Werewolf.
The word brought with it a stigma that made anyone within hearing distance recoil and look at him with fear. People would observe at his tiny, eleven year old form and see a monster. Only recently had Remus Lupin realised just how hated he was within the Wizarding World. For as long as he could remember he had been suffering from an illness that once a month culminated in him being locked in a room for his own safety then emerging the next morning, usually weak and exhausted, often injured, but always, without fail, with no memory of the night that had just passed. He'd always linked the moon to these bouts of "ill health" and would often dissolve into tears in his parent's arms as the full moon approached, well aware of the fact that there was nothing he or they could do to stop the inevitable.
Only when he was nine did he learn the truth of his affliction. After a particularly bad night he'd woken up in an uncomfortable bed in Saint Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries to discover a Healer discussing him quietly with his parents, unaware that he was conscious and listening to every word they said. That was when he'd heard it: "Werewolf." In the years that followed, Remus Lupin grew up very quickly and resigned himself to the fact that he'd never have any real friends, would never have a real job, and would never go to school.
So how exactly he found himself where he was at ten to eleven on the 1st September, he wasn't quite sure. He was sat next to the window, alone in a chilly compartment of the Hogwarts Express with his legs crossed, despite his father always telling him not to put his feet on the furniture. Remus decided this didn't count as it was a special occasion and his shoes were clean. He reached into his pocket and took out a letter, crumpled from the many timed he's already done so this morning, just to check – again - that he wasn't dreaming.
HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY
Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,
Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)
Dear Mr Lupin,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.
Term begins on 1st September. We await your owl by no later than 31st July.
Yours sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress
There was no mistake; he was going to Hogwarts, the letter and the visit from Professor Dumbledore confirmed as much, but Remus still couldn't bring himself to believe it just yet.
Despite his disbelief, his trunk, freshly stamped with R. J. Lupin in gold lettering, sat in the luggage rack above his head and he was wearing the warmest clothes he owned; a thick beige knitted jumper, jeans, and two pairs of socks to fill out the boots that were ever so slightly too big for him – his mother had said he'd grow into them. He had a copy of The Daily Prophet on the seat next to him, ready to be read when the train set off, and his long muggle coat was currently draped over his knees and pulled up to his chin to hide his shaking hands. This was the first time he'd left his parents for any considerable length of time, as he never had any friends to have sleep overs with, and he was, quite frankly, terrified. Remus lent forward to stare out the window. His mother found his gaze immediately and waved. Hope Lupin was a small muggle woman, with bright blonde hair and blue eyes who, where ever she went, was always told she was beautiful. She smiled then turned to Remus' father, who was shaking hands with someone he must know from work, to get his attention. His dad, Lyle Lupin, was much more like him; skinny, pale, with hazel eyes and sandy brown hair that curled slightly. He waved to his son as well and wrapped and arm around his wife. Remus swallowed against the painful lump in his throat and blinked against the tears stinging his eyes as he waved back.
"We'll write as often as you want us to!" Remus heard his mother shout over the noise on the platform. Remus only nodded and waved again, before the compartment door sliding open caused him to look away and stare at the new comer standing in the doorway.
It was a girl. If Remus had little experience around people his own age he had even less around girls. He shifted nervously as she closed the door behind her and turned to face him.
"Do you mind if I sit in here?" she asked. The girl was his age, dressed in muggle clothes like him, and had a huge mane of curly, bright red hair and the greenest eyes he'd ever seen, much more vibrant than his own, muddy green colour.
"Not at all," Remus said, trying his best to be polite. The girl smiled graciously and Remus rose to help her put her trunk in the luggage rack. The black kitten she carried in a cage mewed at the girl until she let it out and held it to her. She sat down opposite him, placing the cat in her lap and pulled her legs up to cross them in a mirror image of himself. It was then he realised she was crying.
He could feel his heartbeat in his ears from panic. Not only did he not know how to befriend this kindly stranger, this stranger was a girl - and not just a girl, but a crying girl. She could be upset about leaving home, Remus thought, but due to the way she was determinedly not looking out the window and was staring at the floor instead, he decided it wasn't that.
"Um…" he began, not quite sure what to say. "Are you okay?" She looked up and quickly wiped away the tears on her face.
"I'm fine, thank you." She said, somewhat curtly. But then she cleared her throat and smiled gently, holding out her hand. "Sorry, I didn't even ask you name when I barged in here. I'm Lily." Remus took her hand and shook it, feeling a little like a child trying to act like a grown up, before letting go quickly.
