This is a parody of my previous story He Will Be Mine. Again, it's a parody so don't take it too seriously, it hardly makes any sense. I do not own any of these characters. At all. Seriously, you can stop reading this now. Why aren't you reading the story yet? Go away!
It was a beautiful summer morning. There was glistening dew on the tree leaves and there were birds perched on a tree branch singing their lovely songs.
"HEY! Shut up you stupid birds, there are people trying to sleep at this hour!"
A shoe flew out of a window, knocking one of the birds into a nearby tree shredder. The source of the shoe was none other than a sleepy Len Kagamine, who was cranky from being woken up. The blonde boy crawled back into bed to get some sleep, until he heard stomping sounds approaching his room.
"Len! Len get up!" Lens sister Rin pounded on his door. She heard a faint mumble of "no" before knocking down his door completely and dragging him out of the room by his feet. "I said get your lazy butt out of the bed!"
"But sis I don't wannaaa"
"Too bad," Rin replied. "We're going to the mall today whether you like it or not." She continued to drag him through the hallway and headed for the kitchen. She dragged her tired brother across a box of tacks, some cacti, and a few other pointy objects lying around the house.
"Why are we going to the mall anyway? The mall is stupid," Len complained. "And where is all this pointy crap coming from?!" He pulled out a tack from his hand as he was dragged through a briar bush.
They finally reached the kitchen when Rin threw Len on the table. She rushed to the cabinet to grab the last box of Lucky Charms before her brother could get it.
"Hey, gimme that cereal!" Len shouted, trying to pry the box from his sisters hands.
"No way it's mine!" Rin held the box out of Lens reach.
"Give me the box! I just want the prize inside it!"
"Nooo! The prize is mine!" Rin dropkicked her brother into the table, which broke on impact. Len responded by performing a reverse piledriver onto his sister. The two continued to wrestle, watched by a crowd and an announcer outside their window.
"And now Rin has Len in a headlock! Now Len has Rin against the wall!" cried the random announcer. "Now there's a glowing light coming from the cereal box! Wait….what?"
At this the siblings turned to see their prized cereal box was in fact glowing.
The box glowed in all colors of the rainbow and rose from the ground. A tiny leprechaun covered in marshmallows jumped from the cereal.
"Whoa! Who are you?" Rin asked.
"Are you the prize inside the box?" Len asked and walked up to the strange small man.
The leprechaun slapped Len in the face. "Of course ahm' not, ya idjit! This is the prize at th' bottom of the box!" The leprechaun pulled out a giant bomb and threw it on the ground. He flew away on a magical rainbow and laughed maniacally as he watched the house's annihilation.
Rin and Len stood in a crater of what remained of their house. Various pieces of rubble rained from the sky, including the cereal toy which landed on Lens head.
"Ow! What the heck?" Len reached for the toy on his head. "What the crap is this? A spinning top? Tch, they don't make toys like they used to." He threw the top away somewhere. "Let's go Rin." They headed for the mall.
Somewhere in a nearby bush a hand reached out and caught the top. "ehehehehe…..soon Len-Kun. Soon."
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Upon reaching their destination the Kagamine twins immediately split up. Rin ran off to go buy clothes and Len went to go do something less boring. While looking for something interesting to do, he occasionally heard his sister squeal or cry out about clothes from across the mall. This gave Len an idea.
Len went to the nearest clothing store he saw and hid behind one of the clothes racks. Whenever someone would walk by he would jump out screaming "Give me your clothes!" This resulted in him getting pepper-sprayed and smacked with many purses. After a while he got bored and decided to go somewhere else. While he searched for another place to prank, he ran into Kaito who was eating a hotdog. They talked for a while before Len got another idea for a prank.
"Well, what is it?" asked Kaito.
"I'll tell you on the way, just follow me! And don't eat the rest of your hotdog yet!" Len rushed Kaito over to a taco store.
