Clarke is sitting on the edge of her new bed staring at the knife in her hands. Her mind can't help but go back to that one other time she'd found herself in a similar position. That time it had been Raven to offer her a knife to kill the Commander, only she chose to kill Finn, instead to preserve their alliance. An alliance Lexa broke, leaving her alone to save her people and to bear the deaths of yet other hundreds of innocent people. She hated Lexa for that and for three months she'd tried to blame her for turning her into Wanheda, but, deep down, she did understand why the Commander did what she did and she knew it couldn't have been easy to make that choice. She saw it in her eyes as they shone with unshed tears, and she heard it in the slight crack of her voice while she was saying "May we meet again", before turning and leaving.
For months that little voice inside her head had kept reminding her of the Commander's betrayal and how she was going to kill her if they ever crossed paths again, but right now, looking at that knife, it's like all the hatred she held for Lexa is gone and she's not so sure that she wants her dead anymore.
She is so lost in her trail of thoughts that she almost misses the crack of the door of her room opening and the sound of footsteps coming in. It takes her a moment to realize it's Lexa before she all but jumps on her feet, her back towards the other girl and the knife held firmly in her hand in front of her where Lexa won't see it.
"You wanted to see me? I'm here." Clarke is doing everything in her power not to cry in front of the Commander. She will not be weak in front of Lexa again, she can't-
"Clarke?" That's it. Clarke gathers all her courage and throws herself at Lexa holding the knife against her throat. Lexa doesn't move, she does nothing but look at Clarke like she knew this moment would come at some point, like she's giving Clarke permission to take her life if that'll make her feel better. Clarke's shaking by now, because this is not how Lexa should've reacted. Why isn't she fighting? Why is she looking at Clarke with so much sorrow? Why do her eyes hold so many emotions when she's supposed to be the heartless Commander that's haunted her thoughts and dreams ever since the destruction of Mount Weather?
"I'm sorry" she whispers so softly, her voice almost cracking at the end, and that's all it takes for Clarke to let go of that little strength she had left and burst into tears. She shakes her head almost as if trying to keep those words out of her mind. But Lexa's next words are what makes her give up for good.
"I never meant to turn you into this." And with that Clarke sinks in the girl's arms sobbing hard into her chest. She knows Lexa had to put her people first, she knows Lexa isn't heartless, she knows how much she cares, she knows she's the one who pulled that lever to let the radiation into Mount Weather, she knows Lexa is not completely at fault for what's happened, but most of all she knows Lexa is the only one who's ever asked for her forgiveness and not for an apology. While the people she's saved over and over again kept asking for her to do more, to try harder and while her own mother accused her of having the blood of the people of TonDC on her hands, Lexa is here now willingly taking all the guilt on her own shoulders for what Clarke had to do.
Standing here in her room in Polis, with Lexa's arms tight around her shaking and sobbing form and with Lexa's voice brokenly whispering apologies, Clarke knows that maybe, after all this time spent barely surviving, she can finally start living a little. She wants to live and not just survive, so she holds back the sobs and she holds her head up to look in those beautiful green eyes. Clarke has seen before how much emotion they can carry, but she's stunned by the vision of the Commander with her walls completely down and with a tear track down her cheek. It's in the moment their eyes lock that something other than sorrow shows in those green orbs: a sparkle of hope. It's small but Clarke can see it and she's more than willing to fuel it, so she takes a deep breath to steady her voice and, never unlocking her eyes from the Commander's, she speaks for the first time.
"I need you too, Lexa. I need you, but it terrifies me, because I know that, if you leave me again, it will kill me. For three months I tried to hate you, I wanted to hate you and I hated that I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that it was your fault, that it was your choice that forced me to kill everyone in the Mountain, I understood why you did it and I knew you were right. I would've saved my people too if I had the chance. Because that's what it means to be a leader. You put your head first and save everyone, because they're your people and you owe them to, even though everyone doesn't include the one person you truly wish you could save. I understand, but I still can't go through that all again. So, if my people agree to join your coalition, you can never turn your back on us again. You can never turn your back on me again. I'm ready for you now, Lexa. If you promise not to betray me again."
