Captain Janeway closed her personal log and sat back at her desk. The telepathic alien that had invaded her crews' thoughts over the past few days had not reappeared. During the time he had been aboard Voyager, he had plagued everyone with visions of their deepest fears and hidden desires. Several crewmen were having trouble coming to terms with what they had experienced, including her.

The alien had impersonated Mark, her fiancé, now lost for the next seventy years. She fingered her brow as she wondered what he must think and how long he had waited for any news. Was he still waiting or did he move on? The picture on her table, once a source of comfort, haunted her.

Her door chimed and Janeway walked to the entrance of her quarters. The door slid open revealing her First Officer, Chakotay. "Long day, Captain?"

Janeway invited him in and he sat on the long couch underneath the window. She made herself comfortable in an adjacent chair. "You could say that."

"I know I shouldn't bother you because the Doctor has ordered you to rest. But I did want to check and make sure you were okay."

"You wanted to make sure there were no more unruly children or knife wielding women walking around?"

"I assume they are long gone along with the alien?"

"Yes, Commander."

He put his head down for a moment. "Those visions, they were…intense."

"Yes, they were."

"You saw Mark?"

Janeway nodded. "Yes."

Chakotay glanced at the picture on her corner table. "He's a handsome man. I would like to meet him one day."

Janeway looked quizzically. "Why?"

"Any person who manages to slow you down to say yes must be quite the man."

"You really think I'm that difficult, Commander?"

Chakotay shook his head. "No. However, and it may be the situation we currently find ourselves in, Captain, but I think you're pretty intense no matter what your mission is."

"Always the captain," she said.

"Exactly. I know you've been through a lot. Before all of this happened, the Doctor had already ordered you to take a break. I want you to know that you can do that. Barring another alien telepathic invasion, your crew and I really do quite well on our own."

"I know that. But you agree?"

"With what?"

Her blue eyes met his dark ones. "You believe I'm always the captain."

"You are the captain. You take your job very seriously. But, if you ever want to swap roles, I can have Tuvok place a note it in the ship's logs right now."

A smile beckoned on her lips to match his teasing one. "What makes you think if I abdicate my command, I would choose you to replace me?"

"Starfleet protocol. The First Officer is next in line."

"Not if I have you brought up on charges of mutiny, Commander." She shook her finger. "Although, this is the most charming mutiny I've ever been a part of."

"Oh? I didn't realize you had any experience with mutinous behavior at all."

She turned back to the window and gazed at the stars. "Why are you really here, Chakotay?"

"To let you know that you're not alone, Captain. I told you that before once. This time, I want you to believe it."

"I know." Janeway blinked. "And I appreciate you and the crew more than you know." She took a breath and faced him again. "And I should tell you that more often."

Chakotay smiled. "What can I do to help you?"

"You already helped. This. This was nice."

Chakotay nodded but hesitated until he said, "You know, nothing the alien projected was real, Captain."

She brushed a finger across her lip. "Maybe not. But it had to come from somewhere. I talked to B'Elanna about this before. I think he just brought out the deepest desires in our minds. What we push away. Keep hidden. Thoughts we don't ever dare give a voice to."

Chakotay's eyes grew dark.

"Do you mind if I ask what did he do to you, Commander? What memories captured you?"

Chakotay's chest tightened as he struggled to answer.

"Chakotay?"

He shook his head. "I'm, I'm sorry, Captain."

She reached out. "No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

"No. It's only fair." He licked his lips. "I, I saw myself with someone."

"Someone? You know, Commander, I've never asked but did you leave someone behind? Is there someone…"

"No." Chakotay sat back. "I was a little too busy fighting off Cardassians."

"Seska?"

"That was never serious." Chakotay's face flushed. "My judgment was way off in a lot of regards during that time. It seems so long ago now. Between all of the spies aboard my ship and a woman who wasn't even the race I thought she was, I'd say it was a good thing that I was otherwise occupied."

"You can't blame yourself, Chakotay. Seska became a part of my crew too. I was just as ignorant as you were."

Chakotay winced. "A compliment with a bit of a sting."

Janeway chuckled. "Well, you did bring her aboard my ship, Commander."

"You invited us here after I destroyed my ship to follow your orders." His dimples appeared. "Nicely done, Captain."

"You're welcome."

"Thank you. But I'm here to cheer you up."

She leaned over and patted his knee. "How about we cheer each other? I feel better already. How about you?"

He nodded. "Yes, Captain." His eyes swept over her as he stood up. "Well, I better be going and let you rest. I have the bridge for the next few days. Doctor's orders."

Janeway stood up. "Thank you, Commander."

"You're welcome, Captain. You let me know if you need anything."

"I will."

His gaze hesitated again before he turned and left her quarters.

