I feel sorry for some people.
They seem so stupid.
I am everywhere, but nowhere, so I know.
It's funny.
People think they're so important.
We all die eventually.
But I don't stay dead.
It's amusing.
I can be shot, blown up, incinerated, drowned, all those things, and it will do nothing.
It's why I'm so important.
I'm the real trump card of the Last Battalion.
It's hilarious.
I know the Major's plans, down to the last detail.
I know everyone's going to die.
I know I am going to stay dead.
It's ludicrous.
What a tragedy.
What a comedy.
What a farce.
It's hysterical.
The Major intends to charge straight down to hell and drag all his allies, his enemies, and the bystanders with him.
Including those I find interesting.
Including me.
It's comical.
They honestly expect to beat him? Did they not pay attention to the fates of challenger after challenger, victim after victim?
Alucard is not a mere monster.
But neither am I.
It's priceless.
As I put the knife to my neck, I remember the creed.
My honor is loyalty.
The Captain obeys this without question, because he is a dog.
It's ridiculous.
I am a cat.
My only loyalty to anyone is because it amuses me to do so.
The Major and his war are very amusing.
It's side-splitting.
Life itself to me is one big joke.
I laugh, I die, I laugh again.
The humans laugh, die, cry, live, lose, breath, gasp.
So desperately.
It's laughable.
My head is now separate from my shoulders, my little laugh echoing behind me as I fall into the river of blood.
The River of Death.
Alucard's domain, I am falling into the endless abyss of madness that is the vampire king.
It's riotous.
I am sucked into nothing, and then I am no longer me.
I'm everywhere and nowhere.
But now I am nowhere and nothing because I can't find myself.
It's mirthful.
Alucard is vanishing, and so am I, or what used to be.
I can no longer sense anything or nothing.
I am nothing.
It's uproarious.
So now, I, Warrant Officer Schrödinger, am dead.
Alucard is dead.
Permanently.
It's wonderful.