(I don't own Boy Meets World, or where I got this idea so please don't hurt me. I'm a poor writer who has $21.40 on her bank card. BTW the droopy noodle dish is a real dish I saw on a menu. I'm a weird girl I literally go to restaurants and look at their menu to see if they have dishes with 'dirty' names-latest Pork Buns.)
It was Shawn's turn to do the shopping for him, Cory, Topanga, and Eric. It had become a routine for them the boys would write down their lists and give them to Topanga who would compile the list and make sure they all got what they needed and what they wanted. He had a free afternoon from classes and his job at a youth center so he figured that he would get the shopping done early and then head over to the coffee shop and do some reading or go out to the park and take some photos. He made quick work of the aisles. It was his turn to cook as well, he knew what he wanted to cook but couldn't remember all of the ingredients. It was a recipe Amy had given him so he knew he had to call her to get the rest of the ingredients. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number he knew by heart.
"Hello?"
"Hi Mom!"
"You'll have to be more specific I have 4 sons and one doesn't talk yet." Said Amy knowing it was Shawn.
"It's your favorite."
"Oh, that one. Hi Honey what's up?"
"Well I want to make that droopy noodle thing you showed me, but I can't remember all the ingredients, what are they?"
Amy told Shawn what he would need and that she would email him the rest of the instructions. They continued to talk while he got everything else until he got to a few items he didn't want to get.
"OH HELL NO!"
"Everything alright Shawn?" Asked Amy.
"If she thinks I'm getting that stuff, she is out of her freakin' mind."
"Shawn, what is wrong?"
"Topanga has finally lost her mind! She put girl stuff on this list."
"What like shampoo, conditioner?"
"I wish! No she put ta—tam-, those things on there."
"Shawn go to the aisle."
"No please don't make me." Said Shawn shaking his head even though Amy couldn't see him.
"Shawn Patrick go to the aisle." Said Amy sternly.
"I'm going, you this is why I'm not married or have a girlfriend."
"Shawn didn't you ever go to the store for Angela?"
"No. Oh my God why are there so many? Don't they all do the same thing?" Said Shawn running his hand through his hair.
"Honey did she write down exactly what she wanted?"
"Blue Box, green stripe. That's it no brand name nothin'. Mom there's like 15,000 different blue with a green stripe boxes which one do I get?"
"Shawn calm down you're starting to sound like Cory."
"He's the one that should be here buying this stuff he married her."
"Yes but it's your turn to do the shopping Honey. Find a female worker."
"Okay. Really?"
"Not to date, just get assistance from."
"Right assistance, excuse me?"
"Yes?"
"Um, my friend sent me in to get some girly things and she just told me to get the blue box with the green stripes."
"What brand?"
"If I knew what brand, I wouldn't ask you to help me figure this out now would I?"
"Shawn be nice or you will not get the help you need." Said Amy.
"Does she need pads or tampons?"
"Ta…tam… the last one."
"Here you go anything else?"
"Um, Midol?" Said Shawn.
"Okay right here. Does it say what strength?"
"Mom? There's different strengths?"
Amy was now enjoying Shawn's discomfort.
"Did Topanga write a specific one?"
"No."
"Then I don't know."
"Fat lot of help you are. You're women help me out here!"
"Well when your wife gets her cycle how does she act?"
"First of all this she is not my WIFE! She is my brother's wife and I'm going to kill them both for doing this to me. You two are lucky I don't drink because if I did you guys would find me in the nearest bar after this!" Amy was now openly laughing at this situation because this was a Cory style freak out that she knew would come someday out of Shawn.
"I think you should be the one taking the Midol. Have a good day." Said the associate walking away thinking Shawn was out of his mind.
"Screw this." Amy heard a small crashing noise.
"Shawn, what did you just do?"
"I just threw about 20 bottles of Midol into my cart and I am not taking them back out because this is what 'she' deserves."
"Hunter I think you are taking Veronica to a whole new level." Said a voice from behind Shawn. Amy who was still on the other end instantly recognized the voice and started laughing even harder remembering Shawn's little alter ego from high school.
"Really Dad my day couldn't get any worse?" Said Shawn to the ceiling. "Hi Jon, how are you?"
"I'm good Shawn, I can talk to you later though since you're on the phone."
"No I'm not." Said Shawn hanging up the phone on Amy who was still laughing.
"Shawn you don't just hang up on someone." Said Jon slipping right back into the authority figure he was for Shawn years before.
"It's was just Mrs. Matthews laughing at me."
"What are you doing here?" Asked Jon looking in Shawn's cart and looking at him and looking back at the cart.
"They're not for me, they're for Topanga. Besides what are you doing here?" Jon just looked at him even more waiting to see how big a hole Shawn was going to dig.
"Are you and Topanga seeing each other?"
"What? No we just live together."
"Uh-huh."
"She's married."
"Okay." Jon still watching the figurative hole around Shawn getting bigger.
"To Cory. She, Cory, Eric, and I share an apartment together."
"Okay. Still doesn't explain why you have girly items in your cart."
"It was my turn to do the shopping, and she snuck these items on the list and if I don't go home with them, you know Topanga she's scary when pissed off. We try not to do it. Eric and I are waiting for Cory to grow a pair before we really try to piss her off."
"So you're going to be waiting for eternity."
"Yup. Or she kills him whichever comes first."