Janeway brushed her hands over her arms and she folded them against her chest to ward off a sudden chill. She walked over to the picture of Mark and picked it up before placing it back on the table.

Chakotay's morning shift was uneventful as he made his way to the mess hall for lunch. Inside, he bumped into B'Elanna.

"My apologies, Commander."

"In a hurry, Lieutenant?"

B'Elanna brushed her hair back and gripped her padd. "No, sir."

"Problem in Engineering?"

"No, sir."

"B'Elanna? What's the issue?"

"Why, Commander, good afternoon to you!" Neelix grabbed Chakotay's hand as B'Elanna darted around and out the door.

"Mr. Neelix."

"The lunch special is right this way. I'll think you'll enjoy it. Nothing but delectable plants fresh from the hydroponics bay. Kes delivered them this morning."

"Sounds good."

"One plate coming right up." Neelix grabbed a dish and plated the vegetables and greens.

Chakotay leaned over the counter. "Mr. Neelix, did you notice anything about our Chief Engineer just now?"

"Lt. Torres? Why, no. Well, she did refuse this mouth watering delight for something from the replicators but I have learned not to take too much offense to that these days."

Chakotay took the dish and placed a forkful in his mouth. "Mr. Neelix, you've outdone yourself."

Neelix beamed. "Now that's how you come into my mess hall and eat my lunch. What a fine example you set for the rest of the crew." With a hum, he moved on to greet the next crew member. "Mr. Ayala, how are you today?"

B'Elanna entered Engineering and was surprised to find a visitor in her office. "Captain."

"At ease. I'm officially off duty."

B'Elanna dropped her padd and sat down across from her.

"I'm sorry, B'Elanna. I just needed to get out of my quarters and the holodeck is not something I'd like to revisit right now."

"I understand."

"Are you still bothered by your experience with the alien?"

B'Elanna looked away as thoughts of her sexual fantasy with Chakotay flashed through her mind. "I…I'm sure everyone has been a little shaken up. It, it was quite an experience."

"Yes." Janeway studied her engineer for a moment and then patted her hand. "I'm sorry. I can see I've upset you. I'll leave you alone."

B'Elanna jumped up. "No! No, Captain, please stay. I…I feel like I need to tell someone, anyone, or I'll just never get it out of my head."

Janeway sat down. "Anything you wish to confide in me is, of course, strictly off the record. But, perhaps the Doctor…"

"No. No, I think an actual human being is better. Definitely. I mean, it's just, it's embarrassing more than anything."

Janeway smiled. "There is nothing to be embarrassed about. When we talked before, I said our feelings probably deserve more of a voice than we give them. The alien just made us face them."

"It was not his right to do that."

"No, it wasn't."

"These feelings…these are feelings I didn't know were there. And now that I've had them…"

"You don't know if they're the real thing or not."

"Exactly."

Janeway sighed. "It's what we are all struggling with."

"But you saw your fiancé. You know how you feel about him."

"I saw Mark saying some very unpleasant things to me. In fact…" Her mind drifted.

"Captain?"

She looked back and took a deep breath. "He accused me of being unfaithful, B'Elanna."

"Unfaithful? With who?"

"It doesn't matter," Janeway said. "Actually, he mentioned the romantic holonovel I was running. But Mark knows that I would never, I mean it's ridiculous, to even think that I would appreciate a hologram more than him." She got up and paced. "But it, it still struck me. I think my conscience was trying to tell me something."

"What?"

"I don't know." She stopped and said, "Actually, I think I do know but I don't want to know."

B'Elanna's eyes widened. "That's how I feel. I'm having thoughts that I don't think I want to have."

"About?"

"A person."

"An attraction?"

"Yes. But he's my friend and…and it just wouldn't be right. It doesn't even feel right."

"But it did."

"Yes. In the fantasy, it felt more than right." B'Elanna looked into eyes just as confused as her own.

"Fantasies are meant to be fleeting thoughts. This unsettled feeling…maybe…maybe it has us unsettled because we were allowed to relax and let our imaginations run wild for a bit."

B'Elanna snapped her fingers. "That's it! Yes! It's just my imagination running wild with possibilities and not the real intention I have at all."

Janeway slowly nodded and folded her arms. "A good way to look at it. In fact, I think I am going to go back to my holonovel. Try to regain a sense of normalcy."

"Enjoy, Captain. And, thank you."

Janeway nodded and exited through the doors.

The captain tried to involve herself in the program but decided the characters and her most recent experience with them outside the holodeck were still too close for comfort. She strolled down the corridor back to her quarters.

"Captain."

"Commander. How's my ship?"

"Doing just fine. How's your time off?"

"I'm still trying to figure out what to do with it. I did have a nice visit with B'Elanna."

"Oh? How is she? She seemed out of sorts when I ran into her in the mess hall earlier."

