Disclaimers
Star Trek: Enterprise and its characters are copyright CBS/Paramount. No copyright infringement is intended by me. This work is solely for the purpose of entertainment and is not for profit.
Acknowledgements
The original dialog in this story was written by Rick Berman, and Brannon Braga. I'm just filling in the blanks between the words.
First posted at the Delphic Expanse. Much thanks to Artisticmom2 for her beta read and feedback. This little story takes a look at the Decon scene in Broken Bow, and makes a stab at explaining why T'Pol might change her mind about continuing the mission despite the fact that Trip's argument is not really very good on why they should.
The Logic of an Emotional Decision
As the florescent lighting of the Decontamination Chamber came on they each started applying the decon gel to themselves. T'Pol watched him out of the corner of her eye. She needed to assess his mental and emotional state. She had the skills and experience of a veteran operative, but humans were an entirely new species to her. Though she had lived on Earth for over two years, she had rarely had any contact with humans outside of official meetings. The speed and vigor with which he applied the gel to his upper arms and shoulders indicated to her that he was agitated. That was a natural reaction to the situation for any emotional species.
No point delaying this any longer. Might as well just rip this bandage off and get it over with, Trip thought to himself. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you just kind of an observer on this mission? I don't remember anyone telling me you were a member of Starfleet." He tried to keep his voice even, but he could hear the sarcasm as he said it.
His observation was accurate, but she intended to deny the premise. She turned to face him and answered evenly, "My Vulcan rank supersedes yours." And I have more operational experience in deep space than the entire crew of this vessel combined, she thought about adding, but then stopped herself. She would not respond to his sarcasm in kind. But even without adding that observation, she heard the tone of her own voice betray her, but maybe not enough for a human to notice.
He wasn't going to let her get away with that. "Apples and oranges. This is an Earth vessel. You're in no position to take command." He really did want to make this a civil conversation, but he heard the sarcasm getting even thicker in his voice.
It's time to put an end to this conversation now, she told herself. "As soon as we're through here, I'll contact Ambassador Soval. He'll speak to your superiors and I'm certain they'll support my authority in this situation." There, she had laid the logical reality of the situation out for him. He would be compelled to accept her in command. But as soon as she finished her statement, she saw him holding his hands out. She needed to turn around and let him apply gel to those areas of her back she could not reach effectively. Her thoughts became completely distracted by the immediate realization that he was going to be touching her, and if his current agitated state was any indication, it would not be pleasant. Without him having to say a word, she turned around and pulled the back of her top up.
He knew Vulcans didn't like physical contact, and standing there waiting for him to slide his hands over her skin made her look strangely vulnerable to him all of the sudden. He was almost afraid to touch her. She understands. This is just professional. But he wasn't really convincing himself. He started to apply the gel to the back of her neck, then down her back using just the tips of his fingers. I hope this doesn't make her feel too uncomfortable. She feels like she's burning up with fever. Must be that Vulcan body heat. Focus damn it, more talking, and less rubbing young man.
"You must really be proud of yourself." His words were shaper than he intended, trying to cover up his own discomfort at the situation. Just stay focused. "You can put an end to this mission while the Captain's still unconscious in Sickbay." Damn she's tiny. I could almost put both my hands around her waist if I tried, he thought as he slid his fingers along the waistband of her boxers. "You won't even have to look him in the eye." Her skin was so warm against his fingers, and suddenly it felt almost as if her skin was guiding his fingers along, pulling them further and further. And then, he couldn't help himself, his fingers slid just a little into the waistband of her boxers. He expected her to say or do something, but she didn't react. Somehow his fingers knew she wouldn't. And now her ears were calling to him, he had to touch them; he had to know what they felt like.
She was completely unprepared for the sensation of his hands against her skin. She had anticipated he would use the same force and vigor to her as he had when applying the gel to his own skin. But his fingertips slid against her with almost no pressure, and his lightly calloused fingers, with the small scars of 20 years of working with machines and electronics, created a sensation not unlike fine sand blowing over her skin in a cool breeze. But she had never felt that sensation in these places on her body.
