So this is my first Frozen FanFiction and one of my first FanFiction pieces so bare with me haha. Feel free to review.
Conceal it, don't feel had been the Queen of Arendelle's mantra for as long as she could remember. The only question was how was one suppose to not feel? The young monarch had pondered that question ever since her father had first taught her it. Thirteen years later, she was still no closer to an answer. In fact, she was actually more confused about it now than she had been in her life. Lately it seemed everything she had done proved just how lost she really was.
A sudden gust of wind whipped across the frozen fjord, blasting waves of snow off the ice and sending them directly into the platinum-haired women. Through the haze of snow, wind and blowing hair she struggled to find any sign of the mountains. She had to escape. Everyone was in danger. She was hurting people. Again.
She had thought that after her flight to the North Mountain she would finally be free from this curse. Sure, she would be away from her sister but at least Anna would have been safe. She could have begun moving on with her life.
What would Mama and Papa think of me now?
The thought brought tears to her eyes. They would hate her Elsa knew. She wouldn't blame them either. It's not like she had done anything to deserve their love. She had caused nothing but pain and misery for her family.
Memories of the accident arose. It had happened so many years ago but Elsa remembered it like it was yesterday. It was the most important moment in her life. After all, it was her greatest failure.
The looks her parents had given her on that night when they discovered what she had done still terrified her. Looks of horror and fear. They had been quick to hide them of course and they probably thought she hadn't noticed them. But she had. How could any child forget looks such as those directed at them? Those looks were almost worse then the fact that she had hurt Anna. She could just imagine her parents giving her those very same looks now, and it hurt more than any sword ever could.
I warned them. I warned Anna. I told her to stay away. I told her I was should have left me alone. Then Arendelle would have been safe and I wouldn't be hurting anybody. Why didn't they just listen?
The temperature suddenly dropped several degrees and a wave of magic escaped her abruptly and ripped across the terrain in front of her. Left trailing in it's wake was a large formation of ice spikes.
She was going to kill them. Her people, her sister, all of them. They were going to freeze to death as she sat there perpetrating the entire thing. Furiously, Elsa clenched her hands and hugged herself tight as if she could physically stop her magic from escaping by doing so.
She could not blame Anna, however. Not now, not ever. Deep down Elsa knew that it was her fault. She was the one who lost control. She was the one who had caused this winter to fall on Arendelle. The one who endangered her own kingdom simply by existing. She deserved every miserable moment of the past years. Every single one of them. She only wished they hadn't caused Anna so much pain and misery.
Elsa suddenly felt nauseas as her as her power writhed within her even more, begging for it to be unleashed. Her mind instantly went back to all of those talks with Papa.
Focus Elsa. Conceal it. Don't feel. Don't let it show. It was such a simple concept but she couldn't even manage it. In fact, Elsa struggled to remember a single time when she had been able to successfully.
Pathetic.
Elsa was suddenly aware of a flicker of movement in the frozen void in front of her. Movement that didn't belong in the storm. A flickering shadow that gradually manifested itself into the form of a man.
Who would be crazy enough to venture into this storm?
"Queen Elsa. You can't run from this." With a start, Elsa realized it was Hans. The prince was slowly making his way towards her, stopping every so often as particularly strong blast of wind lashed out at him causing him to stumble.
Elsa began to panic.
No. Just leave me alone. You should be with Anna. I could hurt you.
Elsa raised her hands as if to ward Hans away. "Just take care of my sister," she begged.
"Your sister returned from the mountain weak and cold," Hans began. "She said you froze her heart. I tried to save her…" he paused and gave her a forlorn look.
Elsa went cold.
"But it was to late. Her skin was ice and her hair turned white. You sister is dead. Because of you."
For a moment Elsa just stared at him, refusing to believe what she had just heard. She must have heard him wrong. Anna was dead? There was no way.
But then she recalled what had transpired on the North Mountain. How Anna had gotten to close and how Elsa had lost control and stuck her with her magic. With a cold certainty, Elsa knew Hans was right.