Len walked in and bought a taco. He placed the un-eaten end of Kaitos hotdog in it and shouted, "Aaah! There's a finger in my taco!" This caused a massive uproar and many people to faint. A crowd of people ran out of the taco place, never to return again. All but one person had left. A large muscly man with a handlebar mustache stood in front of the boys.
"I don't believe you two. You're probably just trying to trick us. Well, not in my store. Both of you need to leave right now." He was about to push them out the door when Len stopped him.
"Fine, we'll leave, but before we do, I want to show you something." He took a bite of the hotdog, which still had ketchup on it. The ketchup splashed all over the place. "Mmm blood tastes pretty good on a taco."
The burly man produced a high girlish scream before fainting. Len and Kaito ran out of the taco store laughing.
"So what should we do next?" Kaito asked.
Len had an evil grin on his face. "I've got a few ideas…"
After switching every screensaver to Nicolas Cage in an electronics store, putting childrens movie covers on X rated dvds in a movie store, and playing a giant game of Battleship in Tanks R' Us, Len and Kaito grew bored of pranking people and decided to walk around.
"Do you want to head up to the second floor? I hear they have a candy shop with a giant chocolate fountain made of marshmallows and gumdrops there." Len waved his hands around while explaining this to Kaito.
"Sure," said Kaito. "We can take to elevator over there."
"But why not take the escalator? It's quicker, and closer than the elevator."
"Um...no we should definitely take the elevator let's go right now!" Kaito rushed in the elevators direction before hearing a loud crash. The elevator suddenly smashed to pieces on the ground. A man somehow walked out of it unscathed.
"Don't worry everyone! I'm A-okay-" A large safe landed on his head and flattened him to the ground.
Len and Kaito stared on. "What is this, a slapstick cartoon?" Len asked. "Well now it looks like we have to take the escalator. Come on Kaito, let's go."
"Waaaiiit! I…I can't get on the escalator."
"Why not?"
"I'm….I'm afraid of escalators… ok I said it! That's why I wanted to take the elevator."
"You don't have to be afraid of escalators. If they stop you can just walk up them like stairs."
"It's not that…I'm afraid of tripping and being stuck rolling down it forever because the escalator won't stop! That would be horrifying!" Kaitos face turned to one of sheer terror.
"Come on Kaito, that's never going to happen-"
"It will! It is going to happen! It's going to happen right now if I get on that escalator! I can't do this! I can't do it! Aaaahhh!" Kaito freaked out and ran out of the mall flailing his arms wildly.
"….Well ok then…" Len ignored the sudden outburst and continued up the escalator.
Unbeknownst to Len a stalker person followed uncomfortably close behind him.
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Rin had just finished buying a new dress and shoes when she spotted Miku. She ran over to greet her friend, but it was hard to run because of all the bags she was carrying.
"Hey Miku what's up?" she asked.
"Oh hi Rin! I'm just out getting a few things that's all. What about you?"
"Oh, same. I just wanted to pick up a few (dozen) outfits. Hey…what are you eating?" She stared at the green substance Miku had been eating out of a cup.
"Oh this? It's frozen yogurt. It's my favorite. See? Leek flavored." She continued to happily eat her snack before Rin smacked it out of her hand. "Wha- hey! Why would you do that? ;_;"
"Oh em gee Miku look over there!"
"What? What are you looking at?"
"Look!" Rin pointed Mikus face in the direction Rin was looking. "There's…..there's…..A SALE ON HEELS AT SHOES AND STUFF LET'S GO!"
"Are you sure you don't want to look at that creeper person following your brother?"
"Oh who cares about him let's go to the SHOES!"
"But Rin-"
"SHOOOEEESSS!" She grabbed Miku and took off running.
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"Ehehehe Len-kun will be miiine…all MINE!" Kuroneko shouted to nobody. She continued to breathe down the back of Len's neck as he went up the escalator oblivious to his stalker. Len entered a Rollers and Things store to see about getting new part for his road roller.
"Wow this mall really does have a store for everything." He thought aloud.