"Remus," he said "And, it's fine, no one else was sitting there anyway." Lily laughed at his albeit weak joke and reached into her bag to pull out a book. Remus noticed the title.
"Is that Sherlock Holmes?" he questioned, excited to have a topic to talk about.
"Yes," said Lily, a little taken aback by his eagerness. "The Sign of Four, do you read Conan Doyle?"
"Ah, well… no." Remus said, blushing slightly. "My mother reads them, I recognised the title from my bookshelf at home." Lily's face unexpectedly lit up.
"So, are you muggleborn too?" she said, sitting up straighter.
"Er… no," Remus said, a little awkwardly. Lily flushed scarlet at his words, suddenly looking ashamed.
"I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have told you," she said, and added, with a glance at The Prophet next to him, "What with everything that's going on. Being muggleborn shouldn't really be broadcast. Not that I think you'd… I'm sorry, I'm not sure of what is normal to talk about in the wizarding world yet…" she drifted off, looking more and more embarrassed and about to cry again. Remus glanced down at The Prophet and the headline on the front page: Muggleborn Ministy Witch Killed By Death Eaters, Family Currently Missing it read.
"I'm halfblood," Remus said conversationally, trying to distract Lily. "My mother is a muggle, that's how I knew the book. But my dad is a wizard and he reads muggle books too. If a story is good I don't think it matters of it is about magic or not." Lily grinned and nodded enthusiastically.
"I suppose it's just like muggles reading fantasy books, or books with magic in them," she said. "I didn't know wizards interacted much with muggle culture. I've only met one other wizard and he didn't mention it. Have you ever read The Lord of the Rings?"
Remus shook his head and at that moment the conductor's whistle blew and the train began to move. Both he and Lily lurched to their feet to look desperately out the window for a last glance at their families. Remus spotted his parents, both waving furiously and he waved back just as enthusiastically. Lily did the same to his left, both of them staying where they were until the train rounded the corner and the platform faded from view.
The compartment door opened for the second time and the small space filled with laughter. Two boys had appeared there, both pulling large trunks and both with black hair, only one boy had his down to his shoulders and the other had his short and sticking up in random directions. This boy also wore glasses and carried a tawny owl in a cage. Lily's kitten watched it intensely.
"Hi!" he said through his laughter. "I'm James, and this is…. Sorry mate, I've forgotten already." He had turned to the boy with long hair and looked at him apologetically. The boy with long hair only laughed again, finding this much more amusing than Remus could fathom.
"It's Sirius," he said, both to James and to Remus and Lily.
"Hello," said Remus as they sat down. "I'm Remus, and this is Lily." Lily smiled politely at the two boys but as soon as they had acknowledged her she opened her book and disappeared behind it, leaving Remus to talk with the two black haired boys.
Other than their hair, Remus noticed, they only shared one other physical trait; they both looked very well cared for. While Remus never went without, his clothes were only ever from cheaper shops and were often mended or altered by his mother. These boys were dressed in clothes that screamed high end. James wore muggle jeans with a brand on them Remus vaguely recognised and a shirt that looked more expensive than anything he owned. Sirius, on the other hand, wore wizard's robes not unlike those he'd seen in fancy shop windows in Diagon Alley. That was where the similarities stopped. Sirius was smaller than Remus while James looked the same height. James had hazel eyes while Sirius' were a cool, keen grey.
"So, Remus," James said. "Excited?"
Remus blinked at being addressed so bluntly by a person he'd only just met.
"Er, I suppose so."
"I for one," said Sirius, as he lazily put his feet up on the seat across from him. "Couldn't wait to go. I've been stuck in London all summer and it was driving me insane."
"You live in London?" Remus asked, intrigued. "How could that be a bad thing?" Sirius shrugged.
"Can't play Quidditch in the city centre," he said with an indifferent tone. "Not without being seen by muggles anyway. Where are you from?"
"Lake District, a place called Windermere." Remus said. Sirius didn't show any signs of recognition and merely shrugged again.
"I've been on holiday there," a voice said. Lily had lowered her book and was now blushing furiously at the boys all suddenly looking at her. "We go on hiking trips, it is a beautiful place."
Remus nodded.
"It is, but it rains a lot."
"So, you play Quidditch?" James asked of Sirius as Lily hid behind her book once more. "Any good?" Sirius smirked at the challenge in the question.
"Reasonably," he said modestly. "You?"
James shrugged.
"I'm going to try and get on the team this year," he said, with a determination Remus had never seen on someone his age.
