Darla crossed and uncrossed her arms, anxious and worried. She was the only living soul still awoke in the remote commune of Dorna-Arini, a place rather lovely during the day, that was now, in the wee hours of a moonless night, poking hard at her fear of the dark – a long, persisting and awkward fear, that at this rate in her life, should be extinguished.
She, who could see in the dark.
Even when there was almost no light. Slowly, Darla walked from the cabin – a place she rented two months prior – to the street, noticing everything in her way – the grass and weeds, a small rat that darted to the other way, in the distance, another residence and a car parked right in front. Trees. A fox. More vegetation.
Still, being there all by herself gave her the creeps. And more than that, made her feel utterly lonely. The dark not only evoked a childish fear that something was preying on her, but also her lasting sense of loneliness. With the years, Darla overcame and almost forgot that feeling. She had found friends – since family was a privilege lost to her – and colleagues that would make this feeling vanish. Ultimately this made her kind of dependent of the company – which was better than feeling alone and lost.
And now she was not only alone but trapped into a night that seemed not meet its end.
Last time she checked it was 3 in the morning, and after what seemed an eternity, only seven minutes have passed.
"You must be kidding me" groaned to the night, sitting in the grass.
She fished her mobile from her poked – the light from the screen piercing her eyes with the sudden light. A ton of new messages, none of which was the one she was waiting for.
"Oh boy," she took a deep breath. She was about to start talking to herself. Darla looked at her right hand – nothing there.
She lowered her head, closing her eyes. That feeling that something was about to pounce her made her look over her shoulders. Of course, there was nothing there.
When she looked forward again, she felt her breath catch in her throat.
"Oh my God, where have you been?" Darla whispered, standing and then walking.
"This is not the place, Darla," the musical voice of her friend was almost inaudible.
"It must be. I've done all the rituals, I've…" they kept low tones, but the other could sense the outrage in her words.
"It's not here. Come on. It's supposed to be that hard, sweetie"
"Don't sweetie me, Adora" frustrated, the girl turned her back and started to walk to the cabin.
"We will find it" Adora followed, her steps not causing a single disturbance.
"But I'm sure. I mean, it must be. I felt the connection, it was as real as you"
"You know, the point of this probation is determining if you can really do… you know, this." Adora said as the other opened the door to the house, waiting a bit before getting inside too "And please, don't take that wrong, but…"
"I'm going to take that wrong. You never supported me" Darla snarled.
"Don't be unfair. I always supported you, even believing you were not cut for this" the other just said that under her breath.
"Which is exactly what I said. What's good you support can be if you do not believe I can do this?" frustration over frustration over disappointment.
"Why, I cannot be dishonest. I could not tell you I believe you are going to thrive in this, because this is simply not you. Your heart" she was about to start but the other cut through.
"What about it? What?"
"To conflicted, Darla. Too afraid. I can feel you, you know it. And I feel your…"
"Don't."
"… loneliness…"
"Don't."
"…and fears".
"It's a stupid childish fear of the dark"
Adora sighed. She took her coat off and then sat to remove her boots.
"You don't believe me"
"I do believe you believe it's a stupid fear of the dark"
"You know, sometimes I forget that I'm talking with the almighty Adora," said, throwing her hands over her hand, in a strange gesture – like a drama queen.
"That, Darla, is quite uncalled for" placing her boots beside her, Adora started to unfasten her pants.
Darla felt the color rising in her checks. The frustration was still boiling in her belly - and she was not quite ready to concede that she had the ritual wrong – but being left alone in this fight was another defeat - and a shaming one. Adora was not the kind that would be baited, and she knew it, but right now… all she wanted was to lift that feeling off her chest.
"What I'm supposed to do now?"
"Go back to the ritual". And with that, the girl went to bed.
xxx
A week later, Darla was still having the same results. It was there, in the mountains. Every time she tried it, the answer was the same.
Adora couldn`t help. Her test consisted in being stripped the vast majority of her powers- and be left with her knowledge and widow – which was her most powerful resource, Adora and the Ancilla would say.
"You should rest" Adora brought her supper.
"You should not interrupt me" failure after failure was making her mood swing between bitter and sullen.
"Alright," the other took the basin to one side. Before Darla could interject, she raised her hand.
"I cannot tell you what to do. I cannot tell you how to work the ritual or any other thing. But listen to me, ok?"
"Ok" she felt tired and quite ready to quit. She just needed to hear the words. That's not you, Darla. You were not cut for this, sweetie. You have such a great talent, but not for this.
"Our souls have been parted and scattered all over the world. Remember? I shall not have a home…"
"… for my soul is not bound to one place, but all places"
"Very well."
"It is not here, is it?"
"I do not think so, sweetie, no".
"But why?"
Adora was younger, but she had been born and raised in the tradition. Her mother, and her mother's mother, and all women before her in a long line of light-bearers have passed in this test – and endured a life that was not dedicated for themselves but to serve others.
"Maybe another piece of you is here. But not the one you should find for your rite of passage".
"Well…" she took the basin again, placing it in front of her "let's see what piece is this one then".
Adora smiled. They had thirteen lunars months to conclude this challenge – and seven had already passed. They had time.