Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.
Author's Notes: The 4th in the "The" series. This one if Kim's story kinda thing. I tried to make it in character for her at that stage.
The Dreamer
When I was a little girl I dreamed of being an astronaut. No lie! Before I got into cheerleading and gymnastics and all that girlie stuff I wanted to discover a planet and name it after my dog, Max.
I blame it on my dad and my brother. They are both such sci fi junkies. We're talking major Star Trek and Star Wars fans here, plus a variety of other classic films and books. By the time I was five I could practically recite all three Star Wars movies. My father used to insist my first word was Han.
When I was little I used to be so proud of that. When you're in elementary school stuff like that is cool. No body cares about all that popular bullshit that starts creeping in around grade six. It's so much simpler then.
Even kids like Billy aren't total outcasts. I mean, yeah, there are some exceptions, and unfortunately Billy was one of them, but for the most part everyone knows everyone and no one is too left out.
Then I hit Junior High and I was suddenly mortified if either of my parents opened their mouths about how cute I was when I was little, loving all that sci fi stuff. Grade six had just been a warm up, there everyone had known you from kindergarten and didn't care about how nerdy you had been before. Junior High was a whole new ballgame.
And somewhere a long the line I got caught up in all that popularity bullshit.
And I did some mean things during that time to. I mean, I had only been friends with Jason and the gang for a couple of years but I considered them pretty good friends. It's not like I hung out with them as much as I do now or had the bonds Trini, Zack, Jason and Billy had with each other, but they still considered me their friend and vise versa. But to just...completely turn my back on them the way I very nearly did was just plain mean.
Okay, I didn't so much turn my back on all of them as much as I tried to just ignore Billy. I am so ashamed that I did that now but at the time well...he was even less popular in Junior High than he is now and I was far too concerned about how being seen with him would affect my reputation. Jason and Zack were cool, Trini was acceptable if not border line cool, but Billy...I hate to say it but he was a nerd. Or at least what I thought a nerd was at the time.
So I made a few scathing comments about him once, my persistent but normally ignored conscious made me do it when there were as little people around as possible but I still did it. The look on Billy's face when those ugly things came out of my mouth...I still hate myself for putting that look there. He just looked so hurt and betrayed and...I don't even know how to describe it properly. And then his eyes meet mine for a second and I don't think I've ever felt as horrible as I did then.
Then, before anything else could happen, Trini and Jason arrived. Jason made the rest of the crowd scatter with a few terse words as Trini pulled Billy away from the area. Jason didn't say anything to me before he followed but the look he gave me was enough to ice over hell. I, someone he had counted a friend, had just messed with his little bro. At the time I thought he would never forgive me and, if it had been under different circumstances I think he might not have. There are a few things that Jason finds very hard to forgive; hurting his friends like I hurt Billy is one of them.
It wouldn't be until two months later, when Trini found me sobbing on a park bench, that I spoke to any of them at all.
You know, at that point in my life, if our positions had been reversed, I'm not sure I would have even stopped. But she did and I'll be forever grateful for it.
It took a lot of talks with Trini and quite a few sessions with the guidance counsellor to get me sorted out. And I did end up falling back into my old gang, the people who really carried about me not being popular. Oh I still hung out with the popular kids on occasion but I did it on my terms not theirs. It had taken long enough for my real friends to forgive me I wasn't about to screw that up again!
Jason surprised me the most. I had honestly thought he would never forgive me and he was the most compassionate, next to Trini. A lot of people don't see that side of him, I don't think he knows it's anything special and doesn't really think about it. Really, he's such a big strong guy but when it comes to us, his friends, he is such a marshmallow. When you're hurting he makes the world's best living teddy bear. I think it would embarrass him to death to hear that though!
Billy took a long time to forgive me, actually he stopped being so wary of me just before we got out powers. I don't blame him. No matter how good my reasons were for acting like that I still shouldn't have. It wasn't fair to him at all. He's such a sweet guy. A little uncoordinated and so smart it makes him stick out but he is really such a nice guy!
So I guess by now I should say what it was that made me act like such a…well, a bitch to be perfectly frank. It seems like such a lame excuse to me even though…I just don't know. I had a hard time and all but that still doesn't justify what I did, especially to Billy who was never anything but nice to me.
The year I went into middle school, and just had to fit in with the popular crowd, was the year my parents got divorced. And it was a messy divorce.
