Disclaimer: -sees angry mob heading toward Great Britain- -snorts- Ya. Right. Not her. Glad 'bout that.

Table Teacher Talk

"Hey, Harry," Ron said out of the blue at breakfast. "What do you think they're talking about?" He gestured up to the head table.

"Normal teacher stuff, I suspect," Harry said, taking another bite of food. "What else?"

"Bubblegum!" shrieked Dumbledore. McGonagall looked at him blankly.

"What?"

"Bubblegum!" Dumbledore repeated. "My new password! It's a type of muggle candy that you just chew and chew and chew!"

"You know," McGonagall said, taking a long swig of beer. "I liked Headmaster Dippet more than you. HE was nicer. He always gave me wine for my birthdays when I was a student here and…"

"I don't like Harry Potter," Snape muttered, twitching afterward.

"There is nothing on the back of my head! Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing!" Quirrel said frantically, grabbing hold of his turban.

"I know Voldemort is there," Snape said and twitched. "I don't care." Twitch.

"He's not there! Not there I tell you!" Quirrel cried.

"I didn't like James Potter either." Twitch.

"You're all going to die!" shrieked Trewlany.

"I have so many pretty flowers," Sprout said dreamily. "Violets and daises and roses and-"

"Can anyone see me?" squeaked Flitwick. "Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?"

"Does anyone else hear a squeaky noise?" Sinastra asked, concerned for her sanity.

"My dear, that is the sign of death, one of the many. You're sure to die soon," Trewlany said. "Don't you like my cloak?"

"And lilies-" continued Sprout.

"Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate!" Dumbledore was now bouncing in his seat.

"Your Voldemort's showing." Twitch.

"Where? Where! WHERE!"

"Just kidding." Twitch, twitch.

"I'm sure they discuss very important things," said Hermione.

"What do you mean I'm a ghost?" Professor Binns asked Professor Vector. "I think I would have notice if I died, don't you?" Professor Vector wisely remained silent.

"I have pretty hair." Twitch.

"And petunias and chrysanthemums…"

"Does anybody have a box I can sit on?"

"What is that horrible squeak?"

"And I remember one time-" long swig.

"You don't think anyone suspects me do you?" Quirrel patted his turban.

"Dude, you're a totally white guy wearing a turban. They are so plotting against you." Twitch, twitch, twitch.

"The next person to get up is going to die!" Trewlany looked around and jumped up. "It is me! Now watch me twirl my cape!"

"And tulips and not to mention the precious mandrakes…"

"Take off your turban." Twitch. "I wanna see." Twitch, twitch.

"No! No, no, no, no, no, no!"

"I like candy, yes I do, yes I do. I like candy, yes I do."

"I'm sure their conversations are very intelligent," Hermione finished.

"Probably," Harry said. "But I think it's best we never know."

"Yeah," Ron agreed, his mind already back on his food.

"Sugar!" cried Dumbledore as he jumped up and bolted out the door.

"This meeting is adjourned." Twitch.

The End

Severus: Review. (twitch)