COMMENTS:

I thought it would be cool for the andromeda crew to meet the Red Dwarf crew. In this Fanfic, there is romance between Harper and Trance, Lister and Beka, and a little bit of Dylan and Beka too. The storyline was pretty much made up as i went along, but it turned out pretty good. The storys main focus is Trance. The real meat of the story only kicks in at about chapter 3. Chapter one and Two builds up character relationships and introduces the red dwarf crew. Even if you have never seen Red Dwarf, It will not hurt the storytelling in anyway, since the red dwarf characters really dont play much of a part in the overall story, this is very much an Andromeda Fanfic. It is set in season 3, after Tyr leaves. Neither Tyr or Rhade are in this story. Oh well, Please R+R.

Lister emerged from the shower, his towel wrapped firmly around his legs. He proceeded to walk over to the mirror, and began to shave. He tilted the mirror in an attempt to get a better view of the side of his face, to see the reflection of Rimmer standing behind him. He turned around to see rimmer, hands behind his back, giving him one of his smug grins.

"Rimmer, do you mind? Im not even dressed" Lister said, returning to his shave. Rimmer just ignored him and said "Listy, Listy, Listy... You really need to start working out. Look at all that flab..." Lister paused, and then patted his belly "Yeah, i know. Its all mine. I worked hard to achive it!" Rimmer continued to wear his smug face. "Really though lister, it cant be healthy. I mean, 3 currys a day, everyday, for years?" Lister continued to shave, cutting himself on the chin "Yeah well, if i die of a heart attack tomorrow it wouldent bother me. I aint got much of a life to live now have I?" Rimmers face turned into a slightly angry looking expression "Lister, You take that life of yours for granted! Look at me, I am a hologram. I am not alive, but i wish i was. If i had your life, i would be more than gratefull" Lister turned and walked through Rimmer "Besides lister, Your life may turn out pretty good. For all you know, tommorow you could meet the love of your life, you could even discover that you are infact the god of an alien empire, and live a life of happiness and wealth" Lister laughed "Yeah, Or i could just waste my life away on board this heap of junk from now untill i die, having to listen to you and your stupid voice and a deranged cat"

"Who are you calling deranged? OUUUWWWW! Im looking good!" the cat screamed entering the room, twirling around and checking himself out in the mirror. He was wearing a bright yellow tuxedo, perfectly ironed without a crease in sight "Wait, Is that an out of place hair i see? Red alert!" He pulled out his comb and proceeded to fix the single hair that was sticking out in an un-styled fasion. "Phew, Red alert over! OOUUWW!"

"Hi cat" lister said with a sigh. The cat began to fumble about with listers flinstone memorbilear collection. "Cat, dont play with those!" The cat knocked one of the figurines on the floor "CAAAT!" Lister said. "What are you blabering about lister, its only a die cast fred flinstone" rimmer moaned. Lister picked up the figure "For your information, I happen to like fred flinstone. Well in the eariler seasons... He was never the same when they started showing "The Flinstones : The next generation"..." he said. Kryten walked into the qauters.

"Hi sirs, Dinner is served" Lister looked at kryten "Does the entire ships crew really need to be in my quaters? Im not even dressed yet. I wouldent mind a little privacy" Kryten proceeded to leave the quaters "i dont know, i cook dinner, obey orders 247 but i get no thanks" At that moment, Hollys pixelated face appeared on a large screen that was situated next to listers bed. "Ermegency, Theres an emerancy going on" he began to say in his boring, slow voice.
"What is it this time hol?" Lister asked "Another one of rimmers underpants began emiting poiseness gas?" Holly shook his head "An astoid dave" he replied. The screen turned from hollys face onto a radar display showing a large object approaching the ship. Lister and Rimmer began to panic. Rimmer dived under the bed "Brace for impact!" he cried. "Im too young to die!" cried lister, rimmer looked at him "You werent saying that five minutes ago! Besides, your 3 million years old you modo..." The cat just stood still with a worried look on his face "You mean to tell me that astorid is gonna hit us?" Rimmer gave him an irritated look "No you fool, Its going to politly greet us and treat us to an chicken curry, of course its going to hit us. And kill us too". The cat looked very scared "Oh no, If that thing hits us, then i guess that means i can say goodbye to this crease-free suit!" Holly reapeared upon the screen "3 Minutes to impact, dave" He said. "Holly, is there any way that we can stop that thing. Shoot it down with lasers or somthing?" Holly gave him sarcastic look. "Dave, Its a mining ship. We dont have any lasers. 2 Minutes to impact and counting" Rimmer began to shake with fear. "So holly, any ideas? Is there anything we can do?" Lister sighed. "We could try steering the ship away from it, dave" Lister paniced "What? Do it, do it!" he shouted at holly " I cant dave, the ship is in manual pilot mode. 1 Minute to impact" Lister darted out of his quaters, still in only a towel, and proceeded to run towards the command deck. "Its too late, he'll never make it" rimmer cried. "Goodbye suits" cat said with a tear in his eye. "Fan-smegging-tastic" Rimmer stated, expecting it to be his last words...

