Andrew, having braved what seemed to be the longest line in Seattle in order to bring Meredith her favorite sandwich from their spot they frequented in Pike's Market, was relieved once he reached Meredith's place and opened the door using the key she had made for him.
He set the keys and their sandwiches down, scanning the house for Meredith. They both had the day off and the house was empty for now while the children were in school.
"Meredith? I'm back." Andrew called out as he walked further into the house. So far there was no sign of Meredith and he began to grow concerned.
He walked down the hallway, noticing the attic stairs were down, indicating someone had gone up there.
Andrew made the climb up the stairs to find Meredith sat in the middle of the floor with various items scattered around her, including old photos.
As he got closer to her, he noticed a vacant look in her eyes and her eyes looked slightly puffy and red as if she'd been crying.
My attic is full of pages, full of crazy
Cluttered spaces that you could not cross
My attic is full of bones and full of hopeless
Young emotions that just won't grow up
"Mer, sweetheart, are you okay?" He asked softly.
Meredith looked up suddenly as if she hadn't realized he'd been standing there. "Huh? What? Oh yeah, I'm fine. I came up here to get Elle's old crib out for Owen and Teddy's little girl to have and I guess..I must've got a little sidetracked." She shook her head a little and went to stand up.
"You look like you've been crying, though." Andrew pointed out. "Meredith, is everything alright?" He sat down next to her before she could get up.
Meredith looked down at the photo she held in her hand. Pictured was Meredith, Lexie, and baby Zola each grinning ear to ear with the brightest smiles. She remembered that photo. It was taken by Derek. For that single moment in time, everything was good.
Andrew's eyes followed down to the photo.
"That's my little sister, Lexie." Meredith explained.
"Lexie. She's-" Andrew started, putting together the face with the name.
"The one who died in the plane crash." Meredith finished.
"Right.." Andrew uttered quietly. He could never imagine losing a loved one so tragically the way Meredith did, especially knowing this wasn't even her only loss. He was unsure of exactly what to say that she hadn't already heard a thousand times that would make anything better, but he wanted to say something. "Even though I never got the chance to meet her, from what I've heard she was pretty amazing."
Meredith managed a smile. "She was. I loved her." Although she gratefully now had Maggie and Amelia, occasionally the aching feeling where Lexie should be would creep up on her.
"When I first learned of Lexie's existence, I rejected her completely. I was determined to have nothing to do with her. But, Lexie she had this way of creeping into your heart without you even realizing it. And I realized, having a sister could be a good thing. I feel like the time I had with Lexie made me better equipped as a sister later on to Maggie and Amelia, in a way. Of course, those situations weren't the easiest at first, but Lexie..she definitely softened me, I think." Meredith had no idea why she was telling Andrew all of this, it's probably nothing he wanted to hear in the first place.
"Meredith, I know for a fact that for the time that Lexie was with you on this earth, she was lucky to have you as a sister. You both were lucky to have each other." Andrew said to her as he gently held her hand.
Meredith gestured to a box in front of them. "These are some of her things I kept. I let our father take the majority of it but I kept a few things. Just her hairbrush, a few of her favorite tops she wore all the time, a couple handwritten notes she'd left in the house for me. Just little things that remind me of her."
The smile completely faded from Meredith's features. She sighed, placing her head down running her fingers through her hair.
"I've suffered so much loss, Andrew. More than what the average person ever should in a lifetime.."
I keep hiding the keys in all these
Places even I can't find
Hoping, one day, you'll find them allAnd I wanna let you see inside, my attic
Andrew stayed silent to allow her to continue. Sure, he'd lost his mother, which was incredibly hard, but in his eyes paled in comparison to everything Meredith had gone through.
"I've been told so many times it's a miracle I'm even still standing." She said.
"I know. Lexie, your husband, your mom. I - I can't even imagine.." He said to her. "Nothing can replace that kind of loss.."
"My stepmom, my good friend George, hell - my dog. And my father most recently." Meredith continued. "And of course the losses of people who aren't dead, just gone. I mean, people change and people evolve - they move on. I get that. My people and I..we suffered more tragedy than the average person and I don't blame them one bit for wanting to book it the hell out of here when they could."
"Meredith…"
Meredith put her hand up. "I know, sweetheart. You don't have to say anything." She patted his leg gently. "It's too much for most people. And I've already said too much. I'm sorry.."
"No, Mer, don't apologize. I appreciate that you trust me enough to tell me these things. This is good." Andrew reassured her.
Meredith leaned her head on his shoulder. "My life is pretty great now. I'm a successful surgeon with three beautiful children, a wonderful man who loves me when I thought I could never love again, and entire village on my side, but sometimes...sometimes my mind still goes to these dark places that aren't the prettiest. Trust me it's gotten much, much better over the years but sometimes..it's still there and it'll probably never go away completely."
..My attic is up the stairs and waiting there
Are lonely nights, they keep me wide awake
Tears fell from her eyes. "I go to therapy. Not as often as in years past, but I still go. It helps me to somewhat make sense of this world, convince myself I'm not crazy for thinking and feeling the things I do sometimes."
Inside this olive skin are paper thin
Illusions that I'm tougher than I am
And I'm guarded, castle walls from all the falls
And break up calls and never should've beens
Andrew placed his arm around her. "Well, I want you to know that if you ever feel yourself in that place, you can always, always talk to me if you need to. I understand loss. My mom? I miss her every single day. I understand dark places our mind can take us sometimes. You can tell me anything, Mer."
He would never push her into talking about anything she didn't feel comfortable with, but he wanted to assure her that she had that option, recalling a time in the past that he mistakenly questioned a scar on her lower abdomen, and another on her chest, causing her to noticeably withdraw the rest of that day. He never spoke another word about it since.
Meredith let out a shaky breath, biting her lower lip. "I know." She didn't quite know what to say. She was opening up to him in ways she never did, and he showed no signs of judgement or desire to run. He listened to her. He accepted her, every part of her, not just the bright and shiny, tough exterior she wore most days.
And I swear, not trying to be vindictive
I'm just terrified that you might see me different
You'll change your mind, tell me that I'm crazy
Tell me that I'm okay, tell me that you'll stay
Andrew knew without her having to say a word that that would be all the sharing done for one day, that everything else would come in due time.
"I love you, Meredith Grey. And I'm here to stay. I'm not going anywhere." He said to her, almost as if he'd read her mind.
"I love you." More tears fell from her eyes to which Andrew quickly wiped away, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss to her lips.
I keep hiding the keys in all these
Places even I can't find
Hoping, one day, you'll find them all
'Cause I wanna let you see inside, my attic
Meredith remained in his arms, face buried comfortably on his chest as they sat surrounded by boxes and piles of memories. Memories, love, loss, people and moments in time she'd never forget.
And although painful at times, Meredith knew she never had to brave this attic alone, ever again.