My mom had been threatening to kick my dad out for a couple of years. He was an alcoholic and still is really. It's not like he was a violent drunk or anything, he just always got kind of sleepy and slurred his speech, but it happened too often. It had gotten to the point where me and Kenny didn't want to have friends over past like six 'cause we didn't know what shape dad would be in when he got home.
I guess she had finally had enough because one day I came home from school and found dad's stuff packed by the front door. He stayed long enough to say goodbye to me and Kenny and then drove out of our lives.
I didn't see him for three months after that. Not because my mom wouldn't let him visit us, but because he didn't want to. I don't know why exactly he didn't come. Shame. Humiliation. Awkwardness. Drinking. At the time all I cared about was that I wanted my daddy and he wasn't there anymore and that he wasn't going to be there for a long time.
I didn't understand what was happening to my family at the time. I never thought it was my fault, I knew it wasn't, but at the same time I thought if I was just a little more perfect dad would see how much he was missing and stop drinking and come home. So I became Suzy Middle School and joined all the best, brightest clubs that led me to being friends with the popular crew. They made me feel superior to everyone else and that was what I wanted. It didn't matter that no one knew about my parents splitting up, I had to be better than everyone so they wouldn't think badly about me.
It's a screwed up way of thinking, I know, but at the time it seemed very logical. I probably did all the wrongs things at the time and none of it helped me cope better, well, none of it until Trini found me crying. But it's over and done with so all's kinda well that ends kinda well, I guess.
I do see my dad more now, though not as often as I'd like because he's still drinking, not as much but it still happens. It's so weird. He's almost like a stranger to me now. He and Kenny spend more time together; they have more in common so I kind of rely on my mom now. It hurts a bit but there's nothing I can do about it really. I was so surprised when he showed up for parent's day sober. Maybe he's trying to change but I'm not holding my breath for it anymore and I know my parents won't ever get back together now.
Anyway, after that mess Trini kind of became my confidant. I don't know exactly how it happened but she suddenly knew all my secrets! Sometimes I think she knows me better than me! She just has this way of knowing when you're upset and all. I used to worry about her a bit, after all she was being my confidant but I didn't think I was really being hers as much.
Ouch! Aw man, I got knocked flat in battle today and now there's a bruise on my butt and I always forget until I sit down!
Trini snickers at me from where she's flopped on my bed, leafing through a magazine.
"It hurts!" I whine.
That just makes her giggle more. "I told you to put an ice pack on it."
"I'm not putting an ice pack down my pants." I grumble.
"Suit yourself." She's at least trying not to laugh at me now. "Sit on a pillow that might help."
"Maybe." I stretch out on my stomach beside her on the bed. Much better.
"What are you reading?" I ask, glancing at the magazine article. I can't help but laugh. "Kissing tips? Trini, I caught you and Jason, you don't need tips from the looks of things!"
"Shut up." Trini's blushing, now there's something you don't see everyday. "You're the one who hasn't asked Tommy out yet."
Uh-oh. Now it's my turn to blush. "I'm waiting for him to ask me."
Trini snorts. "You'll be forty before anything happens then. That boy is so shy!"
"He opened up to Jason." I point out. Those two, you'd swear they were actually brothers they're so thick now.
"It's Jason." Trini replied with a happy smile. If they weren't two of my very best friends ever I would be soooo jealous!
"You are so in luv!" I nearly squeal it, I can't help myself.
Trini, of course, is use to me. "I'm not the one who fell head of heals for a certain Green Ranger the first time I laid eyes on him."
"So?" I grin sheepishly. "I've seen you drooling over Jason when he's doing those kata's shirtless, don't think I missed it."
"And your point is?" Trini retorted with a playful leer. "Again, it's Jason. Is there anything about him that's not drool worthy?"
I can't help but burst out laughing at that and Trini joins me. We both know Jason, warts and all, and there are some un-drool worthy parts but I have to admit the overall package is a nice one. However, I am really fond of another one. One with long, curly hair, soulful, puppy eyes and that shy, moody guy smile. It's enough to make a girl swoon!
Okay, so my newest day dream is somehow getting Tommy to ask me out. A bit cheesy and shallow but come on! A girl can't have all deep dreams now can she?
And I did get to fulfill my childhood dream, the big one, well kinda anyways. A Power Ranger seems a bit better than an astronaut and the Zords are way better than a space shuttle or even the Millennium Falcon! And, who really needs a planet named Max anyway? Maybe I should ask Zordon if there's one out there...Nah!
