Disclaimer: I don't own anything or and character in this story, except the
name less Goblin. Steal him, I don't care.
My mother and I were watching LOTR and she Said the Orc who Killed Boromir put his sword away like a queer. That got me thinking, Hmmm.what if Lurtz the Orc was Gay??? So here goes. ******************************
Lurtz, the Uruk-Hai, Stood in front of his mirror looking at himself from all sides. He growled and grabbed the nearest Goblin. He picked up the Goblin and set him in front of himself.
"Does this chain mail make me look fat?"
The Goblin, looking confused as to why this strange Uruk-Hai was being so insecure, answered, "Erm. Of course not, sir¿¿¿"
"Really? I really don't like the way the copper reflects on my skin, I think black is more my color. What do you think?"
The Goblin's mouth dropped open. He quickly pulled himself together and replied, "Why, yes, of course black is more your color. It does wonders for your skin! I'll go right away and bring you back a black iron chain mail." And with that he dashed, snickering the whole way.
He grabbed the chain mail and ran back to Lurtz, who was still looking in the mirror, only this time playing with his hair.
He had it in a bun on top of his head with two sharpened bones holding it together and was trying to curl two strands of hair in the front with his finger.
"Why are you being so stubborn? Curl!" He yelled.
The Goblin took two steps forward and cleared his throat. Lurtz quickly pulled the bones out of his hair and turned to the Goblin.
"Well," He said gruffly, "do you have the mail? Very good. Let's see it on me, then."
He took off the copper one and replaced it with the black iron one. He studied himself carefully in the mirror once again.
"Well," Lurtz said in a more cheerful voice, "I believe black is my color, you know what they say, black goes with anything, and anyone. Look how slimming! I'm a built guy, and I look at least 10 pounds lighter."
The Goblin stared in disbelief, what was wrong with him! Has he gone bonkers, crazy, mad, fallen off his rocker! He was a fighting Uruk-Hai, tough, fierce, intimidating, not acting like a sissy woman.
"O.K.," said Lurtz clasping his hands together with a clap, "Now, lets get those Silly-Willy old Halflings!" And with a fierce growl he was off, only to turn back around and stamp his foot.
"Poopie! I forgot my make-up! How silly of me!"
He pulled out a case and began pulling out his make-up, which he quickly applied with brief exclamations of, "Oh, I'm running late!" and "I'd better hurry up!"
He then looked in the mirror long and hard and exclaimed, "Perfection!"
Fin'
Please Review, I love feedback!
My mother and I were watching LOTR and she Said the Orc who Killed Boromir put his sword away like a queer. That got me thinking, Hmmm.what if Lurtz the Orc was Gay??? So here goes. ******************************
Lurtz, the Uruk-Hai, Stood in front of his mirror looking at himself from all sides. He growled and grabbed the nearest Goblin. He picked up the Goblin and set him in front of himself.
"Does this chain mail make me look fat?"
The Goblin, looking confused as to why this strange Uruk-Hai was being so insecure, answered, "Erm. Of course not, sir¿¿¿"
"Really? I really don't like the way the copper reflects on my skin, I think black is more my color. What do you think?"
The Goblin's mouth dropped open. He quickly pulled himself together and replied, "Why, yes, of course black is more your color. It does wonders for your skin! I'll go right away and bring you back a black iron chain mail." And with that he dashed, snickering the whole way.
He grabbed the chain mail and ran back to Lurtz, who was still looking in the mirror, only this time playing with his hair.
He had it in a bun on top of his head with two sharpened bones holding it together and was trying to curl two strands of hair in the front with his finger.
"Why are you being so stubborn? Curl!" He yelled.
The Goblin took two steps forward and cleared his throat. Lurtz quickly pulled the bones out of his hair and turned to the Goblin.
"Well," He said gruffly, "do you have the mail? Very good. Let's see it on me, then."
He took off the copper one and replaced it with the black iron one. He studied himself carefully in the mirror once again.
"Well," Lurtz said in a more cheerful voice, "I believe black is my color, you know what they say, black goes with anything, and anyone. Look how slimming! I'm a built guy, and I look at least 10 pounds lighter."
The Goblin stared in disbelief, what was wrong with him! Has he gone bonkers, crazy, mad, fallen off his rocker! He was a fighting Uruk-Hai, tough, fierce, intimidating, not acting like a sissy woman.
"O.K.," said Lurtz clasping his hands together with a clap, "Now, lets get those Silly-Willy old Halflings!" And with a fierce growl he was off, only to turn back around and stamp his foot.
"Poopie! I forgot my make-up! How silly of me!"
He pulled out a case and began pulling out his make-up, which he quickly applied with brief exclamations of, "Oh, I'm running late!" and "I'd better hurry up!"
He then looked in the mirror long and hard and exclaimed, "Perfection!"
Fin'
Please Review, I love feedback!