A/N I've wanted to write another version of this well-told tale for a while. The Crazy Ones is still my priority story so the updates on this one will be a slightly longer gap compared to that one.
Summary: Post NM. The Cullens left and never came back. Jacob became a wolf and cut Bella out of his life completely. Now, 6 months later, Bella falls in with a bad crew. She undergoes a complete change and joins a gang called the Wildfires. Bella is now a changed woman. What would happen if the Cullens came back to Forks and saw the new Bella? Would they be able to save her from her self-destructive life? Or would they accept that she isn't who she used to be? And what might happen if a rival gang was threatening her life in the mix?
Like I said, this is my secondary story but once The Crazy Ones is finished this one will take priority. I hope you enjoy.
Bella's POV
Hey, it's Jake. Leave a message.
The familiar voice message sounded in my ears and I hung up. This must have been the tenth time I'd called today. He never picked up anymore. After our confrontation in La Push where he told me to leave and not come back, our friendship seemed to dissolve.
I didn't have any hard feelings, but I completely hated the fact that the one person I could depend on to close the hold they left in my heart had abandoned me. Just like they all seemed to do.
I threw the phone onto my bed with a bit too much force and trudged down the stairs to start dinner. Charlie was lounging on the sofa watching sports and he looked up as I passed the room.
"Any luck with Jake, Bella?" he called, concerned.
I shook my head then realized he wouldn't see it. "No. I guess he doesn't want to be my friend anymore." I sighed and pulled out some ingredients from the fridge.
"Want me to take a trip to talk to Billy tomorrow?"
I grimaced. "No, that's okay." It was a lie, of course, but I didn't want to involve my father in my personal problems. I was too old to have him fight for me.
I was too old to need anyone to fight for me, really. I needed to learn how to fight for myself.
Once dinner was cooked and eaten in silence in front of the TV I escaped to my room to fetch my things for a shower. Perhaps the hot water would sooth me. I doubted it, but it was always worth a try.
"I'm gonna take a shower, Dad," I called down before closing the door gently.
Once the hot water hit my skin, I relaxed my muscles into the flow, trying to clear my mind. Jacob.
What was I going to do? I'd lost another person I truly cared about. No, I hadn't lost him, he left me. Just like Edward had. What exactly was so wrong with me that everyone in my life wants to leave?
And the kicker is that Jacob had said almost exactly what Edward had when he left. I'm not good for you.
I winced and felt my eyes fog up. Was that the new code for 'I'm over you'?
As hard as I tried, I could never understand. In a way, it made sense. Why on earth would Edward want to be with someone like me? And why would Jacob want to put up with my sullen attitude and unwillingness?
The tears were flowing freely now. I turned the water off and focused on my breathing. I wrapped the towel around my body and used my hand to wipe the mist off of the mirror so I could brush my hair.
I looked at my face. It was still wet and my hair clung to it's sides. My face looked thinner, understandable since I hadn't been eating much since Jake ghosted me. My eyes were sunken in from lack of sleep and I looked deadly pale. My skin alone might qualify me as a vampire but my hideous features would immediately kick me out of the running.
I completely understood why everyone left. I was such a mess. I didn't even love myself, how could I expect anyone else to?
Before I knew it, my fist collided with the glass and my crumbling face was now split into ten copies. The pieces fell to the sink and some hit the floor. I fell with them, ignoring the pain in my knuckles.
I shifted until I was against the wall next to the sink and the sobs escaped. I'd never fully broken down and let myself feel it all in totality, now it was hitting me all at once. The sobs grew louder and there was a knock on the door.
"Bella?!" Charlie's worried voice called from behind it. "Bella, I heard something break? Are you alright? Did you get hurt?"
On top of it all I was hurting my father. The only person who had stuck by me no matter how much I'd hurt him in the past. Why did I destroy everything I loved? I couldn't bare it anymore. I reached out and lifted a long shard of glass from the tiles.
Not thinking through the pain, I brought it to my inner forearm. Once long drag later, the blood began to spill out. It was a slow flowing of liquid but the pain was there, overshadowed by the ache in my chest.
"Bella, if you don't open this door I'm breaking it down! Please, say something!"
I couldn't quite compose myself, but I took a few deep breaths so I could answer with a steady voice.
"Yeah, Dad, I'm okay," I call back unconvincingly. "I slipped on water and fell into the mirror. My arm got cut but it's nothing too serious."
"Do you want me to take you to the hospital?"
"No, I'll be alright." Another sob escaped as I pulled myself onto my feet and secured the towel around my body.
"Dammit, Bella, I hope you're decent."
After two hard thuds against the door, the lock broke with a loud click and Charlie was suddenly in the room.
His eyes travelled from the mirror to the sink to the floor, where there were a couple of obvious blood puddles.
"Bella?!" I exclaimed panicked. He rushed to my side and grabbed my arm. The cut itself was covered in my blood. I was glad. It would have been easy to tell that it was self-inflicted if it wasn't.
"It's fine, Dad, it doesn't really hurt."
"Bella, come on. You might need stitches. I don't want to risk it."
I tried to smile, but avoided looking directly at his face, fearing the puffy eyes would give my crying away.
"I'm not in pain and it wasn't that deep. The bleeding's already stopping. I'll be fine."
There was a pause before he dropped my arm and stepped back to the door.
"I don't feel good about this, Bells…"
"If it hasn't started scabbing by the morning I'll go to the hospital," I lie. I look back up to the shards still attached to the mirror frame. "I'm sorry about the mirror."
He chuckled nervously. "It's just a mirror, Bells."
I risked looking up at him and saw his attention was already elsewhere.
"Dad, go watch TV or something. I'll clean all this up. I promise I'm fine."
I hate lying to him, but it would be unbearable to tell him the truth – that I was breaking slowly and didn't feel good enough for anything.
"Try to be more careful, Bella," he pleaded, backing out of the room. "Don't worry about the mess. It's late and you have school tomorrow. I'll take care of it in the morning," he called as he made his way back downstairs.
I shut my room door tightly and, after changing into sweats and an old T-shirt, tried to get comfortable in bed. Most of the blood had dried but I couldn't be bothered to wipe it off. I didn't want to deal with the aftermath of my breakdown just yet.
I tried to snuggle under the covers and get comfortable, but peace evaded me.
I was hurting so much. I couldn't keep this up. If I did, I'd be dead in a week. I couldn't let Edward or Jacob kill me.
Before I finally found sleep, I made a silent vow to myself. Never again would I give anyone the power to break me like they did. I could never let Charlie see myself like this.
The only way I would never feel this pain, would be to never feel anything. I had to let all this go. I had to start over. I needed a change.
I closed my eyes and finally accepted the fact that I'd never have the Cullens or Jacob in my life again. I would just have to find a way to be okay with that.
After keeping so many secrets and living lies through the Cullens, I knew I could be a pro at adapting by now. That's all I had to do.
Goodbye, Jacob, I thought to myself. Goodbye Edward.
I turned over and tucked myself into my blanket.
Goodbye, Bella.
A/N Let me know if it's worth it to continue this story! Please review it means the world to me.
Thank you for reading!