CH 1: What I'm Hiding Under My Skin
Meet me in the Room of Requirement. Tonight at 9. -H
Draco read the note over and over in his head as he sat in the library anxiously awaiting the meeting. He was leaning over a solid oak table in the back of the library where rows of stacks shielded him from other students sharing the room. In his hand he held the square piece of parchment inscribed with messy, uneven handwriting. Running his thumb over a crease where the note had been folded tightly, the Slytherin glanced up at the Grandfather clock against the wall. It was 8:27.
Scowling, Draco crumpled the parchment in his palm and brought his hand up to his chin, where he rested his head impatiently. He could have sworn it had been 8:27 five minutes ago.
As the time passed ever so slowly, Draco started to tap his fingers against the table's surface, closing his eyes and thinking to himself. Him and Potter had been meeting like this in secrecy for the past several months; each time becoming closer and closer.
It started out by mistake. Draco had been patrolling the halls late at night, doing his Prefect duties, when he had discovered Potter sneaking around after hours using an invisibility cloak. At first he had been thrilled at the idea of turning in the Wonder Boy to Professor Snape, causing Gryffindor house to lose points, but Potter had surprised him. He told Draco that he had seen him on some sort of map, sneaking around different parts of the castle when he was supposed to be in class and at late hours of the night. For fear of being blackmailed, they agreed to let it slide. That was until it happened again. That time, Draco was certain he would dock points, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to take the matter to his head of house. He feared people would become suspicious of his actions outside of class; that they would catch on to what he was really up to. He let it slide again.
After those two incidents, Draco seemed to notice his rival more than usual. In classes, in the Great Hall, and around the castle he would catch the boy's eyes on him and look away quickly, frowning to hide his blushing cheeks. Even his fellow Slytherins noticed Potter acting strange around him. His retorts weren't nearly as snide as they had been previous years and he had even tried pulling something odd in Potions class one day.
Draco had been brewing Veritaserum when he left his cauldron to grab an extra vial from the cabinet. To his dismay and discomfort, Potter had gotten up to go to the cabinet as well and although Draco tried to ignore him, the Gryffindor's hand had brushed over his and he could have sworn it had stayed there for an unnecessarily long moment, his fingers on the top of Draco's knuckles. Since no one had been looking, he didn't react right away, but that night, Draco was determined to find out what Potter had been paying at this whole time.
Following him out of the Great Hall after dinner, Draco cornered the Gryffindor boy in a hallway and demanded to know what was going on. At first, Potter acted as though he was clueless, but the Slytherin prodded until he finally got his answer. Shockingly, that answer had been Potter lunging forward and pressing his lips on his, an act which Draco resisted right away. However, the second time he did it, the Slytherin gave in. Unsure what had come over him, he ran back to his dormitory and avoided Potter for the next week completely. However, after seven days had passed since they had even shared a glance, Draco received a tiny folded up piece of parchment at his desk after Potions. It was from Potter, telling him to be at the girl's bathroom on the first floor at 9 pm. Reluctant at first, Draco complied.
It was at that confrontation that Potter told him about how he had been feeling the past few years. Draco was angry at first, disgusted at the thought of his sworn enemy having a crush on him, but after an hour or so of talking, Draco realized that he too had a crush.
Since that night, they had been meeting in various places around the castle to talk once or twice a week. Potter had been relieved to have some time to escape the angst which was going on between his two best friends and Draco was happy to spend time away from his Slytherin friends whom he had been becoming increasingly bored with this year.
After about a month of secret meetings, the Gryffindor kissed him again. They had been in the Room of Requirement discussing a Charms test when Draco went into his bag to retrieve his notes and when he turned around, Potter scooted up next to him, placing a kiss softly on his lips.
For the next few months they kept getting closer. One goodnight kiss turned into several goodnight kisses and onto a goodnight snog and then entire meetings just filled with snogging.
Of course, it wasn't just about the snogging. They still spent time complaining about classes, sharing their own dumb memories, and of course arguing. They argued quite a lot. It was usually Draco who instigated it. He would say something crude against muggleborns or Gryffindor house and Potter would take immediate offense. Luckily, all their fights could be solved with more snogging.