Author's Notes: The 4th in the "The" series. This one if Kim's story kinda thing. I tried to make it in character for her at that stage.
The Dreamer
When I was a little girl I dreamed of being an astronaut. No lie! Before I got into cheerleading and gymnastics and all that girlie stuff I wanted to discover a planet and name it after my dog, Max.
I blame it on my dad and my brother. They are both such sci fi junkies. We're talking major Star Trek and Star Wars fans here, plus a variety of other classic films and books. By the time I was five I could practically recite all three Star Wars movies. My father used to insist my first word was Han.
When I was little I used to be so proud of that. When you're in elementary school stuff like that is cool. No body cares about all that popular bullshit that starts creeping in around grade six. It's so much simpler then.
Even kids like Billy aren't total outcasts. I mean, yeah, there are some exceptions, and unfortunately Billy was one of them, but for the most part everyone knows everyone and no one is too left out.
Then I hit Junior High and I was suddenly mortified if either of my parents opened their mouths about how cute I was when I was little, loving all that sci fi stuff. Grade six had just been a warm up, there everyone had known you from kindergarten and didn't care about how nerdy you had been before. Junior High was a whole new ballgame.
And somewhere a long the line I got caught up in all that popularity bullshit.
And I did some mean things during that time to. I mean, I had only been friends with Jason and the gang for a couple of years but I considered them pretty good friends. It's not like I hung out with them as much as I do now or had the bonds Trini, Zack, Jason and Billy had with each other, but they still considered me their friend and vise versa. But to just...completely turn my back on them the way I very nearly did was just plain mean.
Okay, I didn't so much turn my back on all of them as much as I tried to just ignore Billy. I am so ashamed that I did that now but at the time well...he was even less popular in Junior High than he is now and I was far too concerned about how being seen with him would affect my reputation. Jason and Zack were cool, Trini was acceptable if not border line cool, but Billy...I hate to say it but he was a nerd. Or at least what I thought a nerd was at the time.
So I made a few scathing comments about him once, my persistent but normally ignored conscious made me do it when there were as little people around as possible but I still did it. The look on Billy's face when those ugly things came out of my mouth...I still hate myself for putting that look there. He just looked so hurt and betrayed and...I don't even know how to describe it properly. And then his eyes meet mine for a second and I don't think I've ever felt as horrible as I did then.
Then, before anything else could happen, Trini and Jason arrived. Jason made the rest of the crowd scatter with a few terse words as Trini pulled Billy away from the area. Jason didn't say anything to me before he followed but the look he gave me was enough to ice over hell. I, someone he had counted a friend, had just messed with his little bro. At the time I thought he would never forgive me and, if it had been under different circumstances I think he might not have. There are a few things that Jason finds very hard to forgive; hurting his friends like I hurt Billy is one of them.
It wouldn't be until two months later, when Trini found me sobbing on a park bench, that I spoke to any of them at all.
You know, at that point in my life, if our positions had been reversed, I'm not sure I would have even stopped. But she did and I'll be forever grateful for it.
It took a lot of talks with Trini and quite a few sessions with the guidance counsellor to get me sorted out. And I did end up falling back into my old gang, the people who really carried about me not being popular. Oh I still hung out with the popular kids on occasion but I did it on my terms not theirs. It had taken long enough for my real friends to forgive me I wasn't about to screw that up again!
Jason surprised me the most. I had honestly thought he would never forgive me and he was the most compassionate, next to Trini. A lot of people don't see that side of him, I don't think he knows it's anything special and doesn't really think about it. Really, he's such a big strong guy but when it comes to us, his friends, he is such a marshmallow. When you're hurting he makes the world's best living teddy bear. I think it would embarrass him to death to hear that though!
Billy took a long time to forgive me, actually he stopped being so wary of me just before we got out powers. I don't blame him. No matter how good my reasons were for acting like that I still shouldn't have. It wasn't fair to him at all. He's such a sweet guy. A little uncoordinated and so smart it makes him stick out but he is really such a nice guy!
So I guess by now I should say what it was that made me act like such a…well, a bitch to be perfectly frank. It seems like such a lame excuse to me even though…I just don't know. I had a hard time and all but that still doesn't justify what I did, especially to Billy who was never anything but nice to me.
The year I went into middle school, and just had to fit in with the popular crowd, was the year my parents got divorced. And it was a messy divorce.
