A/N: This story is derived from a scene in RENT, in which the song Without You is played.
Before you read, if you haven't watched RENT, I will describe the context behind this scene. Mimi (Ally) and Roger (Austin) in a sense, break up over her meeting with their landlord and ex-friend Benny (Gavin). Mimi was a junkie before her and Roger got together. Really, this is all you need to know as I will be writing about the rest.
Without you.
The streets were dark and dreary, and a cold wind blew against her cheeks. The scarf she'd carefully wrapped around her neck failed to protect the skin on her face and she accepted the frostbite that chapped her lips chilled her face.
After doing this for a couple years, she wasn't paranoid about being caught anymore. The part of town she lived in was so run down and full of crime, that picking up drugs was the last worry on the cops minds. They barely even patroled around here, anyways.
Turning the corner, she saw the man. The man she'd been buying from since her fifteenth birthday. He was a stocky, black haired man who had scars on his face and a disgruntled look that never seemed to leave his lips and eyes.
Taking a quick look behind her, she clicked into the alley way with the cash cradled in her hand. He gave her a nod, and she slipped the money into the hand that held the baggy of heroin. Instead of walking away first, the man did. It was late, almost 3 in the morning, and she assumed she was his last customer of the day.
Ally took a deep breath and then turned around. She wanted to get home and shoot the drugs into her veins and forget about everything. About her already fucked up life at the young age of nineteen, about her god awful job as an "exotic dancer," about her run down apartment that had lost any heat, and especially about Austin. She hoped her high, however short, would get his face, hair, body and smile... that smile... out of her mind.
But as she began to walk, a figure popped out from the fence at the front of the alley and there he was. Austin, in all his glory, stood there with a sad and almost sympathetic look on his face. He walked up to her and lifted his hand, smacking the baggy out of her hands.
She gasped and reached down to pick it up, but his hand lifted again and he slapped her hand away. "Please, Ally. Please. Stop this. You have so much life ahead of you."
Ally knew Austin despised this stuff. Ever since his girlfriend had started shooting the stuff and ended up getting HIV and dying soon after, Austin swore off drugs. Heroin, especially. Austin and Ally both suffered from HIV, as well, however Ally continued to use drugs to cope with it.
"I need it!" Ally screamed. Three am or not, she cried out, thinking little of the people who lived in the apartments right above her.
"Ally, c'mon!" Austin yelled back. Tears formed in Ally's eyes. This was the first time in two weeks that she had seen him. Ever since she'd met with Gavin and he lied to Austin that they'd slept together, Austin was done and hadn't talked to her since. She didn't want to argue. She wanted to wrap her arms around his torso and cry into his warm chest.
"I... can't! Austin, please! Stop it! Let me have it!" At this point, Austin had leaned down and grabbed the drugs and hid them in his back pocket.
"You know what, Ally, fine! Here you go!" He slammed the baggy down on the ground and ran away. She'd messed up. She'd really, really messed up this time.
Instead of following him, she grabbed the drugs, stuffed them in her back pocket and cried.
Drugs and HIV don't go well together.
For the most part, she was usually okay. But that was back when she was happy, when she ate, when she had a routine, and when she took her AZT. Depression loomed over her life nowadays. Getting up to eat took too much energy and she can't remember the last time she went to pick up her meds.
To make matters worse, Austin had kept walking in on her shooting heroin and yelling at her to stop, to start taking care of herself. She blamed her misfortune on the fact that in the shitty apartments they both resided in, there weren't locks on the doors. He was able to come and go as he pleased, but all she wanted was to erase his face from her memory.
Stripping, she thought, would help her get him out of her life. She would meet a guy, dance for him, let him do whatever he wanted to her, and then her mind would be on him, but every guy just reminded her that the one man she actually wanted didn't want her.
Keeping makeup on her face was hard, too. She would apply blush to one cheek and then a tear would fall, and wash the makeup right off her face. It took her twice as long as it did the other girls.
So, right now, she lay on a hard bench on the park with rain pouring down on her shaky body.
Such a cliche, she thought. The rain, the cold.
It was a stupid idea to wear only a tank top and shorts, but even though it had been chilly before the rain had began, she was so hot. A fever, she concluded, was what was making her feel this way. Maybe the flu. The rain wouldn't help. Especially since she hadn't been taking her AZT. Especially because she had HIV and her immune system was as weak as a minute old baby.
Coughs racked her body and then tears. She was cold, but hot, then cold again. Her insides were on fire. Her skin, chilled to the bone by the needle-y feeling of the pouring rain.
Her eyes fluttered shut. Even though the uncomfortable circumstances, she somehow fell asleep. She was so, so sick. If she never woke up again, it would be a miracle.
But she did.
The rain was still coming down on her skin, but she was moving. Not her legs, no, she could barely stand on her own. But she was in someone's arms. A certain someone, she'd realized, when she opened her eyes and looked up at his face.
Those eyes. That mop of blonde hair.
Austin.
How did he find her? She'd made sure to do everything to leave no traces before her departure. But he had found her, huddled up in the park, living off a bench without food or her medicine.
Instead of saying anything or fighting to get out of his arms, Ally allowed herself to be carried back to her apartment in Austin's arm. She was genuinely surprised when she woke up and was on Austin's house.
Coughs racked her body again, and now that she was out of the rain, she realized just how wet her body was. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop her body from shaking.
"Here," she heard the husky voice that could only come from Austin.
She couldn't turn around, but she felt him wrap a blanket around her shoulders and sit down at the end of the couch. He rubbed his hands up and down her soft, cold legs.
