Disclaimer: Don't own them. Spoilers for 3 X 04 Pot Of Gold. Do not read this if you do not want to be spoiled.
Un-beta'd, so mistakes are all mine.
Officially A Couple
Santana didn't know why it happened but it did. She had no one to blame but herself as she stormed out of the choir room with Brittany chasing after her.
"Alright, Santana, stop. You need to stop." She heard Brittany's voice behind her, but she kept on walking, until she felt a tug at her elbow, causing her to stop in the almost deserted school parking lot.
"I don't understand why you have to be so mean to Rory," Brittany continued as Santana turned around to face her. "He's my friend and I like him."
"You like him," Santana deadpanned in disbelief as she put her hands on her hips. That was the last thing she wanted to hear from Brittany.
"Yeah, he's nice and kind. What's there not to like? And he's new here. He doesn't deserve all the meanness you've been throwing at him."
Santana gave up. "Alright, you know what? Fine. You like him. Go ahead and date him then. Go ahead and stick your tongue down his throat. I don't care..."
"What?" Brittany tried to stop Santana but Santana kept going on, her voice verging on hysterics.
"I've put up with this long enough. I've had enough of pining after you and you just being your clueless adorable self not knowing what's going on. I don't care anymore," Santana said, obviously lying because deep down inside, she still cared and she knew she was going to regret saying this later. But anger took over her and she couldn't control what she said.
"Santana, stop. You're being crazy."
"Oh, so I'm crazy now?" Santana challenged as she looked around cautiously to make sure that no one was around to hear their conversation. "Yeah, you know what? You're right. I'm crazy. I'm crazily head over heels in love with you and you have no clues at all, liking Rory. I've... I've had enough of crying over this... over you..." she faltered halfway as tears began to sting her eyes.
"Santana..." Brittany began, touching Santana's wrist lightly and Santana felt her skin burn. She pushed Brittany's hand away.
"Don't touch me!" Santana yelled at Brittany as she began to walk off. And just like that, all the memories of last year's event came flooding back to Brittany. "Get off me!" These three simple words still rang loud and clear in her ears every time she recalled that event, where she chose Artie over Santana, and she was left standing by her locker, watching on forlornly as Santana walked away from her. She was not going to let the history repeat itself. Fear and panic overtook Brittany's body and without thinking too much about public display of affection and how much Santana was against it, she reached out and wrapped her arms around Santana tightly, surprising the shorter girl.
"Get off me! Let me go!" Santana struggled in Brittany's arms, but it only spurred Brittany to hold onto Santana tighter. "Brittany, let go of me."
"No, I've made the mistake of letting you go once. I'm not letting you go again. Please don't run away from me again. Please... I can't take it anymore..."
It sounded very faint, but Santana was sure she heard a sob in Brittany's voice and her heart clenched painfully. Santana stopped struggling and stood still, letting the taller girl held onto her tightly. "Please don't... please don't... please..." Brittany implored, repeating these words over and over again in broken whispers. Santana felt Brittany's face buried in her neck and Brittany's tears on her skin. Brittany was now crying and Santana hated herself for making her cry. She caved in and reciprocated the hug, patting Brittany's back, comforting her.
When Brittany was sure that Santana isn't going to run away from her, she let go of the hug and pulled back gently, her blue eyes penetrating into Santana's brown ones. It broke Santana's heart to see Brittany's eyes pooled with tears.
Taking a deep breath, Brittany began, "I do like Rory." Santana flinched, but Brittany held onto her, not letting her go. "But not in that way. I don't want to go out on dates with him, or stick my tongue down his throat."
"Brittany, I..."
"No, let me finish," Brittany said firmly, determined to finish her speech. Swallowing thickly, she continued, "When I told you that I love you last year, I meant it. I meant every word of it, Santana, and there's no one else for me. But if you still don't believe me... if you still doubt what I said to you, then... then I really don't know what else I have to say or do in order to make you believe me. Nobody ever believed me because I'm not sm..." she caught herself and stopped. "Yeah."
Santana was left watching Brittany's retreating back as she felt remorseful for ever doubting Brittany. Even though Brittany didn't finish her sentence, Santana knew very well what she was going to say anyway. Nobody ever believed Brittany because she was not smart enough. This was Brittany's insecurity and Santana had unintentionally caused Brittany to feel insecure around her. She had made Brittany feel disappointed for not believing her.
"Shit," Santana cursed as she began to walk towards her car. Fuck the Glee practice. She has to figure something out now.
Brittany had been frustrated when she stepped into her house with Rory. Rory just wouldn't stop talking when Brittany just needed some quiet time to herself. When dinner was finally over, she went up to her room immediately, skipping her usual routine of lounging on the couch in front of the TV first. She didn't realize that Rory was following her up the stairs until Rory called out for her just before she reached her bedroom door.
"Hey, what's wrong? You seem so quiet today," Rory asked in concern.
