God dammit, this was exactly the last thing he wanted to do. With his arms wrapped around Dave, he couldn't even try to delude himself into thinking that he had done the right thing for the male. Seeing how much he had hurt him, though? How could he have been such an ass to the guy sitting on his lap, he honestly had no idea. The only thing he could think of that would make him do that was his stress. He knew how bad the stress could affect him, but to make him do this? That was just fucked up.
The hand he had started to move on the other's back become a subconscious gesture in the back of his mind. He knew he was moving his hand, but he didn't care. All he knew was that the shaking that had been going through Tango's body was starting to relax slightly, though he could still feel the tears soaking his shirt. It was cold, but he didn't care, if it's what the other needed to do. Steve considered moving them, waking the other up so they could talk about this, about the last week, about his dumbass move, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. If the guy had been as bad as him this last week? He could use this rest. His brow furrowed as he thought, his hand starting to slow, he let out a long breath. 'Well what the fuck' he thought to himself, before starting to hum quietly under his breath.
"Close your eyes, dream of me, sleep well young prince. Don't let your fears in, tell the whispered silence to wait."
The lyrics that slipped through his lips were quiet, mumbled, but that didn't matter. They were ones he had come up with years ago with Perpetual Doom, but they had never gotten into one of their recorded songs. The words weren't 'rock' enough for their band, weren't what they were 'supposed' to record. Right now, though, they fit perfectly. He just wanted Tango to sleep, to relax and to understand that he wasn't leaving. Damn himself if he ever left again. He had learned his lesson. He had known that doing it would hurt, but he hadn't expected it to feel like a whole had been punched through his chest.
"You can't sleep I know, but baby, you have to try, you can't let the world tell you no, so rest your eyes prince."
His hand came to rest between the other's shoulder blades, looking down as he felt the last shake go through his body. The breathing was evening out, and he knew that in just a few moments, his -what, boyfriend? Fuck that, he screwed that up for all he knew…his friend would be asleep. That's what he wanted when he started to hum this, wasn't it? Yes, that had been the purpose of this song. Plus, the gentle breathing against his chest, just over his heart, made his own body relax. It almost made him forget that for the past week he hadn't slept, had hardly eaten. It almost made the pain he had felt seem like it was part of a dream, and that he was waking up again.
"You toss and turn in my arms every night, I know you do this too often now, prince you need to sleep, don't let that whispered silence win."
Hell, he could even feel himself start to drift off, his eyes falling closed as he continued to hum the lyrics to the other, even though he was already asleep. He wanted to help him relax, and if that meant singing all night, he would gladly do that. He would be making up for his stupid ass mistake for years, if that's what it took, and he didn't care if that meant starting now.
"Every day is another battle for you to sleep, prince, so please, take a moment to rest your eyes young prince, tell me you will try."
Yes, he knew he would start falling asleep, Steve had already felt the weight falling down on him. Was this really all it took to make him rest easy now? This male in his arms? Shit, it wasn't like he cared, but hated to think that he would wake up with Tango gone, or worse, to have figured out this was all a dream. Letting his head fall, he rested his cheek against the top of his friend's head, yawning softly through the humming as he did so. He had to force himself to stay awake long enough to finish the song, wanting to get the rest of the words out there before he passed out along with the other.
"Sleep well young prince, the whispered silence has gone, your sleep has begun, try to stay this way, young prince."
A loud groan slipped through Steve's lips as he stretched, his arms going up over his body before falling back down to his chest with a loud 'smack'. It only took him a few moments before he froze, his eyes snapping open, though he didn't turn his head to look. Had it all been really a dream? He was back in his bed, maybe he really had fallen asleep. His hands fisted his shirt as the pang in his chest returned. Dammit! His mind could be so cruel, giving him dreams and wishes of Tango being in his arms again, of having him so near he could count how many heartbeats resounded against his own. God fucking dammit, it wasn't fair!
"Finally awake?"
Shit! He sat up quickly, his hands falling down to the bed to help himself do it, his hands clinging to the sheets under him. Yet, the moment his eyes went to Tango, sitting on the end of his bed, his legs crossed and hands in his lap, he felt himself relax, felt that hurt in his chest ease and disappear instantly. It hadn't been a dream. Thank fucking god, it hadn't been a dream. He let his eyes take the other in for a moment before he swallowed, nodding as he did so. "Yeah, I..how long have I been asleep?"
