Title: To the Moon
Warnings: Song Fic, Heero POV, speculation on Heero's past, slightly angsty, just about scrapes 1x2.
Disclaimers: I don't own any of the Gundam Wing boys, but they are so much fun to play with. The song 'To the Moon and Back' belongs to Savage Garden so sadly not mine either. Though I do admit to tweaking the lyrics slightly e.g. she to he so it would fit with Heero!
Notes: Ok, so Siren really went nuts on this idea. She basically insisted I write a fic to as many Savage Garden songs as I can manage. This is the first of mostly non connected fics. I just hope I've done those Australian boys justice to their fantastic songs.
-x-
/He's taking his time making up the reasons
To justify all the hurt inside
Guess he knows from the smiles
And the look in their eyes
Everyone's got a theory about the bitter one/
He's a teenager. He will be fighting in a war. He has a lot of people relying on him.
Heero Yuy mentally ticked off the reasons of why he was like he was. Cold, hard-hearted, emotionless. That was how it seemed to others anyway. He was far from it in reality. He was really bright, caring and thoughtful, but he had locked everything away on the inside. Emotions were complicated things, it wasn't that he didn't have them, he had them in spades. He just knew how to hide them carefully away from the world, and himself. There was no room for emotion in a soldier's life. It was the only way he could protect himself.
This made him far from popular, despite still being a child. He knew how people looked at him and whispered things behind his back. He was neither blind nor deaf. It hurt to hear them but he locked his hurt away with everything else.
/They're saying
Mama never loved him much
And daddy never keeps in touch
That's why he shies away from human affection/
Ever since he had been trained by Doctor J people had whispered,
"How could his mother have let him come to a place like this?"
"Maybe she didn't love him, poor thing."
"Why do they not contact him?"
"If I was his father I would. The kid doesn't deserve it." And so it went on.
As Heero grew, the more he was able to ignore the whisperings. They didn't know his parents were dead, as was his adopted father, Odin. Heero wasn't about to enlighten them to the fact either. Especially not now, not when his mission was so close. He would forget the past and look to what the future could hold.
/But somewhere in a private place
He packs his bags for outer space
And now he's waiting for
The right kind of pilot to come
(and he'll say to him)/
Heero looked around the room which had been his so called home for many years now. He couldn't even manage a smile. The memories were not happy ones. Everything was packed for his mission. His life was about to change drastically, but he could not tell for worse or better. He hoped for the former.
Heero was going to war in his new Gundam, a beautiful machine that had been named Wing. It was the one thing he had been happy about, in his difficult situation. It was likely that he was going to his death and he knew it for a fact, but he told himself he would never look back. Not to this part of his life. If he forgot about it, it would be progress on his part. He would loose himself in this war if not his life.
If he did manage to live through what could be hell on Earth, Heero hoped that he would find someone he could settle down with. Someone he could depend upon. Someone he could love. But he had his doubts. Who could love one such as he?
/He's saying
I would fly you to the moon and back
If you'll be, if you'll be my baby
Got a ticket for a world where we belong
So, would you be my baby?
Ooh-ooh/
Heero knew if he ever found the right person, he would care for them, protect them and most of all love them unconditionally. If they let him. If they could love him in return. Who could love a child, a soldier, a killer?
Heero was reminded of a story from long ago that Odin had told him. In one of those rare moments that they didn't have to be soldiers and assasins, when they could be more like father and son. Beauty and the Beast, an Earth story from a long time ago, known as a fairy tale. As a boy he had loved listening to stories. He had loved that particular one as it had shown that it didn't matter what was on the surface but what was inside that counted. Out of the characters in the story it was clear to Heero which he was. But what beauty could fall for him?
If he ever did find that special someone, he would leave this life far behind with his ticket out of there. His Gundam. But first he would have to find someone. And before that, he would have to live through the war. Heero realised his life was suddenly full of a lot of 'ifs' and 'buts'.
/He can't remember a time
When he felt needed
If love was red then he was colour-blind
All his friends they've been trialled for treason
And crimes that were never defined/
The Gundam pilots were the enemy, the traitors. Heero was locked in a cell with pilot 02 and pilot 05. Pilot 03 was somewhere nearby having succeded in infiltrating and allying himself with the enemy. Duo Maxwell, Wufei Chang and Trowa Barton. There was another, pilot 04, Quatre Raberba Winner, but no one was sure where he was. All five of them were hated. Waiting for OZ to kill them or vice versa, and that was all that could be done, waiting.
It gave Heero plenty of time to think. As he thought over his past, he realised that he had never been truly needed. He could just about remember his parents; they had never been the loving kind, never really cared for him. He had never been anything more than an 'accident' and not even a happy one. They had died and Odin had found him.
Odin had trained him up as if he was a soldier, not a young boy. Heero knew more weapons than many soldiers three times his age. But Odin had never needed him. If anything Odin had been annoyed by his presence. He had looked after Heero of course. but Heero always had the feeling that was in the way. He had learned to be silent, to avoid Odin's anger, to try and make himself useful. Then of course, Odin had died and Doctor J had found him. Heero could only think of one word he felt about that. Used.
