Nick downed his third beer for the night. The New Year's party Winston dragged them too was worse than he thought. Evidently he made a big impression on this chick from Schmidt's little office Christmas party. She was pretty and nice; from he could gather from the rushed introductions Winston gave. Schmidt wasn't much of a help either since he worked with the girl and knew he for a while already and somehow assumed he did too.
Her house was big though for a plus and the finger foods were actually pretty awesome. So he stuff a plate full and stalked out to the pool in the back to sit himself down and congratulate himself for being alone for New Years, again. But eyes in the sky felt the need to make his pity party all the worse when she came out from a side door. Her hair bouncing as she ducked her head under a hanging plant. Her eyes looking downwards and her hands clutching her cardigan close in a shy manner.
He can't help but notice her lately. He had seemed to acquire a helplessly obsessive habit of making sure to watch out for her. Why? Well, he could guess, but his pride took good care to make sure he wouldn't admit it to himself. But after the fiasco from the Christmas party she had started a new habit of avoiding him and holing up in her room.
He tried asking her what she was doing, but she'd just push him out and told him that she was readying her next semester learning strategies. He knew she was sulking, but the Dirty Dancing DVD never did come out.
Her eyes looked into a window viewing the party inside as if she was looking for someone. His heart skipped hoping that maybe she was searching for him. But once her eyes finally scanned to him her face fell slightly. He tried his hardest not to scrunch his face in disappointment.
"Hey," He voiced just barely audible all the way to her ears. She gave him a half smile before slowly making her way towards him to take a seat on the patio chair next to him, the umbrella hovering over them too almost as if shielding them from the heavens. He wouldn't have it any other way.
"What are you doing out here?" she asked most likely knowing he'd lie and answer.
"I figured they would get on fine in there without me." He replied truthfully for once hoping she'd think it's a lie. Her eyes looked down to her hands awkwardly. "What are you doing out here?" He suddenly started thinking of all the ways he'd like her to reply. All of which ended with her telling of her feelings for him.
Maybe it's much too early in the game
Ooh, but I thought I'd ask you just the same
what are you doing New Year's
New Year's Eve?
She hadn't expected him to be out here. But truth be told she now realized how obvious it was. She had been seeking him out and when he didn't show inside she'd figure solitude would be the next best thing.
Winston had his new girl and Schmidt was desperately looking for his in the wrong places. But Nick was sort of her rock. He was strong and independent. He was everything she wasn't, mature, quiet and appropriate. He would listen to her babble and would tell her upfront what she was afraid to admit even to herself. So of course she would gravitate to him.
But after her last break up she found herself more upset with how Nick was gone the week after. Sure he'd check on her, when he was home for two nights. But he made himself so scarce she didn't know how to react to his sudden in burst. So she lied and pushed him away.
Her mind the whole week constantly plagued with questions of him. Why was he gone so much? Why was she the only one to notice his absence? Was he hanging out with the girl from the bar again? Why would she be upset with that? But no questions of Paul or her impending loneliness of New Years Eve ever came up.
"I got creeped out by Schmidt's New Years lines. He needs to get a new hobby." She lied instead of what she wished she could say. This would go along the lines with how she missed seeing him.
"That coming from the jam girl." He chuckled finally showing her his smile. Her mouth couldn't help but follow his lead. "What times is it anyways?" She glanced down at her antique watch.
"11:30"
"You should hurry and pick a guy before the time runs out." She found her frown once more as she glanced back at the window.
"I'm hopeless Nick, you should know that already." She pouted but was cut off by his hand on her shoulder.
"Hey, I'm sorry for the whole Paul scenario. It really wasn't my place and I have no idea why I even felt the need to take about it to him." He comforted and she fought the urge to lean her cheek to his palm. To feel his touch for some bazaar reason she couldn't figure out.
"I'm really not that broken up about him." She sighed and looked away to hide her disappointment in his topic of choice. "Why aren't you in there looking either?" She silently prayed for his hand to reach for hers in answer. But she knew he was probably going say something about Caroline instead, the thought only making her more disappointed.
Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight
When it's exactly twelve o'clock that night
Welcoming in the New Year
New Year's eve
He suddenly thought of Caroline and how last year he spent holed up in his room in depression. But yet she was only a brief thought to him the last few weeks. His mind had finally let go of her and now all he could think is how long she'd allow him to hold her shoulder. Since the thought of not touching her already making him sadden. He let go reluctantly to try and keep his thoughts straight.
She looked up at him and he saw her lips open as if to saying something but only to close before she let it out.
"I'm the turtle remember?" She smirked at him slightly. Her eyes twinkled just the slightest.
