a/n: Hi all. I was in the mood to write a little one shot. So this is just a quickie, but i'd love reviews because they fuel me && boost me as a writer. :)
We've all got scars as big as ours
A token for the pain we hide inside of us
Everyone's scared that somebody knows
You keep it inside, yeah, that's how it goes
JJ sank into her chair in her office, and ran her hands through her soft blonde hair. As she cradled her head in her hands, she felt a few tears fall from her cerulean orbs. After a few minutes of furiously wiping them away, she decided to give up and let them fall.
She closed her eyes as she cried silently to herself. It had been a hard case. Young women her age were being kidnapped, raped and tortured and then murdered. The second the case had crossed her desk, she knew it would be a hard one. She felt sick all day, and just depressed.
"You okay?" Hotch had asked JJ.
"If you stop caring, you're jaded. If you care too much, it'll ruin you," JJ murmured bitterly, not looking her boss in the eye. She didn't want him to see her lose it.
"Just know that you did everything you could. Sometimes we get it right with a little luck, and most of the times we don't. That's the job. It's never perfect," Hotch had said quietly, "It's still better to care," He had added.
"You really believe that?" JJ had asked doubtfully. Everything you could do? Well clearly that wasn't enough, was it?
"I believe it's never perfect," Hotch had said. He had squeezed JJ's shoulder with compassion, gently, and walked away, leaving her to her thoughts.
If you've ever heard a beating heart
A rhythm for the songs we're too afraid to sing
Nobody here is perfectly fine
A delicate frame, a fragile design
Although it had been a hard case for JJ, recently, she had been getting this dubious feeling more and more. This aching question in her gut- was what they were doing even worth it? Was it helping? Was it doing anything?
She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she didn't even hear someone enter her office.
"Hey peaches," JJ's best friend, Penelope Garcia, said gently, entering JJ's office and shutting the door behind her. She was dressed in a bright blue and orange ensemble, and her bright red hair was pinned up with glittery barrettes and ribbons.
JJ pulled her sweater sleeve over her hand and wiped her eyes quickly, before looking up at Penelope.
"Hey," JJ croaked out, before clearing her throat, "Hi. What's up?" She asked quickly.
Penelope's heart sank when she saw her best friend's sad, red, puffy eyes.
"Why are you crying Jayje?" Penelope asked quietly, shutting JJ's office door. She sat down in the chair in front of JJ's desk and waited for her to speak. JJ just shook her head, and a few rogue tears fell.
If there's a hole in your heart
You gotta pull it together
It takes the courage to start
But now is better than never
It takes a push and a shove
Somehow it's never enough
"Penelope…what's…what's the point of all this?" JJ asked, motioning her hands to the office around her, "Why do we do this?"
"JJ," Garcia murmured, shaking her head, "you do it for all those families of victims you've saved, for all those families who needed closure, for all those people who are never affected by unsubs because you catch them, for all those victims you save before they get hurt. You do it for them," Garcia explained.
"But so many get hurt, Penelope," JJ said trembling, "what's the point?"
"Honey," Garcia began, but JJ interrupted quickly.
"They were so young….They never got to get married, have kids…" JJ said, the tears beginning to fall again.
"But think of all those women you saved because you got the unsub and you didn't let him get those women," Garcia reasoned.
"I hate him. I hate that unsub, Garcia. I hate them all. I'm…glad he's dead. But honestly right now… I hate myself," JJ whispered.
And it's alarming how quick you could forget that
Nothing's bigger than love
Nothing's bigger than love
Nothing's bigger than love
All you need, all you need is love
"Stop. Don't say that," Garcia said firmly.
"What if it had been you? Or Em? How would I live with myself?" JJ asked terrified at the thought.
"But it wasn't peaches. Emily is out there writing up her report, waiting for her girl to go get drinks with her and Derek. And I'm right here with you. I'll always be here with you," Garcia assured JJ.
"But what if next time it is you or Em?" JJ asked, biting her lip.
"If you keep doing what you're doing…it won't be. But if you quit on this, because you don't see the point, then it might just be us," Garcia said.
Some people change and some just won't
You can't take back the words you wish you'd never said
Promises break and lovers will lie
You hold up your hands and let out a sigh
"Why do they do it? Why are people so evil?" JJ asked shakily.
"If you want a profiler answer, talk to Hotch or Gideon or even Derek. If you want a scientific answer, talk to Dr. Reid. If you want a philosophical, sassy answer, talk to Emily. I can't tell you why Jay. I can't tell you how it happens. All I can say is that it's the kind, selfless, compassionate people like you, that help them and that cancel it out…balance the scales," Garcia explained.
"Maybe…"JJ whispered, still unsure.
So smile right before you fall
And lay beside this mess and call it consequence
Somebody said that life isn't fair
When somebody else was saying a prayer
"Think of it this way. Life's not fair. It's chronic. And it's 100% fatal," Garcia started.
"Thank you, for the optimism, chief," JJ said sarcastically.
"Let me finish," Garcia asked. JJ shrugged.
"So let your mistakes and failings be lessons. Don't make them again. Make new ones. But when you do well, count it as a blessing. Instead of stressing over all that could have gone better, thank God for all that ended well," Garcia said.
No one's taking me out
Nothing's pulling me down
I turn my head to the crowd
This love is big and it's loud
This is the car in the crash
This is the light in the flash
This is the answers you know
But you're just too scared ask
"You really believe that?" JJ asked, furrowing her eyebrows as she considered Garcia's words.
"Yeah. I do," She said nodding.
"Thank you, Penelope," JJ whispered, wiping away the final tears from her eyes.
"For what?" Penelope asked.
"Being the best friend a girl could ever ask for," JJ said with a small smile.
"Any time," Garcia stressed and stood and hugged JJ tightly. She took JJ by the hand, grabbing JJ's purse and jacket before the liaison could protest, and brought her out to the bullpen.
"So who's up for drinks?" Derek asked throwing his hands up in the hair.
"Who's up for five?" Emily added, seconding the notion.
"Let's go," JJ said with a small smile.
Nothing was perfect, but everything happened for a reason, and where ever there was darkness, there would always be a light somewhere.
Nothing's bigger than love.