"She was a bit preoccupied but I think we worked through the issue."

"Good."

"A lot of people seem to be having residual emotional effects to the visions we had."

"Yes, that's why I think it would be a good idea to have shore leave at the next M class planet. I have Tuvok and Harry scanning for one as our top priority."

"Good. And what about you, Commander? How are you?"

"I'm fine so you can forget about getting your ship back early." He offered his arm. "May I escort you to your quarters to make sure you don't stop and repair any relays on your way?"

"That's insulting, Commander. I wouldn't do that. I'd call for a repair crew."

"And supervise them, I'm sure." He wrapped her arm around his. "You'll do nothing or I will put in a call to sick bay."

She pulled away. "You wouldn't."

"Try me." His eyes darted with hers for a moment before she took a few steps.

"I'm not a child, Chakotay."

"No, you are certainly are not a child."

Janeway felt another chill and shivered under his gaze. She had trouble placing why she was suddenly so ill at ease with her First Officer.

She permitted him to walk with her and, as they reached her quarters, Janeway released the doors so they could enter.

"Thank you, Commander."

"You're welcome, Captain."

"Chakotay?" She saw that look in his eyes again. His look. It had changed and she recognized it.

"Captain, I need to tell you something."

Her breath caught and her voice trembled. "Yes?"

"I need to tell you that my thoughts, the ones the alien placed there, they were about you."

"Me?"

"Yes. I wanted you to know because I think you can tell that I am still processing this whole experience."

"We are all still trying to process it."

"Yes, well, I want you to know that I have nothing but the utmost respect and loyalty towards you and this ship."

"I know that."

"Do you?"

He took a step and his face hovered above hers. The silence between them was palpable and her heart jumped. This is why she had been so affected when Mark accused her of infidelity. He was insinuating, quite correctly, that it was her attraction to a flesh and blood man who sat beside her every day dutifully taking care of her every need that really bothered him.

She felt the stirrings of her betrayal start. Flickers of guilt shamed her for even considering throwing away her commitment. Chakotay was free to do as he pleased and he wanted her. But she was a Starfleet captain and Mark's intended and she had no right personally or professionally to indulge in any of her basic needs with her First Officer no matter what unique situation they now found themselves in.

"Kathryn?"

"Chakotay."

Her eyes widened as he bent down and brushed his lips against hers. He pulled away but saw nothing but her desire mixed with a bit of surprise. Emboldened, his hands grabbed her shoulders and he pulled her close. He tried to deepen the kiss and she permitted it until his body pressed against hers.

She stepped away and touched her lips with her hand. "No."

Chakotay relaxed his grip. "I'm sorry. I don't know…"

"Yes. Yes you do." She shook her head. "But, Chakotay, we can't."

They considered one another in silence, each waiting for the other to speak or to make another move. Chakotay finally cleared his throat and said, "Yes, we can."

"What?" she whispered.

"It's the only way to rid myself of this. I have to." He took her hand and pulled her tight forcing another kiss which she succumbed to very quickly.

Her mind screamed again with warnings but she quickly replaced them with the mindset of reality never living up to the fantasy so she went with him until it stopped.

But he didn't stop. He plundered her mouth with his tongue and tasted every bit of her. He nuzzled her neck as his hands roamed further down her back. She whimpered and he pulled back for only a moment to assure himself that her desire was quickly matching his.

"Chakotay," she pleaded.

He lifted her up and carried her to the couch where he knelt down and laid her back against the cushions.

"Kathryn."

He whispered her name and unzipped her jacket, removing it from her body as his hands skimmed everywhere they could. He divested himself of his own jacket and moved across her body. His mouth found her neck and ears and then dipped lower. He found the opening for the rest of her garments and stripped her bare from the waist up.

This time, Kathryn shivered from the cool air but was quickly warmed by fire from his mouth and hands. They were all over her stirring passions everywhere they sought to touch. She could see herself in the reflection of the window as the strong muscled man moved over her giving her pleasure wherever he could seek it.

She felt a tug on her pants as his hands dipped down. Her eyes closed and her head turned as he stroked her most intimate places. She sighed and opened her eyes to see the picture across the room.

"NO!"

Chakotay jumped back. "Kathryn?"

His voice startled her and she moved her gaze back to him. Chakotay looked down as she struggled to find the words to explain her outburst. He glanced over to where she had been looking and his head dropped.

She sat up. "Chakotay."

He walked over to the table and pulled his undershirt off. Casting it to the floor, he put his hands on his hips before leaning down and turning the picture over. He stood for a moment in contemplation before walking back to her. Kneeling down, he put his hands on her waist and said, "Now, you're not being watched."