"About three hours, I think. I woke up about an hour ago and moved you in here."
He could hear the effect crying had had on the males voice. It was raspy, and he had to stop and clear his throat halfway through. How long had he been awake, just sitting there? He should have been sleeping, he probably needed the rest as much as Steve did. Once more swallowing, he held out his hand towards the younger guy, not sure what would happen. He wanted to move and to hug him again, to hold him to his chest and just lay with him, but he doubted he would be allowed. They had to finish clearing this up, and more than anything, that was the other's choice. He already told Tango what he did was a mistake and that he was here until he was told to leave. The ball was in his court, so to speak. All he could do was wait.
When the hand slipped into his, he immediately threaded their fingers together, giving it a slight squeeze as he did so. That contact was all he needed for now, all that he could ask for. Yet, he watched as the other flinched slightly at the contact, not moving anything other than that hand to hold onto his own. "Tango." He waited for a moment, watching as those chocolate eyes raised to meet his blue ones, and he felt his body tingle lightly through the look. "Come here." The words were soft, hardly there, but he felt better as he felt the bed shift under him. The warm body that pressed against his side was nice, familiar. His arms moved, wrapping around Tango's shoulders, laying back on the bed with him again.
"We still have to talk, Steve. You can't just, just expect everything to be okay. You left a week ago saying you didn't want this anymore. How do I know you're telling the truth?"
He gave a quick nod, sighing out gently as he rested his head against Tango's. He knew they would have to talk about it, that was obvious, but right now, he just wanted to relax here. He wanted to take the moment in, in case this was the last he would see of the man he loved. Him and his shitty-ass thinking. Giving the shoulders he had his arms around a squeeze, he took a deep breath. "Tango, look. I know I was an ass. I was a major ass, and I don't expect you to forget that or to forgive me right away. But I'm not doing that again. You don't know how much it hurt, being away from you. It felt like… well shit, it felt like part of me was missing. I'm a selfish guy, I can't do that again, I have to have you near to make me feel whole. Until the day you want me gone, I'm going to be right here, holding you and watching over you." Yes, that sounded about right. Jesus, they were both so whipped. It didn't matter, he knew that he didn't want anyone but Dave, but still.
"You say that, but think about it. Something, somewhere in your mind, was telling you you aren't ready for this. How do I know you are? I love you, so much, and it hurt being away from you, but I can't… if you leave again, I'm not sure what I'll do."
He could hear the hurt in his voice, and it made him want to hit the damned wall again. He would never forgive himself for leaving, even if Tango did eventually. "No, it was my stress. I just needed time to think, and some reason, I thought that was the best way to get my alone time. But I love you, and I do want this. I've never wanted something so much in my life." He moved one hand, reaching down to the males chin, raising it so he could see his face. That face that had haunted his thoughts for the last week. Fuck, it made him weaker than it did before "I'm not going to leave you again. Dammit, Tango, I don't want to. I want you. I'll always want you, there is no one but you for me. Will you please, just, give me one more chance, that's all I'm asking." He watched for a moment as Dave's bottom lip disappeared into his mouth, the eyes closing for a moment. He could tell he was thinking, his face always gave away his actions. Still holding onto his chin, he raised his thumb, stroking it just under his mouth, a satisfied feeling flooding him from both being able to do that again, and the shiver it caused in his friend.
"Alright."
That was all it took to make the last week, that painful fucking memory he would always carry, just that: just a memory. He would prove to the guy in his arms that it wouldn't happen again. That there was no one but him that could fit in his heart, and that he himself belonged to him. Lowering his head, he rested his forehead against his partners, waiting till he saw those eyes open, staring up at him. "I love you. So much more than my own life. Don't ever forget that." His words were mumbled, looking at him for one more moment, before he tilted his head forward, his lips easily finding those that he had missed for a week. It felt, in that instant, like he was home. And dammit, he never wanted to leave from this spot. Even the wet tears that hit his cheeks, from himself or the other he couldn't distinguish, couldn't ruin this moment.