The end of the year was approaching and Draco knew just how important this was. See, although him and the Boy Who Lived had been sharing a secret relationship, the Dark Lord had made other plans for the Slytherin.
When Draco had gone home for Christmas, he had been devastated to find that things were not well at Malfoy Manor. His home had been converted to headquarters for his aunt Bellatrix and the Dark Lord himself. His parents, although having no say in the matter, were also forced to comply with Voldemort's orders and the first thing on his to-do list was to kill Professor Dumbledore; and Draco was to be the one to do it.
As much as he tried to refuse, Draco didn't want to displease the Dark Lord for fear that he would end up dead as well as his family. The day before returning to Hogwarts, Voldemort branded Draco with his mark, imprisoning him to the Death Eaters.
Upon returning to school, the Slytherin had been much more standoffish and even refused to look Potter in the eyes when they would meet. He didn't want the Gryffindor to find out that he was part of the Death Eaters now, even if it had been against his will. He knew it would upset the other boy, potentially make him not want to see him again. Draco couldn't let that happen because not only did he get recruited into Voldemort's army during Christmas break, he had also come to the realization that he had fallen in love with Harry Potter.
Glancing up at the clock again, Draco sighed. It was 8:46. He stood up, stuffing the note into his pocket and grabbing his bag.
As he left the library, he began to worry. There were only two weeks left of classes which meant he needed to find some way of getting out of killing the headmaster, and he needed to do it fast. He also needed to find some way of telling Potter. There must be some way he could break it to him without the Gryffindor getting too upset. He was terribly nervous though. It was probably better left unsaid.
Approaching the bare, stone wall which he had grown accustomed to this past year, Draco looked around. The coast was clear so he closed his eyes. "Take me to Harry Potter." He whispered.
The stone shifted and the door became visible. Taking a deep breath, Draco stepped inside.
It was the same room they had been using all year. It was arranged to look like a mix between both the Slytherin and Gryffindor common rooms. Flames burned within a fireplace against the far wall. Silver tapestries hung on the walls and a soft, gold rug was laid out in the middle of the floor. A desk and two chairs sat at one corner of the room and a long leather sofa was at the other. Sitting on the sofa, looking up at him was the Gryffindor himself.
Draco sighed and walked forward, as Potter stood up from his seat. They stepped towards each other, silently embracing once they met. The Gryffindor wrapped his arms around Draco's torso and tilted his head up, pressing his lips against the Slytherin's. Draco rested his hands gently on the boy's shoulders and accepted the kiss.
"Hi." Harry said, smiling once they pulled apart.
"Hi." Draco looked away, forcing a weak smile.
The Gryffindor cocked his head and furrowed his brow. He took one hand and rubbed the blonde's back. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Draco said quickly, pulling away a little more and dropping his hands to his sides.
"You're lying." Potter looked at him with an expression like he didn't want to be tested tonight.
"It's fine," the Slytherin continued to look away. "I'm just distracted."
Potter grabbed Draco's hands and leaned forward so their faces were almost touching. "Well let me distract you from your distractions." He kissed him again but Draco turned his head.
"Draco what's the matter?" He frowned.
"It's nothing, I told you."
"Don't lie to me."
"Just drop it, Potter." He pulled himself free and sat down on the sofa, his hands folded between his knees.
The Gryffindor put his hands at his hips. "I told you not to call me that anymore. Call me Harry."
Draco looked at the floor. "It's a habit."
Harry rolled his eyes. "Well then break the habit."
The Slytherin looked up at him and glared, not responding.
The brunette sat down next to him, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees. "Tell me what's going on."
"I don't want to."
"I don't care."
Draco folded his arms at his chest and looked the opposite direction from Harry. "Can't you just drop it?"
Harry reached forward and grasped the boy's chin, turning his head so they were facing each other. "No."
Draco pulled his hand away and glared into Harry's green eyes. "I really don't want to talk about it."
"Did something happen during Christmas?"
The blonde turned his face away again, looking at the floor. "You're such a prat." He whispered under his breath.
"I know that it was a while ago, but you haven't been the same since then."
Draco continued not to answer.
"You barely look at me, let alone talk to me anymore. And you haven't been eating."
"You've been watching me during dinner?" Draco turned to shoot him a dark glare.