"They don't let first years on the team," Sirius pointed out. "We can't even bring brooms." He looked as though this fact personally insulted him. James seemed unfazed.
"If you're good enough for them to want you they'll bend the rules," He said with confidence. "It happened in 1889, so there is no reason why it won't happen again. All I've got to do is get into tryouts and then hope for the best. You in?"
"Sure," Sirius said, letting out a bark-like laugh. "I can already tell this year is going to be fun." James laughed with him then turned to Remus.
"What about you, Remus?" he asked. "Want to sneak into tryouts?" Remus wasn't sure how he felt, discussing breaking school rules before he'd even arrived at Hogwarts, but he wasn't about to turn down two people who appeared to want to be his friends.
"Well, I don't fly, but-"
"You don't fly?" James exclaimed, shocked. "But it's the best thing in the world! How could you not- wait." He went quiet for a second then assessed Remus. "Are you muggleborn?"
The question was posed without an ounce of maliciousness, it was simply as an enquiry to establish why he didn't fly but nevertheless, Remus saw Lily shift uncomfortably out the corner of his eye.
"No, I'm just not very good at it," Remus explained.
"Oh, fair enough." Said James, satisfied at the answer.
"But I'll come with you to the tryouts," said Remus, quickly. "It'll be impressive if you get through, but very funny of you get kicked out." Remus was half expecting James and Sirius to get annoyed at this but after a heartbeat the two of them burst out laughing again.
"You're quite funny Remus," Sirius said, chuckling and reaching into his pocket. "Come on, anyone up for exploding snap?"
The boys started up a game while Lily remained hidden behind her book, maybe shy to join in a wizarding game. Remus made a mental note to offer to teach her if they were sorted into the same house. The game passed relatively uneventfully for a game of exploding snap – apart from when the deck of cards went up and startled Lily's cat. It shot up Sirius' leg in fright and wouldn't let go until a mortified Lily prised it away. Sirius had been good natured about it; limiting his complaining to "I'm not really a cat person, dogs are better." James won the first round and completely obliterated Remus but he couldn't care less if he won or lost, he was having fun with his new friends and, for the first time he could remember, the fact he wasn't supposed to get close to people who didn't know about him and his condition completely disappeared from his mind.
When they were in their third round Remus looked up. Outside their compartment there was a small boy with mousy brown hair and a distressed look on his face. He was carrying a trunk, despite the fact the train had been moving for nearly forty-five minutes, and looking up and down the train for something.
"Is he alright?" Remus asked the others, causing them to look up.
"Why has he still got his trunk?" said Sirius, confused.
"Maybe he couldn't find a seat," said Lily. "It is quite busy." James stood without saying anything and slid the door open, causing the boy to spin round and face him, his small, watery eyes wide and his cheeks flushed with the exertion of hauling the trunk.
"You need a place to sit?" James asked, beckoning the boy to join them. He nodded desperately and muttered "thank you" to James as he stepped back to let him in and help him with his trunk.
The boy sat down in between Sirius and Lily, who had put her book down and was smiling at him in the same gracious manner she had when she'd first met Remus.
"Hello," she said gently, making the boy flush a little pinker. "I'm Lily, what's your name?" The boy gaped at her for a second before answering.
"P-Peter," he stammered in a nervous little voice. He turned to James. "Thank you for letting me in. I've been looking for somewhere since we left London. I sat down in a compartment with some Ravenclaw seventh years but then one of their friends turned up and I'd taken the last space so I had to leave. By then every compartment was full… well, apart from this one."
"Don't worry about it," James said, shrugging it off as though anyone would have done the same. "I'm James, by the way, and this is Sirius, and Remus." Both Sirius and Remus gave a little nod when their names were mentioned. Sirius drew a card from the deck he had in his hand and waved it in front of Peter's nose.
"We were just having a game," he said, raising an eyebrow. "Want dealing in?"
After a few more rounds of snap, Remus had concluded that he would probably get on very well with Peter. The boy was as quiet and soft spoken as he was and he seemed extremely gentle in his mannerisms, which was very unlike Sirius and James. They moved with a fervour that took Remus by surprise every time they called a pair in the game or dealt a winning card. Lily continued to read quietly in the corner, though every now and then she'd join in the conversation or laugh along with them when James' eyebrows were singed by an exploding deck.
