Annalise is no stranger to figure skating, but that does not stop her lips from curling downwards as she sets the blades of her skates on the ice. This is something she doesn't want to do, but when her friends looks at her expectantly, she forces a smile onto her face and glides on to the ice like it is her second home. It isn't, though everyone she knows believes it is.
"Anna," they call to her, beckoning her forward. "Don't you wish to see him skate?"
She doesn't at all, but she takes their hands and allows them to pull her forward. They are the ones who skate like their lives depended on it, they are the ones who have the passion for it. It is a pity that she is the one who wins. And that, that is one of her greatest sins, the forbidden secret that she tucks away in the deepest corner, buried under layers and layers of ice. It is one that nobody knows, one that even she does not acknowledge sometimes.
They are all prettied up, hair in gentle coifs and outfits they wear when they are putting their finishing touches on routines. It is well known that Tiffany and Alejandra are big fans of Viktor Nikiforov, and they will stop at nothing to see him skate, to practice in the same rink. Annalise is less caring, less interested. All she wants is to go home and sleep. She is not allowed that luxury though, not when it is so close to the Junior Grand Prix Finale, and not when she is expected to win. The sole reason her parents allowed her to come to Russia, of all places, was because they expected her to bring back something new to the table.
Her parents were more interested in ice skating than she was. More accurately, they were more interested in seeing their daughter win, than she was interested in ice skating at all. Still, there is a beautiful presence about Viktor, and it is undeniable that he will be the champion yet again, this year. It does not matter that this will only be his second year competing at the senior level: the whole of Russia, everybody in the world knows that he will win.
Just like they expect her to win the junior's for women. Annalise hates that expectation, but she will meet it. It doesn't matter if she sells her soul to the devil, but she will win, and she will stand on that podium, clutching the gold and smiling. She will do everything that is required of her, exactly how it is wanted. Because Annalise is indebted, and Annalise is not an adult, and Annalise will never get what she wants.
She doesn't really know what she wants anyways, so it doesn't matter.
Tiffany and Alejandra are pulling her again, over to Viktor. She is uncomfortable with this, and does not want to meet the man, does not want to disturb his practice. She doesn't want to interrupt what can only be described as bliss. She sees it channeled in his eyes, the determination leaking through to his quadruple toe loop. Of course he lands it perfectly, and of course he notices the three girls standing there. And of course, being the gentleman that he is, he floats over and bestows a smile upon them.
He speaks in Russian. "Hello ladies, can I help you?"
Tiffany and Alejandra fawn over him, greeting and shaking hands, and explaining that they hope he could spare the time to give them pointers on their routines. He doesn't mind, and Alejandra begins.
This is her last year in the junior division, and she has all the necessary components and more to win. Triple lutz, double toe loops, and triple axles are her key components, but more than that, there is artistry beyond belief. The fire in her eyes is so hot that sometimes Annalise wonders how the ice does not melt beneath her. She wobbles a little when she lands her triple lutz, but she has months to perfect it before they start competitions again.
Viktor gives her a smile and skates up to place his hand on the small of her back. She melts into his hand like it's the only thing supporting her. Tiffany and Annalise can see that he gives both ample compliments and pointers. He is good at analyzing, just like he is good at skating itself. Alejandra comes back to the two of them with pink cheeks and eyes as bright as a child who has gotten onto the ice for the first time. There is a sense of wonder, adoration, adulation. It makes Annalise feel uncomfortable beyond belief.
Tiffany is next, and neither Annalise nor Alejandra speak as they watch, spellbound. For Tiffany, as well, this will be her last year in the junior competition. Next year, Annalise will be left with people she barely knows.(Though she can't really say that she knows Tiffany and Alejandra all that well either, despite how adamantly they drag her everywhere with them. It is kind of them to do it, too kind, but it makes her feel like they're pitying her sometimes.)
Tiffany is more about technical than artistry, and she does combon spins, triple lutzes and triple toe loops with near perfection. Close, but not quite; she stumbles on one of the combos and stays on the ice for nearly three seconds before picking herself back up. Annalise can tell that she's embarrassed that she has made such a big goof-up in front of her idol, but once she comes off the ice, he barely mentions it. It's as if he knows that her embarrassment were a big enough reprimand to not do it again.