"No," Elsa whispered. Her worst nightmare had just become a reality and Elsa's mind went numb with shock. Her strength gave out and she collapsed to her knees. "No. . I couldn't have."
I tried Anna. I tried so hard. I really did. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. Instead, you spent your life alone and confused. Even after all that, you still tried to help you're sad excuse of a sister. Why? Because thats just who you are. And what did you get it return? You got killed by the very person you tried so hard to help.
Through the blur of tears Elsa noticed that a deadly calm had overtaken the fjord. Flakes of snow hovered transfixed in the sky as if frozen in time and the wind had ceased.
She could see Arendelle clearly now and a cry escaped her as she saw the state of it. It was buried in half a dozen feet of snow. Sheets of ice layered the buildings, completely covering them. Judging from the windows closest to the fjord, the ice had even begun to creep its way into the interiors. She could almost feel the fear radiating from her city as she took in the destruction she was causing. People would begin freezing to death soon surely.
She could also see Hans clearly now and If Elsa didn't know better, she would have said Hans had taken a tumble down the North Mountain. His hair was wild from the wind and his clothes were covered in layers of ice and snow. And he was giving her that look, that same look everyone had given her ever since her coronation. Like she was some kind of freak: some kind of devil. She quickly looked away, unable to bare that gaze.
Elsa retreated deep within her self. She imagined a world where she had no powers and where she and Anna were just kids again. Kids who built snowmen, skated and had snowball fights. Just two sisters without a care in the world, like it had been when they were little. Like it should have been now.
That dream was shattered now, she realized. It had always been far fetched though. Elsa had always hoped that one day things could be like that once again. That she would become stronger and be able to control her magic. Then she could be the sister that Anna deserved. But now Anna was gone and she was never coming back. Because of her.
Through her haze, Elsa was vaguely aware of a sword being drawn but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. What could possibly matter after this?
From somewhere behind her Elsa thought she heard a cry and there was something strangely familiar about that voice.
No I must have imagined it. Anna's gone. You killed her.
But no, there it was again. And this time she swore she heard foots steps followed by a loud crack and an ominous silence. She whirled around and there stood her sister. Elsa had never been so relieved and grateful in her entire life.
But her relief faded away almost instantly as she noticed that her sister wasn't moving. In fact, Anna appeared unnaturally still and…frozen?
Her skin was ice and hair turned white. Elsa stared at her sister's frozen form. Oh Anna…
A moan drew her attention to Hans, who had somehow been knocked half a dozen feet away. Littering the distance between them was what appeared to be metal fragments.
Elsa looked at her sister more closely and she noticed something sparkle at her feet. It was the tip of a sword. Hans' sword.
She was protecting me? From Hans? The idea didn't bother her nearly as much as it ought to. At least the part about Hans attempting to kill her.
"Look what you have done," Hans spat angrily. "You're a danger to Arendelle. Your sister's dead because of you and your kingdom's destruction is assured as long as you are around.
Elsa couldn't help but agree.
Why Anna? Why protect me? Try as she might, she kind not come up with a good reason. She had been nothing but a source of pain and misery for her younger half. It just didn't make sense to Elsa's tormented mind.
Elsa slowly gazed back at Hans, who now wore a wicked grin and was armed with a dagger. His mannerism had completely changed since their last encounter she noticed fleetingly. He was no longer the charming young prince that had so infatuated Anna. In his place stood a man of cunning and ruthlessness. A man prepared to kill. He began his advance, confident that Elsa would be in no state to defend herself.
Elsa remembered the countless times Anna had begged her to open her door. To just let her in. She had continued doing so much longer than Elsa deserved. Anna must have been so confused. She had probably thought she had done something wrong. And what other conclusion could she have possibly come to? She had been five years old. All Anna knew was that her big sister had suddenly become cold and distant. Elsa wished she could go back and explain everything to her.
