auction - louis
484 words, by google docs
There's a girl in his year that's agender. Well, not a girl, he supposes. A person. Louis doesn't know why that person bothers him so much. Well, the person doesn't really bother him, but he can't stop thinking about it. About them. He doesn't even know them – he's a Ravenclaw, they're a Gryffindor – but news travels fast at Hogwarts when someone comes out.
It bothers Louis that he can't stop thinking about them. He should be thinking about someone else.
Like Scorpius. His boyfriend. Scorpius loves Louis. Scorpius has been in love with Louis for almost a year. Maybe Louis can just…
Talk to him about the person. He can't get them out of his mind. Scorpius is a Gryffindor, too. He might know them.
"Scorpius?" he asks, next time they're alone. Louis knows that he doesn't deserve Scorpius. Scorpius is so good and pure and amazing and Louis is… None of that. He's so lucky, somehow. The stars aligned just right.
"Yeah?" Scorpius says back, looking over at Louis. There's utter admiration in his eyes and Louis almost falters. They've never really talked about things related to gender or sexuality. It's pretty clear that they're both gay – they're two guys. They're dating. They haven't really discussed anything deeper. Still, Louis needs to know.
"You know that person in our year?" he starts, leaning over and taking Scorpius' hand. It feels better to hold something.
"I'm not sure. There's a lot of people in our year, Louis," Scorpius says, giving a little smirk. Louis rolls his eyes at Scorpius' teasing and continues.
"You know that person in our year who's agender?"
Scorpius hesitates. It's small, but Louis can still see it.
"Yeah, I do. Charlie's great. Why?"
Louis opens his mouth. There's a question in his brain, but he doesn't know how to fully form it. He can't even put it into words. So he closes his mouth.
"Never mind," Louis says, instead bringing Scorpius' hand to his lips. "Love you."
"Love you too," Scorpius says, giving Louis a concerned look. Louis tries to look natural.
…
Looking in the mirror is Louis' least favorite activity. He doesn't know why he does it daily.
It's just, when he looks at his body, he's reminded that it doesn't feel right. Being Louis just doesn't feel right. He doesn't know what it is, but he just doesn't feel happy with his body.
He takes a deep breath in. Maybe if he was thinner…
He knows he shouldn't let those thoughts into his mind, but they always slip in.
He also knows that something about him just doesn't fit.
Maybe that's why he can't stop thinking about that person in his year – Charlie, Scorpius said? Maybe Louis' gender is wrong, too.
It seems almost laughable. Louis is a boy. He's always been a boy. There's nothing else…
Still, he can't shake that thought.