An Offshoot Timeline

by TEMMlE

On the quaint little meteor rocketing though paradox space, Karkat was minding his own business for once in his life. While he was there, he is asked to meet a not so very good friend of his by the name of Terezi, further down in said meteor. Through a series of unfortunate events, Karkat is left stranded in uncharted territory along with that friend. This can only mean the worst.

1. Part 1-Chapter 1

-The story opens up in the setting where the Trolls start to become accustomed to their new home, the meteor. Karkat lounges around, bored, and looks up at the blinking monitor before him-

====== WAKE

"THE FUCK'S THAT NOISE?" you thought to yourself as a loud buzzing disturbs your slumber. You're not too mad though, at least SOMETHING is going on, on this bulge, choking meteor for once.

Rising up from your reclined position on the horn pile, you notice a fuzzy, flashing light in front of your face, assumed to be your crab-top's screen light poking through your dazed, near sedated vision. A sharp pain in your rear, accompanied by a muffled, but still audible, "HONK" identifies itself as a horn, that while you slept, firmly wedged itself up your-

====== CKECK MONITOR

Hey, whats this? A new window has opened up on your crustacean themed computer and quickly presented itself as the source of the dreaded humming and barrage of flashes. Upon further investigation, you see the window has a display of pictures in a format similar to that of a hive window and has the word, "EARTH" displayed in broad text above everything.

"WHAT'S AN EARTH? AND WHAT'S THAT- OH MY GOG, WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THAT THING?"

Inspection of the largest image showed what looked to be a stupid, pale white, hornless troll with stupid, pointy black hair, adorned with stupid, square glasses and stupid, buck teeth, staring dumbly in the direction of yourself.

You go against your better judgement, that of which would be to do whatever was in your capabilities to contact this possibly fictional thing and insult the hell out of it, and instead try to do some strategic bullshit to try to find out about it first. Or, something like that you guess.

====== EDUCATE

You opened up your web browser, thoughts hot in your mind, and set to work. This strategic bullshit isn't gonna shit itself.

After a quick perusal of the "EARTH" window, you found the name of the creature to be a "HUMAN" and used that to search on the web, but to your inconvenience, and confusion, the search came up empty! That's weird, you've never been let down by the internet before, the thing knows more than all the world put together! You decided to look back at the window from earlier.

Apparently your reading skills are shit, for the ~humans~ spawn from the atrocious universe that you were too deficient to successfully create, thus making it obvious that there would be no information to find, which raises the question of where the hell this window came from.

====== CLOSE POP-UP

You try to close the confounding pop-up but to no one's surprise, fail to do so. Like it was that big a deal anyway.

====== READ ON

Moving on from futility, you decided to read further into the cryptic text. Thankfully the pages provided a well detailed summary of the ~human's~ history by clicking a link below the sub-title, "HUMANS". Whoops, better make that a very well detailed, not-so-summarized tome of FIVE THOUSAND GRUB-FUCKING CHAPTERS OF SCHIZOPHRENIC BULLSHIT. Such a wonder of words prompts you to wonder if a spinning wheel of colors can cause mental handicaps.

It's been so long, so long that you could brag about it, and your face ever still the same expression: glance nuggets glazed, chompers wide, and full of shock. If only you could see yourself right now, oh how disappointed you would be.

====== CHECK CHAT CLIENT

You just barely notice the alert for your Trollian chat client through your studying binge. It seems that your friend, Sollux has been messaging you.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling [CG]

TA: Hey KK, TZ told me that 2he need2 two 2how you 2omethiing 2he found

TA: 2he 2aiid 2hes 2omewhere down iin Lab 61-Level 2

TA: The one near the core thatii2

TA: Probably tryiing to make 2ome more of tho2e dragon puppet thiing2

TA: KK

TA: KK you there?

TA: Get the fuck on already

CG: HOLD YOUR FUCKING HOOFBEASTS DAMNIT

CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT

TA: II already told, TZ need2 you for 2ome 2hiit

CG: YES, YOU SAID THAT BUT IF THAT WAS ALL YOU NEEDED THEN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE CONTINUED TO TROLL ME. NOW WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED

TA: Jegu2, alriight. II wanted two know what the fuck you're doiing over there. you got thii2 gro22 look on your face

CG: FUCK YOU AND YOUR FACE

CG: I'M LOOKING AT THIS THING ABOUT HUMANS

CG: AND IF YOU KNEW I WAS NEAR YOU THAN WHY DIDN'T YOU COME UP AND ASK ME ABOUT IT INSTEAD OF TYPING BACK AND FORTH

You look up an give him the finger.

TA: IIt's habbiit alriight.

TA: And wtf are human2

CG: THESE CREATURES THAT INHABIT THE DISEASED UNIVERSE WE CREATED

CG: THEY'RE ACTUALLY PRETTY FASCINATING REALLY

CG: THEY'RE SOME KIND OF SPECIES EVOLVED FROM YELLOW-FRUIT-EATING BEASTS. THEY COMMONLY LIVE IN LARGE QUANTITIES AND BUILD THEIR HIVES IN ALL KINDS OF FORMATS FROM SINGULAR, SMALL CLUSTERS, TO LARGE TOWERS FILLED WITH MANY HIVES, ALL OF WHICH RESIDE IN THESE REGIONAL "ZONES" SO TO SPEAK.

CG: THESE ZONES RANGE FROM THE PREVIOUSLY STATED RESIDENTIAL ZONES, TO COMMERCIAL ZONES, AND TO INDUSTRIAL ZONES. THE COMMERCIAL ZONES ARE AREAS THAT DISTRIBUTE GOODS, WHETHER IT BE TO INDIVIDUALS IN, "STORES" OR MASS QUANTITIES AND EVEN POPULATIONS THROUGH MASS MARKETING TECHNIQUES, AND THE INDUSTRIAL ZONES ARE THE ONES TO PRODUCE SAID GOODS AND UTILITIES SUCH AS WATER AND ELECTRICITY.

TA: 2hut up already KK, you earned your2elf a fuckiing gliiter biiscuiit 2o tell me about iit later. Now get off your lazy a22 and help TZ.

CG: SUCK A SEED FLAP YOU CHUMBUCKET FUCKER.

TA: DON'T YOU DARE BRIING UP THAT TIIME WIITH ED

CG: WHATEVER SHITSPONGE

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]