Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies; not our characters or settings or backgrounds. But they are our words.
Authors' Notes: Eventually, every J/D writer must tackle the same burning issues, trying to fill in the obvious and painful gaps in our knowledge of this tangled relationship. Between the two of us we've covered most of them, but there was one that had eluded us. Now, together, we tackle the biggest mystery of all...
Set in Season Four, during the events of the pivotal episode Racing Mars, we give you:
Diplomatic Relations
By
Partners In Crimes
Negotiating with the black-marketeers had been as draining as though she'd gone ten rounds with them. That might have been easier, though it ended well enough, Susan thought. Just enough time for a coffee, then back to work. She leant against the counter, rubbing her temples, trying to ease the tension. When the doorchime sounded she started. She straightened up, tugging at her jacket automatically.
'Who is it?'
'It's me. John. Can I come in?'
She was still for a moment. Okay, it had only been a handful of words but he sounded friendly enough. Susan opened the door; Sheridan smiled at her pleasantly. His face was slightly flushed - whether with temper or exertion, she couldn't tell.
'Hello, Susan.'
'Hello. Uh...' She took a step back, allowed him to pass her. 'Why don't you sit- Oh. You have.'
His smile was still pleasant. She wished that he'd stop. Susan sat down opposite him, wary, and waited. 'How- How did the negotiations go?'
'Oh, fine, fine.' He nodded. 'Ambassador Correllilmurzon sends his regards.'
'That was nice of him.' Susan bit the inside of her cheek; if she started laughing now there was every chance that her next assignment would be taking a short walk out of the nearest airlock.
'Wasn't it.' His voice was still mild. 'Was there something that you'd meant to tell me about the Lumati? Something that you may have forgotten to mention?'
'Um...'
Sheridan leant forward, his eyes gleaming.
'Does the phrase boom-shabba-boom ring any bells?'
ooOoo
Earlier that morning...
"I'm sorry, Captain. I'm off to talk with the black marketeers right now. Those weasels aren't going to do what we want without some trade-offs, and it's a delicate balance between force and persuasion. I just don't have time to deal with the Lumati." And don't want to, ever again, she thought to herself.
Sheridan had caught up with Ivanova in a hallway, heading for her first meeting with the pirates they were hoping would help them. He went on, his voice and face tense, "Susan, EarthGov sold the Lumati a bunch of old StarFurys last year...God knows what they wanted them for. They said they were 'inferior technology' but they snapped them up quickly enough. In any case, now they're done with them and are offering them to us at fire sale prices. They're not in good condition, but we could really use the spare parts. You know how difficult it's been getting anything through the embargo..."
"Of course I know! That's why I offered to work on the black market people. Really, it's simple. You go talk to them, then get on to your vacation. Stop worrying so much. Off with you." She made shoo'ing motions with her hands, and Sheridan held up his in a gesture of surrender.
"All right, all right. I don't suppose it'll take that long. They'll be here within the hour; I'll just stop off in my quarters first. I didn't have time for breakfast this morning." Continuing to pace alongside her, he said, "The price seems reasonable enough; I just have to seal the deal, and then I'll begin my 'vacation'" He added somewhat petulantly, "Though what I'll find to do, I don't know. "
They were just opposite the doorway to the conference room where she had her meeting. Susan stared at him, wondering if she should make suggestions. Didn't the man have any hobbies? The Lumati negotiations should give him something to think about for a while, in any case. Words of warning sprang to her lips - just a little friendly advice to let him know what to expect. She held them back. All the situations he'd landed her in; all the times he'd nearly given her heart failure and just grinned at her afterwards... She tried to keep a straight face. She shouldn't do this. She really, really shouldn't: but she did anyway. "Something will come up. Have fun!" So saying, she vanished into the conference room, trying not to giggle in front of the hardened men and women sitting around the table awaiting her.
ooOoo
The negotiations hadn't taken long. It was amazing how much advantage her reputation conferred on her when dealing with that type of person. Of course it helped that she'd been completely serious about the consequences of their actions. Still, it had been tense, and she could use this break. As she wearily walked down the corridors towards her quarters, she guiltily wondered again if she should have given John more warning of the Lumati's unique requirements for concluding agreements. No, she thought, they'd never pull that stunt with the military governor of Babylon 5. Would they? Besides, he needed some kind of diversion; something to get him to lighten up a little. And those two had been amusing, in their way...
"Commander? Have you seen the Captain?" Delenn's voice broke in on her ruminations, and she jumped slightly.
"Yes, well...yes I have. Earlier today." Susan said, trying to keep the waver out of her voice. It was a toss-up whether she was more apprehensive or anticipatory.
"Do you know where he is now?" asked Delenn. There was an uncharacteristic nervousness in Susan's response, she thought. There was something going on, perhaps something to do with John?
