Okay guys, this was actually inspired by two things. One: TransFanFreak101's 'All I Need' one shot, which you should check out or I'll sic Grimlock on you, and one of my favorite songs, 'Heart' by 'The Pretty Reckless'. You should listen to the actual song, because it's absolutely beautiful and so meaningful, thus spawning this totally random fic.
Ps: I Changed a few words in the lyrics at the end to make them fit with how the story was flowing. It was only a
Few and wouldn't change how the song went, mostly just You's to I's or whatever
PPs: Hoping TransFan doesn't mind that she totally inspired me to do this. Enjoy! :)
DISAIMER:I unfortunately don't own any characters or song lyrics in this story. I just wrote a short story around them. So Pweez don't sue me Kay? Onward!
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'Never Wanted to feel'
Sunstreakers spark twisted in its chamber, broken to pieces by what has just happened. He couldn't believe he had been so stupid! So foolish! Hot Energon tears threatened to course down his cheek plating, pooling in his optics as he gritted his dentas.
"This is prosperous! How can you be admitting something so...wrong?"
"We aren't even compatible!"
"I..don't have the same feelings Sunstreaker..I'm sorry..."
These words rolled through his processors over and over, driving the spike of humiliation and rejection even farther into his broken soul. He never should've had the actual confidence to come out to Ratchet...he had sauntered into that med bay, all cool and collected, but underneath he had been nervous..scared…..scared of his judgment.
'Never wanted you to steal my heart'
Sunny leaned against wall next to all the machines and devices in their base, his head dipped down as he remembered. Remembered all the memories he had of him. How much the CMO cared for his team, that even under all of that gruff exterior, complaining, and even wrench throwing, he really and truly felt for the rest of them. No one noticed it as much as Sunny, but it was there. His optics would widen, panic or fear filling them when a new patient would be brought in. Or how they would soften to blue glowing orbs when said patient would get up, dust themselves off and give him a thumbs up. His gentle and professional servos patching, wrapping, painting, welding...and Sunny thought Ratchet would always be super careful and caring with him, all the while scolding and muttering and threatening his paint. And the medic, Sunstreaker sullenly thought, never noticed it would just rile him up, make his spark unwillingly expand with love even more for the red and white mech. And he thought his ruthless, cold soul was only capable of warming to Sideswipe, his twin.
'Never wanted you to know'
He had kept it secret, all these hours, days and minutes. Covering it up with snarky comments and jaunty sneers, only his red twin knowing exactly how his head and spark felt. Back then, he knew Ratchet would've never taken to Sunny's feelings, and admitting them would have just caused awkwardness and commotion between them
Not to mention all the bots on the base would know. Sunny felt just confused now..he thought they were getting along fine. The resident medic hadn't been yelling and snapping at him so much lately...he had been soft worded and quiet as he bandaged him up. And sometimes the gold mech would catch Ratchet staring at him, before he would glance away quickly. Sunny sank down to the ground, burying his helm in his arms.
'Never wanted to show I'm weak'
He had been the one to break down. The one to take the risk in creating a fool out of himself, the love struck laughing stock of the whole base. The whispers that would go around. The glances. The looks of sympathy or pity. The way everyone would treat him like he was some piece of fragile glass, or a sensitive femme for fragging sakes'!
But the new feeling he had felt for this bot..it wasn't like the love his brother and him shared, it was new..it was different. Sunny wanted to act on it, just because it was strong, crushing him with the weight and intensity.
In the end, he HAD been the fool, the ruse, the butt of the joke. He wanted to cry. He truly did. But it would make him even more of a sissy if he got caught. So he let the pain consume him, running through his cables and wiring, making him want to writhe in agony.
'I'm falling all over myself,
Dying to be someone else,
I wish that you would dare to walk me home,
So I wouldn't have to feel alone'
Sunstreaker. The mighty Sunstreaker had fallen. Fallen in love with the one bot who has captured his soul, his spark, his entire being. He would have no other; he would rather offline himself than even attempt another, different approach on love. Ratchet had been it. The one. The only. And he had rejected him...grinding him into the ground 'til he was no more than bits of metal and scrap. And that is how Sunny felt right now. Like scrap.
He cycled his vents before climbing slowly to his pedes, wrapping himself in a cocoon of his own warmth, he trudged through the halls, and like he said, earning those confused, shocked, pitiful glances.
It's all his fault, Sunstreaker thought, hunching his shoulders. All he had to do was say he felt the same. But no. He took the cowards say out and full out embarrassed him in front of others.
At that time Sunny hadn't cared, he was so sure the medic felt the same! And he was too full of hope to notice the way he had glanced around after the gold mechs devotion of love, the raised optics ridges of Prowl, Jazz, and Red Alert. And 'Streaker had never felt so alone in his life. The CMO felt like his second half. Sunny made his way to his shares berth room with his twin, then sinking down onto the floor, his back to the recharge ledge
'Always wanted to be.
Always wanted you to see my heart.'
The broken sparked Lamborghini had just wanted someone to love him back. Beside Sideswipe. But obviously that was too much to ask, Sunny had mused bitterly. Especially of the older bot who had ripped his spark out, stomped on it, than had shoved it back in his gaping wound. All the while humming and drinking some high-grade.
'Always wanted your love.
