London Bridges
"I lived, I died, and I woke up. In which nothing makes sense, denial is not just a river in Egypt, and unhealthy coping mechanisms are the bread and butter of shinobi life. SI as fem!Naruto, a tale of unstable realities, deception, and an unhealthy amount of stray animals."
Chapter 1
It started like this.
I was seventeen years old, a few scant months before I was supposed to graduate high school. My GPA was good, I had a partial scholarship to my dream school, and a job I kind of enjoyed. Life wasn't particularly exciting, but I was content.
It was a little after 6:00pm on a Friday evening and I was on my way to my dad's house to visit for the weekend. It was raining sideways, and the roads were a bit slick, but my tires were still in relatively good shape, so I didn't think twice about it; I'd made this trip a hundred times before.
My phone was on shuffle, and Sufjan Steven's voice hummed from my speakers. "What's left is only bittersweet, for the rest of my life, admitting the best is behind me."
The heat was on, almost too warm, and I nearly drifted off as I drove, comfortable and sleepy after a long day of school.
It ended like this.
A car merged in front of me suddenly – no warning, no turn signal, and I found myself slamming on my breaks. The world seemed to stop as the car slid forward, too fast, too fast-
I jerked the wheel to the side in a panic, and the whole vehicle teetered for a single, heart-stopping moment, before slamming into the guardrail to my right with an earth-shattering boom. My head snapped forward, and there was a single moment of chaos, the airbags, the airbags didn't go off-!
-a blossom of pain in my neck, in my skull as it impacted with the steering wheel, and then suddenly-
Nothing. It ended.
And it began again.
I woke up.
It came in phases – the vague memory of a hand on my forehead, an uncomfortable prick at my elbow, someone tipping a liquid into my mouth and coaxing me to swallow – I spent those first moments barely conscious, and entirely unaware. It seemed as if years had passed before I could muster the strength to fight the thick fog that blanketed my mind.
I was so warm, and my limbs felt so heavy, like I was curled in my bed under twelve different blankets in the middle of winter. I could have slept forever. But still, part of me grew anxious at my continued rest, and it fought me tooth over nail until I finally gave in and opened my eyes.
At first, the light was blinding – I retreated underneath the covers with a grumble, only to pause as the movement caused an ache to pulse through my head. A migraine? It had been years since I woke up with a migraine. With a grimace, I forced myself to peek out once more through narrowed eyes – it was still bright, but within a few moments my eyes had mostly adjusted.
The whole room was very... white, which undoubtedly wasn't helping my sudden headache. Where on earth was I? I attempted to scoot up slightly, only to let out a sharp hiss as I felt something pull from my arm – an IV? A needle? Was- was I in the hospital?
Suddenly much more awake, I pressed my shaking fingers to the tape that held the drip in place. What had happened? I could remember-
Wait. Could I remember? What was the last thing... I trailed off internally, blinking my eyes once more as another pulse of pain echoed throughout my skull. Ugh, okay, maybe not the best time to try to remember. Remembering hurt. Maybe Mom knew. Actually, speaking of, where was she?
"Momma?" I attempted to call out, but the sound instead came out as a garbled croak. I stopped with a wince, rubbing at my throat. Christ, how long had I been out? And where was everyone?
It looked like I was in a simple everyday hospital room, like Mom had been when she got that neck surgery a couple years ago. Not an ER room, but an actual, stay-the-night-this-shit-is-serious-room. But it probably wasn't serious, because no one was in here with me. It was kind of weird, actually. No doctors, no nurses, not even any windows. I was completely alone.
Was there a button I could press? I turned around in my bed, pursing my lips as I tried to avoid tugging on the needle lodged in my vein. It didn't even look like their was a monitor or anything besides a drip – nothing to call for help. I set back against my pillows with a huff. Someone had to check on me eventually, right?
Eventually came sooner than expected. It couldn't have been more than two minutes after I woke up that the door opened, revealing a short woman in a rather bizarre white, high-collared jacket. She walked in with her nose buried in a clipboard before halting abruptly when I turned to look at her, having jumped at her entrance.
She blinked. I blinked. She blinked again.
Suddenly, she seemed to come to herself, and began rapidly speaking, removing the clipboard from her face, only-
"Anata wa sudeni me o samashite imasu ka? Soshite, hari ni furenaide kudasai-!" (1)
It wasn't English. It wasn't English. God, was that Japanese? Why was she speaking Japanese?
"-soshite watashi mo kyūkei-chū ni okinakereba naranakatta-" (2) The- nurse? Doctor? Random bystander? Continued to speak rapidly, her words nearly slurring together in their speed. Was- was she lecturing me? I waved my unencumbered hand, trying to fight back the most ridiculous urge to cry. Where was my mom?
