This is my first attempt at writing a Discworld fic. I hope everyone
enjoys it.
Disclaimer: I do not, unfortunately, own any of the characters, places, and some of the ideas; Terry Pratchett does.
Lord Havelock Vetinari, patrician of Ankh-Morpork, was a very busy man. He had guilds to run, paperwork to do, people to intimidate. It is because of this that he was not happy to hear the knock at the door to his office.
He didn't respond to the sound, he had found that it is best to let people wait awhile, to give them the impression that you're doing something important, and that they are unimportant. The only problem was that the person outside the door wouldn't wait, the door started to open.
"It takes a very brave or a very stupid person to do that." He thought.
"Are you Lord Havelock Vetinari?" Said the old lady who just came in.
She was a witch, he recognized the hat, always could tell by the hat. She couldn't be from around here; witches in Ankh-Morpork knew that it was best not to upset the patrician.
"Yes, I am. Who are you, and what is it, exactly, that you want?"
"I am Granny Weatherwax. I have a very serious problem to take up with you."
"And what, pray tell, is this problem of such enormity that you barged through my door." He waited for the sudden realization that had occurred in the past when people realized how daring they had been and suddenly regretted it..it didn't come.
"I came to town, and I was threatened by people who called themselves a witches guild. Ha. They weren't real witches, of course, they didn't have proper hats. I took care of them easily, but I still feel that there is a certain respect for a witch that must occur, and also that there should not be such hostility towards visitors to this..um,...fine city."
"Mrs. Weatherwax." he began.
"Mistress"
"*Mistress* Weatherwax," he said with mild impatience, "Ankh-Morpork has an established system of guilds, as most people soon find out. These guilds have members, and deal with those who are in their trade, such as the Assassin's Guild. It's a very efficient system, most people are too afraid to commit a murder because of what the Assassins would do. I suggest that you go to the Witch's Guild and explain to them that you're new here, and apologize if you upset them, otherwise you may find that you are not exactly happy with your new position in life, which could very well be dead." He smiled a smile that had made many people in the past run out of his office and straight out of the city. Granny Weatherwax remained seated, and acted as if she was actually going to continue the conversation..truth be told, it scared the patrician..a lot.
"Oh, I don't have to worry about that, I took care of the guild."
"Oh really? You already paid your dues and such?" Said the patrician, feeling slightly better.
"No"
The patrician became very pale."
"I believe you will need to form a new guild sir, the old guild's members are not in any position to do anything. They may, eventually get over it, but I doubt that." She smiled.
"What exactly is it that you did to them?"
"I'd rather not discuss it, I've found that many people can't handle details, they make them sick."
"Ah, yes. I understand completely. Have you ever thought of taking up a position as a civil servant?"
"*Servant*!?! NEVER! I've never been so insulted." Granny stood up.
"No, you don't actually serve, you just boss people around and make things right for the citizens who, obviously, can't think for themselves."
"Well then, that's ok I guess.."
"Great, I have just the position for you."
Behind her façade of complete tranquility, Granny Weatherwax was worried.
Disclaimer: I do not, unfortunately, own any of the characters, places, and some of the ideas; Terry Pratchett does.
Lord Havelock Vetinari, patrician of Ankh-Morpork, was a very busy man. He had guilds to run, paperwork to do, people to intimidate. It is because of this that he was not happy to hear the knock at the door to his office.
He didn't respond to the sound, he had found that it is best to let people wait awhile, to give them the impression that you're doing something important, and that they are unimportant. The only problem was that the person outside the door wouldn't wait, the door started to open.
"It takes a very brave or a very stupid person to do that." He thought.
"Are you Lord Havelock Vetinari?" Said the old lady who just came in.
She was a witch, he recognized the hat, always could tell by the hat. She couldn't be from around here; witches in Ankh-Morpork knew that it was best not to upset the patrician.
"Yes, I am. Who are you, and what is it, exactly, that you want?"
"I am Granny Weatherwax. I have a very serious problem to take up with you."
"And what, pray tell, is this problem of such enormity that you barged through my door." He waited for the sudden realization that had occurred in the past when people realized how daring they had been and suddenly regretted it..it didn't come.
"I came to town, and I was threatened by people who called themselves a witches guild. Ha. They weren't real witches, of course, they didn't have proper hats. I took care of them easily, but I still feel that there is a certain respect for a witch that must occur, and also that there should not be such hostility towards visitors to this..um,...fine city."
"Mrs. Weatherwax." he began.
"Mistress"
"*Mistress* Weatherwax," he said with mild impatience, "Ankh-Morpork has an established system of guilds, as most people soon find out. These guilds have members, and deal with those who are in their trade, such as the Assassin's Guild. It's a very efficient system, most people are too afraid to commit a murder because of what the Assassins would do. I suggest that you go to the Witch's Guild and explain to them that you're new here, and apologize if you upset them, otherwise you may find that you are not exactly happy with your new position in life, which could very well be dead." He smiled a smile that had made many people in the past run out of his office and straight out of the city. Granny Weatherwax remained seated, and acted as if she was actually going to continue the conversation..truth be told, it scared the patrician..a lot.
"Oh, I don't have to worry about that, I took care of the guild."
"Oh really? You already paid your dues and such?" Said the patrician, feeling slightly better.
"No"
The patrician became very pale."
"I believe you will need to form a new guild sir, the old guild's members are not in any position to do anything. They may, eventually get over it, but I doubt that." She smiled.
"What exactly is it that you did to them?"
"I'd rather not discuss it, I've found that many people can't handle details, they make them sick."
"Ah, yes. I understand completely. Have you ever thought of taking up a position as a civil servant?"
"*Servant*!?! NEVER! I've never been so insulted." Granny stood up.
"No, you don't actually serve, you just boss people around and make things right for the citizens who, obviously, can't think for themselves."
"Well then, that's ok I guess.."
"Great, I have just the position for you."
Behind her façade of complete tranquility, Granny Weatherwax was worried.