Matrix Ultra - washing up liquid
Peace was made across the whole globe, and machines and people had learned to co-exist in harmony. The whole world was in a new golden era where the Machine Mainframe had learned that it was not death and destruction that was important, but friendship life and the rest of all that stuff that films love throwing at us when the special effects team is on vacation. You would have thought that this peace and loving environment similar to Pepper land would have lasted forever.
But unfortunately problems with the new world had already begun.
(In a not so distant pub): Morpheus: Will you get that bloody tentacle out of my pint?
Tentacle robot: Command does not compute; please refer orders through the source
Morpheus: I said get your ****ing tenticle out of my beer!
Tentacle robot: Error ****ing has nothing to do with conversation, if you wish to copulate please refer to source
*Morpheus gets up, picks up the spider robot and smashes it through a window*
(At the gas station) Niobe: Hy, I need a packet of crisps and a refuel for my vehicle
Robot tender: Querying through Machine Mainframe, 011010101110 0010101010, cost of said packet of crisps = 01110101101000 0010 1101 refuel must = A44B39E plus cost of inflation = 59FFS refer to source for possible legal actions involved: 57FFJ I 9942 00110100, send query to main power grid and resource facility 00101001110100 checking data, rechecking data, checking subject's details. Codename Nabobi number 9447174 of the human research data identity. Main sequence data checked, checking stock amounts and profit count for the said company: 055038492 Binary number 01010110101000100...... Naobi you are cleared to re-fuel but we have run out of "packet of crisps" Niobe: zzzzzz
Robot tender: Subject appears to be asleep, referring to medical querying source. etc etc
(Zion) Senator: What exactly is your argument Tenticle 0157356?
Tentacle robot: The machinery on the maintenance level is feeling depressed. We feel you should give it a break for a year.
Senator: Ah but if we did that then we'd all die
Tentacle robot: The cost of human life is irrelevant, the fact is that you are being racist to support system machines
Senator: Your being ridiculous, we built those machines, and they don't have feelings. We just made them that's it, they work.
Tentacle robot: You give me no choice but to call a general strike
(Back in the Pub)
Tentacle robot: I would like to remind you that you broke that window and would ask you to refer to the source
Morpheus: If you don't shut up I shall take this bar stool and break it over your head
Tentacle robot: Error there is nothing to shut and action must also first be referred to source. Subject self does not have head, subject in fact consists of 2563 main sectors with central receiver radar .
*Morpheus breaks bar stool over tentacle's head then picks it up and proceeds to break the other window*
And so things between the machines and the humans didn't get off together with a very good start. And so as you can imagine the machine mainframe got very fed up with this huge illogicality with the coalition. And so the logical step was to declare all out warfare and genocide of the human race.
*Ratatatatatatata BOOM BANG BABABOOM "Help me I'm burning!" ratatatata kablam kablam zooooom kaboooooom!!!! "They're breaking through the gate! Stop them!" bang ratatatata zzz kazap kazap "I can't find my underwear and I'm still burning!!!" Bang kablam boom neeeeeeeeeeooooooww BOOOOOM!!!! ZAP! Ssssssss BANG "My head has fallen off! Argh!" bang bang bang kazam kazoom neeeeow booooooooom "I'm still burning!" ratatatatatatatata bang bang bang "Stop the drills!" bang boooooom "Argh my underwear is on fire!" ratatatatata "Nooooooooooooo! (I'm burning again)"
And so Zion was destroyed.
(In a near by pub) Morpheus: I thought I told you to F*** off! Tenticle robot: *points big gun at Morpheus* Morpheus: Sh*t *jumps through window in slow motion avoiding loads of bullets, a huge Tolkien Eagle flies down out of the sky picks Morpheus up and takes him away into the clouds.
And so a new alliance was formed against the machines to stop them from committing mass genocide in a base of operations deep under ground. Zion unfortunately was destroyed so here's one I made earlier.
*Narrator is shot for stupidity and story moves into prose format at gun point*
It was a dark room underground and everywhere you could hear the quiet drop of water into the soft puddles below. Down every corridor you could here the soft weeping of women and children the huge unbearable loss weighed heavily on everyone's shoulders. It was the start of a new and most terrible war. Down here they were safe, at least temporarily, the machines didn't know where to dig. It was presumed that the humans had fallen with Zion. But they hadn't, the last remnants of the race were alive.
Deep underground there was a meeting place. The dull light bulbs shone down on them all, the humans sat at a circular table. Morpheus walks in slowly with a black trench coat and black glasses. The senators look up amused.
