We got here 5 days ago. Two days ago negan announced that he was looking for a new wife. It really didn't cross my mind to apply since I'm with Jay and all. Life here is different for my brother and I. Out there we were ok. Probably better than ok. It was quiet on the outside, Maybe not safe but it was quiet. The saviors compound is noisy and loud but it's also safe. I know I shake more here and jump more and things startle me more here but my kids are safe here and that's more important. this morning I was working on the floor of the factory with my brother it seems noisier than usual when I looked across the conveyor belt at Joe he was shaking, more than normal and way more than me. I don't like it when that happens bc I know what he's going through. I knew it was going to happen though, he's getting overwhelmed.

"Joe, it's ok." I said reaching for his hand, but he pulled it away.

"No it's not" he answers. "I need it to stop."

Just then someone from another line dropped a metal tray and it smashed to the ground. Joe and I both jumped but joe yelled out then dropped to the ground and covered his face.

"No, no, no. joe you can't do this now. You're gonna make a scene and get us kicked out." I crawl under the conveyor belt to him but he won't let me touch him. We have already drawn attention and one of the saviors comes over.

"Y'all need to get back to work." He bellows at us.

"I know. we will, he just needs a minute." I plead.

"It's not break time, get back to work." He starts yelling at me. He grabs my arm and tries to pull me to my feet. That's the tipping point. Joe jumps to his feet and starts throwing things. He pushes everything off the conveyor belt and starts grabbing our tools from the table he's throwing them now and people start clearing room. I'm trying to calm him down when more saviors show up and grab joe from behind and throw him to the ground. They are holding him down.

"No, no, no. U can't do that to him it's not gonna help." I scream. Jay comes out of nowhere and grabs me and holds me back, out of the way so they won't do the same to me.

"Well, well, well, that's a cluster fuck and a half." Everyone gets real quiet and all you can hear is the machines working. I look around for the source of these words and find negan walking over to joe.

"Take him to a service room so he can calm down. I'll deal with it later." The men holding joe down drag him away.

"No! Please don't hurt him. He didn't mean anything. I promise he wasn't trying to hurt anyone." I beg him.

"Hey there, red." He says with a smile.

"Negan please don't let them hurt him. He just had an episode. He got overwhelmed by all the noise. Please I'll do anything just don't hurt him." I'm near tears at this point.

"Hey, hey now, red don't you get all worked up too. I'm a reasonable man. We can work this out. Come upstairs with me and we'll talk about it. "

"Ok" I say shaking my head violently. As I start following negan I look back at jay who looks very concerned. I've heard no one goes upstairs except the saviors and negan's wives but they don't ever come back down. Negan leads me upstairs. It's quiet up here but that's unnerving too. It's almost creepy how quiet it is. He takes me to a room on the other side of the factory. We go inside and sit down on the couch. Negan is very relaxed here. He sets Lucile in an armchair and has a seat next to me. He leans back on the couch and puts his arm around me, but I can't relax, I haven't in a long time. I sit on the edge of the couch with my hands on my knees.

"So, red. . . Well first of all what's your name?"

"Frankie." I say my voice shaking.

"Right. Frankie, so when you said episode earlier, what did you mean? What kind of episode?"

"Well. . . Um. Joe has ptsd and his anxiety is so bad that he can't be around people. He never did before everything happened and being here, it's so noisy on the floor that he just got overwhelmed and I tried to help him and we were told we had to keep working and he just snapped. I promise he didn't mean to hurt anyone. He wouldn't hurt anyone. He's the sweetest person you'll ever meet he just has anxiety." My heart is racing a mile a minute.

"I see" he says rubbing his beard. He has a handsome face "And what does he do for that?"

"Well he never would take medicine for it before."

"You seem shaky too, are you nervous?"

"Um. . . Yes sir. I have that too and I feel the same way I just cope better."

"You have ptsd?"

"Yes sir."

"Why?" That last comment set me back a minute and I guess he sensed that.

"Uhh. . . Well um. . . Just bad stuff. . . Happened. . . When we were young."

"I see. And what do you take for that?"

"Uhh. . .prozac. Well. . I did. It's gone now."

"You can work for it."

"Yeah. I have 4 kids to care for."

"Oh." a knock came at the door. I jumped and turned to the door in one movement, grabbing negans arm, still resting on the back of the couch. I look at him nervously and move my hand.

"What is it?" Negan asks the door. A tall lanky man with salt and pepper hair and a mustache opens the door.

"Hey negan just wanted you to know we put blondy in cell 5." He says very matter-a-factly.

"Kay. Simon, would you get . . . Frankie here something for her anxiety?"

"Yes sir." Simon says leaving the room and closing the door. Negan looks back at me and smiles.

"Thank you. . . But um. . I can't afford any medicine."

"It's on the House, love. So, here's what I'm thinking: I will make sure you always have medicine and that these shakes go away. You and your kids will be taken care of and your brother doesn't have to work on the floor, so no more episodes, if you will marry me." I stare blankly at him for a minute. Did he really just say that to me?

"Uhh. . Um. . I'm with someone. . . Sorry."

"Oh, alright doll." He says standing to his feet. "Thanks for your time.Your brother will be back on the floor in the morning. I'm gonna let him stay in cell 5 tonight, to calm down." He walks me to the door "let me know if you change your mind." He says with a smile. I go back downstairs to the floor and I go back to work. A while later Simon walks up to me and hands me some pills I take them and finish my work.

That night I'm curled up with jay and my youngest.

"So, what did negan want today?" He starts.

"We just talked about joe and why he freaked out." I answer stroking my daughters hair.

"So you fucked him." That's not a question.

"Uhh. No." I say staking attitude right away.

"You did. Didn't you?"

"No!"

"Then why you getting mad?"

"Because u just accused me of cheating on you and I didn't."

"Then prove it. Fuck me."

"Jay how is that gonna prove anything"

" if you didn't you wouldn't feel guilty and you'd fuck me."

"Yeah that's not happening."

"Because you did it with him huh?"

"No because you're being a dick." I get up and take my daughter to sleep with my sister and oldest daughter. Jay follows me. All the girls are asleep so I lay mi-mi down next to them.

"If you don't want to then I'll just have to get it from shyanne"

"No you won't!" I say standing up straight."

"Then fuck me." I really won't put it past this man, especially these days and I'm done fighting about this. We go back to our area and have sex that night. I just laid there and thought about my girls and how much I love them.

The next morning I'm so tired. I have never slept so bad in all my life and I guess it showed on my face because when negan was making his rounds he stops by to see me. He asks how joe is doing and how I'm doing. He's awful cheerful for a man I rejected yesterday.

"Yeah. I'm ok" I say eyeing jay over negan's shoulder. He turns to look at jay and then back to me and gives me an unsure look.

"Are you sure? He doesn't exactly look friendly."

"Yeah he's mad that I went upstairs with you yesterday." Negan gives me a confused look and examines my face.

"Did he hurt you?" I can't hold back anymore. I look down and start tearing up.

"He thinks we had sex yesterday. Made me have sex with him to prove we didn't."

"He made you?!" He says sounding very angry. I get really quiet. "You mean he raped you?" I've been trying my hardest not to say those words to myself.

"He said if I didn't he would do it with my 12 year old sister." I'm crying hard at this point but I won't look up. "I should have left him a long time ago and I did but then everything went down and we were together at the time so we stuck together and it seemed better to be with him out there so I stayed."

"Fuck that shit. I don't have rapists in my compound and I sure don't keep child molesters."

"Negan?" I started softly. "If he goes away I'll marry you."