"Maybe we should start a new tradition this year?"
"Yeah and what would that be?" He played along finally joining her smirk. She glanced up in thought giving him the view of her green turtle earrings. He momentarily wondered if she had thought of him when she put them on.
But the turtle nickname only proved how obvious it was that she'd never see him the way he saw her. He'd forever be the awkward and grumpy Yertle to her. Whereas she'd always be a quirky and bright Cindy Lou Who to him.
Maybe I'm crazy to suppose
I'd ever be the one you chose
Out of the thousand invitations
You received
She tried her hardest say something that wouldn't give her unknown feelings for him away. But the umbrella wasn't helping as much as she hoped.
"Maybe we should do the opposite from everyone else" She finally blurted out excited.
"And that would be what? Throw rocks in the sky?" She furrowed her brows in question by his bazaar comment.
"No! Instead of kissing some stranger, we should call up our ex's and tell them that they're last year's problems." He smiled wide at that.
"Sounds mean for something you'd do." She rolled her eyes at his half compliment. He really was sweet in the weirdest ways. She quickly glanced down at his feet hopeful, but the table blocked her view.
"I'll do it if you do." She pointed to him in question halfway wishing he'd back out.
"I don't know it's been over a year since Caroline anyways." He stammered scratching his head impulsively. "And Paul had just been last Sunday." She grimaced at the thought; the whole thing was just awkward, for all parties.
"Oh whatever." She sighed shoving his shoulder slightly, but his hand caught hers before she could retreat it. She stiffened at the touch as her eyes found his. His brown orbs brooding just the way she'd imagine they would towards Caroline in an intimate situation.
"I'll do it okay?" She had almost forgotten what they were discussing for a split second.
"Okay." She half whispered and he let go, leaving her hand tingling. She wondered if he felt it too. Just maybe. She watched him pull out his phone and look at the time.
"It's 11:55 now." He told her expecting her to do the same. So she pulled her old and gilzted up phone from her purse and quickly scrolled the screen saver of the photo of the guys in their roller skates before he noticed.
"What should we say?" She started to feel the panic of making her first confrontation after the whole nasty break up. But his face gave her heart a slight skip as he showed his stern and stubborn expression.
"Tell him you got someone new." He said slowly making a slight shrug nonchalantly. Her mind froze as she almost processed that the way she wished it meant. Her cheeks heated up at the thought but she looked at her phone to try and hide it.
"Okay," She stuttered awkwardly.
They waited silently for as they started to hear the crowd inside start to count.
30 seconds. She started the haunting scroll of her contacts and finally saw the face she didn't want to see at the moment. Paul's image no longer fitting into her mind the way it use too. But Nick's image below it made it bearable if only he'd gave her a hint, even a chance.
Ooh, but in case I stand one little chance
Here comes the jackpot question in advance:
What are you doing New Year's
New Year's Eve?
He saw Caroline's smiling face on his phone, but the way he use to react never came up anymore. Only if he glanced her way would he feel at all. Her feet pigeon and nervous and her lips tucked in by her teeth. She was too good for him, but if only he could know for sure.
As the crowd inside started to reach ten he felt himself start to panic.
10. Caroline was the last person he wanted to spend this New Year talking to.
9. But Jess probably would like to talk to Paul, if only to get the closure she deserved.
8. But Paul was too much like her and he was too much of a downer for her. 7. But yet she always could get him out of a funk.
6. He felt like a better person around her.
5. She could always make him see himself the way he wished he were.
4. She always did come to him for advice so that must mean something.
3. Hell how could she not see him somehow that way?
2. How can he deny it anymore?
1.
He never did hit call.
But somewhere in the midst of his minds scrambles, he had somehow come to a conclusion of what he'd like to do for his New Years. So when the people inside screamed and hollered in congrats, he had leaned in, pushed her phone down and took her lips in with his.
The outside buzzed with fireworks and yells of neighbors. The house came to life as they started to sing the old song. But underneath their umbrella he had the girl he thought the world of in a soft kiss and it was nothing of how he believed it would be.
He didn't care if they should or not. How this could affect anybody else. Heck, even if it was right. He finally just did the one thing his soul told him too.
As he pulled away he started to get worried of how she would react. That was the moment he did care of all those things.
Winston wouldn't mind, but Schmidt sure as hell would find a way to see a problem with it. What if it didn't work out? Is she without a home again? Where would she go next? Lastly it was wrong, she had just got done with a bad break up last week. Even if she said it didn't bother her, it would probably bother him. He knew of her past relationships too much and he was very much a jealous guy. She was too nice of a person too, even if she didn't like the kiss, she might try and force herself to like him back for his sake. She deserved the world and he knew he'd try but never be able to give all of him.