"I've relieved him from duty," answered Susan evasively.
Delenn was nonplussed, and more than a little worried, "Is he unwell?"
"No, I just thought it was time he took a little vacation...some time off from work," she hurriedly clarified.
"I see."
Susan kept a straight face, although she thought the look on Delenn's face spoke volumes. The woman had something in mind, and more power to her. She'd wanted to get the Captain to relax, and a little help from that quarter would be welcome. Then it struck her, "Uh, he had one last task before he's officially off the clock."
"And what is that?" said Delenn.
Susan told her.
When Delenn didn't say anything in response, Susan added, "It'll be good for him, take his mind off things." Her friend looked at her doubtfully, and she added hastily, "The vacation, I mean." Realizing that Delenn still looked apprehensive, she went on, "You're not worried about the Lumati, are you? The Captain can handle them with one hand tied behind his back." Remembering her own encounter with the ambassador, the thought struck her that that phrasing was unfortunate. "He'll think it's funny." Privately, she wondered if she was trying to convince Delenn, or herself.
"Oh." Delenn wondered that Susan thought John would be amused by the arrogant aliens and their methods. Perhaps he would; she was not always the best judge of how humans would react to things, which was rather the point of the ritual she was considering now. And the more she considered it; the more she thought the timing was perfect. "I'm sure you are right," she said a bit distractedly, as she tried to decide what to do first in preparation. It would require some work to get her plans in place by that evening. "Please excuse me, Commander. There are some things I need to see to."
ooOoo
Sheridan had laid out his civilian clothes on the bed. They would have to wait until he finished the Lumati negotiations; his uniform was called for in this task. He'd just had time for a quick shower, and a bite to eat, before the meeting was scheduled. He'd already been notified that the alien's ship had docked. As he got up from the table to go, there was a chime from the monitor 'Incoming Message'. He sighed and checked the chronometer; he just had time to take the call.
A few minutes later, after listening to the recording carefully; he was glad he'd waited. He had some quick thinking to do. There was also the issue of what came afterwards; that would require some extra special consideration.
He left his quarters, deep in thought. On his way to the conference room assigned to the Lumati negotiations, he passed two Minbari females entering Green Sector. They were carrying some long packages, and one of them dropped hers on the floor. Strangely, it almost seemed she had been startled by his appearance. He would have sworn that her cheeks had flushed before she had dropped her gaze from his face. He stooped to help them retrieve the long candles, and other paraphenalia that had been loosely wrapped in white silk. Bundling them up, and handing them over, he accepted their thanks and went on his way. He only briefly wondered at the odd looks he'd received. The muffled laughter had been disconcerting; but he supposed it was nothing to do with him. All that stuff must be for some ritual or another. Maybe he'd ask Delenn about it later.
ooOoo
Delenn told herself she was not hovering outside the conference room waiting for John to emerge. It happened to be on her way, and while she was there it seemed only natural to wait and see how the negotiations had gone. After all, it was an important part of the war effort. The station fighters were in dire need of spare parts. Her preparations for that evening were underway; there was nothing she could do on that front. She spent the next few minutes rationalizing her curiosity, then the door opened, and the three of them emerged, the tall Lumati ambassador, his diminuitive translator, and finally, Captain Sheridan, tight-lipped but smiling. He gave the ambassador a slight bow, then shook hands with the translator. Turning, he caught sight of Delenn and his face turned a dusky shade of red.
"Were you waiting for me?" he asked, wishing it had been anyone else but her.
"I was wondering how it went with the Lumati?" she asked tentatively, trying to gauge his mood. From the deepening color in his face, she guessed it had not gone well. Perhaps Susan had miscalculated the effect of the Lumati style of negotiation. It was distressing; he should start his vacation in a better mood than this...and then there was this evening. She had been looking forward to it far more than she cared to admit, but if he were not in the correct frame of mind... "The Minbari have never dealt with the Lumati directly. We find their methods...unappealing."
"You're telling me! I wish I'd had more warning.." He promised to himself that Susan would pay for this, and soon. "It went well though; we'll get the parts for our fighters."
Delenn smiled with relief, and was happy to see him respond in kind. Then her curiosity overwhelmed her courteousy. "Did anything...happen, during the negotiations? Or perhaps, at the end?"
"Nothing happened. Who told you anything happened?"
"Something must have happened. The Lumati would not agree without some formal recognition of the arrangement."
"Nothing happened! It really isn't important."
"If it is not important, you can tell me about it."
He thought rapidly; there wasn't a good way to phrase what he'd done; not to Delenn. "They were concluded successfully, that's all that matters." He smiled, again hoping she would drop it.