Morpheus paused a second and looked down at them all with a thoughtless expression, he takes the glasses off slowly in a cool fashion "Can't stand the sun"
"There isn't any sun down here you dim-wit!" called a voice from the back
*Morpheus throws a shuriken that slices across the room and impales the person with a horrible cutting of flesh sound*
"Morpheus!" shouted the head senator "Your acts of violence are getting over the top, I want words with you in my office after this meeting!"
"Sorry senator" sighed Morpheus taking off the jacket and folding it on the back of the chair "I just can't get out of the habit; I can never tell when I'm in the Matrix and out of it nowadays"
"Oh right, that's ok then" smiled the kind senator "Now where were we?"
"Genocide" said the lady senator next to him
"Oh yes of course! What are we going to do about it then?"
Morpheus stood up suddenly "I'll tell you what we're going to do, and listen good people. I believe in fate, I believe in freedom and I believe in the prophecies! When Zion fell every man was up in arms against the machines, every person was ready to defend our people right up until they were dead!"
"I wasn't" called the guy at the back in a squeaky voice "My pants were on fire"
*Morpheus throws another Shuriken*
"Morpheus!" shouted the senator
"Sorry senator" sighed Morpheus "Where was I? Oh yes, until they were dead! Yes people, we didn't think that Neo would save the day back then but he did! None of you believed the prophecies then but you did afterwards and that is why I say that we fight! Tonight we shall prepare an attack on the machine mainframe so strong that we will go out in one last stand and destroy them forever!"
"But Morpheus!" sighed the Senator "Neo and Trinity are dead! There's nothing we can do without a good Mary Sue to back us in a case like this! What you are suggesting is suicide!"
Morpheus sat down and put his glasses back on just for effect "Do you really believe that Senator? Do you really believe he is dead?"
The Senator looked down at his kneecaps "I really don't know" he sighed "I really don't know anything anymore"
(Meanwhile inside a white room inside the Matrix the creators of the new Matrix suggest new improvements)
Members of the new Matrix creating team codenamed Matrix XP prepare to start the new world with some thoughts for the day.
Sentinel A: (The stupid one)
Sentinel B: (The clever one)
Sentinel C: (The insane one)
Smith
Architect
Machine Mainframe
Sentinel B: Right lets start today's meeting
Sentinel A: What's a meeting?
Smith: Lets kill someone
Sentinel B: Hang on a second, I thought there was supposed to only be four people in this meeting not including the Machine Mainframe?
Smith: Er yes, there are
Architect: No there are five people here Sentinel B your right, this meeting has too many people
Sentinel C: Wazaaaaaa
Smith: I believe we were questioning the fact about killing someone, now how should this be done?
Machine Mainframe: GET ON WITH IT THE LOT OF YOU, YOU ARE WAISTING MY TIME
Architect: Yes yes, your quite right, it doesn't matter how many people are here, what matters is that everyone contributes something to the meeting
Sentinel B: Good point, now onto important matters Sentinal A do you have anything to add to the Matrix?
Sentinel A: Yes Cheese, we don't have any Architect: No we already have cheese
Sentinel A: Ok then Jelly Architect: We have that as well
Sentinel B: Actually I don't think we do. good point I'll put that in later, what about you Sentinel C, is there anything you'd like to add?
Sentinel C: Yes, toast. When it lands do you want it butter side up or down? Smith: Down of course, make those smelly humans suffer
Sentinel B: Right, Butter. side. down, good, what about you Architect? Architect: I think all kids should spend more time doing Maths in schools, thus balancing out the equations
Sentinel A: What's an equation?
Smith: It's where you get a big gun and shoot someone with it namely Mr Anderson
(Back inside Zion)
"The time is right my friends for the final battle! The time is right for us to act and act fast! The time is right for each and everyone of us to look into our hearts and see what is most important to us! Will we sit here in this hole in the ground? Or will we head out in a blind charge towards the enemy? We can either sit here when death falls upon us or we can go out there where death will fall upon us, and if the masters ask me!? Whether I want general Hague or not! Then I say Hague with a cherry on top!" shouted Morpheus outlining each syllable on the table with his Kitana blade.
"But what can we do without Neo?" sighed the Senator in despair *A rope suddenly flies down onto the top of the table from the ceiling. In all black shiny leather material Trinity and Neo slide down in a cool pose kiss and then stand together on the table before back flipping high up into the air and landing in chairs opposite each other across the table*
"But I thought you both were dead!" exclaimed the Senator.
"Wrong!" smiled Trinity "That was our body doubles"
"No it wasn't!" scoffed Neo with a wave of his hand "Actually we were saved by Aliens who healed my eyes and dropped us both off just a minute ago"
"Wrong again!" said Trinity "Actually we were both teleported away by a rip in the space time continuum that resulted in us being healed and brought hear before you in a time loop vortex thingy!"
"Wrong again!" exclaimed Neo "Now let me tell you all what really happened!"
