A Hard Life
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John watched as his sons chattered animatedly, huddled close together on the rickety wooden steps.
They hadn't noticed him yet, hidden as he was by the shadow of the cabin; otherwise the sunny smiles on their faces and the quick movement of their hands as they gesticulated to illustrate whatever it was they were discussing, would have abruptly stopped.
Whenever he was around, their expressions and demeanor were always serious and he knew he had only himself to blame if they were wary around him.
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He shook his head in frustration. When had the father in him morphed into the marine he now was?
The change had been gradual, going from a distraught widower to a man obsessed with training and disciplining his kids in order to defend themselves against whatever had killed their mother, for something had; there had been nothing natural about Mary's death. Burning on the ceiling against all the rules of gravity with her stomach sliced open, certainly wasn't.
But as he had since found out, the supernatural world existed and it was all the more crucial that his boys knew how to take care of themselves.
Sam and Dean didn't deserve this, but it was all he had to offer.
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He deliberately scuffed a loose stone as he came forward to signal his presence, and he saw the boys practically jump to attention, well Dean did anyway, Sam always took his own sweet time to respond to anything that concerned his father.
"Boys," he drawled. "I thought I'd left you to practice? Don't see much of that goin' on"
"Dad!" Dean cut in. "We've been at it all morning. We were just taking a break. Sam's got a cramp and his hand's swollen from all the knife-throwing."
"Swollen! You okay, Sam?"
Sam looked up at him with a touch of animosity in his hazel eyes. Ever since the Christmas he'd discovered what John did, Sam had strenuously struggled against the hunting life and John was convinced he didn't openly rebel only because of his love for his brother and because he had nowhere else to go; but John was sure that Sam would cause him problems in the future.
The boy was strong-willed and as stubborn as a mule, all characteristics John knew he himself possessed in abundance!
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Anytime they came back from a hunt and Dean was wounded, he could feel Sam's accusing eyes on him for allowing his big brother to be hurt. One of the first things he had wanted to learn was how to stitch up wounds and once he had mastered it, he always attended personally to Dean, never allowing John near.
John let him be, especially since Dean seemed to welcome Sam's attentions, the boy being gentle and taking all the time needed to stitch Dean up as painlessly as possible.
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"Look, dad," Dean said as he pulled Sam's hand forward. "See how it's all red and puffed up from this morning's work out."
"I believe you Dean," John smiled. "You don't have to prove anything. Well then, seeing as Sam can't do much else today, why don't we take a trip into town and sink our teeth into some juicy burgers."
"Sure dad," Dean answered cheerfully, the thought of food lifting his spirits, while Sam just stared at him as if to say 'you can get round Dean by offering hamburgers, but it won't work with me'.
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The diner was a busy place for a town that wasn't much bigger than a village, but the excellent quality of the food it served must have drawn customers in from the surrounding areas.
"Wow, dad! This has gotta be one of the best burgers I've ever tasted," Dean raved as he chewed blissfully. "Come on Sammy; don't tell me you're gonna pass, " he teased as he saw his little brother scrunch up his nose at the food."If you don't get some protein into that skinny frame of yours, you're gonna stay a runt for ever."
"Runt, huh! " Sam bitched. "I'm as tall as you already, Dean! You should be telling me not to eat, so I won't grow any bigger!"
"You wish, Sammy! Then even if you do take me for a couple of inches, I'm always gonna be the big brother. Can't chop off the years, dude! You're always gonna be my pain in the ass little brother!" he smirked.
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John's heart warmed as he looked on. The burgers must have had relaxing properties, for it was rare that his sons baited each other in his presence, but as he watched he was struck by the sensation of being only a spectator to his boys.
They had a link to each other and a bond that he wasn't a part of, and he felt a prick of pain to know that he would never be accepted into their two person world.
His boys were special and even if they railed against his training…well Sam anyway, he would give them the tools to defend themselves and each other from all the evil that was out there.
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He heard a giggle coming from the young waitresses behind the counter and turning his head slightly, he saw they were staring at his sons.
Maybe he was so used to having them around that he hadn't noticed, but now that he took a good look, he saw that they were no longer two young kids; Dean was nineteen and Sam fifteen, both fine-featured men who would have had hordes of simpering teens following them about, if their lives had been different.
Although they had been raised in as hard a life as one could imagine, there was nothing uncouth about them. They wouldn't have been out-of-place in a much more elegant setting.
He heaved a sigh.
How he wished he could have offered them more, but something evil had picked on their family and they would have to see it through to the end.
Maybe once he had caught the son of a bitch that had killed Mary, things would change. He could get a job and the boys could go back to having a normal life.
Well that day hadn't come yet, he mused unhappily and he pushed back his chair as two pairs of eyes shifted onto him.
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"What's wrong, Dad?" Dean asked." Nothing son," John answered as he threw the car keys down on the table. "You boys stay; I just wanna take a walk. When you're finished. Take your brother home."
"What's up with him? " Sam asked when John had exited the locale.
"Don't ask me, Sammy. He was fine up to a moment ago."
"Well, I'm glad he's gone. I always feel he's testing us or something when he's near," Sam sniffed.
"Oh, come on Sam. Dad loves us. You two just seem to rub each other up the wrong way, is all," Dean scolded.
"Yeah, well. I got good reason."
"No you don't. Dad's just looking out for us. Trying to protect us."
"Maybe, but I always get the feeling when he looks at me that… I don't know, that he blames me for stuff," Sam shrugged unhappily.
"That's rubbish, Sam. Now eat your burger or tomorrow when we spar, I'll kick that bony ass of yours to kingdom come!" Dean grinned.
"You and who else? " Sam retorted returning the smile, his bad mood lifting now John was gone.
Then Dean always had the knack of making him feel better.
He was ready to tuck into that burger. Tomorrow he would give Dean a run for his money!
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TBC