Kuroneko took some pictures of Len as he turned to look at the different parts on the shelves. She smiled to herself as she placed the photos next to a piece of Lens hair in an album she was carrying with her. She was getting ready to glomp her love and smother him in a big hug when he zoomed off to look at the different display rollers.
"Oooh playing hard to get Len-kun? I like that in a victim- I mean- object of infatuation. Ehehehe"
Len got bored of browsing the store, so he left in search of a something else to occupy him. He looked around but none of the other stores seemed interesting.
Now's my chance… thought Kuroneko. She leaped into the air to pounce on Len.
"Ooh what's that?" Len rushed over to a display window that had a tv playing a movie trailer. Kuroneko landed flat on her face. "Huh? Is someone behind me?" Len turned around to check. Kuroneko panicked and jumped into a nearby fountain.
"Oh well." Len shrugged and continued to watch the television.
Kuroneko stuck her head out of the fountain and grumbled to herself. Suddenly a small child walking by saw her and shouted "Shark! There's a shark in the water!" Everyone turned to look and began screaming and running in circles. A life guard appeared from somewhere and tried to rush the panicking people to safety. A woman fainted and was trampled by the stampede of customers.
Len continued to stare at the screen unaware of the scene going on behind him.
Kuroneko climbed out of the fountain and shook herself dry. "Well, that happened. Now where was I? Oh yeah right, I was plotting to kidnap my soon to be husband. Len-kun!" she rushed behind Len in an attempt to capture him.
The commercial Len was watching turned off, so he got bored again and decided to go elsewhere. He turned around and noticed the destruction of the mall from the frightened crowd of customers and the one dead lady lying on the floor. "Whoa what happened here? Looks like some janitor isn't doing his job." The second thing he noticed was some deranged looking girl headed his way. He put up a hand to stop her. "Hey, you," he pulled out a mop from behind his back. "Clean this place up. This mall is a mess."
"Huh? Oh, uh, aye aye sir!" Kuroneko saluted and got to work.
"That's more like it." said Len and he wandered off to a store that wasn't completely destroyed.
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"Whoa-oh-oh! That's what makes you beau-ti-fuuul!"
"I CANNOT believe you just sang that." Miku was facepalming at her friend and wanted to pretend she didn't know her.
"What? I like that song!" Rin put down the microphone. The girls had stopped by a karaoke store after shoe shopping and felt like giving it a try. Earlier Miku had found her song World is Mine on the list of songs and decided to sing that, to which Rin replied by calling her a cheater for singing her own song.
"How can you be such a great singer but love one of the worst songs of today's music? I just don't understand it." Miku said. She was still giving Rin a cold but confused look.
"Hey! One Direction isn't a bad band!" Rin shouted. "And if you keep complaining I'll just have to sing it again!"
"Are you kidding? One Direction is the equivalent of five English Justin Beibers put together." Miku snorted.
"THEY ARE NOT ALL ENGLISH! GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT!" Rin was almost to the point of breathing fire at this point.
"It doesn't matter, they still suck."
"THAT'S IT!" Rin tied Miku to a chair, then she grabbed the mic and hit the play button. The music blared from the speakers around them. "You're insecure. Don't know what for…~~"
"NOOOOO! Get me out of here!" Miku screamed at the top of her lungs but no one paid her any attention.
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Len had already made it to a store that sold ninja accessories by the time Kuroneko realized what she was doing. She threw the mop on the ground and ran after him, carefully avoiding the dead woman still on the floor. Unfortunately since she had just mopped the floor she slipped and fell down an up moving escalator.
Somewhere in the distance Kaito yelled "I TOLD YOU! BE AFRAID OF THE MOVING STAIRS! BE VERY AFRAID!"
Kuroneko somehow got free of the escalator and ran off to go find her love. She spotted Len in the ninja store looking at a samurai sword. "Leeen-kuuun!" The obsessive girl ran over to a very confused Len.
Len held up his sword to shield himself from the crazy stranger. The sword cut the top of her kitty ear and she jumped back.