I opened my mouth to attempt to explain that, no, I had no idea what she was saying, could you please find someone who speaks English, but suddenly faltered. The words- the words wouldn't work. I couldn't- I let out a slight hiss as my head throbbed once more, and I gripped it with my free hand for a moment, before looking back at her. What had happened? The panic must have shown in my eyes as the lady stopped her rant to peer at me with narrowed eyes.
"Anata wa hanasemasen ka?" (3) She barked – a question, I recognized that much. I shook my head gently, trying to impart that I had no idea what she was trying to get across.
I opened my mouth again, trying to say a simple 'no.' No. No, I couldn't even get out the word no, oh my god. Had I hurt my head? Did I have brain damage? Is that why my head hurt? I could feel my breaths getting shorter as the thoughts swirled in my head. What if I could never speak again, what if-
"Yā, ochitsuite!" (4) A sharp command interrupted my panic. The woman stared at me dispassionately, before sighing and pointing at the bed in what seemed to be a threatening manner. "Soko ni taizai." (5) I shook my head again, already teetering on the urge of hysteria.
I obviously didn't understand her, why did she keep talking? I clenched my fists and tried to calm myself down as the lady spun on her heel and marched back out of the room. The door swung close with a click that echoed almost violently in the otherwise silent room. I was alone again
I felt alone. I needed to be rational. I needed- I need to think. My thought processes seemed fine, but I couldn't get the words out, and the attempts made my head ache like I'd never had happen before. Were my vocal chords messed up? Was my brain damaged? And the woman- whoever she was, she was definitely speaking Japanese for some god-forsaken reason. It felt like a nightmare. I wanted to wake up, I wanted to go home, I wanted to scream-
The door swung open, hitting the stopper on the adjacent wall with a thud. The woman walked in once more, her lips down-turned, already babbling rapidly to the individual who followed behind her – an elderly man, probably in his 60s or 70s.
He looked rough. A heavily lined face, with liver spots and moles, as any old guy is wont to get. His nose looked crooked, like it had been broken a few times, but the most noticeable features were the scars – little white lines stretching the expanse of his wrinkled skin, cutting through an eyebrow and narrowly avoiding an eye. Was he some kind of veteran?
When the old man looked upon me, I noticed he look... off. Dejected. Almost tired. I would have thought he was maybe a doctor working a late shift, but instead of anything official he seemed to be wearing some kind of robe. He looked vaguely familiar, but I knew with a certainty that I didn't know him – I would have recognized that face.
His eyes slid over my form, halting for a moment on my head, before he opened his mouth to speak. If I'd had the ability to move my right arm, I would've clapped my hands together in prayer to a god I didn't believe in- oh please, holy deities whoever you may be, let him speak English, or literally anything I know a little bit of, let him know whats going on-
No. Japanese. Spoken slower than the woman, but undeniable and still completely foreign. My look of disappointment must have been obvious as he didn't even bother finishing his sentence. The turn of his brows was severe and I couldn't help but hunch my shoulders. Was he angry? What had I done?
I had never regretted taking German over sign language more than I did in that moment.
The old man peered at me for a moment, before uttering a quick phrase, "Watashitachi wa kanojo o korosu kamo shirenai." (6) I resisted the urge to sigh, and instead brought my knees to my chest, moving delicately around the needle in my arm. I wasn't even going to bother at this point.
Apparently my lack of response to his words triggered something, because he left out a short huff before turning to the lady once more, speaking again but this time much more rapidly, almost completely ignoring me now.
I strained my ears as best as I could, watching them through narrowed eyes as the nurse tapped a hand against the clipboard grasped to her chest. They seemed to be arguing, maybe? But over what? I could recognize a few words here and there, such as 'watashi,' and 'anata', but nothing substantial. Nothing helpful. I might as well go back to sleep and hope that when I woke up the world would be normal again.
My internal tirade was interrupted as the man spoke over the woman, shaking his head at whatever she'd been explaining, before turning to me once more, the tired look back in his eyes. I felt my shoulders hunch slightly, feeling unreasonably guilty for something I hadn't done. I would've spoke if I could have. It wasn't my fault.
The man sighed, looking down at me and hesitating for a moment before placing a hand lightly on my head, and saying only a single word.
"Ah, Naruto."
What.
1. "What are you doing awake already? And don't touch the drip-!"
2. "And you just had to wake up while I was on break-"
3. "Do you understand me?"
4. "Hey, calm down!"
5. "Stay here."
6. "We'll just have to kill you, then."
Sorry for all of the google-translate, I swear after the first couple chapters it'll be gone. Anyway, this is my first story on this account, so be gentle! Or don't. I'm not picky as long as you're saying something.
Forewarning before you get invested, this story will get dark at points - I might end up bumping it from T to M at some point, but it depends.
I'll try to update fairly frequently, but I'm not one for a set schedule.
Question of the chapter: What is your favorite kind of Naruto Self-Insert story?