I have actually never written crack!fic. This is branching out for me. I would like to say, that as my exploits in AQ are limited to a free account in which I simply level like mad with Warlic as a guest, I hold no responsibility for mangled characterization. Does AQ even have characterization?
Disclaimer: I don't own AQ. Just Zeke, my little avatar in that world.
Summary: Warlic laments of students lost, and Zeke just tries to survive.
They are fighting a dragon when Warlic begins to angst. That's the only word for it really, Zeke will think, as he bandages his wounds back at the inn. At the time though, dodging stinking belches of dragon fire and avoiding those black and rotted claws had really been his priorities. So when Warlic opened his mouth and said; "Diadum was a good student before she left." Zeke wonders what kind of name is Diadum? And what in the world is Warlic thinking? Though not necessarily in that order.
"She was my second student. Lucia had done fine, gone out and become a respectable mage. Not as talented as me, but not many are."
Somehow, even in battle, Warlic's ego remained intact.
"But Diadum, she could've been great. She could've been a legend like me. In the first few lessons she was already capable of summoning spirits,powerful spirits."
Zeke stabbed at an exposed patch of dragon skin and rolled to the side, wincing as flames fanned at the bottom of his cloak. That was the problem with fighting in such extravagant armor—he was always catching his gilded breastplate on a branch, or his hand stitched cape was getting stepped on by some orc. All the gold he made from saving the town and slaying evil beasties on a regular basis went to outfit upkeep.
An icy blast zinged past his face and caught the dragon in its open mouth, sending it into a steamy choking fit. Simply grateful Warlic could talk and fight at the same time, Zeke clambered to his feet.
"By the third week she was raining hail down on entire cities. And not just ordinary hail, this was flaming hail that came alive once in contact with the air and swooped at random pedestrians."
Deciding not to question the rationality of flaming hail (wasn't hail frozen bits of rock or something?) Zeke nodded sympathetically at wasted genius and hefted his blade as the dragon focused its bleary eyes on him. Obviously blaming him for the undignified coughing fit it had been subject too, the thing lurched at him and flexed its claws.
"But the second month, she told me that being a mage really wasn't her thing, and she wanted to run off to be a vampire. I asked her what she actually knew about them, and she said nothing, but her cousin's best friends little sister said the boys were to die for."
Zeke blocked one talon with the edge of his sword, and sighed as roots reached up from the ground to drag the other claw swinging towards his head downward.
"I asked how she could do this to me, when she had so much talent and potential, but all she says is you'll always have Zeke."
Zeke was going to comment on how this girl knew him, but the tail of the dragon caught him in the chest and his sure to be fascinating question turned into a sort of "Urk!" as his backwards flight was stopped oh so kindly by a tree trunk.
A gust of wind snapped the dragon's wings back and it howled in pain, streams of fire leaking from its nostrils.
"I said, what does Zeke have to do with this? And she says, well you're always going on about how he's wasting himself as a hero, all that brain being turned into brawn, and anyone can lift a sword, it takes finesse to be a mage."
Zeke rolled to the side (this fight had caused him to be a bit closer to the ground than he preferred, and no one had told him how messy battles were when he signed up for the job) and popped up beside Warlic, who was going off onto a tangent about specialization in magic vs. a general grip of the whole magical spectrum.
"Just shut up, and help me." Zeke grunted as the dragon swung its head around towards where they stood.
Warlic blinked and raised his staff. A globe of light surrounded the beast; the dragon was compressed into a small lizard that dropped to the ground and scuttled into the woods.
"Why," Zeke asked. "Didn't you do that from the beginning?"
Warlic shrugged and walked off to the path that lead back to the town.
"I thought you should get some exercise. Now, was I talking about Diadum? Well, I heard that after she became a vampire, not four months later she runs off to join the pirates…"
Zeke slumped down to the ground and heaved a sigh. So many sighs in one day would probably bring his bold and brash adventurer image a bit, but he thought all in all, he was entitled to a few.
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