***Author's note: Hey guys, this is my other oneshot. I'm not making a sequel to this, because sometimes the author just has to please themselves. I'm happy with the way this ended, so I'm not continuing it. I hope you like it! It's a song fic to Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park.
FYI: I don't own this song, or Inuyasha.
Break My Habit
Memories consume,
Like opening the wounds,
I'm picking me apart again.
I had so many memories about my past, all wounds of humans and demons. Fighting them off, running. Everyday of my life. I was wounded, and only one person could heal me. She could seal up all my wounds, just as easily as she could rip them open.
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room,
Unless I tried to start again.
My friends all think I'm fine, like nothing's wrong, that I don't hurt. But they're wrong, I do hurt, but someone is healing me. They just don't know I hurt whenever I fight. When I fight or turn into a full demon, that's when they get worried. That's when they know something's really wrong.
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose,
Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused.
What's more important to me? The jewel, or Kagome's life? Why do I fight? It's not just because I fight to protect her, or try to take the jewel shard. I fight for something else, and that might be the fact that that's the only thing I know how to do right.
I don't know what worth fighting for,
Or why I have to scream.
I don't know why I instigate,
or say what I don't mean.
I always tell Kagome things I don't mean. Like she's just my jewel shard detector. Why do I do that? It's become a habit of mine, along with fighting. I had to do it my whole life, and it's the only thing I know how to do.
I scream at her, I yell at her, I make her fight me and get mad at me. Why did I try to make my cure go away, and slowly let my wounds bleed dry again?
I don't know how I got this way,
I know its not alright,
so I'm breaking the habit,
I'm breaking the habit tonight.
I ran to the well, where Kagome was heading. We fought, and now she's going home. I picked her up, and jumped through the trees until we were far from the well and village. I needed her here to stop my pain, and I needed to make things up to her. She was the cure to my wounds, even if at first I didn't want her to be.
Clutching my cure,
I tightly lock the door.
I try to catch my breath again.
I hurt much more,
Than anytime before,
I have no options left again.
"Inuyasha," Kagome said. "What are you doing?"
"Talking to you," I growled. I hated fighting with her. "You're not going back to your era. I need to talk to you."
She looked surprised. "Okay. What is it?" She blushed at the way we were sitting when she noticed. She was in my lap on the branch.
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
Cause inside I realize,
That I'm the one confused.
"I don't want to fight," I mumbled, but she clearly heard, because she gave me a confused look.
"Well, we do, all the time," she snapped. "You always ruin things when they're perfect."
I don't know what's worth fighting for,
Or why I have to scream.
I don't know why I instigate,
Or say what I don't mean.
"I don't know why I do it," I snapped back. "It's just all that I know to do. I don't know how to be sweet or nice or any damn thing other than snapping at people. I'm not even good at this." It was true, I didn't know how to spill my guts to anybody. It made me uncomfortable, and I just couldn't get the words out of my mouth.
"Inuyasha," Kagome said, softer now. "You're doing pretty good right now."
I don't know how I got this why,
I'll never be alright,
So I'm breaking the habit,
I'm breaking the habit tonight.
"Really?" I asked. I couldn't believe that I was actually doing good at this, when I've barely ever done it before with her.
She smiled and nodded.
"I'm sorry," I blurted. "I didn't mean to say anything earlier." I don't even know why I said it. That's the problem. I tell her a bunch of lies, and don't even tell her the truth. And I just randomly blurt the truth out, especially when I'm not in my right mind. But now I'll say everything I can.
I'll paint it on the walls,
Cause I'm the one at fault.
I'll never fight again,
And this is how it ends.
"I didn't mean anything I said either," she told me. "I fight back."
I knew this, she sat me, screamed back at me, and sometimes put me in my right mind. I needed her, as much as she needed me to protect her.
I don't know what's fighting for,
Or why I have to scream,
But now I have some clarity,
To show you what I mean.
"Kagome, I need you to break my habit," I whispered, hoping she wouldn't hear. But she did.
"You need me?" she asked.
I looked away and nodded. I felt the blush creep into my cheeks, and I curse it. I didn't know what made me so embarrassed to tell people even the slightest things, but then I guess it's what I did to protect myself all these years, and lock myself in my own hell.
I don't know how I got this way,
I'll never be alright,
I was tainted, and I was hoping my pure Kagome would cleanse some of me. I wasn't going to fight with her again. Did it really pay off to have her mad at me? To make her cry? No, it didn't, and it was unacceptable.
So I'm breaking the habit,
I'm breaking the habit,
I'm breaking the habit tonight.
"Kagome," I started, blushing more. I didn't know how to tell her.
"Inuyasha," she said with a smile. She paused a minute, then leaned forward and kissed me. "You don't have to say anything right now. Wait until you're ready to just blurt it out."
I smiled at her, glad she understood me. She knew I couldn't say the words. Those three simple words that hold so much meaning, that I couldn't get them out of my mouth. She would wait. She'd wait until I was ready, because she loved me. That's why she always came back.
She rested her head on my shoulder. I put a hand on her hair, and held her while she fell asleep and slept.
I thought I was dreaming, because that's where I've ever had this happen to me. I couldn't believe it. This was a new beginning for me, and I'd stop everything that I've ever done to her.
I was afraid of waking, and it would all be a dream. Because if it was, I never wanted to wake up. I had her. I could tell her I loved her any moment I was ready. She's stay and break my habit.
I'm breaking the habit tonight.
***Author's note: I hope you liked it! Please review and thanks for reading!