Jon was already done his shopping so he decided to follow Shawn around for a while and catch up with him. When he got to the register the girl looked at Shawn, then looked at the 20 bottles of Midol and the box of tampons that he put up and a bunch of chocolate he had grabbed from the candy aisle, and back at him.
"What? It's not for me it's for my sister in law."
"Okay, but let me tell you if you were my guy and you did this I don't know whether I would hug you, laugh at you, or kill you for the 20 bottles of Midol."
"This is so we don't ever have to buy it again." Said Shawn through his teeth. Shawn paid for the groceries and loaded them into the cart that they used to get the groceries home and waited for Jon to buy his stuff.
"So what made you move up here?" Asked Jon.
"Oh, Topanga got an internship with Brown Elliot and they offered a scholarship so me and Eric decided to tag along he's now got a paid internship at the CBS station and then I was told I was moving. I think they were afraid of what I would do if left to my own devices. My girlfriend and I had just broke up so I wasn't in a real good place and I was still kind of dealing with Chet dying and the secrets that fell out of that fricken black hole."
"Like what?"
"Oh Virna isn't my biological mother, got that nice letter at Christmas last I heard she was in Honduras."
"Honduras? How the hell did she end up in Honduras?"
"I have no clue. I haven't talked to her since I was in high school. The letter was the last time I heard from her."
"Wow."
"Yeah, so it turns out that Dad had three other wives that we know about. The one we think might be my mother no one can find."
"What about the other one?"
"Her name is Ming Wa."
"Long shot. What about your brother's mom does she know anything?"
"No, she left when Jack was like 1 I'm a year younger. We asked her and she has no clue she didn't even know Dad had remarried until after I was born."
"Wow 4 wives and not one stuck around?"
"Nope, and as you know Dad was traveling right up until he died. If he had survived the heart attacks he'd be in Vegas dealing blackjack."
"How do you know that?"
"He got the call while he was visiting us at college. Jack kept say 'maybe he'll stick around this time.' Even Eric asked him when he was leaving."
"Eric saw it all go down."
"Alan told me Dad asked him to take care of me and Jack. That's why I call the Matthews' Mom and Dad now cause them, you, and Mr. Feeny are the only adults that gave a damn and stuck around."
"How'd you pay for school?"
"Dad asked Jack's stepfather. It was kind of weird he cut Jack off financially after his graduation but kept paying my tuition and I had never met the man."
They arrived back at Shawn's place and parted ways with each other's numbers and addresses. When Shawn got upstairs Topanga was in the kitchen with Eric and Cory so he pulled the cart in and walked back out towards his room. They could unpack it for all he cared he didn't want to cook anymore. They just watched him walk away until Eric started unloading the bags trying to figure out what was bugging Shawn.
"Never…Again." Said Shawn.
"Uh, Topanga why are there so many bottles of M…Mi…EW!" Said Eric.
"What?" Asked Topanga now wondering what was wrong with Eric and Shawn.
"Eh, girly things, GIRLY THINGS!" Said Eric loudly and pointing to the box of tampons he threw on the counter.
"Oh my God." Said Topanga know knowing what was up with Shawn.
"What?" Asked Cory.
"I know what's wrong with Shawn I'll be right back."
Topanga walked to the back of the apartment and knocked on Shawn's door.
"NEVER…AGAIN!"
"Shawn can I come in?"
"Never again." Topanga took that as a yes and walked in spotting Shawn under his comforter not knowing why but whatever worked for him.
"Shawn." She said with sympathy and crawling on to the bed with him anybody else this could be taken so wrong but they all often did this with each other. There were many movie nights when the 4 of them would curl up under 1 blanket with Topanga in the middle of all 3 boys. "Babe, I'm sorry."
"No you're not." Said Shawn quietly.
"Yes I am, when I wrote the list out I completely forgot it was your turn to do the shopping. I thought it was Cory's. You didn't have to get them."
"Yes I did."
"No you really didn't." Said Topanga hugging him. "But Shawn?"
"Yeah?"
"What am I going to do with 20 bottles of Midol?"
"Save them for a rainy day." Said Shawn as Topanga smacked him in the stomach.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. You know you gave Mom and Jon a good laugh doing that to me though."
"Jon who?"
"How many Jon's do we both know?" Asked Shawn.
"You ran into Mr. Turner? When?"
"At the store, he told me that buying that stuff was taking Veronica too far."
"Oh my God. You made the prettiest girl, out of all you guys."
"Never Again. It took like a good month for my eyebrows to grow back."
"You never know."
"No never again. I'm never buying you girly things, I'm never dressing up as Veronica. NEVER AGAIN!"
That was how Cory and Eric found them lounging in Shawn's room looking at the many pictures that Topanga took during their childhood.
"Wait I've got better ones." Said Eric going to his room and grabbing an album.
He pulled out the polaroid that he took when Cory and Shawn tried to straighten his hair.
"Aw, and there is Veronica and Cora."
"What I want to know is how did nobody not know it was Shawn." Said Eric.
"Feeny knew instantly, he kept telling me if I needed to talk to him his door was always open."
"Well it was Feeny's fault. That and the fact that Debbie's ex was a jerk." Said Shawn.
"Eric would you ever dress up as Chantal again?"
"If I had a gun to my head." Said Eric.
"Shawn?"
"Absolutely positively NEVER AGAIN!"