She smiled back, thinking it was probably best not to pursue the matter at this time. Later she would ask again. For now, she had to check on the progress of her plans. If she was to offer John the chance to perform the ritual with her that evening, there was still much to do. A group of religious caste Minbari walked by. She paused to greet them, as did John. After they had passed, she distinctly heard them murmuring among themselves. It had the feel of amused speculation, and she realized her enquiries among the community for observers had not gone unremarked. Color high in her cheeks, she looked back at John and said brightly, "Securing the flyers is the important thing."
"Of course it is," he said nodding, his own color now back to normal. "I'm afraid I have to be somewhere at this moment. If you'll excuse me?" She said good-bye, and he watched her walk away with relief; not his usual reaction to her departure. Now for Susan, he thought, and he quickly headed in the opposite direction.
ooOoo
"I can't believe you let me walk into a situation like that!"
Susan was having difficulty reading Sheridan's expression; his tone was reproachful, bordering on angry, but his eyes were laughing. "It seemed like a good idea at the time," she answered weakly.
"You really thought so? An alien sex ritual, with an audience. How exactly did you think that I would react to that?"
"Well..." she tried frantically to think of an answer to that that didn't sound facetious.
"Cause it's just not my style." He shook his head, "I don't know what I'm going to do about this."
Susan couldn't hold back any longer, "What did you do?" She paused at his return glare, but bulled ahead. She had to know. "How did you...what did you..." She fumbled around for a way to phrase her question.
He remained serious, but polite, waiting for her to finish.
Finally she blurted out, "How did you get it done?"
He held his hard look for about a milli-second longer, then told her.
"I told Ambassador Correllilmurzon that humans of the male gender didn't believe in foreplay. Then I gave him a hearty handshake, and said 'Woo Hoo'. That was about it."
Susan couldn't help it, she began to laugh, and once she started, she kept on until her eyes were streaming and she was hiccupping uncontrollably.
Sheridan helpfully reached over and pounded her on the back to get her to stop, saying, "You think this is funny, huh?" By now he was chuckling too. When she'd calmed down a bit, he went on to explain. "Taq sent a message on ahead to warn me of Lumati customs, and what he would expect from his previous experience with female mating practices. It gave me enough time to come up with a way out."
Susan wiped her eyes, her cheeks still flushed. 'I got the feeling last time that Taq isn't the ambassador's biggest fan. It was good of him to let you know.'
'It was. Which is more than I can say for some people.'
'All right, all right, I'm sorry.'
Sheridan's lips compressed for a second; he looked a little past her head. 'Although, it made for one hell of a viewing, I can tell you.'
She frowned. 'What did?'
He looked at her, eyebrows rising in surprise. 'You mean you don't know?'
'Know what?' It was back, Susan thought uneasily, that deceptively pleasant smile.
'Well, as it turns out the Ambassador keeps meticulous records of all his diplomatic meetings, especially the conclusions. Meticulous visual records. Taq was kind enough to send yours along.'
There was a pause. Susan felt the muscles in her face slacken.
Sheridan clapped his hands together and stood up. 'Well. I think it's time I started my vacation.'
ooOoo
Later (much later) that same evening
"John, how did you get the Lumati to agree to sell us the fighters?"
Feeling more relaxed than he had in weeks, hell, months, John stretched out and pulled her back into his arms. "You're not going to give that up, are you?"
She smiled, and nestled into his embrace. Instinctively his arms tightened around her. It turned out some alien rituals weren't so bad, even with an audience.
"I am not. It might be something we can use, that is, the Minbari can use. If we ever choose to work with those people."
"Strictly in the interests of business, then?"
"Of course."
He leaned over and whispered what he'd said in her ear. The 'Woo Hoo' came out louder and more enthusiastically than before, considering her actions at the exact moment he was saying the phrase.
She paused in her efforts, then said, "So, you lied to them?"
A little uneasy at this, knowing her culture's feelings about verbal deception, he hedged, "I guess. It's true of some human males, of course."
"Not of this one?"
"Not in the least." He took a few moments to demonstrate the truth of his assertion. "Do you believe me? Or do I need to convince you some more?"
She propped herself up on one elbow, her hair falling over her bare shoulders, and looked at him carefully. "I wouldn't want you to get into the habit of deliberately deceiving ambassadors. It is not a wise practice."
"Of course not."
"Good." She traced lazy circles on his chest with her fingertips. "Your people have many sayings about proving whether something is the truth. 'The proof in is the pudding,' for example. Now that is one I have never understood. Why should the truth be hidden in a dessert? There is one, however, that I believe applies in this instance...."
"And what is that?" he asked, his voice low and suggestive.
"'Actions speak louder than words.'"
"Yes, ma'am," came the reply.
That was the last anyone heard from either of them for a long while.
Fin