The "red dwarf" ship was approaching its doom, a huge rocky astroid was on course for impact and there was nothing they could do. All of a sudden, a hole in slipstream opened up. Out poped a small rust-bucket of a ship, moving at pretty fast speed. On board this little ship were Trance, Beka and Harper. "Look at that!" Harper said, pointing at the "Red Dwarf". "What a heap of junk" he laughed "Their in trouble!" Trance shouted "Incoming astroid headed directly at them, 21 degrees to the south from there starboard" Beka did a hard turn and proceeded to charge at the astroid. "Ok, Open missile tubes 1 through 5" she requested. Trance beeped away at her moniter, "We have to hit the very center. Ok, targetiting" She pressed away at the controll pad, and the eureka maru fired its payload of missiles towards the astroid. The huge rock split into two, and both segments proceeded to skim past the "Red Dwarf" starship. "Hail them trance" asked beka, wiping the sweat of her forehead.

"Dave" holly said "We got an incoming message from a spaceship that just appeared out of nowear and saved us". Dave looked very suprised "What? How? When? Who?" Trance appeared up on the screen.

"Come in. Is there anyone on board?" she asked softly.

"Err, yes... Your... Not... Your an... Your..." lister replied scared. Having never met anouther race other than human, and a strong beliver that humans were the only life in the universe, lister was very confused by trance.

"Hello! Hey Beka, it looks like we have some humans on board" Trance said happily.

"Humans?" harper screamed with excitment, he pushed trance away from the camera "Hey! Another human! How are ya buddy?" harper asked in exitement. Trance pushed him back.

"Requesting permission to come aboard.. Mr..?" Trance asked, Lister was still very suprised

"Err, Lister... Dave lister. I will just, er, open up the hanger door". Rimmer walked in looking surpriesd.

"Whats the matter lister, Why arent we dead?" he moaned.

"We were saved.."

"By who?"

"A pretty, wierd alien woman. And an american in guy in a hawaien shirt" Rimmer smiled. "Aliens lister?" he said. Lister dident want to admit it. "Err, well. Yeah"

"HAH! I told you listy. I told you so! Aliens lister! I allways told you, i allways told you they existed did i not?" He braged, pointing his finger in the air. The Maru docked into red dwarfs main hanger, Harper and Trance climbed out of the ship. They were greeted by lister, rimmer and kryten, who came running into the hanger. "Greetings, fellow lifeforms" Kryten said.

"Hey, Not quite as realistic looking as rommie is he?" Harper smiled, laughing at krytens square head.

"Nice to meet you" Trance said to lister, he shook her hand. She proceeded to try and shake rimmers, but instead her hand went through him.

"Oh sorry, Hologram!" she smiled. Rimmer laughed back and whisperd in Listers ear "Bitch." Harper looked around at the ship.

"You guys are using pretty low-tech stuff here. How old is this ship?"

"Almost 3 million and 3 years old" Rimmer said. Harper laughed "Wow, An antique"

"Thanks for saving us back there" Lister said to trance. Beka was just starting to leave the maru. As soon as lister set eyes on her, he fell in love. Beka walked down towards where everyone was talking and noticed that lister was staring at her.

"Hey... er.. whoever you are" beka said, holding out her hand. Lister just continued to stare. He was lovestruck by beka.

