Title: Gone
Author: Anna
Rating: K
Summary: Post eps 1-2, missing scene where Tom finds Rachel in a destroyed lab.
AN: Its my first TLS fic! Hope you enjoy, it's a one shot for now, who knows I might add on other post-ep one shots as the season goes along.
It had taken him far longer than he wanted to work his way down to the lab. Hours had passed, he'd been assured by Slattery that the doctor was fine and had the critical primordial strain back in her possession. That didn't alleviate some of the guilt that had started to creep into his gut at not checking in with her. Despite their rocky start, they had grown quite fond of each other.
After his father and kids were settled in – as best as they could be considering the circumstances – and sleeping he slowly wandered his way down to the lab.
It felt like it had been forever since he'd last made this trip. Reality was it had been less than four days since the trials had ended and he'd hugged her so fiercely, the joy at possibly ending the worlds suffering overwhelming for both of them. That joy had quickly gone south however, when they placed trust in the wrong people and he left their most precious asset (the doctor) and Lieutenant Granderson with them - unprotected.
It was foolish of him. Foolish and idiotic and nearly cost them everything. With Tophet dead she was all that stood in the way of this plague, all they had in the war against it. He would not be so cavalier with her safety again. A more measured approach would be necessary going forward and trust would have to be earned, not given. A lesson learned the hard way.
Making the last turn toward the lab he sighed. The stop in Norfolk would be a tipping point – once home, would anyone return to the ship? Would it truly be a homecoming if there was no one to come home to?
Now standing in front of the lab door, he shook those thoughts away and stepped through.
She had tried cleaning up the lab, really she had, but Granderson's men had been thorough in their search and the chaos left in their wake substantial. For a couple hours she had worked diligently, throwing out the unsalvageable, putting away the rest. Then she had stumbled across some of Quincy's things that had been flung far from their usual place and her work had come to a screeching halt.
Now holding his silver travel mug tightly in her hands - the one with his college logo on it – brought reality crashing down, he was gone. No more would he challenge her, press her buttons for the sake of doing it, because he knew the constant questioning improved her methods, her thinking. Rachel was one of the best virologists in the world because of him. They had been research partners for ten years; he had encouraged her to press the government to go to the Artic for the primordial sample because he believed in her when no one else did.
She knew marriages that hadn't lasted as long as their partnership. In their time together she had watched a then-2 year old Ava grow into a pre-teen. A smart girl, so much like her father it amazed her.
Not long ago she had found Kelly and Ava in their stateroom, Ava sleeping but Kelly awake and still (understandably) shaken and upset. The women had embraced for several minutes, both crying, and Rachel had apologized so much it had started to sound like she had killed Tophet. She had spent nearly an hour with Kelly, talking in quiet whispers about Ava and the future and reminiscing. Eventually she had bade Kelly goodbye, making sure she knew Rachel was available if needed and Doc Rios would provide a sedative if she couldn't sleep.
The entire conversation had worn her down emotionally and Rachel had thought putting her mind to cleaning would help.
Then she'd found the damn mug.
Oh, God. He was gone, just…gone. She hadn't gotten to say goodbye – there was no body to have a ceremony over. It was almost as if he'd never existed.
Sitting on the floor, knees to her chest and back against the bulkhead, with the mug still in her hands, Rachel finally let out what had been building up since she'd heard the news at Avocet and a loud sob escaped. Then another, and other until tears were streaming uncontrolled down her face and she was crying in earnest. Eventually her head fell to her knees, arms wrapping around her legs as she hugged herself, still crying at all they had lost. Not just her, but the entire crew.
When a strong, familiar voice called her name, she startled and looked up to find Captain Chandler who had entered the lab unnoticed.
"Captain," she said quickly and started to unwind herself, until he put a hand on her shoulder and sat down on the floor to her left, his arm winding around her shoulders, pulling her side into his in a comforting gesture. Almost of its own accord her head felt to his shoulder, she was too tired to hold it up anymore – the weight of everything had been pressing down and now, finally, there was an actual shoulder to lean on. To take some of that weight, if only for a little while.
"It's ok," he muttered quietly into her hair.
Tom had been surprised when he'd walked into the lab and found her on the floor, surrounded by debris, curled up and crying. Though really he shouldn't have been, he knew enough about her that Rachel would take the responsibility for much of what had happened the last few days - even though much of it was his own to take. It was then he realized how very much alike they were. Quick to accept responsibility, pushy when needed, commanding really, difficult to know but once someone took time to peel through the layers they were both caring, empathetic and that habit of accepting responsibility often caused undo stress.
How had he never realized it before?
So in the silence of the lab he held her, quietly taking some of the burden.
Eventually she picked her head up and released her legs, which fell open cross-legged, one of her knees resting on his thigh – his arm was still around her shoulders. Neither commented on the physical closeness.
"I'm so sorry about Doctor Tophet, Rachel. He didn't deserve that."
She continued to stare at the mug still in her hands. "I'm so very sorry about your wife. If only I had been a little faster. Days…just days…"
"Rachel – no. I don't want you going down that road. There are far, far too many what ifs in this scenario. What if there hadn't been a fire in the engine room, what if we didn't have to deal with Russians. Just…stop. My Dad and my kids are alive because of you." His voice broke just a bit and he squeezed her tighter. "That's more than a lot of people got."
She nodded but wasn't 100% convinced.
"Quincy died a hero – saving the rest of us."
"I know…" she sighed and tears threatened again at the thought of him taking his own life for them.
"How are your father and the children?" she finally asked, they had only briefly met once aboard.
"Tired, worn out. Confused. Unsure. But alive."
"And now?"
Finally his arm dropped from her shoulder, only for his hand to land on her knee – there was something comforting about having a physical connection with her.
"Now we resupply and head to Norfolk. Let the crew look for their families. Avocet has the facilities to make several dozen doses of the vaccine, which they will do." Here he paused. "Hopefully the lab at Norfolk is still functional, if so you will get them up and running." Then he paused and looked at her sideways. "I want you escorted at all times when not on this ship. Only by Jeter, Slattery, Green or myself."
"Captain, that doesn't seem necess-"
"It is. Don't argue this with me, Doc. Please." There was something in his voice she had never heard before - fear.
So she nodded. "All right."
"Good," he said with an air of finality and looked around. "They did quite a job down here."
"Thankfully they were unsuccessful in their efforts."
"I'll send someone down to help."
Again she nodded and looked around. "Thank you. It would be appreciated."
He stood and held out a hand to her, which she took, allowing him to pull her to her feet.
"Get some rest, Rachel. It's still a long road ahead."
"Captains orders?" she asked with a small grin, even if her eyes were still a little watery.
He smiled back. "Captains orders."
FIN