Appeasing the Locals
A/N: Written as part of Chocolate Box 2017 for Fmnds to the prompt of Rose/Nine and pretend/fake relationships.
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The first time – okay, it would probably be more accurate to specify it was the first time she was aware of it – but the first time, he doesn't even bother to tell her. The only reason she finds out about it at all is because the Doctor gets so distracted by some shiny bit of technology he wanders off and leaves her to interact with the local techs as a distraction. When the conversation between them stalled out a bit, she'd asked if they could explain a word the TARDIS had strangely refused to translate and the Doctor had insisted was not important that he'd used when he first introduced them. It's only an idle curiosity on her part until she gets an answer she doesn't expect.
Once they're back in the TARDIS, after the running for their lives part is well and over, she casually asks him about the translation they told her. He's evasive and starts going on about a planet where everybody has fuzzy purple tentacles that generate small electric charges for hair, talking a mile a minute. If she's not entirely sure the tips of his ears are flushing red, she's definitely suspicious, even though she lets it drop for the moment. After that, she keeps her eyes and ears open.
Four planets later, there's a questionably high number of natives offering her congratulations for unspecified reasons after the Doctor has a whispered conversation with the local Grand High Mucketymuck. Six planets after that, she gets wishes for plentiful children after they save a city from an evil dictator. When it happens again two planets later, this time by a local king declaring he would make a much better husband than her current one, Rose finally confronts the Doctor head on about it.
She waits until they're back on the TARDIS again and he's going on about where to go next. Rose cuts into his ramblings, asking, "Have you been telling people we're married?"
"No, 'course not," there's a long pause while she raises an eyebrow at him, disbelieving. Finally, he caves, "Well, except when I do."
"What for?" She's a little angry and a little suspicious, but mainly confused. That's not what the two of them are like. Right?
Some of that must show on her face, because he begins, "Oh, don't flatter yourself -"
She cuts in before he can go any further, "Okay, now I'm insulted."
"C'mon, Rose, you're human. Besides, it's not about that. You should realize that just like on your planet, some places in the universe can be more than a little bit backwards. Only way to get you in without a big fuss was to say you were my wife. Well, coulda said you were my daughter, but we look nothing alike," he finishes glibly.
"Yeah, rather the wife bit, thanks." The ghost of the day Pete Tyler died hangs between them. It's not something she wants to linger on. "Well, fine, but then why didn't you just tell me?"
"I thought you'd get weird about it. I told you, I want no domestics on my TARDIS."
Rose has to roll her eyes at him. "Oi, what, you reckon I can handle aliens and strange planets and time travel but pretending to be married would just be a step too much for my silly little human brain?"
"Sorry, sorry. Clearly my bad." He holds up his hands in surrender.
"So you'll tell me from now on?" Rose insists, wanting him to actually say it. "It's only fair I know our cover story when we go places, I'd say. Lucky we haven't gotten in trouble from me not knowing, really," she prods.
"Yes, fine, I'll tell you from now on," he parrots, rolling his own eyes in turn.
"Right." She smiles, tonguing her lip mischievously before asking, "So, are there any places out there where you have to be married to me to get in?"
After the air is cleared between them about the deception, they gradually turn it into a game. When he tells her they're about to land on a planet where such a subterfuge is necessary, they compete to see who can bring it up first and who can tie in the most outrageous backstory without going too far. Then they start playing the game sometimes even when the planet they're on doesn't require it.
Time passes and they have so many adventures, great and terrible and everywhere in between. She tries to imagine ever going back home, ever being without the Doctor, but it gets more and more impossible. She's stopped thinking of Mickey as her boyfriend, and she's not really looking around for anyone interesting at the places they stop with humans anymore. It wouldn't fit with their cover of being married, and really, she doesn't want to add someone else to their dynamic. She doesn't want to have to share the Doctor. Yet sometimes she misses that particular kind of intimate and physical companionship. Her relationship with the Doctor isn't like that, though. He still talks about humans as if they're amusing children who occasionally do clever tricks when he forgets himself. Even if she's started to catch herself thinking of him as actual husband material, he can't possibly see her that way.
At least that's what she assumes until the day they land on the planet Lubona in the year 4505. The Doctor won't explain what they're doing there, just gives her a hint that the dress code is on the formal side. When they step out of the TARDIS it's into a sea of people. In fact, it's one of the largest gatherings she's ever seen on their travels, and they're clearly all gathered for some kind of festival. There are garlands of fragrant flowers and strings of lanterns hanging everywhere throughout a long open avenue. She can see there's some kind of building with a stage in front of it far into the distance at the end of the span, though mostly because there are holographic projectors at even intervals throughout the space showing the currently empty stage.