"Ooowww why would Len-kun do this to meee?" she cried and held her ear, which wasn't even bleeding.
"What the- who are you? How do you know my name? And why did you try to jump on me? Wait, aren't you the janitor lady? Did you finish cleaning up that filthy mess yet?"
"Stop asking questions! If you want a fight, I'll give you a fight. A fight, FOR LOOOVE! Be right back." Kuroneko zoomed off to Hammers & Sales and Capt. Deal Beards Pirate Store to pick out a weapon. A moment later she came back with a giant hammer, a hook on her hand, an eye patch, and a parrot.
"Is the pirate getup really necessary?"
"Of course it is. It makes me look cool. Now, WE FIGHT!" Kuroneko leapt into the air to smash Len with her hammer. Len dodged it and used his sword to slash at her. The sword only cut the bottom of her shirt, but Kuroneko made a dramatic scene as if she had been stabbed through the chest. Len stared confused for a moment before taking the opportunity to grab some shurikens from off of the wall. He threw them in her direction, but each one missed completely and instead hit some random shoppers.
After recovering from her intense wound Kuroneko decided to use her ultimate weapon against her one true love. "Chicken, attack!" At the command the parrot on her shoulder rushed at Lens face.
"Chicken? But that's a parro-OH MY GOD SOMEONE HELP ME! AAAHHH! IT'S EATING MY FACE! AAAAHHH!"
"Chicken, return." Kuroneko smiled and on command the tiny parrot flew over innocently to his master and rested on her shoulder again. "Do you give up, Len-kun?"
"No more birds! No more biiiirds! No! No more!" Len had curled up into a ball on the floor.
The parrot looked to his owner. "Methinks the boy is traumatized for life I mean squawk."
"Good." Kuroneko walked over to claim her love and take him home. She picked Len up by his shirt and carried him out the door, leaving everyone in the ninja store staring on with a baffled look.
The parrot turned and saw everyone staring. "What are you lookin' at? Squawk! Get back to work!" So they did.
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Len had just woken up from a horrifying dream about evil parrots when he noticed he was moving, but he wasn't walking. Instead he was being dragged on the ground by his shirt. He heard voices above him.
"Squawk! Don't you think you should take that eye patch off now?"
"No. It looks cool." Whoever was dragging Len ran into something. "Ow."
"But you'll just keep bumping into things. Squawk."
"I don't care. Ow."
Len remembered what had happened just before he passed out. He remembered the fight with the crazy stalker girl, he remembered the evil parrot trying to tear his eyeballs from his skull, and he remembered that they wanted to capture him. That must be why he was being dragged, he must have been captured. Well not today, he thought. Len wasn't going to be captured without a fight. Oh wait, we already did fight didn't we?
Len struggled to get free of his captors grasp, but found that it was useless, as she had a strong grip on his shirt.
"Oh? Squawk! Methinks our prisoner awakes. Squawk."
"Hm? Aww but we're not home yet. Ow. Hand me my hammer, Chicken."
Wait what? NO! –Len was knocked unconscious once again.
"Now what was I saying? Oh yeah, I think you're going to like your new home, Chicken. I've got a Len shrine, and I've got all his songs on CDs, you're going to love it."
"Master you're about to bump into a-"
"Ow."
"….lamppost. Just take the eye patch off! Squawk."
"NEVER!"
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Six hours later…
"That's what makes you beau-ti-fuuuuul! Hey, I feel like we're forgetting something…" Rin said, finishing up her favorite song once more. "What do you think Miku?"
"My ears are bleeding….. QoQ;;"
"Hmmmm….. Oh well, I can't think of anything. And a-one and a-two… You're insecure, don't know what for~~"
"Someone please help meeeeee!"
The End~
I hope you guys liked my story! I also hope I didn't offend any One Direction fans. Or leprechauns. Or anyone with a phobia of escalators. If you want you can tell me what you think of it, aaaaaannd that's all I can think to say so bye now! *runs away*