As he lay on the cold floor of the cell, staring up at the ceiling, he finally fell to thinking about love again and wondered if he would recognise it, even if it punched him in the face.
/But he's saying
Love is like a barren place
And reaching out for human faith
Is like a journey I just don't have a map for
So baby gonna take a dive and
push the shift to overdrive
Send a signal that he's hanging all his hopes on
the stars/
What would love feel like? It was not an emotion Heero had ever experienced. Love for the Wing pilot was a very desolate, lonely place, a desert, a wasteland. He supposed he could talk to the other pilots, but would they laugh at him? Shun him completely? Heero was at a loss of where he could even start.
He envied Duo Maxwell with his ability to talk about anything, even if it was nothing. Heero found himself gazing at the Deathscythe pilot, taking in everything about him. The ridiculously long but intriguing braid of chestnut hair, the large and extremely expressive violet blue eyes, the huge trademark grin and elfin face, the slender yet powerful frame. There was one word Heero could use to describe the black clad pilot and it shook him to the core. Beautiful. Duo Maxwell was beautiful. Heero was quickly drawn from his thoughts as Trowa came to escort him to pilot the Mercurius once more.
He gave Duo an intense look, burning the beautiful boy into his memory before he left. It seemed to go unnoticed. Heero would go out into space once more, along with where all his hopes and dreams seemed to reside.
/(What a pleasant dream) just saying
I would fly you to the moon and back
If you'll be, if you'll be my baby
Got a ticket for a world where we belong
So, would you be my baby?/
The war was over. Or so Heero had believed. Peace however, had been little more than a dream. It had come and gone almost as quickly. He gritted his teeth as Wing Zero took a hit. Now he was fighting for peace once more, not just literally this time, but mentally as well.
In the oh so brief year of peace, Heero had come to realise his feelings for a certain Duo Maxwell. He had been right, his hopes had been in the stars, but at the time he hadn't realised how close those stars had been until it was too late. He was beyond annoyed at himself for how close to gaining his dreams he was and yet had let it go, like letting sand slip through his fingers.
Duo had gone to live back in the L2 colonies with his friend, maybe more, Hilde. Heero didn't want to interrupt their 'partnership' or whatever it was that they had. No one wanted to feel like a gooseberry and Heero knew that was how he would feel. It wouldn't be fair to any of them, especially as he was sure the Deathscythe pilot didn't return his feelings.
Heero had in one way been thankful for this second war. It had brought Duo back. At that Heero realised two things. The phrase 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' was painfully true, and that he would do anything for Duo including giving up his life for him. If only the braided pilot would see him in the same way.
/Mama never loved him much
And daddy never keeps in touch
That's why he shies away from human affection
But somewhere in a private place
He packs her bags for outer space
And now he's waiting for the right kind of pilot
To come (and he'll say to him)/
Heero never had a true family, never had anyone to genuinely love him. His parents had died when he was young. Odin had taught him to trust his emotions, not how to show them. He had also taught Heero how to fight, how to kill. Then there was Doctor J. Heero doubted there had been a single parental bone in his body. The Doctor had sapped away any emotion that had been on the surface. He had taught Heero how to hide everything from the world, turning him into what seemed an emotionless robot.
No wonder the Wing zero pilot found it so hard to be around people that cared for him, he had never had that before. That was what Relena could never understand. That was why she scared him away. There were only four others who even started to understand him; and only one of them truly understood him.
Heero looked out of the window at the bright, sun-filled day, and then turned his gaze downwards to the perfectly packed suitcase on the bed. He was sure he wouldn't need all the stuff he had packed but was going to take it anyway. Heero was going back into space for the first time since the war. He shut his suitcase and carried it downstairs. Now he had to wait for Duo.
/He's saying
I would fly you to the moon and back
If you'll be, if you'll be my baby
Got a ticket for a world where we belong
So, would you be my baby?/
"Ok Heero. I'm packed. What's this all about?" Duo pulled his suitcase into the kitchen. Heero gave the braided man a slight, nervous smile. He picked up the tickets that were lying on the table and held them out to Duo. The braided American took them and gazed down at them in surprise.
"You know that you wanted to see what the moon was like now that it's a holiday destination again." Heero said quietly. Duo replied, surprise filling his voice,
"Heero. You didn't have to do that. Why?" Large violet eyes looked up with shock, Heero fidgeted slightly and gazed back into the purple pools that held his Prussian so intensely.
"Because…" He took a deep breath and tried again. "Because I would do anything for you. I would fly you to the moon and back. That's if you'll have me." After a pause he added. "I think I love you Duo." It took but a moment to sink in before Duo grabbed him in a fierce embrace, then kissed him firmly leaving them both breathless.
"I love you too Heero. We will soon turn that 'think' into 'know'. I know you do. You will know too. I will make up for everything you missed. I promise." He held Heero tight against him. "But damn it Heero, What took you so long?"