She, too, comes back with a sparkle in her eyes and a more graceful stride in her step. They don't have to push her out onto the ice because she doesn't want to ruin their excitement. She is too indebted to them to do that.
She skates out to where Viktor is waiting and sends him a worthless smile. He sends her one back, and she can tell that there is some part of him that is fake, some part of him that doesn't want to be doing this. There was no point in performing less than her best, but she can't help but mistime one of her triple axles. She knows that everybody will brush it off as an accident, but it wasn't that- not quite. She didn't want to be recognizable from the crowd of skaters that no doubt approach this man daily. A perfect routine would set her apart, and once she graduates from highschool, she just wants to melt into the background like she was never there.
There is a hard look in Viktor's eyes when she comes back to his side. He still has a smile on his face, but his eyes are colder than the ice that they were on. "That was a good performance," he says, and beckons her to skate a lap with him, just like he did with the other girls. It is a slow and easy pace, but unlike Tiffany and Alejandra, he does not place a hand on the small of her back, or gently take hers to allow them to skate more in time. Regardless, their pace is measured and nearly the same.
"Your triple axle-" He starts but stops himself. Their backs are facing Alejandra and Tiffany, so he looks up to the vaulted ceiling. "You should have landed it perfectly. Why did you push your arms against the force of your rotation?"
Annalise is almost amused. She was not expect him to be that good at analyzing, but then again, what else could be expected of the champion of the ice skating world? She plays along. She's very good at that, and some days, she wonders whether she should take up acting instead. She is sure that she would be able to get an oscar if she ended up going in that direction. "I did?"
Viktor slows even further and glances at her. "There are accidents, and then there are purposeful mistakes. I don't see the latter very often, but I know it when I see it." He runs a hand through his now short hair. "You're very talented, you know that? You have a very good balance between artistry and technique, and your take offs and landings are better than most in the senior division. So why aren't you trying to go further?"
"Everybody makes accidents; so do I. I do try my best-"(What a lie. It brought a bitter taste to her mouth, but it wasn't like she could just voice everything to this strange man in this strange country.)
Viktor stops, and she stops as well, perfectly in time. "That wasn't an accident." His voice is much harsher than it usually comes across over the television, much harsher than it was with Alejandra and Tiffany. "I do watch girl's figure skating from time to time, and though you are taking the world by storm, you could be doing so much more. You make one mistake per every performance, though sometimes they are nothing more than minor ones. But they all have something in common; right before you make your mistake, you close your eyes and shift your body weight. You don't do that at any other time during your performances."
Her eyes shift over to Tiffany and Alejandra, but she does not find them on the ice. They are walking off it, chatting to each other. Soon, they will take their skates off and wonder where she is. (At least, she hopes they will, though she knows that they probably won't. Their friendship came first, she was nothing more than a third wheel that they took in because they were kind.) "Look, I appreciate the help, but that really is everything that's behind it. It's just an honest mistake. Nobody else has pointed that out to me before though, so maybe I can work on it."
His mouth straightens into a thin line, but he accepts the answer. "I expect a perfect performance at this upcoming competition."
"I'll try." (No she won't, of course she won't. She says everything to appease people, doesn't do anything for herself. Annalise isn't Annalise. Annalise is all of her friend and family's aspirations. Whatever they believe she will do, she will commit to it without a second thought. She keeps whispering to herself, as soon as she graduates.) She extends a hand to him and he shakes it. "Thanks for taking time out of your schedule to help. We really appreciate it."
Viktor softens, just a little. "It was no problem. It is always a pleasure to help out fellow skaters."
Both of them get out the ice, and immediately, both Alejandra and Tiffany come up to thank him and ask him for his contact info. He gives it away too easily. She goes to get her skates off and dress in more casual clothing, and is surprised to see that when she is done, he is still there, talking with her friends. She is surprised that he does not have to get back to skating, and she catches the tail-end of one of his remarks.