"Lister you gimboid git... Nice to meet you miss?" rimmer interupted.

"Beka, Beka Valentine, This is Seamus Harper, and this is Trance Gemini"

"Nice to meet you miss valentine. I would shake your hand, but im a hologram"

"I suggest we leave the cold hanger, and proceed to the hospitality of our ships quaters. Perhaps we could enter the mess hall, and i could serve our new freinds a meal, we are after all, very gratefull that they saved our lives" Kryten said.

"Good idea kryten" Rimmer said. "so, If the lovely Beka, and her freinds Trance and Seamus would like to follow us..."

"Call me harper" harper moaned, "And yeah, i could do with a meal... You got any chicken?" Kryten nodded.

"You can stop staring a miss valentine now, mr lister sir" Kryten said to lister. He snapped himself out of it and followed as the party proceeded towards the mess hall.

"Ahh" harper sighed. He smelled the sweet odour of the chicken as his plate was plopped down in front of him by kryten. He picked up his knife and fork, and was just about to dig into the tender meat. "I havent had a roast chicken for a long time" He sighed. Trance was watching him from the opisate bench, smiling as he digged in to the food. Rimmer and Lister were sitting at a separate table talking to beka.

"So harper, what do you think about our hosts" trance asked. "Well, there human, there cool, and they got chicken, Kryten can cook real food. Unlike you trance"

"Excuse me, I can cook just fine, for your infomation" she said.

"What about you rimmer? Can you cook?" Lister asked with a smile on his face.

"Well, I" rimmer replied. Trance was laughing.

"Ill have you know, Mr Lister" Rimmer said "I was once on an episode of Ready Steady Cook".

Lister laughed. "I never understood why they brung back ainsly harriot as a hologram, He was annoying enough in the years he was alive."

Harper burped after consuming an entire chicken.

"Seamus elazney harper you pig!" trance said, slapping him on the shoulder. "What?" he replied. Lister did a huge burp, which caused both Beka and Harper to break into a fit of laughter. Trance sighed. "Hey, I like this guy" Harper said while laughing.

"I dont" Rimmer moaned.

"So, are our lovely guests going to stay here overnight?" Rimmer asked, looking at Beka.

"Yeah, why not" Harper replied.
"There is enough spare rooms, 1490 to be precise" Lister said.

"What?" trance said shocked. "Is that how many crew you used to have? What happend to them all"

"Radiaition leak" said lister. "His fault" his eyes turned to Rimmer.

"Not exactly.. Well ok... It was a mistake. I failed to close the engine mainfold after vital repairs.."

"You killed the crew? All of them?" Harper said in shock.

"Well i dident plan it!" Rimmer said angrily. "Dont blame me"

"All that death!" trance said. "Because you forgot to close an engine manifold, You ourght to be extreamily ashamed of yoruself, Mr...er... tall!" She walked away, very upset. If there was one thing that trance really hated, it was when people lose there lives accidently.

"Shes just very caring" Harper said to Rimmer. "She gets very touchy about the whole death thing."

"Besides" Beka said "Bigger mistakes in the universe have been made..."

"Yai, Yai, Yai, Yah! Hahahaha!" Lister slapped harper hard on the back. "HAHAH! I bet you slept with Beka... 50 times!" He was laughing and cothing at the same time. Harper fell over and banged his head on the table. "Argh, Dam Table" harper shouted, pushing the table over in anger and then kicking it repeatitly. Harper and Lister fell on the floor, both dropping there beer bottles and laughing. Lister picked up a bottle with a blue label on"I hate the colour blue" he laughed and smashed it against the wall. Trance, who was wondering past in the corridoor, heard the smash and imediatly ran into the ships bar in which lister and harper were. "Harper? what are you up too?" she cried. She looked down at the two freinds rolling around on the floor like deranged pigs. Both looked up at her with dizzy eyes. Lister was trying to stand up, but failed mysribly.

"Hi babe" harper said "Hows those sexy legs of yours?" Lister smacked him on the back

"Get in there my son!" Lister shouted, in a drunken fasion. They both laughed. Trance rolled her eyes,

"You'll never find out" she said, and walked out sighing. Lister and harper just continued to drink into the early hours of the morning.