Elsa was still haunted by the night Anna had come to her room after their parents funeral. The news had nearly destroyed her and she had completely lost control of her powers, completely destroying her room in the process. It had taken her over a day to finally regain a semblance of control and even longer before she dared leave her room. As a result, Anna had been forced to go to their parents funeral alone. If there was anytime Anna had needed her it had been then, Elsa knew. She could still remember how scared and broken she had sounded as she knocked one last time. That particular memory plagued her every time she slept. That had been Anna's one final plea for her sister back. And Elsa had let her suffer alone.
Something inside her snapped. All of the frustration, all of the loneliness, all the regret. All of it bubbled over in one huge wave and Elsa lost the little control she had left.
The storm, which had momentarily ceased, roared to life. Hurricane-like gales began ripping across the open fjord and jagged walls of ice began forming around Elsa.
Hans' advance was brought to an abrupt halt by the sudden ferocity of the storm. For the first time since arriving in Arendelle a flicker of fear flashed across Hans' face. He had not anticipated this. The Queen was suppose to be defenceless. Broken and helpless. Instead the women in front of him was starting to bare an uncanny resemblance to the Angel of Death itself. He hesitated then, deciding it was to late to turn back now, lunged at her with his dagger. He got barely more then a few feet before a wall of ice slammed into him, knocking him off his feet.
He recovered from the blow quickly and rolled to his feet, dagger up defensively, but the wind drove him back once again. But this time, the wind did not relent. It roared at him in fury and intensified, sending him tumbling away across the fjord. Within moments he was swallowed up by the icy void and gone from sight.
Elsa barely gave him a second glance. She was to consumed with her own inner demons.
I had one job. Control your powers. You had thirteen years to do that. Thirteen damn years, Elsa. And yet you still screwed it up. Couldn't even keep Anna safe. Now I'm all alone. What am I suppose to do? What am I suppose to do!
Magic was radiating off Elsa now, almost entirely unchecked. Ice continued forming around her protectively daring anyone to approach and, though it could not be heard over the wind, the masts of the frozen ships groaned as the storm threatened to rip them from their bases.
Memories of Anna flowed painfully. Anna's first birthday. All of those days they had built snowmen together. The times they had spend having snowball fights. Even the haunting memories of the times after the accident arose such as the hundreds of times Anna had knocked at her door pleadingly, or the night of the accident when Elsa had held her limp sister in her arms, crying out for her parents. Each one cut her more than any sword ever could and Elsa suddenly wished she couldn't feel a thing.
Pain began shooting through her body as the strain from the effort of containing the storm began to take its toll. Elsa hardly noticed or cared, however. She was trapped within herself, complete and utterly alone with her harrowing thoughts. Just like all of those years alone in her room, except this time she had no hope of ever escaping.
This is what I deserve. To be alone. Your pathetic, Elsa. Your own parents were afraid of you. How could any one love you? The one person who might have is dead because you killed her. Now you have no one.
"Elsa!"
Her thoughts were shattered as she recognized the voice.
Impossible.
Yet she heard it again. It cut clear through the howling wind clear as day. She would recognize that voice anywhere.
Anna? How?
Elsa turned and there she stood. Where the frozen form of Anna had been a moment before now stood her very much alive sister. Elsa could only stare.
"Don't do this, Elsa. Please."
Elsa wasn't sure if Anna was really there or if she was simply a hallucination. Either way, the all to familiar fear returned. She can't be near me. Especially now. She has to leave.
"No," Elsa screamed and began stepping away. "Stay away!"
" Im sorry I pushed you, Elsa. I didn't understand before." Anna cried desperately and took a step forward. "But I understand now." Another step. "I understand why you shut me out for all those years and I forgive you."
Disbelief swept through Elsa. She forgives me?
"I don't deserve forgiveness. I'm a monster, Anna. Look what I did to you." Elsa sobbed.
Her eyes darted all around, desperately looking for an escape route. But there was no escape, there was just the storm. There was always the storm.
"I killed you," she whispered, words laced with disgust.
But Anna pressed on, determination plastered on her face. Determination and something else. Something far more terrifying.