Rose lets herself get swept up in the happy buzz of the crowd, and listens as the Doctor subtly directs her attention towards various aliens she hasn't seen before and gives her a few details about their species or home planet. Or whatever random bit of trivia happens to come out.
It isn't until there's a loud note struck off a gong and the flow of conversation around her stops immediately when everyone turns their attention towards the projectors that she realizes all of the people around them are couples. Most of whom are now joining appendages with one another. The Doctor slips his hand into hers. She gives him a puzzled look, but he just motions with his head towards the images being transmitted. The previously empty stage now holds the gong she'd heard and two elaborately dressed individuals wearing robes and tall hats in varying shades of green.
With some incredulity, she listens to the two strangely dressed officiants begin what she can recognize as a variant form of a traditional marriage ceremony from Earth, delivered in spoken harmony. It isn't quite the same as some things she expects are missing, and some new things are added. Ultimately, though, it does end with a directive to kiss one's partner. All around them, the crowd begins to do so, and Rose feels a pang at her separation from them. No point in dwelling on it, though, right? Obviously the Doctor brought her here to see this, it's probably the biggest wedding ceremony in five galaxies or something. It's just another step in their game, and there's no reason to be made sad by it.
So she turns towards the Doctor to make a joking remark to deny the sting of it. She has her mouth half open, but hasn't yet got a word out, when suddenly he's kissing her. Not just a little peck on the lips either, but a full on snog. She's too startled to respond for half a moment, furiously debating with herself whether to go for it or not, but in the end she just can't talk herself out of seizing the moment. She kisses him back with enthusiasm, getting lost in the press of lips and slide of tongues until the second sounding of the gong and the crowd around them breaking into cheers pulls them apart. Rose wants to ask, but the Doctor is pointedly looking around at the crowd's celebrations and narrating, a master of evasion as always. When he pulls her over towards a table that's been laid out with a celebratory feast, she doesn't resist, too stunned to really do much of anything but follow along. Through the food, through the dancing that follows after, she tries to figure out what it means.
"So we're really married now," Rose finally tries as they walk back to the TARDIS. "Like, legally, and everything?"
"Well, legally on the planet Lubona, after the spring of 4505."
"And why is that again?"
"Why is what?" he asks, as if it's a silly question he can't understand. "You didn't enjoy the ceremony? Largest and most fantastic wedding ceremony in three galaxies, only performed every ten years!"
"No, no. It was lovely, really. Just," she doesn't know how to ask whether it meant anything in a way that doesn't have a high chance of leaving her embarrassed. Rose stops walking and turns to him, hoping that looking at his face will give her some clue. Just for a second she thinks she sees something there in his eyes she hasn't ever seen before. Then it's gone in a flash and his face is carefully blank with vague interest, waiting for her to explain.
Part of her wants to push for answers, but that urge is overwhelmed by a surge of doubt. She doesn't want him to look at her different if it was just a lark on his part, a new step in their ongoing game. She doesn't think he'd do that, knows he'd certainly never be cruel to her on purpose, but a half-remembered random remark he'd made to Adam about kissing in foreign lands lingers tauntingly in her head.
When she says nothing further, he starts them moving forward again, saying, "Stop thinking so hard, and don't worry. It doesn't automatically mean anything but that we're not technically lying next time we say we're married. Doesn't even properly count anywhere else since we didn't file any of the paperwork. Never a fan of paperwork, myself."
He implies with his tone and the twinkle in his eyes that it's all a grand joke, but that kiss earlier, that hadn't left her laughing. Clearly whatever she might be seeing or just imagining, he doesn't want to deal with it directly, talking the way he is now. That's okay, she can wait. However, she can't let this strange and confusing little trip go without a little payback, either.
So she waits until they're almost to the TARDIS doors and says, teasingly, "Can't wait to tell my mum."
The Doctor trips over nothing, his face as he turns to her a picture of horror. Seeing her expression, where she's trying to fight back a grin in a losing battle, he shakes his head. "Rose Tyler, you're gonna be the death of me. Or at least get me slapped again."
"Admit it, you wouldn't have it any other way," she calls over her shoulder as she moves past him up the ramp into the TARDIS.
"True enough." The wide smile he gives her as he comes to stand at the console can only be responded to in kind. She feels a warm swell of affection for him she doesn't need to quantify in this happy moment. What they have is plenty to be going along with, for now, the rest will sort itself out eventually.