"Your precious cargo was stolen. Three Suliban, perhaps more, were killed… "Then his fingertips were on the sensitive skin of her ears, and the sensation was intensified tenfold. No one had ever touched her like this before. She tried to focus all of her attention on her argument, forcing the words to come out. "and Captain Archer has been seriously wounded." Her tone much harsher then she intended in an effort to mask the effect his touch was having on her.
She was feeling sensations not just on her skin now, but deep insider herself she had never experienced before. Her eyes were closing. She was losing her concentration, so she forced herself to pull away from his fingers. Turning to face him "It seems to me this mission has put an end to itself." He was so close now she could feel his breath on her face, and that unnerved her even further. Their eyes locked for a second that seemed an eternity as they each tried to read each other. Finally, she mustered all her concentration, and in a deep, almost growling voice she commanded, "Turn around."
Trip slowly turned around, holding eye contact with her for as long as possible. She prepared herself mentally for what she knew was going to happen when she touched him. She had read Star Fleet's primitive decontamination procedures and understood she would have to establish a mental barrier to human emotion before she touched any human in this situation. She was completely unprepared for what she experienced. She had anticipated only one emotion from him, anger. The anger she blocked effectively as her fingers touched his back between his shoulders. But there were so many other emotions there she had not anticipated. Guilt and remorse were the strongest, stronger even than the anger he was displaying on the surface. She tried to remove her hands to regain her composure, but could only pull one away from his soft skin. The complexity of his emotions was totally unexpected, and very alluring to her curiosity. She felt compelled to explore. This is entirely inappropriate. You must stop this now, she thought as she finally broke her other hand away from him to spread more decon gel over her fingers and palms. As she did, he turned his head to look at her over his shoulder, but she retreated back behind him before he could catch her eyes again.
Trip started along a new tack, "Let's say you're right."
Her expression changed. She was losing her composure. He senses something, she thought. But he was focusing too much on controlling his own emotions at that moment to notice the difficulty she was having in controlling her impulses. When she touched his skin again, she made no effort to block his emotions from her mind. Her control was almost completely gone now.
"Let's say we screwed up just like you always knew we would," he continued, as her fingers slid over his skin, exploring his body, her mind explored his emotions. As he said those words, she could sense his feelings of guilt, that he had let the Captain down, that he had let all of Earth down. And his anger, though venting outward, was actually internally directed mostly at himself.
He must know this is an irrational response. There is nothing he could have done to anticipate the Suliban ambush on Rigel X, she thought. There was also the remorse again, but she couldn't locate the source for it yet.
Her fingers started at the top of his back, but to satisfy her own curiosity, as much as to avoid his gaze as he looked back over his shoulder at her, she bent over and started applying decon gel to his legs.
"It's still a pretty good bet that whoever blew that hole in the Captain's leg is connected somehow to the people who took Klaang." he said, straining to turn his head trying to keep his eyes on her. The hair on his legs was soft and course at the same time. The sensation on her fingers and the palms of her hands was totally new, and she could feel it affecting her in the same way that his fingertips on her ears had.
"I fail to see your point." she said almost absentmindedly in a soft tone, in an effort to obscure the fact that she had not really heard a word he had said, and wanting him to explain his point again. But even if he had, she did not have the concentration to hear him. Her mind was focused on the curiosities of his alien body and his alien emotions. His oddly oversized musculature was so soft when relaxed, and his round ears were so un-Vulcan. She started working her hands over his shoulders and neck, then leaned in close to his body and got up on her toes so she could feel his ear. She found it tantalizingly soft and flexible. Her body was so close to his now she could feel the heat coming off of it, cooler than a Vulcan, but still warmer than the chilly air surrounding her.
Trip had a good argument, he knew he did. Follow the Suliban ship. If it doesn't take us to Klaang, it takes us to someone who might know where Klaang is. Of course, they didn't have any way to track the Suliban ship yet, but given a little time, he knew he could figure out a way to do that. But all of that vanished from his mind. Her warm breath on his neck and warm hands were draining all reason from his brain, and all he could come up with was an emotional appeal. It was as if the heat of her touch was drawing the emotions out of him. "Captain Archer deserves a chance to see this through. If you knew him, you'd realize that's what he's about. He needs to finish what he starts." He turned to look at her over his shoulder, and their eyes locked briefly. "His daddy was the same way." Once again, she could sense he was obscuring his own emotions. He wasn't being dishonest, but he was using the Captain and the Captain's father to present his own feelings, without revealing them directly.