"No," she screamed right back. "Don't you ever say that. You never give up on family, no matter what. We already lost our parents. I can't lose my big sister as well."
A whimper escaped Elsa's lips as waves of magic began coursing through her once again, sending blasts of ice and snow cascading across the fjord in all directions. She fell to her knees, fighting it with all her strength. Conceal don't feel. Don't feel. Don't feel. But it wasn't enough. It was never enough. She was never strong enough.
She didn't deserve forgiveness. She deserved to die. Pain wracked her body and she hugged herself close, trying to bring her powers under control. Her head was pounding and she feared she was close to blacking out. But she couldn't. Not now. Not with Anna caught in this storm with her.
"Elsa, I'm right here. Just let me in." her sister begged, now kneeling beside Elsa.
Elsa just slammed her eyes shut and shook her head stubbornly, trying to ward of her sister with her outstretched arm.
Conceal don't feel. Conceal don't feel.
"You don't need to go through this alone. You never have to be alone again. Remember what it was like when we were little? How close we were? We can be like that again. I know you didn't intend for any of this to happen. You're not a monster. You're just afraid. I need you to believe that. You can get through this but not alone. It's killing you, Elsa."
Elsa managed a glance up at Anna and more sobs wracked her frail form. Those eyes. So full of hope. Hope and that other dreadful thing. Elsa would have gladly taken the looks of horror and fear in that moment. They would have been easier to bare.
Anna reached out and touched her shoulder and Elsa recoiled instinctively. But Anna had anticipated this and wrapped both arms around her sister and clung on tight. The fact that Elsa must have been ice cold did not seem to bother her in the slightest.
The fear was overwhelming and Elsa thought for sure that at any moment Anna would fall over, frozen solid once again. She could certainly feel the ice creeping across her hands.
She began writhing and squirming, desperately trying to escape but Anna stubbornly held on, refusing to leave her again.
"Elsa, you don't need to be afraid. I believe in you. I know you can do this. You are strong, so much stronger that you give your self credit for. If anyone else has been through what you have it would have destroyed them. But not you. You are still fighting. And that shows how much you care. " Anna was crying now as well but she still looked at Elsa with that all to familiar expression of childlike faith that only a younger sibling could offer. "I love you, Elsa."
And there it was, the thing that hurt most of all. Love.
No!
Elsa couldn't hold it in any longer. A ear splitting scream erupted from her and she began trembling violently. She wasn't worthy of Anna's love. She wasn't worthy of anything. She was worthless. She just wanted to crawl into a ball and cry herself into oblivion like she had done so many times before. But she couldn't disappoint Anna again. She had done that too many times. Her sweet little sister who had never given up on her it seemed, even when Elsa had given up on herself long ago. Her sister, who now placed so much trust in her now even after everything she had done.
"Elsa!" her sister's pleaded, a sliver of fear making it's way into her voice.
With that realization, clarity struck. It didn't matter if she thought she was a monster. It didn't even matter if she truly believed Anna would be better off without her. What mattered was that for some messed up reason Anna believed in her and she refused to disappoint her sister ever again. She owed her that. She owed her so much.
It was time to put her fear behind her, it was time to put the past in the past. A wave of determination surfaced. She would do this for Anna.
Elsa opened her eyes and rose shakily to her feet. Anna was staring at her, eyes pleading and fearful. "It will be ok, Anna," Elsa gasped. Her world began to spin violently and she knew she wouldn't be conscious much longer. "Everything is going to be ok."
She closed her eyes once again and summoned every last bit of willpower she had. This was her power. She was it's master. It would control her no longer. The storm seemed to roar in protest but Elsa would not be shaken, not this time.
Elsa felt a steady pressure begin building up in her head but she refused to give ground. She would either break this curse or die trying. There was no middle ground. Not anymore. She was tired of running. Tired of being afraid. But most of all, she was tired of hurting Anna. Elsa had failed her to much already and she would be damned if she ever made that mistake again.
