This is my submission for Day 1 of Royai Week on tumblr! The prompt was Firsts. Enjoy!
The first time they made love was a mistake. It happened in Ishval. They didn't even love each other any particular amount - at that moment, they could barely remember how to love. They abused the fact that they had a previous relationship to find comfort for themselves - a solace they now knew they didn't deserve.
When they finished, they lay on their backs near each other, but as far away as the small bunks would allow.
"Why am I here, Roy?" croaked Riza. He wasn't sure if she was talking about his bed or Ishval but found he didn't know the answer to either, so he stayed silent.
A few minutes later, Riza was dressed, standing at the entrance to his tent and holding the flap open with her back to him. He hadn't moved. She half turned so he could see her profile against the soft glow of the lamps outside, and the thought passed his mind that she looked pretty. It surprised him. She opened her mouth but didn't speak. Something in her expression seemed to tell him that she wanted him to say something, to tell her not to go, to say anything to acknowledge what had passed between them, but he didn't speak. He couldn't.
He stared at the spot where she had stood for a long time after she left. Did he love her? He had always told himself no- that he couldn't, that it was easier that way. But it was in her absence that he began to wonder. He wasn't sure, he wasn't sure if he loved her, or if he had always loved her, or when he would see her again. His fists tightened. He should have talked to her, said something, anything. If Ishval had taught him anything, it was that he couldn't afford to put things off. But she was gone now. The moment had passed. Roy wasn't sure he had the courage to speak to her now even if she was still here.
He made a promise to himself and to her laying in his bed that night. If they ever had a second time, if the universe allowed them that much, he would touch her gently. He would whisper in her ear and across her skin. He would make her smile. He would make her yell. He would hold her after and run his fingers through her hair. He promised himself that even if the universe wouldn't allow him a second chance, a chance to make up for his silence tonight, he would make a second chance.
Tonight was the first time, but he would make sure that it wasn't the last.