She held her arms in front of her bare chest and he slowly pulled them away kissing her softly before trailing his mouth down her neck and body. She allowed him to push her back down onto the cushions but her eyes couldn't leave the overturned picture on the table.

"Please don't do this," she said.

Chakotay stopped for only a moment to whisper, "If you really meant that, this wouldn't be happening."

His head dipped down as he nuzzled her stomach and she sighed and looked up at the reflection again of this man satisfying all of her needs before his own as was his habit. His hands went to her waist again but he stopped and pulled back.

"No," he said.

"No?" Disappointment flooded through her. "I…I don't live up to the fantasy?"

"You more than live up to the fantasy."

Kathryn blushed even as she shivered with the loss of his body heat. He handed her the discarded clothes and then turned away to retrieve his.

"But I don't understand." She placed her t-shirt on and stood up. Chakotay stood with his shirt in his hand but made no effort to put it on. She walked over and placed her hand on his back and he jumped.

After a moment, she said, "You and I have to finish this."

"Captain."

"No. No captain." She pointed a finger to hush him. "If we don't, this tension will hang over us until we have to give into it. We won't be able to work together. You were right. I want this to happen."

"Kathryn, I can live with what I saw. I can control myself despite all of this." He shook his shirt out.

She held his arm. "Our fantasy is real now."

"Our?" He waited, unsure what exactly she meant.

"Chakotay, what I saw was about my guilt and desire in allowing myself to let go. I have feelings, unresolved feelings, about giving up on getting home at least in time to salvage my relationship but I think you and I both know that enough time has passed that Mark and the others have probably given up."

"I doubt that."

"How long would you wait for someone to be found when there was no trace after almost a year of searching? That is, if there even still is a search."

"But the way you talk about him I don't think Mark has given up on you just yet."

"If he hasn't, he needs to. That's what the alien showed to me. I have to let him go. It's because I love him, I have to let him go and live his life."

"Stoicism or practical reality?"

"Always the captain," she murmured. "It's time to move on, Chakotay. Time to let the memory of what he and I were supposed to be go." Her voice broke. "As hard as that is for me to do, I have to do it. That's what I really saw."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She patted his chest. "It was my decision, remember? I destroyed the array. I made the decision not to take the quick trip home."

"But for a very valid reason."

"You're very kind, Chakotay."

"I'm right and you know it."

"And you know you're more to me than just my First Officer." He froze at her words. "I mean, I couldn't have made it through this trip this far without you."

"We make a good team." His dimples appeared. "So do you want to thank me for a job well done?"

Kathryn blushed. "Just how long do you think you can work beside me without finishing what we just started, Commander?"

"I'm several minutes past my threshold, Captain." He dropped his clothes. "So shall we continue where we left off?"

"One thing first. Is the alien telepathy the first time you ever imagined us together?"

It was his turn to blush. Taking her hands in his, he said, "You are unlike any woman I have ever met, Kathryn Janeway. Strong, capable, and passionate in all the right ways and some of the wrong ones too."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. I suppose, I have been waiting for you to come to terms with your previous life and to feel free to create a new one."

"Chakotay, we can't carry on anything with any permanence. It's not good for the ship's morale and it's unprecedented in command structure."

"How about we just see where this and the future take us?"

He kissed her and Kathryn felt her knees weaken. She allowed Chakotay to carry her this time into her bedroom. He laid her down on the sheets and quickly stripped off her remaining clothes. She suddenly felt shy lying naked under this half clothed man but his whispered reassurances made her trust him completely.

Chakotay repeated his earlier ministrations but this time went lower with now unfettered access to all of her body. His mouth worked and soon he had her screaming in pleasure as her fingers grasped his short hair trying to pull him away.

He sat up and took off his remaining uniform. He was beautiful as he stood before her and she rose to grab for him. He pushed her back and shook his head. "No, this is about you."

Slowly, he moved over her and she grasped his hips. Parting her legs so he could gain access to where he desperately needed to be, he moved forward with a single thrust. She screamed as he filled her and began to move in earnest.

Gasps and moans comingled in the darkened room as they each shouted their pleasure with one another's touch. Her hands were everywhere behind him, urging him on, and stroking him intimately. His hands held her body tight as his mouth suckled near her mouth, neck, breasts, and anywhere else he could reach she enveloped him completely.

His pace changed and he called for her to come with him. She did and the two of them cried out their mutual passion before collapsing onto each other's sweaty bodies.

"Chakotay," she gasped.

He couldn't move. He lay across her chest and rolled over to alleviate his weight. She went with him. As they lay still, entwined in each other's arms, she brushed his sweaty brow and he kissed hers.

"Does the fantasy compare?" she asked.

"More than," he gasped.

She snuggled into his arms. "I am so glad I have a few days off."

"I have the night off."

"Commander?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"Do it again."

"Yes, ma'am."