And just like that Elsa's fear was gone, replaced by something even more powerful: love for her sister. Elsa never hesitated. With her remaining strength she reigned it all in. The ice, the wind, the snow, all of it. And in that brief moment she felt at peace. There was no more fear, no more pain, no more anger. Just the sweet taste of victory. For once in her life she had done something right. But then her legs suddenly slipped out from under her and she was falling. A smile etched itself on to her face as the ground rushed up to meet her.
It felt like she had only been unconscious for a few seconds but it must have been longer because when she opened her eyes she was met with the warmth of the sun and the steady drumming of waves. Startled, Elsa realized that there wasn't a cloud in the sky. In fact, there wasn't any evidence of the frozen tempest that had plagued Arendelle moments earlier.
Glancing around quickly, she realized she was on a ship. A ship that was floating on water. Not ice-
She was barrelled over as Anna, eyes red from crying, enveloped her in a bear hug. She didn't say a word. She just clung to her sister, afraid that if she let go Elsa would disappear.
On instinct, Elsa tried to pull away but again Anna held her fast. Besides, Elsa realized that she didn't want to pull away. There was no sudden temperature drop, no wind, no ice. She was no danger at the moment.
Elsa couldn't remember the last time she had held her sister and she realized just how desperately she had missed it. With that thought ringing in her head she hugged her sister right back. She had a childhood's worth to make up for after all. Elsa wished she could stay in this moment forever.
But nothing lasted forever. Things needed to be said. Things that were long over due.
Trembling, Elsa pulled away so she could see Anna and was met with a confused stare.
Elsa went to speak but found she had no idea what to say. What could she possibly say that could make up for all she had done? She remained silent as the seconds ticked by, searching for the words.
Finally, "Anna… I'm so sorry. For everything." That was all she could manage and she winced as soon as the words came out of her mouth. They felt so hollow and empty in light of their past.
But Anna shook her head furiously. "No, don't you be sorry. Don't you ever be sorry for what you have been through."
Elsa looked away ashamedly, tears streaming down her face.
"Elsa, it's ok. The past is in the past," Anna soothed. "What matters is that we are together now."
"But I hurt you, Anna. I … I killed you." Elsa was forced to stop as her voice failed her momentarily. "I froze your heart. Why aren't you running as far away as you can get from me?"
Elsa began sobbing uncontrollably.
Anna reached out and brought her sisters gaze back to her. "Because Elsa, you're my sister. There is no place I would rather be than at you side. And besides, that wasn't you. Well it was you but it wasn't you. Wait, that doesn't really make sense. Does it? Well anyways, you know what I mean. You were afraid."
Anna would have kept rambling, Elsa knew. Even when she was little, Anna had a habit of rambling. But she abruptly stopped as Elsa pulled her sister close, afraid that if she let go then she would wake from a dream.
Finally, "Anna?"
"Mhm?"
"Do you want to build a snowman?"
Elsa had to ask. They both knew the question was about more than simply building a snowman. It was about so much more. It was about all they had lost in their childhood and whether it could be regained. It seemed only fitting that she should be the one to ask. Anna had, after all, asked more than enough.
Anna was silent for a long moment and Elsa began to fear she had made a mistake in bringing it up. After all, it was most likely the source of Anna's misery.
Suddenly, Anna's shoulders began to shake and Elsa realized she had made her sister cry.
Can't even talk to your sister without making her cry. You're worthless, Elsa.
"Anna? Im sorry. Please don't cry." Elsa realized how small and scared she sounded in that moment.
Should have just left it alone. Instead you had to go and ruin in like you always do.
But as Anna pulled away, Elsa realized that Anna was laughing. In fact, it appeared that Anna was laughing so hard that she was having difficulty stopping.
"Anna," Elsa asked wearily, eyes searching.
Elsa had her answer a moment later. As Anna regained control of her laughter a dazzling smile stretched across her face and all of Elsa's fears were swept away.
To Elsa, her sister's smile was the most beautiful sight in the world.