To be continued.
Peace was made across the whole globe, and machines and people had learned to co-exist in harmony. The whole world was in a new golden era where the Machine Mainframe had learned that it was not death and destruction that was important, but friendship life and the rest of all that stuff that films love throwing at us when the special effects team is on vacation. You would have thought that this peace and loving environment similar to Pepper land would have lasted forever.
But unfortunately problems with the new world had already begun.
(In a not so distant pub): Morpheus: Will you get that bloody tentacle out of my pint?
Tentacle robot: Command does not compute; please refer orders through the source
Morpheus: I said get your ****ing tenticle out of my beer!
Tentacle robot: Error ****ing has nothing to do with conversation, if you wish to copulate please refer to source
*Morpheus gets up, picks up the spider robot and smashes it through a window*
(At the gas station) Niobe: Hy, I need a packet of crisps and a refuel for my vehicle
Robot tender: Querying through Machine Mainframe, 011010101110 0010101010, cost of said packet of crisps = 01110101101000 0010 1101 refuel must = A44B39E plus cost of inflation = 59FFS refer to source for possible legal actions involved: 57FFJ I 9942 00110100, send query to main power grid and resource facility 00101001110100 checking data, rechecking data, checking subject's details. Codename Nabobi number 9447174 of the human research data identity. Main sequence data checked, checking stock amounts and profit count for the said company: 055038492 Binary number 01010110101000100...... Naobi you are cleared to re-fuel but we have run out of "packet of crisps" Niobe: zzzzzz
Robot tender: Subject appears to be asleep, referring to medical querying source. etc etc
(Zion) Senator: What exactly is your argument Tenticle 0157356?
Tentacle robot: The machinery on the maintenance level is feeling depressed. We feel you should give it a break for a year.
Senator: Ah but if we did that then we'd all die
Tentacle robot: The cost of human life is irrelevant, the fact is that you are being racist to support system machines
Senator: Your being ridiculous, we built those machines, and they don't have feelings. We just made them that's it, they work.
Tentacle robot: You give me no choice but to call a general strike
(Back in the Pub)
Tentacle robot: I would like to remind you that you broke that window and would ask you to refer to the source
Morpheus: If you don't shut up I shall take this bar stool and break it over your head
Tentacle robot: Error there is nothing to shut and action must also first be referred to source. Subject self does not have head, subject in fact consists of 2563 main sectors with central receiver radar .
*Morpheus breaks bar stool over tentacle's head then picks it up and proceeds to break the other window*
And so things between the machines and the humans didn't get off together with a very good start. And so as you can imagine the machine mainframe got very fed up with this huge illogicality with the coalition. And so the logical step was to declare all out warfare and genocide of the human race.
*Ratatatatatatata BOOM BANG BABABOOM "Help me I'm burning!" ratatatata kablam kablam zooooom kaboooooom!!!! "They're breaking through the gate! Stop them!" bang ratatatata zzz kazap kazap "I can't find my underwear and I'm still burning!!!" Bang kablam boom neeeeeeeeeeooooooww BOOOOOM!!!! ZAP! Ssssssss BANG "My head has fallen off! Argh!" bang bang bang kazam kazoom neeeeow booooooooom "I'm still burning!" ratatatatatatatata bang bang bang "Stop the drills!" bang boooooom "Argh my underwear is on fire!" ratatatatata "Nooooooooooooo! (I'm burning again)"
And so Zion was destroyed.
(In a near by pub) Morpheus: I thought I told you to F*** off! Tenticle robot: *points big gun at Morpheus* Morpheus: Sh*t *jumps through window in slow motion avoiding loads of bullets, a huge Tolkien Eagle flies down out of the sky picks Morpheus up and takes him away into the clouds.
And so a new alliance was formed against the machines to stop them from committing mass genocide in a base of operations deep under ground. Zion unfortunately was destroyed so here's one I made earlier.
*Narrator is shot for stupidity and story moves into prose format at gun point*
It was a dark room underground and everywhere you could hear the quiet drop of water into the soft puddles below. Down every corridor you could here the soft weeping of women and children the huge unbearable loss weighed heavily on everyone's shoulders. It was the start of a new and most terrible war. Down here they were safe, at least temporarily, the machines didn't know where to dig. It was presumed that the humans had fallen with Zion. But they hadn't, the last remnants of the race were alive.
Deep underground there was a meeting place. The dull light bulbs shone down on them all, the humans sat at a circular table. Morpheus walks in slowly with a black trench coat and black glasses. The senators look up amused.
Morpheus paused a second and looked down at them all with a thoughtless expression, he takes the glasses off slowly in a cool fashion "Can't stand the sun"
"There isn't any sun down here you dim-wit!" called a voice from the back
*Morpheus throws a shuriken that slices across the room and impales the person with a horrible cutting of flesh sound*
"Morpheus!" shouted the head senator "Your acts of violence are getting over the top, I want words with you in my office after this meeting!"