"I've been worried about you." Harry put his hand on Draco's shoulder but the Slytherin swatted it away.
"Well you don't have to be, alright. There were just some things that happened with my family which I do not care to talk about and are no matter to you, now just drop it!" His voice was verging on a shout and he went to stand up from the sofa but Harry grabbed him by the arm and shoved him back down roughly.
They sat there silently; Draco looking down at the floor, his chest heaving with anger, and Harry staring at the Slytherin's face, waiting for him to calm down.
"Stop fighting with me." Harry said softly.
"Stop prying into my personal affairs." Draco's voice had calmed.
"Okay." The Gryffindor sighed and leaned over, moving his hand up to the back of Draco's head. He placed a gentle kiss right below the boy's earlobe.
Draco closed his eyes and didn't move. He wanted to tell Harry about what had happened at the manor and he wanted to tell him about the Dark Lord's plan, but he was terrified that doing so would make him disappear from him forever.
The brunette placed another kiss on Draco's neck, sifting his fingers through his hair.
"Potter..." He whispered, feeling himself relax at the boy's touch.
"Shh...Harry. Call me Harry." The Gryffindor brought his free hand up to Draco's cheek and pulled him in for a kiss.
Draco parted his lips, kissing back gently. He put his hands around the other boy's head.
Harry maneuvered himself on the sofa so he was kneeling on the cushion. He turned Draco's body so he was almost laying down. Pushing the blonde back so his head rested on a red plush pillow, Harry put one knee between Draco's legs so he was straddling his thigh.
Draco let out a tiny, breathy noise when he was shifted on the sofa. They had snogged on the sofa loads of times before, one on top of the other, but they had always stopped before anything too physical occurred. For some reason this felt different.
Harry was caressing Draco's neck with his hands, running his fingertips along the edge of the Slytherin's collar. He lowered himself down so his hips were resting right above Draco's.
The blonde took one hand and held Harry's cheek. With the other hand he brushed his fingertips over the boy's back, watching as his eyelids fluttered at the touch. Since the brunette was straddling him, Draco felt the boy's hardness in between his legs as it pressed against his thigh.
Harry flattened his palms on Draco's chest and ran them down to his hips then back up, feeling the Slytherin arch slightly. He kissed him eagerly, letting his tongue dance over the tip of Draco's and caress the inside of his mouth. Harry began to pull at the top button on Draco's shirt. The blonde opened his eyes suddenly and stopped kissing.
What was Harry doing? They had never seen each other without clothes on and Draco swallowed heavily, realizing that if this were to get much further along, Harry would see his Dark Mark and he would have to explain himself.
"Draco, it's okay." The Gryffindor whispered, pulling open the first button and moving down to the second one.
"I...I don't know about this..." The blonde's voice was uneven. He glanced down. Harry had gotten the first three buttons undone and had moved his lips down to his bare chest. Draco tightened his fingers around the fabric on the brunette's back and slid his other hand into his dark, messy hair.
"Shh..." Harry whispered, his breath hot against Draco's skin as his lips continued to move down with each new button undone. "We can go slow."
Draco arched his back and let out a high pitched moan when Harry got to the last button and brushed his fingertips over the sensitive skin below his navel. He ran his tongue up the Slytherin's abdomen to his neck and to his mouth where he took him in another kiss. Draco's body shuddered with pleasure and also fear of what would happen next.
Harry put both hands on the edge of Draco's unbuttoned shirt and began to pull it over his shoulders. Draco lifted his hands to grip Harry's wrists.
"Harry." He said, looking into the boy's eyes pleadingly.
"What's the matter? Let me take it off." He pushed Draco's hands out of the way and went back to the shirt.
"No...I'd rather leave it on." The Slytherin pulled his hands back down again.
Harry frowned. "Why?" He grasped one side and began to pull, exposing Draco's bicep.
"Because." Draco shrugged the hand off and pulled the shirt back up.
Harry rolled his eyes. He thought this was some kind of joke or some dumb Malfoy thing. "Come on, it's okay. It's just me..." He leaned forward, tugging the fabric down just as Draco brought his hands up to push him away. It was enough though. The top of the dark tattoo had been visible for a brief moment. A moment long enough for Harry to have seen the mark and pull back in surprise. His eyes widened and his face became pale. Looking away, Draco slid himself out from under Harry's body and scrambled to pull his shirt back up.