"Nothing. I'm fine," Brittany replied, not in the mood to stay and chit chat with him.
"You're not fine. You're always all sunshine and rainbows, but today you're all dark clouds and gloomy. Come on, tell me what's wrong," Rory pressed on gently.
"I'm just tired," Brittany lied.
"Ok," Rory nodded slowly, accepting Brittany's excuse. "So listen, there's a new movie coming out this Friday night and I'm wondering if you're free to go with me? I've bought the tickets for us." Rory smiled confidently.
"Oh, Rory..." Brittany began as she realized why Santana was always so mean to Rory. "I... I'm flattered, but I can't."
"But..."
"Rory, I think it's better that you go after other girls and stop wasting your time on me."
"Why?" Rory asked. "Listen, Britt. I like you. I like you a lot. I asked around and you're single, I'm single, so why not give each other a chance? Maybe you'll like me a lot by the end of our first date."
"Rory, I do like you but as a friend."
"Come on, give me a chance. I can charm you off your feet and you'll like me more than friends."
"I can't."
"Why?"
"I... I'm seeing someone else now," Brittany said. Well, technically it wasn't a lie because she wished it was the truth. Maybe she was dumb and naive after all, waiting for something that will never happen... at least not in a few years time.
"You're seeing someone now?" Rory asked, not believing Brittany. "Brittany, I've never seen you hanging around with any other boys besides those boys in Glee club. Finn's with Rachel, Mike's with Tina, Puck's too busy with Quinn, and Artie... you've just broken up with him last year and you told me you wouldn't go back to him again. You rejected all the boys in the football team's advances towards you. The only other person I see you hanging around with everyday is that demon Santana."
"You take that back," Brittany reacted quickly.
"Take what back?"
"Santana is not a demon. She's a very nice person once you get to know her properly."
"Well, thanks but no thanks," Rory said flippantly. "She's been giving me hell ever since my first day at school. She's a demon. Everyone at school calls her Satan," Rory chuckled.
Brittany rolled her eyes and decided that she didn't want anything to do with Rory anymore. As she began to turn around and walk towards her bedroom door, Rory stopped her again. "Wait, how about that date?"
Brittany sighed. He is one persistent boy, but Brittany was even more persistent. "I told you no already."
"But you're not seeing anyone," Rory said, not giving up. "Come on, I don't believe you that you're seeing someone. There are no other boys in your life and you're always hanging around with Santana. Unless you're telling me that you're seeing Santana, then I don't believe you."
It was a joke, but it still made Brittany's breath hitched in her throat. Brittany shook her head. "No, Rory... look. Yeah, I lied to you that I'm seeing someone. I'm not, but! I'm in love with someone else now and I can't go out on a date with you because of that."
"Oh..." Rory said, clearly disappointed, but a few seconds later, his face lit up again. "But you're not taken yet, right? Maybe he doesn't feel the same way as you and..."
"No, I know she does. She just told me today, but she's still afraid of taking the next step and I'm just waiting for her now," Brittany said as frustration began to seep into her voice. Frustrated at Rory for not backing down when she had clearly rejected him. Frustrated at the situation between her and Santana.
"... She?" Rory wondered aloud in confusion.
Shit. "Clearly, I meant 'he'. You know, sometimes I get confused with 'he' and 'she'," Brittany deadpanned and Rory bought it. Everyone in school thought she was dumb anyway, so it was very easy for her to use this as an advantage. Brittany had no problem with admitting to the whole world that she is bisexual, but it's Santana's secret that she has to protect. "He's not someone from school and you don't know him," she quickly added before he asked.
"Ok..." Rory exhaled. "I understand. I'll just... go now. Goodnight, Britt."
"Hey, we're still friends, right?"
"Of course," Rory smiled. Brittany opened her arms for a hug and Rory accepted it.
"Good luck with that lucky boy, Britt. If you need my help to get him, just let me know, yeah? I can make your wish come true," Rory said as he pulled away.
Brittany just gave him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes before opening her bedroom door and walking in. As much as she wanted the leprechaun to make her one wish to come true, she knew that she couldn't tell him without sacrificing Santana's secret.
The next day at school, Brittany avoided talking to Santana and she could feel that Santana was avoiding her as well. By the end of last period, as she was standing by her locker, she felt someone walking up to her. She knew it was Santana before Santana greeted her.
"Hi," Santana said nervously.
"Hey," Brittany greeted back, smiling as she closed her locker door. It was like déjà vu all over again.
"I have something I need to tell you," Santana began.
"I wanna tell you something," Brittany said at the same time as Santana.
"Ok, you go first," Santana gestured.
Shifting her legs awkwardly, Brittany began, "Rory asked me out on a date last night." Brittany could see the mood in Santana change and she quickly continued before Santana stormed off angrily again. "But I've already rejected him. He understands and we're only friends now... so, yeah... thought that you'd like to know this."
Santana let go of a sigh of relief and nodded in acknowledgement.