As the Hogwarts Express hurtled through the countryside the sky began to gradually darken and the scenery outside the windows became wilder the further North they went. The lamps in their little compartment lit themselves and they all scrabbled through their trunks to pull on their Hogwarts robes over their muggle clothes. Remus was adjusting his sleeves to make sure the scars from one of his more eventful transformations were covered when he noticed Lily balancing her new wand between her fingertips and examining it in detail with an expression on her face he could only describe as miserable. He watched as a single tear rolled down her cheek but she quickly wiped it away and stowed her wand in her robes, completely unaware that he had witnessed this little display of emotion. Remus glanced at the other boys. They were laughing and discussing the latest Quidditch match of the league and didn't appear to have taken any notice of Lily.
"Lily," Remus said quietly. She looked up, still slightly teary. "Are you okay?" Before he could worry he'd embarrassed her, Lily smiled sadly at him.
"I will be." she said simply. She tucked her feet under her, pulled her kitten closer and rested her face against the window of the carriage, watching the countryside fly past. Remus watched her for a few seconds more then decided to leave her to herself; he knew if he was upset about something the last thing he would want would be a stranger forcing it out of him. He turned back to James, Sirius, and Peter and tried his best to keep up with their energy and enthusiasm over Quidditch, despite his pitiful knowledge of the subject.
Before long the compartment door opened again and another black haired boy entered. He walked straight past them and sat down next to Remus, across from Lily. He was skinny and had sallow skin with a hooked nose and hair that was just a little too greasy to ignore. Remus was about to introduce himself when Lily glared at the boy.
"I don't want to talk to you," she said. Remus was slightly taken aback by the resentment present in her tone and he turned away so as not to appear that he was eavesdropping, yet he couldn't ignore them completely.
"Why not?" the boy asked.
"Tuney h-hates me," Lily's voice broke and he could tell she was crying again. "Because we saw that letter from Dumbledore."
"So what?"
"So she's my sister!"
"She's only a-"
The boy's words broke off but Remus could guess what he was about to say. He decided, then and there, he didn't particularly like this boy.
"But we're going!" the boy said, injecting excitement and enthusiasm into his voice, obviously trying to stop Lily crying. "This is it! We're off to Hogwarts!" Remus glanced at her and saw that she was smiling again, though her eyes still glistened slightly in the lamplight.
"You'd better be in Slytherin," the boy said, smug satisfaction on his face over having cheered her up.
"Slytherin?" James snorted, looking over to Lily and her companion or the first time. He laughed and looked to Sirius. "Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?" To Remus's surprise, Sirius didn't join in with James's amusement, as he had been doing for the past few hours. Instead, his face grew stony.
"My whole family have been in Slytherin," he said, somewhat reluctantly. James blinked but was unfazed.
"Blimey," he said "and I thought you seemed all right!" Sirius smirked.
"Maybe I'll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you've the choice?"
James raised an invisible sword.
"'Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!' Like my dad."
Remus heard the new boy make a judgemental noise and James looked to him, contempt on his face.
"Got a problem with that?"
"No," said the boy in a snide voice. "If you'd rather be brawny than brainy—"
"Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?" Sirius said, cutting him off suddenly. James burst into raucous laughter at this, Peter chuckled appreciatively, even Remus couldn't keep the smirk off his face. Lily, on the other hand, looked incensed.
"Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment." She stood and the boy, Severus, followed her.
"Ooooo," James and Sirius said as they dissolved into laughter again. Lily picked up her cat and left the compartment, her long red hair swinging behind her. Severus was a few steps behind her, looking smug that she'd taken his side. He dodged James's outstretched foot and closed the compartment door behind him.
"See ya, Snivellus!" said Sirius, sardonically. "Well, I think he was lovely. Shall we invite him to sit with us at dinner?"
"I think it might be a laugh," said James, still looking out the window down the corridor. His eyes were narrowed with dislike.
"Do you think we upset Lily?" asked Peter.
"Hmm?" James said, dragging his eyes away from the corridor. "What? Oh, Lily. Dunno, mate, she got very moody very quickly didn't she?"
"Maybe she has a thing for Snivellus," said Sirius, unconcerned. "Chuck us that Prophet will you, Remus?"
He passed it over and Sirius turned to the middle page, drew out a quill from his robes, and started staring intently at the page. Peter leaned over to see what he was doing.
"The crossword?" he said, scathingly. Sirius didn't look up, instead he simply filled in a word.
"Quidditch isn't the only thing I'm good at, Peter," he said distractedly, still focused on his task. Peter raised his eyebrows but said nothing. James smirked and struck up a conversation with Peter about Hogwarts subjects but Remus didn't join in; the headline on the front page that Lily had brought up earlier had caught his attention, only this time he noticed the picture that was with it. A young family was waving out at him, all smiling, and all – except the mother who was already dead – still missing. Remus put the thought out of his mind.