Lexa is now crying profusely, not even bothering to try and hold back her tears. A ghost of a smile makes its way on her lips, but it's only a second before her expression changes to a dead serious one while she looks Clarke in the eyes and says: "I won't." As if trying to prove Clarke she really means it, she sinks to her knees in front of the girl who taught her to love again and, never breaking eye contact, she continues: "I swear fealty to you, Klark kom Skaikru. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people."
The Commander bows to no one and she knows that, no one but her at least. At a loss of words Clarke can only hold her hand out for the other girl to take. With a gentleness reserved only for the sky leader, Lexa puts her hand on Clarke's and rises back up on her feet. Blue orbs lock on green ones and Clarke knows she can trust her now, she knows she can finally live now, so she takes a few steps forward until she's only inches away from the Commander. No, not the Commander, Lexa. The person standing in front of her is only a girl, not the leader of 12 clans. She takes a deep breath before offering Lexa the softest of smiles. Only when she sees Lexa's shoulders relax as she releases a sigh of relief, Clarke makes the final move to close the gap between the two of them. Her lips press to Lexa's and a few seconds pass before she feels the other girl respond to the kiss. Clarke doesn't move, because she doesn't want to overwhelm Lexa, who has yet to realize what's really happening. When she feels the slight pressure of Lexa's lips on hers, she starts moving her own ones slowly and tentatively. Their lips move in a slow dance until they need to part for air. Neither girl moves too far, afraid to break contact. They press their foreheads together and their eyes stay closed a few more moments. When they make eye contact again, Clarke is surprised to find tears in both their eyes, but they're happy tears, because they're not alone in this cruel world anymore. No, now they have each other. Lexa's offering her the most stunning smile she's ever seen and she can't help herself when an equally large and bright smile grazes help lips too.
They're broken out of their reverie by a knock on the door, to which they both respond with a groan and an amused shake of their heads.
"Yes?" Clarke gives whoever it is at the door the permission to enter, not even bothering to put some distance between her and the Commander.
"Heda. Wanheda. I'm sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to let you know that Abby and Marcus of the Sky People have arrived and they are ready to meet you when you're done." The bald man eyes them suspiciously for a moment until Lexa dismisses him.
"Thank you, Titus. You may go now. We'll meet them in a moment." With a small nod for each of the girls, Titus turns and leaves. As soon as they are alone again, Lexa looks back at Clarke to tell her softly: "Your mother's here. I'll give you some time alone to catch up before we talk about Skaikru becoming the 13th clan." And with that Lexa moves for the door, only to be stopped on her tracks by Clarke's voice.
"Wait! I have a better idea. We can catch up and discuss politics at the same time. Let me talk to them about joining your coalition. Hopefully they'll listen to me."
"Alright. Let me know their decision then." The Commander accompanies her answer with a slight nod of her head before turning back towards the door and making her way out of the room.
Clarke keeps staring at the door until she can no longer catch sight of the other girl. With a deep sigh she leaves her room as well to go meet with her mother and Kane.
How in the hell is she going to convince them Lexa is trustable? It's not like she can tell them the Commander of the 12 clans is not going to betray Skaikru again because she and Clarke are in love. Wait! Woah, love?! Where does that even come from? I mean, of course she was aware of how much she cared about Lexa, but... love?
She's so busy worrying her mind with these thoughts she almost misses the door to the room she was told her people were waiting in.
She takes a deep breath, gathering all her courage, and nods at the guards standing outside the door to let her in.
Note: I just wanted to thank everyone who stopped by and gave my story a try. I hope you like this chapter, there will be more, I promise. Chapter 2 is ready and I'm working on the 3rd one. I already know where I want this story to go, so it shouldn't take too long to upload new chapters, but I make no promises, just in case.
Another thing: English is not my first language, I'm Italian, so I apologize for any grammar mistake. Feel free to let me know what I got wrong and I will correct it.
Thank you again. Bye until next chapter is up.