Title: Past the Radar
Summary: With a little encouragement from an unexpected friend, our desire demon is ready to try again.
Disclaimer: BioWare owns all; I just play in their pond.
Author's Notes: It's entirely possible that I've lost my mind. Not only has this song been stuck in my head all day, I was also reminded against my will of the dream I had that one time where my car was stolen out of a Blimpie parking lot by four Bea Arthur lookalike drag queens. They brought it back, and even though I had wasted time calling the cops and was late getting back to work the only thing I could be angry over was that the bitches didn't park it where I left it.
And then Shag showed up, waving her pasties in my head. (I believe I mentioned being afraid of this.)
For those who need a reference (not to Bea Arthur): ht tp: / www . youtube . com / watch?v=JmcA9LIIXWw&ob=av3e
Warning: anatomy ahead.
Reviews are always welcome!
Sweet!
Who would have thought the shiny little rectangle thingie I found on my vanity was, like, a present? And for me?
I have to use both hands to hold it, but it makes such pretty music when I blow in it! It didn't take long at all to make it practically sing on all its own.
And then that bitch Whisper showed up out of nowhere, but this time she wasn't laughing. She was, like, crying and she said how sorry she was she's been so mean and how she just had to make it up to me.
I knew it! She liked my plan from that one time, before I got possessed by that witch from out in the world. She saw I almost had him and she was, like, jealous! Of me!
So she said this little rectangle thing will help if I blow in it sometimes. She called it a, like, harmonica. And then she said if I have that issue with my sash, we can sneak it past the scary people who watch us all the time by talking about it in a language they don't even know! I didn't know there was one, but Whisper said in Orlais they get away with lots of things so she taught me a new word.
And she taught me how to use guilt and hurt feelings to make my mage sorry for me, because that's how she got her mage yesterday. And then she said the pasties don't have to be an issue anymore because if I put on lots of different colors it'll help with the choreography she's teaching me, and I never knew the boys from out there liked the makeup done like this.
And I believe her because every time I put my hands up in the air and flounce like she's teaching me, my sash falls again and she doesn't laugh or anything, she just reminds me of how to call attention to it in Orlesian, so the cent sores – whatever those are – don't catch on.
Oh, I'm so glad! She's being so nice! But now she has to go away because my mage (okay, so he's not, like, mine yet, but as close as I got the last time she said it has to happen now if I use all my tricks! I just hope I can, like, concentrate enough to remember all the steps.
Oooh! Here he comes!
Oh! I almost forgot and didn't turn up the lights and music again! This time it's my, like, harmonica, being all light and melodic and stuff. Or something. And I kind of had to murder the lute to get it to make plucky sounds like this, but I kind of like it, and my new friend Whisper says my mage will too.
Shake the shoulders, shake the shoulders, point with a finger to draw him in.
.-^-.
Invitation in my eyes all the way
If I listened to your lies I might say
We demons suck at attraction
We demons don't really know
How to sell simple possession
You come, I'll go; you come, I'll go
.-^-.
Snap the fingers, snap the fingers, make him think it's fun! Hands up! Oh no! Sash down, sash down! Wait! Orlesian!
.-^-.
Karma karma karma karma karma desire demon
You come, I'll go; you come, I'll go
Can't we make this easy, don't call out the eee essarby
See my vagine, see my vagine
.-^-.
Fix the sash, fix the sash, it's a sexy shimmy! Shake the shoulders, shake the shoulders, guilt!
.-^-.
I can hear your wicked words in the Fade
Though I try to be so sweet, you've heard me say
My power is an addiction
When we merge, our bond is strong
If you go, you're gone forever
You string along, you string along
.-^-.
Oh, shit, there it goes again! Sexy shimmy, sexy shimmy, fix the sash. Shoulders, shoulders, point. Snap. Like, ohmyFade, I'm totally getting it!
.-^-.
Karma karma karma karma karma desire demon
You come, I'll go; you come, I'll go
Can't we make this easy, don't call out the eee essarby
See my vagine, see my vagine
In the Fade, it's like survival
Be my lover, not my rival
In the Fade, it's like survival
Be my lover, not my rival
.-^-.
Guilt is done! Shoulders, shoulders, snap. Sweeeet!
.-^-.
We demons suck at attraction
We demons don't really know
How to sell simple possession
You come, I'll go; you come, I'll go
.-^-.
Little rolling percussion, snap, bring it home, Shag, come on!
.-^-.
Karma karma karma karma karma desire demon
You come, I'll go; you come, I'll go
Can't we make this easy, don't call out the eee essarby
See my vagine, see my vagine
Karma karma karma karma karma desire demon
You come, I'll go; you come, I'll go
Can't we make this easy, don't call out the eee essarby
See my vagine, see my vagine
Karma karma karma karma karma desire demon
You come, I'll go; you come, I'll go
Can't we make this easy, don't call out the eee essarby
See my vagine, see my vagine
.-^-.
Wait. What? He's gone?
What the Fade? Whisper's laughing! Again!
Augh!
Anders wakes, redoubling his resolve never to speak of this again. At least this time there isn't anyone nearby to have seen him sitting bolt upright from a dead sleep.
Maybe I should just stop eating after lunch…