Hi, I'm Alyson and this is my first ever fanfic. I don't know what you guys will think of it so tell me if you like it of don't.

I do not own Twilight or the title of the story :(

Fuck. I'm late again! This is the fourth time this week and it's only Thursday! Charlie's gonna kill me. He said if I was late one more time this week, he was going to take away my reading privileges. School starts at 8:07 and it is now 9:45.

It's almost not worth showing up but Charlie would kill me even more and it's hard to kill someone who's already dead. As I start rushing out of bed and throwing my clothes on, wondering how the hell I'm getting to school, seeing as Dip-Wad already left, the afore-mentioned demon child appears out of God knows where, leaning against my door frame with a smirk in place.

My name is Isabella Marie Swan. I've lived in the small town of Forks, Washington for a little over a month and a half. My father is Police Chief Charlie Swan. My dumb ass of a brother is called Emmett. I don't think the name suits him well, though. I like to call him Douche Bag, Dip Wad, Dumb Ass, and Gorilla Man, just to name a few.

Our mom is Renee Dwyer, mother of four. Two with our dad, Charlie, those two being Dickhead and I, and two with her husband of four years, Phil. The twins were born about two weeks ago. Emmett and I have yet to go down and see Mom. We're hoping we can stay away long enough that the twerps are out of the screaming phase of baby-hood.

Renee had Emmett at the tender age of 16. Ha! That has taught me a valuable lesson: don't have sex until you want to have kids! You also probably shouldn't smoke weed while pregnant, seeing as the result is someone who turns out like my brother. It probably didn't help that both my parents seemed to be unskilled at holding a baby. Yes, Emmett was dropped more times than I can even count on his brain-dead head.

I was born two years later. By that point, thank God, Renee and Charlie had developed the skills of baby-holding. I don't even understand why those two decided to go at it again. Hadn't they learned from Emmett what doing the nasty can cause?! Apparently not.

By the time I turned four, my mom couldn't handle living with Charlie. She packed up all our stuff, and when Dad came home, she told him we were leaving. He fought to keep us both but Mom said that she would leave Emmett with him because they were so close. I don't believe that though. I think she just wanted to get rid of Emmett. If I were her, I probably would have done the same thing.

Anyway, after eight years of living in Phoenix, Mom met this guy, Phil. He's a good guy, a little young, but whatever. He and Mom dated for a while and after four months of dating, she and Phil got hitched. Three years after that and a couple trips up to Washington, Mom told me she was expecting a baby.

Throughout her whole pregnancy, we were told it was a baby. I thought it was a little odd that she was so ginormously huge by month five, but I overlooked it. After six months of dealing with my psychotic, pregnant mother, I decided I would go live with my dad and supposed brother.

When Mom went into labor, we got a phone call every five minutes from Phil, updating us about how far along she was and whatever else popped into his head. When Phil called to tell us that Emmett and I had two little brothers, I was shocked and slightly pissed at Phil for producing two more mini-Emmetts.

Coming back to the present, I glared at my brother and asked, "Emmett, what are you doing home at 9:45?" I asked through gritted teeth.

His smirk turned into a huge grin and what he said next made me want to lunge across my bed and strangle him.

"Why in God's green earth would you do that, Dip-Wad?!" If my clock said it was 9:45, then that would mean it was only 7:15. I could be asleep for another half an hour, because let's face it; Dip-Wad takes longer to get ready than I do.

"I did this for your sake, Jelly Belly. You heard what dad said. I only did it for your benefit." He finished with that stupid grin in place.

You see, if people were looking at this from another angle, they might say, "Awww, that's so sweet!" but in actuality, it's really not. When Emmett does something like this, it usually means he wants something, and that smile is definitely a sign.

"What do you want, Ape? I know you didn't do this for my benefit." Bring on the sheepish grin.

"You see, little sister, I forgot to write my paper on Les Misérables and I was hoping that you could help me with it."

That's code name for "Bella, will you write my paper for me in exchange for me waking you up in the morning so Dad doesn't kill you for another tardy?" That's a big question for such a little request.

But of course, I knew I'd give in because, as much as Emmett may annoy the shit out of me, he was still my big brother and he needed to keep his grades up. Those college scouts were out there doing their scouting and seeing as Emmett's a senior, he needs to do well to get out of this hell hole.

Right now, he's up for a full ride to any college he wants, as long as he keeps his grades up. I, being the sucker that I am for those big sad puppy eyes, agreed to his request, and seeing as I still had a fucking half an hour left until we need to leave for school, I said, "Go get me your book and some fucking paper."

"Thanks Jelly Belly, you're the best." He said sprinting out of my room to get my materials, but not without a big sloppy kiss on the cheek first.

"Yuck."

So if you like the story so far, and I know, there's not much there, but tell me so I know if you want me to continue writing it.

Thanks so much for reading! :)