"-take the three of you to see the sights?" Annalise shudders because she is still partially hidden behind the door and cannot really be seen. She doesn't want to go out on the town, not with Viktor. He was able to tell that she was faking it too easily, and she wanted to keep her disinterest a secret that only she knew. Tiffany and Alejandra's reply is a yes.
She grimaces, but still comes out. She cannot hide forever. Her friends explain that Viktor will be showing them around later, while he leaves them to go back onto the ice. They will meet him at five; two hours from what it was currently. They are thrilled to get something close to a date with their idol, and she does not fault them. This is good for them, but not great for her. She won't burden them; refuses to. If this is what they want, she will do it. So long as it isn't something completely idiotic and outrageous, she will support them.
"We should go and shop for just a little, right?" Alejandra has wanted to go shopping in Russia ever since they touched down on the plane.
"That sounds wonderful." Tiffany certainly has no qualms about going out to shop. It is one of her favorite pastimes that she rarely gets to do. Skating keeps her busy for the majority of the day.
Annalise doesn't want to. In all honesty, she prefers staying home, in her room, not going out to see the sun at all. At one point, right after an injury, her parents allowed her to stay home while they went on a vacation. All she did for an entire day was sit in complete silence and darkness, and it was lovely. She could only allow herself that bliss for a single day, and she brought herself out of it at the next dawn.
The cold nips at their noses, but the girl's remain unshaken as they huddle together and travel down the streets into warm, brightly lit shops. They are swept up in the small crowd that herds them down the mainstreet and past the smaller boutiques and restaurants. They end up in a warm shop that is crowded with women and children, and the buy whatever they wish to; whatever they need.
Their budget is nearly unlimited, but they are also very cheap on themselves. Each of them puts their own limitations on themselves and abides by them. Tiffany ends up with a single dress, two tops, and a pair of leggings; Alejandra gets two dresses and stockings; Annalise gets a top and a dress at the other two's insistence that it is necessary to see the sights with Viktor. They travel down the street again, and it is less busy now, because most of the people have either gone back to their homes or have found their way into restaurants. Annalise can't help but stare at the pastry shop across the street longingly, but she shifts her gaze away quickly enough that Alejandra and Tiffany don't catch it, and they simply go back to the hotel.
As ice skaters, the three girls are no foreigners to makeup and the time it takes to make themselves wear a mask of powdered armor. They take their time and giggle, and Tiffany and Alejandra bring out a box of chocolates from their bag, an indulgence that they are rarely allowed. They offer some to Annalise, but she turns them down with a small smile, and tells them that she wishes to take a nap until half an hour before they are due to leave.
Back in her room, she hugs herself tightly and allows the cold, dark room to swaddle her in its familiarity. Gingerly, she reaches up to the top of her neck and shivers as her fingers touch the raised skin that lies beneath her hair. She lets her hair down from her bun and sighs. The gentle, cascading warmth of her black hair blocks out what little light is allowed through the curtains. She tucks herself beneath the comforter provided to her, but she cannot find warmth.
She cannot find home.
A Year Prior
Viktor Nikiforov grows increasingly frustrated with his own performances. Ice skating is his passion, and it consumes him soul and body, but he knows there's something missing from his performances. He knows he has the artistry part down, and he knows that his jumps are nothing to be sneezed at either. He also knows that he has been the undisputed champion in both the Junior Grand Prix and the Grand Prix for the past five years: four years of toting around a gold medal in Junior's and this year, his senior debut, he also gets a gold medal.
Nobody else in the world thinks anything is missing from his performances, but he is sure that there is a key component he has overlooked. He is sure that his skating, though less flawed, does not equate to the moment he first stepped foot on the ice, and he wants that back desperately. Maybe, he thinks, it's a lack of drive. Maybe, he thinks, it's because he wants a challenge. Maybe, he thinks, it's because he wants some inspiration.
So, for hours on end, he watches other people perform. He doesn't listen to Yakov(though really, he never has) and deprives himself of sleep and meals. He becomes a man obsessed, and all he does, without any breaks, is watch figure skaters on the screen of his computer. Two weeks in, and he has exhausted all of the men's videos that he can watch. He moves onto the women's category.