"I'm so sorry." He whispered with his eyes still closed only mere inches from her lips. Not able to let go of her just yet.
"Nick?" She stammered and he suddenly couldn't get away fast enough. His worst dreams coming true. She didn't feel the same, how could she?
"I'm so, so, so, sorry!" He hollered as he almost tripped getting out of his seat and rushed to the door.
"Nick!" But he never turned around as he slammed the door behind him. Earning the eyes of Winston in what looks like a intimate position with his girl.
"Sorry, I'm just leaving." He sputtered as he ran yet again but this time to the front door.
"Nick!" He didn't give Winston a chance as he shuffled past Schmidt in his lip lock as well.
"Nick!" He bolted to the car and got in the driver's seat before realizing that Schmidt drove and still had the keys. He yelled out in frustration as he hit the wheel. He knew of Winston standing by the front door staring at him in confusion. He rested his head in his hands trying to shove his humiliation down but none the less he heard the passenger door open as Winston slid in.
"What happened now?" His friend asked and he knew he probably should give him a answer. He had the right to one.
"I screwed up, Winston. How can this keep happening to me?" He hollered uncontrollably.
"Is this about Jess?"
"Yes, it's always about Jess lately. She just came in and ruined my life." He knew it was wrong to say but at the moment he just felt so angry at himself. She was his weak spot and he just went and ruined everything.
"She didn't and you know it." Winston lectured patting his back. "Whatever it is or how weird it is, I'm sure everything will be fine tomorrow. You too are tight, not like you and me but tight." He finally lifted his head and showed Winston his full angst.
"Not this time Winston." But his friend only shrugged in answer.
"If you don't talk it out, then it just might." Nick looked down in a slump and nodded but suddenly he looked up and saw Jess by the front door where Winston stood not too long before. Her eyes saddened and her arms knitted tight in a hug. He sighed deeply, dreading all the ways this could go down. But he slowly got out of the car, followed by Winston. But Winston just glanced between them and shuffled back into the house to leave them to themselves.
Maybe I'm crazy to suppose
I'd ever be the one you chose
Out of the thousand invitations
you received
"Nick?" She spoke confused as Winston closed the door behind him. He looked like shit. Maybe he really didn't mean to kiss her? But she didn't know quite how to act like it never happened, because it did and it shook her to the core.
But he had ran so fast afterwards and here he is looking like he regrets the whole thing.
"Jess, I'm so, so sorry." He finally answered as he slowly dragged over to stand before out of arms reach she noticed.
"You keep saying that." She pouted as she gripped her elbows tighter hating what he was probably going to say.
"I don't know why I did it. I didn't mean too. I just…shit I'm sorry. Can we just forget it, okay?" He huffed frustrated, his face twisting in agony. Her heart sank to her stomach.
"No." She spoke defiantly. Her heart was breaking, but she was going to get the truth. She just had too.
"No?" He asked almost hurt.
"No. You're going to tell me everything. You can't just kiss me and not explain why." She surprised herself on how steady her voice was. He seemed as if he was in despair trying to come up with an answer.
"If you can't find an explaination, then I'm leaving." She didn't quite know if she meant from the party of from the apartment, but she made her move to his car. She didn't get far as he reached out for her arm to stop her.
"Don't." He voice hushed. She turned to his eyes and saw he was split in half. "I don't want you to leave." He spoke louder now. "I wasn't thinking when I kiss you. I just did. One moment I'm about to hit the call button and then I'm kissing you. I don't know how mind switched over so fast. But I guess it did. I'm sorry if it freaked you out. I never wanted to hurt you." He rushed out almost digging his fingers into his skull nervously.
"Do you regret it?" She asked now feeling his despair for a different reason. He answer must have caught him off guard since he immediately straightened out.
"I don't want you to leave, so, yes." She shook her head.
"And if I stayed?" She had to ask. He just blinked silently.
"Do you care for me?" She tried another question. She hated how he suddenly couldn't look her in the eye. He was trying to get out of answering her. She saw it all the time with her students.
Tired of waiting she tugged his arm towards her and kissed him instead. Her arms on her shoulders and her eyes closed she felt him respond quickly as he rested his hands on her hips to pull her closer. He finally gave her the answer she wanted. She didn't care that Winston and Schmidt were probably staring from the window or how CeCe had pointed it out months before. She was celebrating in her mind and loving every second as they stayed out in the front lawn covered by the lit up sky and just kissed, really kissed for the first time in the New Year.
Ooh, but in case I stand one little chance
here comes the jackpot question in advance:
What are you doing New Year's
New Year's Eve?