Lonely Children

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.
~Henri Nouwen

Eleven Years Ago

Jessie aged 4

I was surrounded by darkness. My parents were gone and I was alone somewhere I'd never been before. Earlier that day I had been taken away from my home by a man in a white lab coat. He took me to a big building surrounded by trees. Once inside I was taken to a room lined with beds, the only other person in the room was a little boy who sat in the corner, but the nurses told him to stay away from me. Now it was lights out and I was scared. Every time I tried to sleep all I could see was my parents laying there covered in blood, and I couldn't stop myself from crying.

There was a groan from the springs as someone sat down on the edge of my bed. I looked up to the little boy looking down at me with his emerald eyes. Slowly he reached his hand out and gently wiped the tears from my eyes. He didn't promise me that everything would be OK, he just sat there and held my hand until I fell into dreamless sleep.

One Year Later

I had been there for a year, but it wasn't so bad anymore. Every morning when the nurses took away our breakfast dishes, Derek and I would play together until they came to take us. We would go separate ways to have tests then meet up again for lunch. I hated having the tests done. Most of the time it was just things like, how fast can I run and for how long; how high can I climb; how high can I jump; how well could I read, write, etc. But sometimes it was a health examine. I hated them the most. The stethoscope was always cold and the needles hurt. They always took my blood, but sometimes they gave me something too. Those hurt the most.

At night when I would wake screaming from my nightmares, Derek was always there holding my hand until I fell back asleep. We were inseparable. He was my very best friend and I was his. We shared our dreams, joy and pain and together we were comforted.

Sometimes we would just lay side-by-side and talk, other times he would read to me. We would draw and play and imagine that we were in a place far away. We imagined a home with a family, where nothing could hurt us, where we could be free and never alone. The nurses didn't really care what did as long as we co-operated with them. Not long after I had moved to that place Derek and I had moved two mattresses onto the floor and made a tent over the top. It was our sanctuary, we were always safe there.

Until the night that everything changed.

We were awakened by loud noises coming from down the hall. It sounded like two of the adults were shouting at each other. Derek and I huddled up together frightened. Nobody usually came into our ward at night. There was a loud banging noise, then silence. Neither of us dared to move. Footsteps sounded throughout the hallway moving towards our room. Derek's hold on me tightened as the door slowly creaked open. A man slipped through and closed the door behind him. As he slowly moved forward, the moon light streaming in from the window touched his face. I'd never seen him around before, but that didn't mean he wasn't here to hurt us. Slowly he crouched down in front of us with a kind smile on his face.

"It's OK, I'm not here to harm you." He whispered. Slowly he held his hand out. "My name is Kit." For a minute all of us were completely still.

"Why are you here?" Derek asked getting straight to the point. Kit slowly lowered his arm, while Derek watched him wearily.

"I'm here to help you." He smiled at Derek, "To take you somewhere safe." Derek and I looked at each other with hope. Could it be possible this man was going to take us to the place we had been dreaming about? Somewhere we could be a family? Kit noticed our exchange and frowned. A feeling of panic and dread filled me. "I'm sorry, so sorry." He whispered while looking at me. "I can only take Derek."

"I'm not leaving without her." Derek said determinedly, while glaring at Kit.

"Please Derek, or you're going to end up like the other boys." He said with a desperate tone in his voice. I shivered as I recalled what Derek had told me about the others.

"I can't leave her." Derek whispered. The panic was crushing me inside-out. I turned to face him.

"You have to." I whispered. Part of me was screaming, no you can't let him leave, and the other was screaming, if he stays here he'll leave anyway, at least if he goes now he can be happy. Derek began to shake his head. "Please, if you stay here something bad will happen and I'll be alone anyway." He sat there frowning at me, he knew what I was saying was true, but he still couldn't make himself agree.

"You have to hurry, we don't have long." Kit whispered urgently.

"Go," I whispered, "have the life we always dreamed about. Live it for the both of us!" I hugged him tightly then kissed him goodbye. I slipped off my ring and placed it in his hand. "Take this and never forget me." I turned to Kit. "Take him now and run, no matter what he says." Kit nodded.

"I love you." Derek whispered.

"I love you too." And with that Kit took Derek and left. As I lay there alone I could hear the sounds of alarms and people running throughout the corridors and all I could think was, I'm alone.

Kit had lied, he had come and hurt me in the worst possible way. He took the last person in the world I loved and the last person who loved me.