This is another one of those 'poor Mike' fics. I dreamt this one up one night and woke up thinking: what the hell was that about? I just wandered what it would look like written down, and thought it was quite funny. (I have a weird sense of humour, I know!) Anyway, enjoy:-)
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Law and Order. Mr Brown is mine.
Rating: T, or adult themes and language
Note: I do not in any way intend on offending anyone. It's just a bit of a laugh really.
Mess in the Courtroom
By LTP-girl
The handsome prosecutor, EADA Michael Cutter, approached the devious defendant sitting behind the witness stand.
He sighed in exasperation. "Mr Brown, do think it's fair to soil another person's clothing?" he asked the elderly man in his articulate Boston accent.
The man took a moment to consider the question he had been asked. "Well, that depends, Mr Cutter," he replied coolly. "If the act justifies the means, than there is no doubt in my mind that it is fair."
Cutter began pacing around the room. "If an individual was to make an incision in their colostomy-bag, and then purposely spray you down with its contents, would you take that as a sign that they do not like you or that they disagree with a particular stance you have on a particular issue, and would you take offence?" He gestured broadly with his hands, his steel-blue eyes cold and determined.
He stopped pacing for a moment, as he waited for the defendant to respond.
Mr Brown sniggered. "What do you think?" He rolled his eyes sardonically.
"Answer my question, Mr Brown," Cutter pressured, annoyed by the defendant's smart-aleck mind-games. "I'm the one who asks the questions."
A sly grin played on Mr Brown's lips, as he slid his hand under his shirt. He pulled out his colostomy-bag and squeezed it tightly. As it continued to compress, green liquid burst out of the plastic sack, and sprayed all over Cutter, covering him head to toe.
Cutter's eyes widened in shock.
"I think you of all people can best answer that question Mr Cutter," Mr Brown replied, chuckling mischievously.
Cutter just stood there, astounded, his hands by his sides, the green liquid dripping from his soiled suit. He didn't lash out in an angry outburst. He didn't request backup from his ADA, or the judge. He didn't even demand an explanation from the defendant. He just simply stood there. Silent, his infamous cocky expression completely wiped off his distinguished face.
"That's what I think of your prosecution of me, Mr Cutter," Mr Brown retorted smartly. "Speaking of which, if you ask me, I wouldn't be surprised if EADA stood for Egotistical Anal-retentive Disgruntled Asshole!"
Cutter wiped the dripping sludge from his brow with the back of his hand.
"Sorry about that, Mr Cutter," Mr Brown said sarcastically, rearranging his colostomy bag. "I had carbohydrates for lunch, and they tend to process quickly. Better out than in I always say!"
Cutter swallowed his pride, feeling emasculated, not to mention extremely embarrassed.
"No more questions, your honour," he said quietly to the judge, as he turned on his heel, and sat back down next to Connie.
She looked up at him gently, the look of compassion in her eyes. She felt like reaching up and giving him a hug, but thought better of it, realizing what he was covered with.
She stood from her chair abruptly, and turned towards the judge.
"Your honour, Mr Brown just committed assault!"
Pretty big on the gross factor, huh? What do you think? Feel free to review!