Always wanted, but never was'
There was no way his spark would be mended. The usually egotistical mech scrubbed a servo over his damp faceplates. He hadn't even noticed he had started crying. The tears were flowing as his mind replayed that scene over and over, the words another blow to the heart wrenching feelings he was already portraying.
'I'm falling all over myself,
Trying to be someone else,
I wish you would dare to walk me home,
So I wouldn't have to feel alone.'
Sunny knew his twin could feel his feelings, thoughts. He had let the barrier down after his little episode with Ratchet.
Sunny didn't understand! He HAD felt something there, something small, but knew it could grow bigger. The medic had never acted on it, but Sunny thought he has felt it too. He guessed he has just imagined it when he would earn those little gasps of pleasure from the rescue bot when he would absently caress his servo or arm on accident, the way the magnetizing pull between them would have them end up closer to in a room than they has originally been.
Ratchet claimed there was nothing there. Sunny has tried his best to be a suitable bondmate for the older bot. He had tried to stay out of trouble, keep the pranks at a minimum, even try to be polite to other bots...even the ones who annoyed him to no end so...but it just wasn't him..he was Sunstreaker, and Ratchet had to appreciate that if he had shared mutual feelings with the Lambo twin.
Sunny had no one to turn to right now. His red twin was out with his Sparkmate, happily enjoying his free time with the one he loved. Something Sunny had wanted to feel. But would never get the chance to. At the thought the dam broke on the flowing waterfall that was his mentality. All the hurt, longing, desire, rejection, pain, came flying out in body racking sobs of grief. Sunny let those tears fall, wanting to scream with the agony he was feeling. How could fate be so cruel?
Over and over those words played.
"..don't feel the same.."
"..so wrong..."
"Not compatible!"
"I'm sorry Sunstreaker.."
"I don't feel the same..."
"...Don't feel the same..."
His body was numb, the cries and keens of grief echoing, bouncing off the walls of his room, words repeating, repeating, repeating..
'Never told you before.
Never loved you more'
Ratchet watches silently from the doorway, his shadow casting a large silhouette over the form in the darkened room, noting with guilty pain that the gold mech curled up and keening in front of him didn't even notice.
He had never saw the strong, witty, beautiful bot so broken and defeated. And it was all his fragging fault. All because he was scared of what everyone else would think. How they would judge. He had lied in the med bay when he had said all those deceiving, hurtful things to Sunny. He did not even mean any of them. When he had declared his love, Ratchet was ready right there to jump into his arms and cry for happiness, but those slagging, staring bots had made him stupid.
Words had rushed out of his mouth like a river, him no even knowing where they were coming from. He just had wanted those curious, yet judgmental stares to stop, more from Red Alert and Prowl, than Jazz.
Jazz was too kind sparked to judge. He couldn't believe he was letting some other invalid opinion of a couple of other bots get in the way of what his body and spark wanted also. He was a war veteran for Primus' sake! He shouldn't care! And he wouldn't . Because he wanted only one thing on this ship. That was Sunstreaker. The CMO took a deep cycled breath before moving farther into the room.
'I'm falling all over myself
Trying to be someone else
I wish that I would dare to walk you home,
So you wouldn't have to be alone'
Ratchet took in the shine of gold flickering in the pale light made by the outside hallway, his mind going back to the past.
He had fallen in love with a young, naive, sly mech. One who was arrogant and razor-tongued, but underneath his spark was as big as any caring bot, he just had a hard time showing it properly.
Ratchet's memories went to how tall, and strong and safe-feeling Sunny had felt before, that trademark smirk upon his lip plating, his hip swaying saunter when he went anywhere, and that intelligent sharp mind Ratchet knew he possessed. 'Streaker didn't just have a gorgeous outer shell to the medic, his inner was just as spectacular, and he knew it. It was his Sunshine that was hurting. And he was going to make it right.
'I'm falling all over myself
Dying to be someone else
I wish I would dare to walk you home
I don't wanna fight the world alone '
Ratchet knew what was right, and what was best for both of them. He wasn't going to let his sweetspark go. Not this time. He was tired of being alone. He moved right over Sunstreaker, hoping he would look up.
'I don't wanna fight the world alone'
Sunny felt him more than he saw him. Ratchet. His one and only was standing above him, his optics glowing in the dark as they burned with love, care, and forgiveness. He really did want him. He wanted him just as he was. Sunstreaker couldn't have felt more joyous in his life, the pain in his spark ebbing away the more he stared up in wonderment at the red and white bot. He was here to make it right, and Sunny was not going to deny him.
'I don't wanna fight the world alone'
"Sunshine, I-"
"Yes."
Ratchet's spark burst with happiness and relief at his love's single answer to all the questions and uncertainties running through his processors. He was ready to take the next step, ready for them to become one. Sunstreaker had accepted him. Just as he would Sunstreaker.
Sunny smiled up lovingly, gasping as a pair of lip plating were crushed down in his own as Ratchet wrapped his arms around the younger mech in a comforting, passionate embrace, that silent hug chasing away all of the golden mechs sadness and rejection. He finally had his one. He thought as he returned the kiss with equal fiery force.
'I don't wanna fight the world alone'
Both lovers vowed to themselves that they would never let the other go, no matter what people thought, no matter the ups and downs, they would be their for each other. Their love was true, it was strong, and it was unbreakable. Fate hasn't been so cruel after all. It was the first time in a long long time that either didn't feeling complete, empty, alone.
'All Alone'