One night at 1:24 AM, Ant youtuber AntsCanada was sitting in his office chair at his desk editing a video. It was a long night, and he had been sitting in silence compiling clips of his ants running around eating honey and building their nest for three hours now, and knew he'd be doing it for at least another hour.
He sat there in that numb, half-tired late night mojo, the kind you get into when you get really into minecraft, or writing a paper. He had a flow down, and was in his own little world. All of his ticks came out as they do with us all when we are alone, things like biting his fingernails, and keeping one pinky in his mouth as he had his other hand on the mouse. THAT… was when his asshole itched.
Being completely alone with nobody to judge him, he reached back. He shoved his hand down into his underwear, and began to prod with his middle finger until it was guided to the itchy spot. Then he started digging into his asshole directly, skin to skin, no underwear in between. He sat there scratching the surface of his asshole with his fingernail, then it felt like the itch began going away… but it was a ruse.
The itch moved deeper, and so his finger dug deeper. Eventually, the whole top segment of his finger was buried in his asshole, and he twisted it like Shrek digging into his ear. Satisfied, AntsCanada removed his finger and put his pinky in his mouth again. Since he was alone with no judgement, he allowed his shitty middle finger to rest below his nose because he liked the smell.
As he edited, he used his tooth to dig the crud out from under his pinky nail and eat it. Then he moved up to his ring finger, then his middle finger. When his tongue touched the still wet surface, he did not recoil. He kept the same deadpan expression, staring at his monitor, as he pulled the finger out of his mouth and stuck his hand inside the fucking hacienda del dorado and wiped it on the glass.
A few minutes later, AntsCanada felt the itch return. Not wanting to play with fire once more, he instead began to push and pull with his asshole, hoping the friction would scratch the itch. At first it worked, but the itch came back with a bite, and he needed more firepower. A new weapon was discovered; he felt a log of shit in his asshole. He began to push it so it rubbed against the itchy spot. Meanwhile he still sat in his chair looking at the monitor.
Scratching the itch with his own shit felt relieving, so he pushed harder. He felt the bullet start to leave the chamber, and went on high alert. He pulled back with his butthole muscles, which instead squeezed off the end of the turd so it broke off outside his asshole.
Still totally uninterested, he stood up, flattening the piece of shit like playdough between his ass cheeks, and lazily walked over to the bathroom to clean it up.