A/N: This is a random thing I wrote some time ago and have always loved. I used references from several places- Hansel and Gretel, Jack and the Beanstalk, the Sword in the Stone sort of thing, also W.I.T.C.H, all in passing. Mostly they're fairy tales so you should have no problems understanding them. It should be funny even if you don't. Either way, enjoy! And please review.
Mary Sue Walks
I'm out walking again. I don't know why I even bother. It's not like it's an escape from the greatness that radiates from me. Last time I walked, I cut my foot because someone had dropped a bloody great sword in my path. I picked it up and hid it underneath some bushes. Time before, some old codger pressed some beans into my hand and told me that the cow was free. I chucked them away. Seems like I'm stuck with it, sometimes. A bloody big beanstalk grew out of the spot. I hacked it down.
I run into houses made of candy all the time. People say they're so great but they're just annoying, not to mention the witches who live in them. I used to rescue the children but I'm sick of them now. Let them eat the blasted kids. They always stomp on my foot and run away screaming anyway.
"You are destined for great things," some old crow says, pressing an amulet into my hand, a crystal ball in her other hand. "Keep this. It will bring you great sorrow." I snort and push her away, giving it back.
"Keep the sorrow to yourself, old crow. I don't want it," she shakes her head and gives it back, her wrinkled face alarmed.
"Do not. You must keep this on you at all times now," she says, and then scurries off. I stare at it. It has a symbol of a circle on it, flames engulfing the edge. Looks like a portal of some kind. Some old hoot gave one to me before, and I accidently opened a hole to the land of demons with it. I shrug, tossing it into the bushes.
If any demons come out this time, I'll just huff and puff until they go back home and then seal the portal again. It can't be harder than last time. Last time I waved my hand and a teardrop thing appeared in it, and I turned into a fairy.
There's no way I'm doing that again.
This time I'll be sure to bring a needle and thread with me to sew the entrance up with.