When they left the train, the platform was in chaos. Students towered above him, hurrying around to find their friends or collect their luggage and buffeting Remus as they did so. He turned around, expecting to see one of his new friends but then realised he'd lost them. Panic fluttered in his chest – he'd managed to find three people he liked, and that he thought liked him - he didn't want to have to walk into Hogwarts alone after that.
"Oi! Remus!" a voice called. Remus whipped around to see Sirius standing with James and Peter, gesturing for him to join them. He ran over.
"We thought we'd lost you, mate," James said. A few drops of rain had started to fall and James removed his glasses to wipe them dry before putting them back on and squinting up at the sky. "Can't see the moon it's that cloudy tonight."
"Believe me, it's up there," Remus said darkly. His heart skipped a beat when he realised what he'd said, but no one seemed to have picked up on his tone.
Before anyone else could say anything more a thunderous voice boomed from a man Remus hadn't noticed in the dark.
"Firs' years, follow me!" the voice said. Remus found his gaze going up and up and up as he searched for the man's face. He stood at least as tall as three of him and he had a bushy black beard that hid most of his face.
"Who is that?" said Remus, his voice slightly higher than usual. Peter appeared to be thinking the same. He was staring at the man with his mouth hanging open.
"I've been told about him!" Sirius cried. "It's Hagrid. He's the game keeper her and he takes the first years in to the school across the lake! Apparently there's a giant squid in there." Remus was not placated by this information, and from his horror struck expression, neither was Peter. James, however, looked ecstatic.
"Brilliant! Reckon we can duel it?" he drew his wand and made a flourishing movement. Nothing happened. Sirius snorted.
"Bit hard to duel if you don't know any spells."
"And it's not really a duel if it can't send spells back," Remus added. "You'd just be stabbing at an innocent creature with your wand."
"Funny," James said, stowing his wand in his robes, with a smile on his face nonetheless.
The crowd of first year students followed Hagrid off the platform down a dark path, trying their best to see where they were standing in the dark. Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter piled into a little boat at Hagrid's command and, at once, all the boats set off out on to the lake, seemingly by themselves. Hagrid led the way, taking up a boat all by himself, while their boat chugged along at the back. Lily and Severus glided past them in a boat with two other girls and were chatting animatedly. James noticed them and leaned over the side to flick water into their boat.
"Watch out, Snivellus, don't want to accidently wash the grease out your hair!"
The two girls squealed. Severus's pallid face flushed red, while Sirius laughed. Lily glared at them and pulled Severus by the shoulder so they were facing away.
Throughout all this Peter hadn't moved. He clung to the sides of the boat, breathing hard and trying his very best not to throw up.
"Not a fan of the water, Petey?" Sirius asked.
Peter swallowed and shook his head.
"What if I do this?" teased Sirius. He began to sway from side to side, causing the boat to start rocking gently. "Does that make it better?"
James laughed but at the sight of Peter's terrified face he fell quiet and swatted at Sirius.
"Don't be a git, Sirius," he said, reprimanding him. "Peter looks like he's going to pass out." Sirius stopped, looking ever so slightly guilty. Peter nodded appreciatively at James.
"Sorry, mate," said Sirius. "I was only having a laugh, didn't mean anything by it."
Peter still hadn't fully recovered.
"D-don't like w-w-water."
Remus placed a hand on the boy's shoulder to steady him, very aware that Peter might still throw up.
"I can see it!" cried a voice from one of the other boats. All four of them looked up across the water to catch their first glance of the castle.
Hogwarts stood high and impressively above the water, with towers and turrets reaching up to the black sky. Warm and inviting lights from the lit windows danced on the surface of the lake and Remus could feel his heart beating in his ears and his eyes start to sting. He never thought he'd get here; that he'd be welcomed and wanted in the halls of the historic castle. He swallowed against the lump in his throat.
"It's beautiful," he whispered.
"It's huge," added Peter, who was as transfixed as Remus.
James let out a disbelieving laugh.
"It's bloody brilliant! Just like my dad said!"
Sirius was the only one who was quiet. He didn't seem excited like he had been on the train, if anything, his face was a mask of trepidation.
The boats scraped against the silt and came to a halt and groups of eleven year olds clambered out of them. They followed the game keeper up the little pebble beach that separated the lake and the grounds, talking in hushed but excited voices as they made their way to Hogwarts.