This is where he finds the slightest spark, the smallest ember. It is not one of joy, but it is one of begrudging interest mixed with anger. He researches a little bit more. He finds exactly what he is looking for.
Annalise Cheng, the video announces, skating her second Junior Grand Prix. A very consistent performer, always placing second or third, she has an excellent sense of artistry. I'm sure we can expect great things from her today. Currently in third place, she is only five points beneath second place, Alejandra Cruz.
At this point, Viktor has watched at least two other figure skating videos of her, and he can immediately tell that this is not her style at all. That wouldn't be that big of a deal, but it's not in her technique; it's in her expression. At first, Viktor doesn't remember her, but when they announce her name, and he sees the way she stands, he knows that it is one of the many nondescript girls in the competitions he has seen before.
Still, he watches, and this time, the first part of her free skate stirs something in him. At first glance, she looks like she will get a zero for artistry, not because her choreography is bad(no, her execution is flawless). It is because the expression on her face is nonexistent, and her face is more cold than the ice underneath her, unmarred by the marks made by the other performers. Not having expression, not enticing the audience with your personality-that is one of the cardinal sins in figure skating.
Viktor watches more closely, and he sees that, rather than being emotionless, she is holding in anger beyond belief. Something in her breaks at the halfway mark.
And here she's supposed to do a triple toe loop-
She doesn't, and she ends up going into a jump combination. Annalise is burning, burning so brightly that Viktor holds the screen with shaking hands and glues his eyes to the performance, ignoring Yakov's calls. Triple axel, triple salchow, quad toe loop-
And more than that, all of them are flawless. Not a step out of time, not a falter on any of the landings. The crowd screams in joy, and since Viktor is watching so closely, he can see her head shake a little, as if she was disappointed in herself. When he sees her face again, she is smiling and has the face she was supposed to have on all along. She performs artfully, tones down her jumps, makes herself like every other skater.
That day, Annalise Cheng of America won gold in the Junior Grand Prix. Today, Viktor is taken with an obsession that will not stop for quite a while. He watches another video of her, a more recent one. It is not the same as her second Junior Grand Prix; it is far from it. She doesn't do anything out of the ordinary, and she does not land her triple axel perfectly; she falters. But it was almost like there was a glitch in the video- her body weight looked like it shifted-
He looks at another one, and another one, and another. Right before one of her triples or quadruples, she always shifts her body weight. It is typically towards the end of the performance, and afterwards she continues like she is happy. She does it over and over again, and Viktor knows that if somebody makes such similar mistakes time and time again, they would be bound to get a frown on their face sooner or later. It's as if she is holding herself back, and he needs to know.
The next time a big tournament comes up, he comes a week earlier to watch the junior event. When he watches her, he knows with every inch of his soul that he is right. She is capable of so much more. He wants her to have that moment in her second Junior Grand Prix again, where she astonishes the crowd with components beyond what they believe to be her limits. But Viktor will not go out of his way to do that, he tells himself, because this is just a passing interest. It is not passion; it is filling the void for where his lack of drive leaves him incomplete.
He fills himself with observations about Annalise until the hole mends itself. (But later, when he wants to cut her out, the threads of inspiration that came from her that stitched it together will remain. Even if something is broken twice, the glue that stuck it together the first time will still be there, forever visible.)
Viktor bides his time, and performs better than ever at his competition.
I really, really, really should not be posting another fic. But I binge-watched YoI and I just couldn't resist. I will later be posting a story about Yuratchka as well(though I have no idea when that'll be)
Since this is only a three-shot(possibly with an epilogue) I expect to finish this story first. Do expect large time skips inbetween the chapters(multiple year time gaps, to be exact) I will finish my magi stories later, but I want to *actually* finish something for once.
Follows, favorites, and reviews always make my day :D
I would especially appreciate criticism because I know that I can improve upon my writing and want to know how. Also, I'm not 100% sure if my ice-skating knowledge is good enough to write a fic about figure-skating...