A/N: Rated for mature language, sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. Ok, I'm technically joking about the rock, but you're welcome to listen to Green Day while you read for the full "M" rating effect!

Disclaimer: Any lines that are from the show are not mine, obviously. If it bothers you that they're not very clearly marked, please let me know before you sue! ;)

I sit down on the edge of my mattress and spread out my supplies.

I take a deep breath as I melt the white powder and tip it into the syringe.

This whole city reeks like everyone in it forgot to take a fucking shower. Misery loves company, I guess.

I chuckle to myself until I realize I'm alone.

Well fuck that.

I'm really going to do this.

I flick on the lighter again.

The tip of the needle burns red-hot as I hold it above the flame, and I feel like I'm burning with it.

I feel the flames spiral up from the hot concrete of the city streets and down from the roofs of the towering skyscrapers and it all burns into my heart to light the fuse and I know I'm going to have to explode if I can't escape the heat and the building pressure.

The flame from the lighter licks my finger, but it's a separate pain from the burn of the city in me.

It stings, but I don't care. Isn't that the point of all of this, anyway- to feel something, anything,before I explode?

I look around the shitty apartment. It's felt empty ever since Tunny…

How could he leave? Now he's god-knows-where, and I'm stuck here in this shithole with no friends and no girls, and it's time to do something about it.

I am better than this town; I could own it. I just have to let everyone know it.

My hand wavers. The needle shakes with it.

Just fuck it, that's enough. I can't take this all anymore!

I jump off my ratty mattress, pace across the floor to a dark corner, and throw my head back against the wall.

I take a deep breath as I tie the cord around my arm. I need to do this.

My eyes fall closed as I plunge the needle into my arm.

It starts slowly.

I feel long, thin arms wrap around me and a warm body press up close to mine. His head leans down onto my shoulder and his mouth falls right by my ear.

"I could get used to this," he breathes. I shudder from the warmth of his breath down my neck.

I open my mouth to respond, but before I can say a word, his lips press up against mine, and I don't even remember what I was going to say, but I know it wasn't as important as this.

He kisses me roughly-all lips and tongue and teeth- and I can't breathe or think or move and I don't care, as long as it doesn't stop.

His hands move up from my hips and take my shirt with them. The kiss breaks for just a moment, before he resumes it with more intensity than before. I moan into his mouth, and I can taste his smirk.

His long fingers trail over my arms and down my chest, and everywhere he touches burns my skin and the fire sinks down, down, burning into my bones and my blood.

He hooks his fingers through my belt loops and pulls my hips sharply towards his own.

I cry out at the heat it creates and pull away towards the wall behind me, but he follows, pressing his hips against my groin and kissing down my neck and across my collar bone.

The heat and pressure from the city were nothing, nothing like this. My breath is coming in short gasps as he grinds his body against mine and sucks at the place where my neck meets my shoulder.

"God," I gasp. "Oh God, p-please."

I don't even know what I'm begging for.

He just laughs.

His hand snakes down my chest again, and his fingers rest on the hem of my pants.

I'm burning too hot to think about anything but the feel of the heat of his skin against mine.

Finally, finally his hand slips into my pants and wraps around me. My hips buck into his hand, and oh god the fire, I'm dizzy with the heat.

I hiss through my teeth as he jerks his hand up and back down roughly.

His lips capture mine again, and his tongue fills my mouth.

His hand keeps moving and it's all too much and not enough and too perfect and I can't handle it.

So close, so close, so close.

I go up in flames.

My eyes open and I slide to the floor on shaking legs. I sit for a moment, gasping as I try to catch my breath. The empty room slowly drifts back into focus as I blink stupidly at the light streaming in through the window.

Ok, that was… ok..ok wow… that was indescribable.

His pale face and dark hair seem to swim in front of my eyes, and I get the feeling that I've seen that face before in a mirror somewhere...

But his eyes are colder and face is thinner and anyway it can't be. I'm not like that. I know he's everything that I'm not, that I never could be. But I think he was what I was looking for when I came to this city. I finally found it. He is it. We are it. We can rule this city as our Heaven on Earth.

My head falls forward onto my legs, and I'm shaking, and it actually takes me a second to realize I'm laughing. The sound has a stained edge to it, but it's all so fucking hysterical that I hardly notice.

"April first," I cry aloud to the empty space. Maybe he's listening… maybe I'm insane… maybe I just don't give a shit anymore.

"Dear Mom,

I shot drugs for the first time today!"

And it was fucking amazing.

I guess even Jesus needs someone to believe in.

"Thank you, Jimmy".