My mom had been threatening to kick my dad out for a couple of years. He was an alcoholic and still is really. It's not like he was a violent drunk or anything, he just always got kind of sleepy and slurred his speech, but it happened too often. It had gotten to the point where me and Kenny didn't want to have friends over past like six 'cause we didn't know what shape dad would be in when he got home.
I guess she had finally had enough because one day I came home from school and found dad's stuff packed by the front door. He stayed long enough to say goodbye to me and Kenny and then drove out of our lives.
I didn't see him for three months after that. Not because my mom wouldn't let him visit us, but because he didn't want to. I don't know why exactly he didn't come. Shame. Humiliation. Awkwardness. Drinking. At the time all I cared about was that I wanted my daddy and he wasn't there anymore and that he wasn't going to be there for a long time.
I didn't understand what was happening to my family at the time. I never thought it was my fault, I knew it wasn't, but at the same time I thought if I was just a little more perfect dad would see how much he was missing and stop drinking and come home. So I became Suzy Middle School and joined all the best, brightest clubs that led me to being friends with the popular crew. They made me feel superior to everyone else and that was what I wanted. It didn't matter that no one knew about my parents splitting up, I had to be better than everyone so they wouldn't think badly about me.
It's a screwed up way of thinking, I know, but at the time it seemed very logical. I probably did all the wrongs things at the time and none of it helped me cope better, well, none of it until Trini found me crying. But it's over and done with so all's kinda well that ends kinda well, I guess.
I do see my dad more now, though not as often as I'd like because he's still drinking, not as much but it still happens. It's so weird. He's almost like a stranger to me now. He and Kenny spend more time together; they have more in common so I kind of rely on my mom now. It hurts a bit but there's nothing I can do about it really. I was so surprised when he showed up for parent's day sober. Maybe he's trying to change but I'm not holding my breath for it anymore and I know my parents won't ever get back together now.
Anyway, after that mess Trini kind of became my confidant. I don't know exactly how it happened but she suddenly knew all my secrets! Sometimes I think she knows me better than me! She just has this way of knowing when you're upset and all. I used to worry about her a bit, after all she was being my confidant but I didn't think I was really being hers as much.
Ouch! Aw man, I got knocked flat in battle today and now there's a bruise on my butt and I always forget until I sit down!
Trini snickers at me from where she's flopped on my bed, leafing through a magazine.
"It hurts!" I whine.
That just makes her giggle more. "I told you to put an ice pack on it."
"I'm not putting an ice pack down my pants." I grumble.
"Suit yourself." She's at least trying not to laugh at me now. "Sit on a pillow that might help."
"Maybe." I stretch out on my stomach beside her on the bed. Much better.
"What are you reading?" I ask, glancing at the magazine article. I can't help but laugh. "Kissing tips? Trini, I caught you and Jason, you don't need tips from the looks of things!"
"Shut up." Trini's blushing, now there's something you don't see everyday. "You're the one who hasn't asked Tommy out yet."
Uh-oh. Now it's my turn to blush. "I'm waiting for him to ask me."
Trini snorts. "You'll be forty before anything happens then. That boy is so shy!"
"He opened up to Jason." I point out. Those two, you'd swear they were actually brothers they're so thick now.
"It's Jason." Trini replied with a happy smile. If they weren't two of my very best friends ever I would be soooo jealous!
"You are so in luv!" I nearly squeal it, I can't help myself.
Trini, of course, is use to me. "I'm not the one who fell head of heals for a certain Green Ranger the first time I laid eyes on him."
"So?" I grin sheepishly. "I've seen you drooling over Jason when he's doing those kata's shirtless, don't think I missed it."
"And your point is?" Trini retorted with a playful leer. "Again, it's Jason. Is there anything about him that's not drool worthy?"
I can't help but burst out laughing at that and Trini joins me. We both know Jason, warts and all, and there are some un-drool worthy parts but I have to admit the overall package is a nice one. However, I am really fond of another one. One with long, curly hair, soulful, puppy eyes and that shy, moody guy smile. It's enough to make a girl swoon!
Okay, so my newest day dream is somehow getting Tommy to ask me out. A bit cheesy and shallow but come on! A girl can't have all deep dreams now can she?
And I did get to fulfill my childhood dream, the big one, well kinda anyways. A Power Ranger seems a bit better than an astronaut and the Zords are way better than a space shuttle or even the Millennium Falcon! And, who really needs a planet named Max anyway? Maybe I should ask Zordon if there's one out there...Nah!