We Were Never Friends
I sat next to Jacob nervously. Because we needed to talk about this. How could we not? I was getting married. And it wasn't to him. I twirled the ring around my finger, anxious. Was I supposed to talk first? I cleared my throat.
"Jacob. I have things to say to you that I'm really not sure how to say. But, it's always been there, hasn't it?" I asked him, glancing to my left. He sighed and put his head in his hands. He knew what was coming. We'd had this conversation only a week ago. But this was the last goodbye. My last chance. I swallowed. I leaned into his shoulder.
"I have to tell you something, Bella. And you already know it, but I feel like I haven't gotten it clear. I love you. I love you painfully. Powerfully. I'm not sitting here asking you to marry me, I'm just asking you not to marry him." He looked at me with saddened eyes. He knew what I would say. And he knew what I wanted to say.
"I can't, Jacob. You know that." I felt too tired to cry. I'd been crying since our last conversation. My face was swollen enough.
"So, it's like we were never friends." He said the question as statement. A cold one. I flinched.
"That depends on what you want, Jacob. In some ways, I guess that's right. Like we were never friends." The damn tears were starting. I quickly brushed them away. I took a deep breath and continued. "We were never really friends, Jacob. I mean, do you remember a time when there wasn't something hanging over us? Something I wanted to say, but didn't? Something you wanted to say, but couldn't? I can't do it anymore." The tears were flowing now and I tried hard to stop them. He was very quiet.
"No. I don't remember a time without that. But... Bella, why won't you stay with me?" He said, frustrated. I felt my mouth drop open a little.
"Stay with you?! Why? Because we both love each other? Stuff like that doesn't mean anything, Jacob." I regretted saying the words as soon as they came out. "Sorry." I muttered. He nodded. I took a deep breath. I had to get this over with. Right now.
"I don't need you to take care of me anymore So I'm gonna go." I choked the words out. He stared at the ground.
"I don't accept that." He said solidly. I played with my hands.
"You have to." I said softly. He pulled closer to me.
"There's gotta be some way we can still see each other." He pleaded. I looked up at him.
"There is. Tell me that you don't love me." I walked away then. When I turned around, he was gone. I could hear the agonizing howl from the forest. A ripping reminder of my choice that still comes back to me every single day.