She needed to move further behind him, where his gaze couldn't reach her and observe how unfocused she had become. She also needed to respond in a way that did not betray that she was sensing his emotions through her physical contact with him. "You obviously share your Captain's belief that my people were responsible for impeding Henry Archer's accomplishments." It seemed to her a reasonable and safe observation, but she sensed immediately that it touch a very raw emotional nerve. As her hands slid over his back and even explored his broad shoulders, she felt his emotions radiating with even more strength. She felt as if she was being tossed in an emotional storm as the conflicting feeling pushed against each other. It was suddenly clear to her; at this moment he saw himself in the same place as Henry Archer had been, totally dependent on Vulcans for assistance and permission to proceed, and therefore completely vulnerable to alien will. And now she found the source of the regret as these feelings fought their way to the surface of his mind, pain he had inflicted on others, relationships damaged and lost, all to pursue his lifelong goal of exploring the stars. The spear to the heart of another is the spear to one's own heart. She sensed that he knew this very well.
As he started to turn to face her, she tried to retain her physical contact, persisting in the illusion that she was still spreading decon gel on his back. "He only wanted to see his engine fly," Trip barked at her, turning around completely to face her, forcing her to reluctantly abandon her pretense of applying decon gel and letting their physical contact end. "They never even gave him a chance to fail. And here you are, thirty years later, proving just how consistent you Vulcans can be." His eyes burned into hers, and she felt his words bite in into her with an almost physical force. She didn't need to be touching him to understand that now his anger was directed at her.
His anger was so intense now that he didn't even realize how soft her face had become, or how wide her eyes were. All he saw was the Vulcan that wanted to end his life's dream right here, right now, before it had even begun. He needed to get away from her, so he did, walking purposefully towards the door. But within two steps he could feel his heart sinking. Way to go jackass. You had one shot to change her mind, and you blew it by getting all emotional. He couldn't even turn his head to look at her as he activated the door, so he didn't notice that she was still standing in the same spot, not following him out.
She was frozen in place as he walked away, trying to find a logical thread to grasp and create order out of what had just occurred. So much of what she had been led to understand about Human emotions seemed to be in error. Yes, Human emotions were more variable than Vulcan emotions. But that variability came not from their simplicity, but from their complexity. But perhaps Commander Tucker is an unusual case? She followed him with her eyes for as long as she could wanting to maintain at least some contact, even if it was just visual, with him for as long as possible. The first though to form alarmed her. If I end the mission now, he will never forgive me. As she began to regain her composure, logic returned to her mind. And that fact is irrelevant to this command decision.
As Trip collected the clean uniform and boots that Phlox had left for him outside the decon chamber, he felt himself deflating. He knew how this would go. Soval would support her argument. Admiral Forrest would reluctantly accept Soval's recommendation, and they would be headed back to Earth within an hour. And deep down, he knew she was right. The Suliban are hostile, with better technology, and they've been one step ahead of us since the beginning. But he wasn't ready to give up yet. If there's any chance we can pull this off, we've got to at least try.
Perhaps, his feelings are not entirely irrelevant, she thought, rapidly regaining her composure and refocusing her mind. She now had two significant data points on this issue, and they both pointed in the same direction. It was a logical extrapolation that Commander Tucker's views, along with those of Captain Archer reflected most, if not all, of Starfleet's ranking officers as well. If this mission were terminated by a Vulcan officer, the damage to the High Command's relationship with Starfleet would be significant. In a worst case scenario, it could push Earth to sever ties and decide to make their own path forward. She began to turn around to face the exit and as she did she came to the logical conclusion. Though the probability of success for the current mission is low, the decision to end it must be made by a Human, not a Vulcan. First, she needed to determine if Enterprise's sensors could be modified properly. Once she had confirmed that, she could begin developing and evaluating courses of action for her conversation with Ambassador Soval. She had no more time indulge in speculation about the nature human emotion. She had much work to do and very little time. She exited the Decontamination Chamber with a new sense of purpose.
Author's notes: This was inspired by a comment made by Brandyjane at Delphic Expanse about the possibility of T'Pol being able to read Trip's emotions with all that physical contact in the decon chamber. I just kind of ran with the idea.