"So, what is it that you want to tell me?" Brittany asked curiously.
"Oh, about that..." Santana trailed off. It's not like she hasn't stayed up all night preparing for this speech. So, it should not be any problem for her at all, right? So, why is she struggling now? This should be easy for her now. It's not like she had never confessed her love to Brittany before and then get rejected, right? Santana didn't know what the outcome of this will be this time, but it wouldn't hurt so much for her again to be rejected by Brittany the second time, right?
"Hey," Brittany said softly, bringing her out of her reverie. She felt Brittany's hand stroking her left hand gently. Her left hand that was fidgeting with her right hand whenever she was nervous, and only Brittany noticed that. Brittany always noticed this little things about her. "It's gonna be alright, Santana," Brittany smiled encouragingly and it helped Santana a little.
"Britt," Santana began nervously as she turned her left hand upwards and held Brittany's hand that was stroking her earlier. She inhaled and exhaled sharply a few times before continuing, "I can't promise you that I can come out today, tomorrow or in the near future and embrace all the awesomeness in me, but... what I can promise you is that..." she stopped and looked at her surrounding cautiously, making sure that no one was in close proximity, "I'll try to be the best girlfriend you've ever had." She noticed Brittany's mouth curled up into a small smile and her grip on Brittany's hand tightened with hope that this time, Brittany will give her a positive answer. However, Santana was not finished yet.
Taking a deep breath, she continued, "All I'm asking from you is to give me time... I don't know how much time I need, but all I know is that I want to be with you. I want to go out on dates with you. I want to be able to hold your hand, to hug you and to..." she diverted her eyes shyly away from Brittany, before giving her full attention again, "... to kiss you openly in public without having the fear of anyone judging me and talking behind my back... I want to give you all that, Britt. But I can't. I can't be the unicorn you want me to be." Santana stopped as she felt a lump forming in her throat. "I can't give you all that, Britt but I really, really want to," she sobbed, her voice shaky. "I wish that I am strong enough to be the person you want me to be. I wish that I'm not afraid. I wish that..."
"Santana, stop it," Brittany interjected, sensing Santana's inner turmoil. "You are awesome. You are everything to me." Brittany took a step closer to Santana and continued, "I realized that I made a mistake last year by trying too hard to get you to come out. You were so miserable then, and it broke my heart."
"So... what does this mean for us, then?" Santana asked carefully.
"This means that we don't have to announce to the whole world that we're a couple," Brittany replied with a shrug and a smile, causing Santana to smile as well. "I want all of the things you mentioned too, Santana, but I can wait. It doesn't mean that I'm gonna wait forever, though."
"I understand."
"This is all I've ever wanted. To be your girlfriend. I've waited for so long for you to make your move," Brittany confessed, surprising Santana. "I didn't even tell Rory about this although he said that he can make all my wishes come true. But I guess I don't have to anymore, since it came true." Brittany smiled brightly. "We can do this together, you and I," Brittany said and Santana's heart swelled with happiness. Her face was beaming and it was the happiest smile Brittany had ever seen in a long time.
"Ahem." They heard someone clearing their throat, and both girls jumped apart. Santana immediately let go of Brittany's hand that she had been holding on as her anchor throughout her speech. When Santana saw who it was that had interrupted her moment with Brittany, she rolled her eyes and put on her best bitch face.
"What do you want, dwarf?" she asked, annoyed.
"While I hate to interrupt both of you lovebirds' intimate moment, but rehearsal had started half an hour ago and I cannot rehearse by my own for the West Side Story musical if you aren't present," Rachel chattered in that annoying voice of hers that Santana hates. "We're going to be singing a duet for the very first time, Santana, and I expect you to be punctual for practice. We need to understand each other's vocal strengths and weaknesses and..."
"The only thing that I want to understand about anything that has to do with you, Berry, is how to create a remote control that controls your motormouth so that you'll only use them to sing and that's it," Santana snarled and Brittany snickered beside her.
Rachel rolled her eyes at Santana's insult, but she chose to ignore it. She turned her heels and walked towards the direction of the auditorium. As soon as Rachel was out of their sight, Brittany offered Santana her pinky. Santana fought the urge to offer her best friend... no, her girlfriend (she'll never tire of calling Brittany that from now on) her hand instead, but they were still in the middle of the crowded hallway. She was still afraid and not ready yet. In the end, her fear won and she took Brittany's pinky as she began to lead Brittany towards the auditorium.
Santana doesn't know what the future will hold for them. She doesn't know when she will be ready to come out for Brittany, but what she does know, however, is that she's going to keep her promise to be the best girlfriend to Brittany. She is trying her best, and she hopes that Brittany will understand that she is not leading her on.
As for Brittany, well, she believes in Santana. She has faith that Santana will be strong enough to be who she is to the whole world one day and that she doesn't need to hide her awesomeness from everyone anymore. Until then, she is going to help Santana to overcome her fear and be the best girlfriend that Santana had ever had.