aiming for. He never really wanted to ask why either - maybe it was because he respected him so much. He could never question someone with such an amazing purpose in life. There was no way Naegi would respond well to that - or maybe he will . . . ? Naegi may be a very successful person but he's also respectful. That was the main part of why many people liked and trusted him so much. He was just so understanding. More understanding than anybody else. Was that why he was called the SHSL Hope? That must be the reason. He spreads hope wherever he goes. It would be a surprise if hope wasn't the reason why people feel so comfortable, so good and warmhearted around him.
He felt the exact way when talking to Naegi. His face would always flush up and his heart wouldn't stop beating in a weird rhythm. He would always feel the need to cover his face when responding to a compliment, and would often think about how . . . nice it would feel to hold him in his arms. When he helped him with his problems, many words cannot explain how happy he is to have him in his life. To have someone so understanding, so kind yet firm to help guide him through life made him felt happy. He felt so happy - his heart feels so happy around Naegi. He always found himself smiling whenever Naegi texted him. His hope radiates from the screen and shone brightly in front of him - it was like gold, like treasure. Naegi was someone whom he trusted with his life. He trusted him with every single fiber of his being - and he was sure that many other people felt the same exact way. Something stirred within him whenever he sees a person like Kirgiri or Maizono hang out with Naegi. But then again, he was so insignificant and uninteresting. He had no rights to feel this way around Naegi, around the Ultimate Hope at all. Of course Naegi wouldn't believe that. He would gently put his soft and comforting hands on his shaky and cold ones, flash him a warm smile - a one glimmering with hope, and deny the fact that he was so useless.
Komaeda sometimes wonder if he was special.
He sometimes wonder if Naegi does this to everyone.
Of course he does, he's the Ultimate Hope. His sole talent was to talk to people with such ease - he knows exactly what to say. Because that's Naegi. That's hope.
"Of course. I'll always be on your side, no matter what."
But . . .
Something wasn't right.
Hinata's words rang throughout his mind as he said his response.
How much hope can an embodiment of despair hold until they break?
It was so stupid. What was he even questioning? Would a stupid and talentless reserve course student's words phase him that badly? Affecting him to the point where he shook from where he stood? Where he doubts his own pre-determined decisions? He tried hard not to let it get to him. But it was almost impossible. There was something haunting - something chilling about Hinata's words. It was like he knew something that he didn't. He lifted his head up and met eye contact with Naegi, whose smile is as bright and comforting as ever. His cheeks were tinted a hint of pink as the shorter brunette held his hands in a delicate manner.
His eyes turned from bright and comforting to something he couldn't put into words.
It was . . . unsettling.
"You must be cold." He murmured and brought his hand to his cheek. Komaeda hummed in response. Somehow, the quiet and blissful atmosphere turned into something completely different. He watched as Naegi slowly closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around him. "I'm flattered that you would still be by my side after all of this." Komaeda couldn't do anything but let him lean his head against his chest. It looked awkward from where they were sitting, but it's not as if anybody would see them here. Komaeda wondered what Naegi was thinking about right now. Perhaps it was something cute? Maybe he was cold. He returned his actions by closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around him. His thoughts would be filled with hope.
"But you didn't have to lie."
He froze. Komaeda snapped his eyes opened and looked at Naegi, whose expression changed in almost a split second. His eyes - there was something about them that made all of this eerie. He couldn't help but feel more uncomfortable than before. A chill ran down his spine and he felt colder from Naegi's touch. It felt sinister.
"Let's return." Komaeda managed to say, and stood up from his spot. Naegi grabbed his hand before he could go anywhere. He stood up and look him dead in the eye with a look so icy - a look so cold.
"Komaeda-kun, please be honest with me." He cupped his hands with his and circled the back of his hand with his thumbs. All Komaeda could do was stand in silence, too scared to say anything. "I want you to be completely honest with me."
All Komaeda had been was honest to him. He was utterly confused. What more had Naegi wanted? Was he not sincere enough? Maybe he had to praise him more. He watched him circle his hand in a light and playful manner.
The streetlight flickered.
His confused look turned into a twisted and painful one as Naegi dug his nails deeply into his hand. He let out a yelp and instinctively shook Naegi's hand off his. He was left with crescent marks of nails on the back of his hand. He didn't know what to say. He gave Naegi a hurtful look and opened his mouth to say something.
Naegi smiled and turned his back on him. Komaeda watched as he walked away.
He wrapped his arms around himself. How did he feel right now? Hurt? Anxious? Stressed? He didn't know how to deal with this at all. He was especially confused with what Naegi said. What did his words mean? Did they play any part to what his goals were? He had been nothing but loyal to him this whole ti—
The person he described wasn't the Ultimate Hope at all.
Naegi wasn't anywhere near hope's side.
The aura he felt around him - the state of feeling blessed around him, the happiness he felt around Naegi. That wasn't real. He had been manipulating him this whole time. And he believed it. He was so foolish.
The light flickered off.
He was left alone in the darkness, the moon nowhere to be seen. The sky was completely blank.
He let out a strained, loud laugh that sounded like nails on a chalkboard.
He didn't want to let go.