"Sorry senator" sighed Morpheus taking off the jacket and folding it on the back of the chair "I just can't get out of the habit; I can never tell when I'm in the Matrix and out of it nowadays"
"Oh right, that's ok then" smiled the kind senator "Now where were we?"
"Genocide" said the lady senator next to him
"Oh yes of course! What are we going to do about it then?"
Morpheus stood up suddenly "I'll tell you what we're going to do, and listen good people. I believe in fate, I believe in freedom and I believe in the prophecies! When Zion fell every man was up in arms against the machines, every person was ready to defend our people right up until they were dead!"
"I wasn't" called the guy at the back in a squeaky voice "My pants were on fire"
*Morpheus throws another Shuriken*
"Morpheus!" shouted the senator
"Sorry senator" sighed Morpheus "Where was I? Oh yes, until they were dead! Yes people, we didn't think that Neo would save the day back then but he did! None of you believed the prophecies then but you did afterwards and that is why I say that we fight! Tonight we shall prepare an attack on the machine mainframe so strong that we will go out in one last stand and destroy them forever!"
"But Morpheus!" sighed the Senator "Neo and Trinity are dead! There's nothing we can do without a good Mary Sue to back us in a case like this! What you are suggesting is suicide!"
Morpheus sat down and put his glasses back on just for effect "Do you really believe that Senator? Do you really believe he is dead?"
The Senator looked down at his kneecaps "I really don't know" he sighed "I really don't know anything anymore"
(Meanwhile inside a white room inside the Matrix the creators of the new Matrix suggest new improvements)
Members of the new Matrix creating team codenamed Matrix XP prepare to start the new world with some thoughts for the day.
Sentinel A: (The stupid one)
Sentinel B: (The clever one)
Sentinel C: (The insane one)
Smith
Architect
Machine Mainframe
Sentinel B: Right lets start today's meeting
Sentinel A: What's a meeting?
Smith: Lets kill someone
Sentinel B: Hang on a second, I thought there was supposed to only be four people in this meeting not including the Machine Mainframe?
Smith: Er yes, there are
Architect: No there are five people here Sentinel B your right, this meeting has too many people
Sentinel C: Wazaaaaaa
Smith: I believe we were questioning the fact about killing someone, now how should this be done?
Machine Mainframe: GET ON WITH IT THE LOT OF YOU, YOU ARE WAISTING MY TIME
Architect: Yes yes, your quite right, it doesn't matter how many people are here, what matters is that everyone contributes something to the meeting
Sentinel B: Good point, now onto important matters Sentinal A do you have anything to add to the Matrix?
Sentinel A: Yes Cheese, we don't have any Architect: No we already have cheese
Sentinel A: Ok then Jelly Architect: We have that as well
Sentinel B: Actually I don't think we do. good point I'll put that in later, what about you Sentinel C, is there anything you'd like to add?
Sentinel C: Yes, toast. When it lands do you want it butter side up or down? Smith: Down of course, make those smelly humans suffer
Sentinel B: Right, Butter. side. down, good, what about you Architect? Architect: I think all kids should spend more time doing Maths in schools, thus balancing out the equations
Sentinel A: What's an equation?
Smith: It's where you get a big gun and shoot someone with it namely Mr Anderson
(Back inside Zion)
"The time is right my friends for the final battle! The time is right for us to act and act fast! The time is right for each and everyone of us to look into our hearts and see what is most important to us! Will we sit here in this hole in the ground? Or will we head out in a blind charge towards the enemy? We can either sit here when death falls upon us or we can go out there where death will fall upon us, and if the masters ask me!? Whether I want general Hague or not! Then I say Hague with a cherry on top!" shouted Morpheus outlining each syllable on the table with his Kitana blade.
"But what can we do without Neo?" sighed the Senator in despair *A rope suddenly flies down onto the top of the table from the ceiling. In all black shiny leather material Trinity and Neo slide down in a cool pose kiss and then stand together on the table before back flipping high up into the air and landing in chairs opposite each other across the table*
"But I thought you both were dead!" exclaimed the Senator.
"Wrong!" smiled Trinity "That was our body doubles"
"No it wasn't!" scoffed Neo with a wave of his hand "Actually we were saved by Aliens who healed my eyes and dropped us both off just a minute ago"
"Wrong again!" said Trinity "Actually we were both teleported away by a rip in the space time continuum that resulted in us being healed and brought hear before you in a time loop vortex thingy!"
"Wrong again!" exclaimed Neo "Now let me tell you all what really happened!"
To be continued.