"Draco..." His voice was weak as Harry blinked his eyes in shock.
The blonde fumbled at the buttons to dress himself again, he didn't want to look at Harry's face. He didn't want to be here any longer. This had been a mistake.
"Draco, what was that?" Harry's voice rose.
"You know what it is." He spoke under his breath shamefully.
"How long has it been there?"
Draco didn't answer, but shot up from the sofa, pacing to the other side of the small room.
"How long has it been there?" Harry was yelling now, and he too stood up from his seat.
"Since Christmas." Draco folded his arms at his chest, holding himself as if to cower away.
"That was months ago!" The Gryffindor threw his arms up in the air. "You've been hiding this from me since Christmas?"
"Harry, I can explain..." Draco's voice was pathetic as his back was turned to the other boy.
"You're one of them?" He reached his arm out and pulled the Slytherin around so he was facing him. "You're one of them now?"
"I didn't mean for this to happen." Draco looked into his eyes, desperate for him to understand.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Draco looked away. Harry's eyes were angry, piercing into him like knives. "I...I didn't know how."
The Gryffindor shook his head and pursed his lips together. "Brilliant. If you've been hiding this from me, what else have you been hiding?"
Draco's heart sank. He could feel his knees becoming weak. He wanted to run away, out of the Room of Requirement and far, far away. "Harry, I'm sorry."
"What else have you been hiding, Draco?" He stepped forward, fists clenched and voice low.
The blonde looked up tentatively. His heart was pounding as he let out a staggered breath. "Dumbledore." He said quietly.
Harry's face contorted in confusion as he put his hands on his hips. "What about Dumbledore?"
Draco swallowed. His eyes darted around the room anxiously. "I've been instructed to kill him."
Harry's jaw dropped and his brow furrowed even more. "What?"
"If I don't do it then he'll kill me. And my family. You don't understand..." Tears welled up in his eyes.
"How could you keep this from me?" Harry ran his hand through his hair, his voice still in the range of shouting. "You know how close I am to him. You know we've been meeting about the horcruxes."
Draco hitched his breath. A tear ran down his cheek.
"I take it you've told them all about that, too." The Gryffindor glared.
"No, no I haven't said a word. I promise!" Draco whimpered.
"How am I supposed to trust you?" Harry yelled, waving his hand in the air angrily towards the Slytherin.
"Harry, it wasn't my choice. What was I supposed to do, let him kill me?"
"You should have told me." He lowered his voice and looked down at the floor.
"I know...I know...I'm sorry." Draco stepped towards him, but Harry backed away.
"Stop apologizing."
"I...I..." Draco sobbed, reaching his hand out to the Gryffindor who turned him down and backed away again.
"When is it going to happen?" Harry interrupted.
"Wh..what?" Draco tilted his head slightly in puzzlement.
"Dumbledore. When are you supposed to..." His voice trailed off. He didn't want to say it.
"Next week." The Slytherin swallowed again, his mouth was dry and he felt extremely drained.
"That should be enough time." Harry walked past Draco, bending down to pick up his bag which was sitting on the floor next to the desk.
"What are you going to do?" Draco perked his head up and turned around, aware that Harry was getting ready to leave.
"I really shouldn't be telling you now, should I?" He narrowed his eyes at the blonde who looked pitiful standing there with tear marks on his face.
Draco looked at the floor.
"I'm going to talk to Dumbledore. Find a way to stop this." He headed towards the door.
"Harry, if I don't do this...he'll kill me." Draco spoke wearily, unsure if it would even matter to the Gryffindor now.
Harry paused and reached towards the door handle. "I won't let you die."
Draco looked up, but as he did, Harry had already swung open the door and walked out.
The Slytherin stood there in silence. He felt his fingers go numb and more tears well into his eyes. Reaching a shaky hand into his pocket, Draco pulled out the crumpled note. He squeezed it in his palm and collapsed onto his knees, breaking into a fit of sobs.
He stayed in the Room of Requirement that night, unfit to go back to his dormitory. He sat on the floor, leaning his back against the sofa, staring into the fireplace and clinging onto Harry's last words to him, "I won't let you die."