"You're so sick, Ally," he whispered, "You need to get help. You're gonna-"
"Die. I know," she barely squeaked out in response.
"No," Austin shook his head, "I'm not gonna let that happen to you. I'm not gonna do that."
She couldn't smile. She couldn't nod. She couldn't tell him that she appreciated what he had done for her.
But really, she wasn't happy he had found her and brought her back to his apartment. Although Austin's soft, cotton couch was much more comfortable than the wet, cold bench in the park, she would rather be at the latter. Austin was leading her on by taking such good care of her. They were over, and he would never take her back into his life; at least as his girlfriend, that is. She wanted him to be gone from her life, but for some reason, he wouldn't let that happen.
A pair of soft hands sat against her shoulders and she jumped in her seat. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," he whispered, his hot breath close to her ear, "Let's get you in the bath, okay? Then we can get you on some meds. You need to start taking your AZT again, and some cold medicine wouldn't hurt, either. I can't imagine you aren't sick after being out in the cold and rain."
She shook her head. Her throat couldn't make out words. Weak; she was so, so weak.
"C'mon, Ally. Just a quick bath. It'll be warm and I can light some candles, alright? Do you want to get even more sick than you already are?"
She supposed she didn't want to be sick. Maybe dying wasn't what she wanted. Maybe she did want to get better.
"Okay," she barely croaked out.
His arms scooped under her again, and walked her into his bathroom. She was so tired that she didn't say anything when he slipped her out of her tank top, shorts and underwear. She stepped into the warm water and then relaxed, taking a deep breath. Already, she was starting to feel better. Austin kept his promise. Soon after leaving the bathroom, he came back with a couple candles and quickly lit them, setting them on the edge of the bathtub.
Afterwards, Austin sat down on the floor right next to her and grabbed her small hand in his. She thought he looked adorable, the 23-year old man sitting criss-cross on the floor next to the tub. The hand that wasn't gripping hers came around to her back and rubbed up and down in a slow, calming motion. Her eyelids closed and she realized just how in love with him she was.
She had no idea that he felt the same way. Though, he'd figured out how much he loved her long before.
Austin hadn't seen Ally in three and a half weeks. The night after he'd found her in the park and taken her home, she had left. The next morning, she'd up and gone. He thought he'd find her at the park, but every day he checked, she wasn't there.
He'd never cried so much in his life, and he wasn't much of a crier.
Desperation caught up with him and he had called everyone who even knew the name Ally Dawson. He called their mutual friends Trish and Dez, he called her work (she hadn't been in exactly three and a half weeks), he called Gavin, but none of them had heard from her. She was gone, he thought. He just wasn't sure if he'd be able to find her this time.
A couple of nights later, after cleaning his apartment, he heard screams from outside the window. "Austin, help! Please, someone, help!" He knew that voice. It was Trish.
Running to the window, Austin looked down to the street below and saw a distressed Trish, holding someone in her arms.
Ally.
She wasn't moving. From what he could see, her eyes were shut, her hair was a mess, her clothes looked like they hadn't been washed or changed in a while, her body was so, so pale.
"Austin, help!" Trish yelled again once she saw the blonde.
He did. He sprinted out of his apartment and almost knocked Trish over. He scooped her up and his arms and told their scared and crying friend to go home. He would take care of Ally. At first, Trish wouldn't budge, but soon she gave up and went home.
Austin carried the small girl up to his apartment and lay her carefully on the couch. She looked... cold and...
No, he didn't want to think that she could die.
"Ally," he murmured, taking her hand into his. He didn't realize how hard he was shaking until he actually used his hands. Tears sprang from his eyes and down his cheeks, blurring his vision from the world. He didn't think he would lose her so soon. He wasn't ready to give her up. His last girlfriend had died so recently. He couldn't lose her.
Suddenly, the sick, bony girl took a deep breath and her eyes shot open. She turned to the side and threw up all over the floor. Austin ignored it and gasped, gripping her face in his hands. Her bloodshot eyes met his and she breaths became more shallow than they had been before.
"Oh god, Ally, I love you so much. Please don't leave me. Stay here. Stay right by my side. Don't leave. I love you... I love you," he whispered. 'I love you's' kept coming from his lips and he was tired of hiding his feelings, he just wanted Ally.
She coughed again and her cracked lips formed into an almost smile, but then her eyes closed again and he knew he'd lost her.
"No, please..." Austin began to cry once again. No, he couldn't lose her. He wished this was all a dream.
"I love you, Ally. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm so sorry I was so cruel to you when we first met. I was just scared... I had just lost the woman I thought I loved and I never thought I'd meet someone again. I was scared I'd let you in and then something like this would happen. But you know what, after I got to know you, I realized that I was willing to take that chance. And even though you're... gone, I'm glad I did take that chance. I'm so sorry we fought. I wish we got to spend the last moments of your life together, in each other's arms, kissing and hugging. I love you..."
He let his head fall against her chest and he cried. He cried and cried and cried.
"I love you, too."
No, this couldn't be real. Was that her...?
He slowly leaned his head up and saw his favorite smile in the entire world. Ally. She was here.
"I was dying, Austin," she said, gripping tightly to his t-shirt. "I saw the light. It told me to turn around, to go back, to listen to what the boy was saying. You saved me."
His shaking hand met her chin and gripped it tightly, pulling her closer to him. She traced her tongue across her cracked lips, waiting for him to close the space between them.
And he did.
And his kiss felt like home.
And never again would she be without him.
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