Title: Jealousy
Author: Jamiexh
Rating: PG-13 for mentioning adult themes
Summary: Olivia contemplates her relationship with Elliot as Kathy visits him at the station.
Authors Note: This is my first SVU fanfic. I'm starting off slow. Please don't flame me.
Spoilers: Risk (mildly)
Disclaimer: The characters, show, etc are not mine. They belong to Dick Wolf.
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She's back again.
That's right Kathy Stabler came back to the station to see her husband. This shouldn't bother me, but it does. Every time she comes here I try to act professionally, to try to show her that it's all work and no play. I try not to act like I'm in love with him. I hope it fools Kathy, because I can't fool myself, no matter how hard I try. And believe me I've tried hard.
I guess I'm just jealous. I'm jealous of the woman who has Elliot's love. Yes, I'm jealous of Kathy. I mean think about it, at the end of the day he goes home to her. She gave him four wonderful children. What have I given him; only the occasional headache. She's his wife; I'm just his partner.
I've been his wife before though. I've played his wife the day he killed the dirty cop, Kendall. Earlier that week, Elliot was even flirting with me. Well not exactly. The businessman, that Elliot was undercover as, was flirting with some lady at the bar, who happened to be me undercover. I know it's not real, but it's the closest thing that I got to Elliot flirting with me.
Why aren't I satisfied with just being his partner? Why do I get like this every time she comes to visit him in station? I used to think that I was jealous of Elliot; you know having someone come down to the station and bring me dinner, or clean clothes. It didn't take long before I realized that I didn't want just any husband, I wanted Elliot.
Elliot and I are the perfect team. He's the father and I'm the woman. Often I see him acting like a father to the victims to get them to open up to us, so that we can help them. The same thing applies to me. I'm a woman. Most of the victims that we deal with are women. It also helps that I'm the result of a rape and I've grew up with an abusive alcoholic. This is how we relate to the victims. That's why we are probably the best team in Special Victims, because we can relate to the victims. We are best friends, if only we could be more than that.
We are like a married couple at work, I guess. The perfect pair, always getting our partner's back. We can sometimes seem to read each others mind. We know how far we can push each other. Okay sometimes we fight. Mostly it's because there is something that one of us sees that the other won't accept. And sometimes we fight for show, to get the suspect to confess to one of us. But our fights are never too bad, and Dad only had to separate us a couple of times.
He knows that I'm always there for him, and I understand that he's married. That's the thing that tends to drive me insane. Since he's married I can't make a move. If not for his wedding vows, I would have asked him out long before. But that's not the case. So I keep pushing him back to his wife. You can't imagine how hard it is to push him back to her, when I really want him here with me.
I wonder if he ever thinks of me outside of work. Does he think of as anything more that his partner and best friend? Does he think about me while he is at home with his family, imagining that I'm the mother of his four kids instead of Kathy? Does he ever dream of me? Does he ever wish that he was making love to me instead of Kathy? I do. I think of all that and more, but these are things that I can't ever admit. At least never to him.
"Benson, Stabler we got a lead, I need you to check it out," Cragen calls to us. It's time to go and snap out of my thoughts of him, and get my coat and go. But it's hard, especially after watching him kiss her good-bye. It's time to get to work, and forget the feelings that I'll never tell anyone about.